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135 Public Reviews Given
158 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (4.0)
Who are you, who am I? Always a great theme for writing. And who better to ask?

I like this style, reminds me of classic english prose such as louis stevenson etc.

I don't know that I like the words 'descry'
and 'paltry'.

if you mean descry as in 'to catch sight of, or yet to see' perhaps spy, or espy. Just a personal view.

as for paltry, it just upsets my tongue when I read through it, that's all. That's so trivial, it's paltry lol.

Anyway, I did enjoy, whether you make changes or not, is irrelevant, I will read this over again.

Thank you for this. Keep writing.

Chelseamaree
52
52
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I wonder if you'll vote.

Strong images woven with wordpaint. Very nice poetic style.

Ihave a question..

A buffalo plays for one man while another
sits with his mother in the cancer ward

Do you mean another man sits with his mother, or another buffalo? lol I think this is a case of, passive and active in the same sentence/idea

eg., one man plays a buffalo while another sits with his mother in the cancer ward...

This is dark, but I guess sitting in a poetry revival is dark. Even Dr Seuss wrote of tyranny (The Lorax).

I enjoyed this piece, but I think I shouldn't have.

Thanks for the read.

Chelsea

ooh p.s

There was a point that didn't quite roll I think it's this line


The next boy watches a convoy of ottomans
roll into town after a furniture truck crash.


and I realise, this begs the question.... who was the last boy?

food for thought.

Thank you again.
53
53
Review of Guest Book  
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (5.0)
Can't say much really except that this is a good idea.

I am a newbie too, so I am enjoying reading the posts. Will post as well and will also let others know.

I am looking forward to reading your work and please feel free to read mine.

I will save the rest for my post.

Thanks for the forum.

Chelsea.
54
54
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
hmm, an ode. A obit.

This is moving. Unfamiliar with Kansas, I can feel empathy for the town, the boy, the old people, the once was.

I have just read this again adn I cannot fault this.

I have a clear feeling in myself of the barren emptiness of the once was.

A great read. I will read this again.

Thank you.

Chelseamaree.
55
55
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is timely, and brave. I am sitting here watching as each piece of news unravells. I am reminded of 911.

Tony Blair has just given a press statement from Glen Eagles. I have never liked him before, but I watched this man battle through his obvious bubbling inside, to deliver an official word. I am certain all he wanted to say was "I want to go home".

I am here in New Zealand, at the moment we are host to Prince William and the Lions. I'm sure they want to go home too. Suddenly, I don't care about All Black Victory, (though honestly, I didn't really before either). I think, like you, I need to post something.

Thank you for opening the discussion. If you are in London, I am sorry, God be with you.

Chelseamaree
56
56
Review of Wolf's Rain  
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow.

I don't like giving out 5.0's, but here you go. I imagine you'll show your wife. I'd love to read hers.

Anyway, regarding the poem.

Senses have been appealed to. I can see the dying, pained wolf. I can feel the rain, mingled with the sympathy of nature, the grief. You have to be an experienced writer because I don't have much to say.

Am lost for words.

Will humble myself now and am looking forward to reading more.
57
57
Review of Untitled  
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (3.5)
Strong words supergurl. I like the rhythm, and the intention. It is very clear for me the reader, you are indeed in love. If I could give you a hint, not just as a reader/writer, but as an adult and once-loved one, I don't know that the words you have used are strong enough to hit a chord with the loved one.

I'll tell you why, as a reader, I have no idea what makes this knight in shining armour, a knight in shining armour except that, he kisses, and your sould gets touched. Now that doesn't tell me about him, it tells me you have a vulnerable soul.

When writing about love, write about what you love, and why that particular thing/person makes you feel that way, and how strongly you feel it.

What I am trying to say is, he should touch your soul, even when he's not there. That's love.

What you have painted, is dependency.

I'm sorry that may sound harsh, but that's what I read.

You write very well however, I just can't wait to read what is really happening in there.

Good luck, keep writing.
58
58
Review of GENDER FRAUD  
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Poetically, you write well enough to express what's going on in your world view. This is what good writing encourages. I like the flow and rhythm of your poetry piece. However,

Why, as a woman, did you
God me in this world bring?
Please tell me what was my crime.
I’m called a sinful thing!

The second line in here broke my reading flow. I understand what you were saying, but it took me a few reads over to accept it. But I do like it, I may be hesitant to actually use this style, only because, the reader will have difficulty, and the message is lost. That's the risk you take. Not too sure how to edit it either.

I am also wondering, I can sense the feelings beneath the writing, anger, frustration of inequality, this is good, you have used words that enhance this. But...

after reading, I am unsure who you are angry at, or why?

Example, are you angry at God, Man or, that you were born a woman. Without reading the comments below your piece it's hard to tell.

Regarding the comments below, I am now wondering, is it culture you are angry at? One would argue, particularly with your comments on Muslims law, from the points you have raised, that these are actually practiced among christians and western society. Think about that. The difference is, legislation.

Legislation does not guarantee, it's not practiced.

Christian churches and Western society have the same policies, just different environment. So what concerns you, the act, or the culture? Just food for thought.

You are a good writer and I hope you keep writing.

Looking forward to more.
59
59
Review of Alone  
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a powerful piece, and holds true.

The desparate loneliness, unrequited love. There is no bad guy, that's why it's even more tragic. And you're right, what can you do, you're still alone?

Nothing.

This was a once read, meaning, I only needed to read this once to, get some sort of feeling (in this case loneliness), without editing as I read. This is good writing.

The rhythm holds so the reader is not lost. Again this is good writing. This makes for good reading.

I read this twice, the second time, for editing and writing value. I like getting the opportunity to do this, thank you.

Here is the verdict on my second read.

Well, you have me beat. My first 5.0. Mechanically sound using repitition, words that appeal to all senses, sound, vision, heart, touch, memory. A poet's tools.

I don't have anything to add except, that this gets a 5.0 because I feel like reading it again.

I know I'm going on a bit, but I want to justify the 5.0. Keep writing, looking forward to more.
60
60
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Oddly enough, the analogy of the watermelon seeds works. This was a once read. That means (in my mind) I only need to read it once, to understand it. I do like it. The boyfriend disappeared, suggests abandonment. Yet she finds comfort in watermelon seeds. Feels akin to the watermelon. What an amazing woman. I do like this.... but... it is a once read, because there is nothing unusual about the story. What I am saying is, the imagery is interesting, but the story isn't. Good writing. I did like it. Am interested in seeing more. Good luck.
61
61
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (4.0)
This holds together nicely. I'm not too fond on analogies of love, I find people tend to reach for air on this one. However, that the sun reflects love, is simple, nice, and oddly enough, because the piece remained focussed on the qualities of the sun, thereby the qualities of love, reading it, it felt warm, and bright. Please understand, I'm in New Zealand, it's the middle of winter and it's 1.00 am in the morning. Well done.

I have only one suggestion really, the lines...

It can warm the coldest days,

And brighten the darkest days,

You could get away with removing the second days. Actually I prefer it without the days. I wouldn't concern yourself too much about the lack of rhyme, so what. Love doesn't rhyme.

Keep writing, this is nice. Keep it up.

Good luck.
62
62
Review of A Friend  
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice, yes that is a friend.

You have some nice things to say about people. This is good. A nice simple piece that acts as a reminder to the loyalties of friendship. These are always needed. This piece was a once read, by that I mean, you only need to read it once to hear the writer's message. That is good. Particularly for readers.

It's not interesting enough however, for a reader to read it twice. I imagine the only one that would is your very good friend. But again, this was written for her. The work has served it's purpose, well done. Keep writing.
63
63
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice. As a sporting person, I wish I'd had someone on the sideline looking at me with thise world view.

I wonder if I ever did. Yes, from the sidelines. I like it. The length of the poem is appropriate. What I mean by this is that, when people talk, or report about some sort of sporting event, they don't talk about the spectators, they generally do an epic forensic on the game. Poetry when leant to sports generally is epic too, another forensic experiment on the glory of the gladiators. I like this, ode to the spectator. Yes. I do like it. Keep writing, good luck.
64
64
Review of Untitled  
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Maybe, Abby and Jake might work for this as a title. Maybe just Abby. Not too sure. Nice try for first attempt.

This genre really is the stuff teenage romances are made of. You know, the Sweet Valley High sort of thing.

Perhaps that's what you want to develop in your writing. I imagine it works for teenage reading.

I say this because, there isn't enough character development to suggest Abby is desparately in love. Too late in love, yes, but desparate enough to end it.

She may have wanted to end it if she caused Jake's death. That's a believable plot. But he died in a non-related car accident, believe it or not, but people do get over that eventually.

What I am saying, for this type of scenario to be believable, there needs to be more depth in character.

More meaning in their relationship. Two teenagers met, went out for six months, one wanted to go with mr popularity, the other was okay. Perhaps if Jake had have committed suicide over that, it may have worked.

I apologise right now, if this is a true story. But if it is, I am sure there is more to Abby's suicide than what's suggested here.

You write well. Nice flow, work on the characters and this can become something.

Good luck, keep writing.
65
65
Review by chelseamaree
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is great, because it's real. I like the way the beginning, matches the end. That is, often in writing, a story starts at one point, and ends up being about another. Your piece opens with an easy but clear statement, 'my thoughts revolve around you, around us,' and it's nice to see, that at the end, your thoughts still do. 'So tell me, what is this all about? What are we?'

You don't have the answers, but you do have the questions. I like the loyalty to the subject.

Your focus on the subject, suggests not confusion, but you're right, frustration and anger. Well done.
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