Olivia K.Homecoming's (chefmommie) Reviews

Olivia K.Homecoming

Review Requests: OFF

311 Public Reviews Given

352 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

Thorough reviews of flash fiction, short stories, and chapters of larger pieces. Will take a look at spelling, grammar, punctuation usage, plot flow & development, character development, and over-all structure of the piece. It will be honest, encouraging, and intended to teach and coach the writer to improve and continue honing their skills.

I'm good at...

Creating vivid descriptions that draw the reader into my stories. I am a seasoned professional chef of almost two and a half decades. I am great a customer service, and am presently working towards becoming a licensed psychologist. When I am not reading, writing, or teaching, I travel to Renaissance festivals with my daughter, garden, spend time with my fur babies, and volunteer at schools helping tutor children with emotional difficulties.

Favorite Genres

Romance: Contemporary or Period; erotica no BDSM. Contemporary fiction, non-fiction, spiritual, some fantasy and sci-fi. Will also do children's and Young Adult themes.

Least Favorite Genres

I do not care for straight murder mysteries or horror.

Favorite Item Types

Flash fiction, short stories, novel chapters

Least Favorite Item Types

Poems, Lyrics, etc.

I will not review...

BDSM, Erotica that reads like bad Playboy Letters to the Editor, Vampire themed books, Anime and Cartoon Fan Fiction, Murder and Horror.

26

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14 days may be credited.

#3053020

Review of The Rose

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Greetings! Chefmommie here again. Thanks for inviting me to explore your port. I'll give you friendly feedback and encourage you toward your dream. Best wishes~ Liv

Favorite Passages:

"Every rose was sparkling like a gem

I entered the garden, full of life

Full of joy, devoid of thought

Joy and life had filled me completely..."

AND

"...How beautiful it is, she said and kissed it with her soft lips

So sweet it is, but why to me, she asked

I shied and remained silent for a moment

Then my heart spoke and her heart heard

It was the most beautiful one, I could find

So, it only deserved you...."

I find the spacing between these lines to be visually disturbing. I just cant pick up the flow very easily when it is written like this. Maybe it's easier for other readers, but just uncomfortable for me.

pretty imagery.

Write On!
Liv

27

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14 days may be credited.

#3053016

Review of The Kite

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.0)

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Hi! This is Chefmommie doing a little port raid of your poems to check them out as invited. It was very sweet of you to ask. Please keep in mind that these are my personal opinions and are only here to help you grow and develop as an author. Do enjoy. Blessings~Liv

The piece communicates an emotional, singular thought to the reader that is deep and causes pause for thought. I found it beautifully profound.

A poem (to me) should be lyrical sentences that flow one into another. You have some beautiful sentences here that are interspersed with short bursts of thought, or "bullet points." Which makes the piece somewhat uncomfortable to read.

The visual presentation of the poem makes it a bit difficult for me (personally) to enjoy. Maybe try a little something different and see what happens?

I really enjoyed the imagery of this poem. Good job. Write on!

Liv

28

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14 days may be credited.

#2930202

Review of The Quest for Character

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: 13+

| (3.0)

Chapter Reviews Reviewing Format

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***This review is being given as a part of the Chapter Recappers Group. This review is given from my point of view in the spirit of honesty and the desire to help you as an aspiring author grow and improve in your craft. Please receive my evaluation of your work and these suggestions in the spirit in which they are given and free to “throw away” anything that doesn’t work for you. Have a great day and happy writing! Rich Blessings~ OliviaK.***

Summarize the Chapter or Short Story~
Chapter 1~
The bad guys have spotted their prey. A girl with lots of magical power.

Discuss the plot. Did it work? How was the flow? Did it go at a reasonable pace? Was it too rushed? Did it develop too slowly? What could have made it better?
Personally, as a fellow novelist, I have to preface this by saying: the average novel in print contains about 3k to 5k words per chapter. This work is considerably shorter. I would have liked to see a little more plot introduction in the first chapter. I felt that it was a little too rushed. More like this was the "idea" for chapter one that will be returned to at some point to be fleshed out in greater detail.
It would have been better with a little more narrative and detail.

Discuss the description in the story. Did the author use the 5 senses well? Were the scenes clear to the reader? Could the reader get a clear picture of the characters and their surroundings?
I didn't get a great sense of what was going on in the story, the characters, and their surroundings. This is where the author takes control of the story and either holds or loses the readers interest. To hold a reader's attention you need to "paint" layers of demension with your words. What were the characters seeing? What were the smells? Was there any taste involved? What did the firewood feel like? What about the feel of the air?

Discuss the characters. Did the author paint vivid pictures of them? Were they flat and colorless or were they multi-dimensional with depth and emotion? If a character is flat, please give specifics and suggestions for making the character become more tangible to the reader.
The characters were very flat. I would like to see more description and presence from them.

Discuss the dialogue and grammar in the piece. Did it work or sound contrived? Was the language used reasonable to expect from the intelligence/educational level of the characters in the story. Example: Was a mid-west plow boy using words like: “unfettered or unabashed?”
You need to break your dialogue out by character and away from the narrative. If you need help with that, please feel free to take a look at my port. I enjoy writing dialogue and would love to discuss how to better work your dialogue sometime.
Some of the dialoge seems harsh and abrupt, and without description of character, etc, I don't know how to take that in the context of the story you have described in your brief over-view statement.

From my point of view~~ Would you continue reading the story? Why or why not? What would you take out or add to strengthen the story?
There's an idea here that I'm excited about. Pour your heart and imagination into it and keep going. I know you can do it and will be VERY pleased to read the new drafts and help you along where I can.
Write on!
OliviaK

29

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14 days may be credited.

#2904953

Review of Passionesque!

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Oh Wow! Very good job there Lady! A very fine poet's heart indeed! There is feeling flowing through the whole experience. The reader knows there is wonder and more building each line of this poem. It flows freely when it is written for someone. It seems like it almost writes itself!
I can't wait to read more!

Liv

30

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14 days may be credited.

#2902384

Review of In the Rain

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

This is complete awesomeness El! Beautiful piece indeed. Thank you for sharing it with me. It's quite wonderful. Write on Chattie Friend! Write on! Those elusive emotions of the heart are something that binds us all together and fellow travelers on this plane.

Liv

31

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14 days may be credited.

#2896388

Review of Couplet

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Hmmmm..... Very nice! Short, sweet, and definitely to the point. It conjures wonderfully romantic images of two lovers holding each other in the rain; sharing a few fleeting moments of passion, promising to return to each other's arms very soon! Oh! So lovely!
Thanks for the read!

Liv

32

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14 days may be credited.

#2891417

Review of Iron Horse

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

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Hi Sam! This is Olivia K.Homecoming

stopping in to review your entry for the September round of Paradise Cove. Yes, it was taken as a full and viable entry. It can get tricky to try and post last minute sometimes! I have lost of experience with that... Just ask Ricky over at the Weekly Quickie!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your entry. I know lives are busy, but without entries, we don't have a good contest! So thanks for your time and creative energies! I hope to read you again at Paradise Cove. Blessings~ Liv

Good use of prompt

Good plot flow and character development

Great dialogue and grammar useage

This story hit me in a very personal spot and I really appreciated it that it was more romantic than erotic. Just knowing the potential was there, and might be in the future, but for the moment, safety was enough. I would really love to read the further adventures of Kara and Dan and if she was able to heal and their love grew and survived.

Never discount the use of punctuation to greatly add to the inflection of the story being told. Example: He didn’t know what the future would hold but he was confident they would face it together.

Try it out like this: "He didn’t know what the future would hold, but he was confident they would face it together."

Thanks again for the great read!
Write On!
Liv

33

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14 days may be credited.

#2891408

Review of Iron Horse

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Hi Sam! This is Olivia K.Homecoming

stopping in to review your entry for the September round of Paradise Cove. Yes, it was taken as a full and viable entry. It can get tricky to try and post last minute sometimes! I have lost of experience with that... Just ask Ricky over at the Weekly Quickie!

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your entry. I know lives are busy, but without entries, we don't have a good contest! So thanks for your time and creative energies! I hope to read you again at Paradise Cove. Blessings~ Liv

Good use of prompt

Good plot flow and character development

Great dialogue and grammar useage

This story hit me in a very personal spot and I really appreciated it that it was more romantic than erotic. Just knowing the potential was there, and might be in the future, but for the moment, safety was enough. I would really love to read the further adventures of Kara and Dan and if she was able to heal and their love grew and survived.

Never discount the use of punctuation to greatly add to the inflection of the story being told. Example: He didn’t know what the future would hold but he was confident they would face it together.

Try it out like this: "He didn’t know what the future would hold, but he was confident they would face it together."

Thanks again for the great read!
Write On!
Liv

34

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14 days may be credited.

#2865933

Review of A Sudden Storm

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

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Hi this is Olivia K.Homecoming

I will be reviewing your entry for the Paradise Cove writing challenge for August 2008. Thank you for entering. I hope you have found it a fun and rewarding experience and hope you will enter again very soon. Good Luck and Best Wishes~ `Liv

Excellent Use of Prompt

Clear plot line

Great character development for the word count limit

Grammar and Punctuation details: I notice you have a fondness for elipses, which is also one of my down falls. When going back and doing your editing, read it through and ask yourself if you really need to put that elipse there or need to do something else. For example: I’m supposed to leave tomorrow…” This is the end of a sentence and a thought, so a period would be the better choice.

The other place where you might consider a different gramatical/punctuational treatment is: “I’m sorry, okay? I know—it’s all my fault.”

Another place where I'm lost is here: Circling his hips, he filled her again and again, whispering such thrilling things in her ear. How she felt so good, how he’d waited so long…"
I'm not quite sure who'se doing what here. It may leave the reader with an awkward question in their mind.

Great emotion and feeling expressed in this piece. I really enjoyed the idea of sweet innocence that I got out of this. Fabulous entry!

35

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14 days may be credited.

#2844680

Review of Incomplete

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: 13+

| (1.5)

Per your request made in chat, I am reviewing the offerings in your port for you. Please take this criticism in the spirit in which it is intended: one of encouragement for growth and development of your craft. I hope my suggestions help, if they don't do shrug them off and continue on your way~ Best~ OliviaK.

It would be better that: "neva" was "never". I don't recognize the word: "throush." We aren't text messaging here. Use the word "you" instead of the letter of the alphabet that makes the same sound. What's "entwinting" and "treavelled" ? Oh, my and you've used "ur" and "luv" as well.

The idea for the poem is there. But, honestly. It needs lots of work. Invest in a word processing progarm of some kind that will help you with grammar and spelling and you'll be well on your way.
Good Luck on your writing efforts~

36

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14 days may be credited.

#2829026

Review of Words unsaid

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Welcome to WDC, Proxy. I've noticed that you are new and I've stopped into your port to give your work some reviews and bring to the light of notice by our grand and helpful tribe. My reviews are open and honest toward the spirit of growth and improvement. Everything here is my own humble opinion and is only ever exected to be given the value the ricipient deems worthy.
Blessings~
OliviaK

Over All Impression-
(What I liked best and least about the piece and why)
This piece was haunting and beautiful. It struck my heart in quite a vulnerable spot as unspoken words and endearments often bring death and destruction in so many great and varied ways.
Good job weaving that Psalm into your tale.

Plot Summary-
The ghost of one who let chemical dependency rule his life instead of his earthly love, mourns what he lost in her.

Character Development-

Very impressive. It was well paced to the piece.

Grammar and Spelling-

Great job with this. I didn't notice anything to mention.

Write On!- Olivia
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37

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#2828995

Review of Ladybug

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to WDC. I see you are new to our community and I want to welcome you into our little band of writers. By and large we all share the same dream and we are here to encourage and support. I hope that as time goes on you will make many wonderful friends, find a mentor, and grow towards your dream. I review with the same honesty and truthfulness that I wish from others. I hope my comments help you to grow and develop. If there is something that doesn't honor your purpose within my comments, please feel free to shrug it off. Best to you and Blessings~
OliviaK.

Over All Impression-
(What I liked best and least about the piece and why)

I like the title. It is one of the pet names I have for my own daughter.
The story is also steeped with deeper meaning and I was very moved by the piece.

What I didn't like, was this short story kept me hanging in a way that I am still not sure whether the piece is concluded to the author's satisfaction, or the author has yet to return and wrap up the piece.

Plot Summary-
The author relates a dream about a dream of her mother who has passed. The dream seems to suggest that it is the mother's wish that her death further "fuse" the bonds of her family. Not tear them apart. The daughter seems to have trouble and uncertainty with the symbolism in the dream.

I have a concern about the plot development. I'm not clear on the order of events as it is written. The third from the last paragraph seems to skew the flow of the story.

Character Development-
Good character development peppered with supporting characters who add dimention to the story.

Grammar and Spelling-
Good utilization of spell and grammar check. I didn't catch anything

Thanks for a good read. Can't wait to see more of your work!

Write On!- Olivia
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38

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#2828366

Review of Hottest name

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

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I can only imagine that this is a poll to determine the sexiest name to use for the hero in your next novel. I see you have over a dozen responses! I'm glad my pick seems to be the top sellection at the moment. I believe it's about the sexiest name right now. I hope you get plenty more votes to make your poll worth while!
Blessings~
OliviaK.

39

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14 days may be credited.

#2827568

Review of ~Singing In Strange Places?~

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What a wonderful poll! I love singing and have sung many places in my life. While I don't frequently sing in the shower, I love singing in the car, with the windows rolled down, driving fast with the radio cranked up. IT can't be considered noise pollotion (sp?) Didn't the good book say something about: "Making a Joyful Noise?" It is anything if it's that!

OliviaK.

40

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#2827499

Review of ~A Black Awardicon. YEAH!!!

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I believe that an Edgar Allen Poe Black Awaricon would be great. A White Dove Awardicon for great Christian writing. A Deep, sexy purple Awardicon for Erotica. HAHAH... Give me Santa's lap and we could go on, and on and on!

Yeah. Some new Awardicon options would be fantastic~!
Best~
OliviaK

41

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14 days may be credited.

#2827411

Review of Pets

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What a nice poll! I see that so far canine enthusiasts are winning out! I love dogs and have always had dogs. Reference a poll I just reviewed a couple of minutes ago.
My Dogs have always been there to help me through tough times and I don't know what I'd do without them.
At present... The closest thing I have is my mom's chihuahua...(sp?) ACE. What a little character... But definitely my Mom's dog when it comes down to it. IF he consents to interact with you, you are the privileged individual. I just wish he was completely potty trained!

42

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#2827382

Review of The nicestt U.S. City

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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I've been to San Francisco a couple of times and never seemed to have had enough time to really experience the city to it's fullest. I've been in late January/February. It was damp, cold, and miserable. Yuck.

The other time I was there the third week in June and it was just SO beautiful. That time I was at a conference and didn't get NEARLY enough time to visit and explore and I really wish I could.

Hopefully next time I'll be able to take my daughter and we can explore and experience more of this totally intriguing city.
Best~
OliviaK.

43

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14 days may be credited.

#2827363

Review of A small world: Are you international?

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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Being a professional chef, I really wish my life were more international. I'd love to extensively travel and experience France, Italy, Spain, Greece, and the Orient. Perhaps even live in certain rural areas of the first 3... But only for brief stretches of time. I am a native Texan. Texas is home and will always be.

Thanks for a great poll to show us how we're really are relating to our world.
Best~
OliviaK.

44

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14 days may be credited.

#2824431

Review of Plea to God

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Greetings Fellow Rising STar! I have choosen you for our monthly Member-to-Member reviews for this month. I am delighted to have read your piece and share my thoughts with you. Please bear in mind that this is just my opinion and feel free to take it, or shrug it off... Blessings, fellow writer! Olivia
Over All Impressions-
(My favorite part/least favorite part & why)
I certainly don't think I have an unfavorite part to this poem. The author has very eloquently put into words that part of being human with which we all struggle. Being patient and grateful for the bounty we've been given. All too often we get bogged down in our own problems and think they are so insurmountable. Then God's loving grace shines through and he shows us we really don't have it that bad after all.

Plot Synopsis-

Grammar & Spelling

Nothing specific noticed.

Character Development

Not applicable

Write On!
Olivia
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45

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#2818290

Review of I Will Always Be Loved

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (5.0)

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What a lovely piece this is! I was drawn to the description of the piece and by the word count notation, I am guessing it was for a contest. I believe it's one of the most perfect pieces that I've read today. Personally, it's given me a glimmer of hope that in spite of my present situation, brighter days will certainly be ahead.
I love that the "blind date" of sorts was the child. How wonderful is that? I guess my only question is: "Is this a true accounting of something that actually happened?"
Write ON!
Best~
OliviaK.

46

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14 days may be credited.

#2818264

Review of To the broken hearted

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to WDC, Cassie! We are so glad to have you among us. I hope you enjoy being among fellow writers and hook up and for fast friends with the many extremely positive, highly encouraging people who grace this site. Please accept my feedback in the spirit of inspiring growth and development in your writing skills. Use what you feel is applicable and **shrug off** the rest.
Rich Blessings~
OliviaK.

Over All Impression-
(What I liked best and least about the piece and why)
How aptly you seemed to put into words some ruminations of my own heart of late! This piece really spoke to me and I was readily drawn in.

My favorite passage:

Do we fall victim to natural selection?
Or an altered rib that is poor protection?
From the horrible pain of plain rejection
As we persistenly seek erotic perfection.

Plot Summary-
Not applicable to the piece reviewed.

Character Development-

Not applicable to the piece reviewed.

Grammar and Spelling-
Something that struck me that you might consider:
Passion leaps right past the lust
We search for the one we can trust
To depend on the (in) times of need
That marvelous, yet rare breed.

Write On!- Olivia
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47

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#2818224

Review of The Unrescue

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Welcome to WDC, Lissa! So glad to have you with us! I saw this little item posted in the "Newbie" section and couldn't keep myself from a "look-see!" I'm so glad you've decided to join all of us on our collective journies towards our individual writing dreams. I hope you have as much fun here as I do!
Today I offer a review of this piece. Please take and use what helps you grow and feel free to simply **shrug off** the rest~
Best Always~
OliviaK.
Over All Impression-
(What I liked best and least about the piece and why)

Boy! Did I love the independant attitude of the would be "damsel in distress!" That was about as priceless as can be!

Coupled with the self-serving attitude of the would-be "Prince Charming," it was perfect and I laughed myself silly which is such a wonderful gift at the moment!

Plot Summary-
A young Lady is thrown by a tempermental horse on her families' property and is unwittingly, unwantingly "rescued" by a Prince on White Horse. The Prince meets with disasterous results as a reward for his gallant actions.

Character Development-

Right out of the gun, we get a good flavor for Lady Octavia and left with jaw dropping as to the high and mighty opinion Prince Elgin has of himself.

Grammar and Spelling-
NOthing noteworthy. Good job

Write On!- Olivia
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48

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#2816524

Review of Who Would Have Thought?

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Reviewing Format

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***This review is being given as a part of a Personal Review. This review is given from my point of view in the spirit of honesty and the desire to help you as an aspiring author grow and improve in your craft. Please receive my evaluation of your work and these suggestions in the spirit in which they are given and free to throw away anything that doesn't work for you. Have a great day and happy writing! Rich Blessings~ OliviaK.***

Summarize the Chapter or Short Story~

Told from a narrative stand point, this short story relates the very hillarious mishaps that could happen as a result of internet dating. A High School friend and self-proclaimed witch meets a conservative Republican brother-in-law (of the narrator) via an internet dating service. A total miscummunication sparks an early meeting of the two. The date isn't going too well, lots of alcohol seems to be consumed, and then a kiss happens...

Discuss the plot. Did it work? How was the flow? Did it go at a reasonable pace? Was it too rushed? Did it develop too slowly? What could have made it better?

From the looks of the piece, this was a short story with a word limit on a contest piece. For the length the plot was good and had great flow with a decent pace. I don't think there could have been a thing that would have made it better.

Discuss the description in the story. Did the author use the 5 senses well? Were the scenes clear to the reader? Could the reader get a clear picture of the characters and their surroundings?

There was a lot of good description in the story. Made the ideas very vivid.

Discuss the characters. Did the author paint vivid pictures of them? Were they flat and colorless or were they multi-dimensional with depth and emotion? If a character is flat, please give specifics and suggestions for making the character become more tangible to the reader.

The characters are quite colorful. Especially Nate, the duck.

Discuss the dialogue and grammar in the piece. Did it work or sound contrived? Was the language used reasonable to expect from the intelligence/educational level of the characters in the story. Example: Was a mid-west plow boy using words like: “unfettered or unabashed?”

The grammar was good and there was not dialogue in the piece.

From my point of view~~ Would you continue reading the story? Why or why not? What would you take out or add to strengthen the story?

I think this would be a hillarious piece if you ever choose to expound on it and make it a little longer. Or maybe even do a "further adventures of..." sort of piece based on this story.
Thanks for the great read! I loved it!
Best Always~
OliviaK

49

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#2816289

Review of Diamond droplets falling

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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This is a wonderfully haunting piece. Be it the intention of the author or no, it speaks to the heart of this reader in a profound way that mirrors the thoughts and a life recently walked away from. I could hear myself thinking these things of my marriage and if I worked a little harder and tried a little longer and never gave up, things would work out alright. My wish for others that read sililarity into this piece is that they get ample reward for their labors. Mine are dashed, broken and bleeding. My prayer is for recovery and new hopes for a brighter future.
Author, thank you for the passion with which you have formed these words. Best wishes on your further writing endeavors~
Welcome to WDC~Rich Blessings~
OliviaK.

50

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#2816249

Review of Happiness

Review by Olivia K.Homecoming

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Over All Impression-
(What I liked best and least about the piece and why)

Over-all, I really like this piece. It's a great statement of the digression of society's appreciation of creative imagination and what is currently valued as physical beauty. The images are well painted and the author does not step out of showing and stoop to "telling" or "instructing" the reader.

I really enjoyed the imagery that was represented in Samuel listening to the music. This is something wonderful that all children should be exposed to several times a week, but unfortunately, they are not... Unless they and their families are fortunate enough to be involved with a Charlotte Mason School, as my daughter and I are.

The visual appeal of this short story is a little wanting. Most paragraphs are spaced apart one from the other, but there are a few that are "stuck" together.

Plot Summary-
A young man longing for imaginative and personal freedom is stuck in a family where superficial appearances and lack of a "prescribed" thought process. He is shown an avenue of liberty which he drinks in with relish and comes to heartbreaking results.

Character Development-
The parent characers are painted as harsh and narrow minded while the sister is painted as hopeless and complacant.

I really love getting to know Samuel in this piece and the wonder that is shown through his eyes.

Grammar and Spelling-
There were no grammar, spelling and punctuation issues that I picked up on.

My favorite part!
He took the box in his own scrawny hands and opened it. Inside it were pencils of all the colours of the rainbow lighting up the classroom, and just for a moment, the sweet smell of Vivaldi’s melodically induced lake spread through his nostrils. He could almost see the fairy bathing in the colours of the pencils; see her dancing on the water lilies. An overwhelming sense of relaxation filled him with these images, leaving no room for fear or doubt. He looked at his class again, the sad expression on their faces and with every second grew more certain. He knew what he had to do.

Write On!- Olivia
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