For personal reasons, I really enjoyed this piece. You grabbed my attention with the first sentence and retained it through the last sentence. Maybe, a little sharpening in the grammar and spelling would improve the overall presentation of the piece. Thank you for sharing it.
I enjoyed the concept behind this piece. I felt the emotion in the mothers voice; the unconditional love for her children, in the midst of life's changes. It is a real account and I appreciated that. In my opinion, the piece was a little choppy between stanzas. Maybe if you could find a way to smooth the transition a bit more, it would help. Keep painting pictures with your words.
-Chris Clinton
Good first draft. I like your idea for the piece. My suggestion would be to clean up the the grammar and spelling, then find a comfortable rhythm for the piece. Keep painting pictures with your words!
Great start! You offered a lot of information with few words. I liked that. I found myself wanting to hear more, though. Elaborating on each sentence would be interesting to read. I enjoyed this journey, thank you. Keep painting pictures with your words!
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