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867 Public Reviews Given
867 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: E | (4.5)
I cleared the previous review because I see you made an effort to address my concerns.

still a couple technical things that I want you to consider.
But if we all come from another world why we like humans? -and why was I left here and why were my memories erased?” [...why are we like human? And why was I left here? And why were my memories erased?"][am not a fan of the - after a ? or !, but it is one of those things that can be your signature, so I resisted the urge to correct the other instances. This one needed correction.]
A normal looking man came forth. [What? Try: A man who looked much like Curinus came forth.][Or something else, just lose the word normal.][I'd even be okay if you used a celebrity look alike.]
Curinus’ clapped his hands together [do not need an appostrophy.]

I still love the curiosities in your writing because it makes you unique. Still love the way you turn a phrase, lay out the story and the characters. May I suggest that the only weakness I see may be that you assume we "know" more than we do. Unless you are under word count restrictions, take the same amount of care teasing all our senses at the end of the story as you did in the opening paragraph.
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Saw your review request in the HUB. I don't know why I selected it....maybe because the word ordinary was misspelled in the teaser. Just a piece of advice that was given to me that might serve you in good stead, try to avoid other as a genre. Even if it is holiday as a genre, it is better than other.

This is such a cool holiday mystery. You did a very good job of laying out the scenes and developing your characters. Just a few items I want you to give some consideration to.

covered in falling snow [I would have used fallen]
cense [cents]
Thank you John [I set off names with commas]
Christmas with.” [I end questions with a question mark]
cover the lost memories [did you mean recover]
I knew I this place was not my home [doesn't read correctly.]
“All become clear as soon as you rejoin your people.” [word is missing I think]

These are just my thoughts. You can use them or not. It's all choice.

Cheri
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228
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It took me five minutes of diligent persistent to figure out how to find the city referred to in this masterpiece. I probably could have used my Junior Sleuth skills and figured it out if I had read the date first. On the plus side, i found the website where i can figure out the other story links. whoot!

Where the heck was Spartacus Kane when i was young and single? He is by far my favorite ... and also the most irritating. How can the two occupy the same space? That's weird.

Another five star from Mr. Kane's biggest fan.
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay. Short and not so sweet. I like your vibe. This could easily go a thousand directions. When you have a very short story, you have to have impeccable word choice and punctuation, and yours was.

I feel like one of the little kids who would have sat at the table screaming for more.

Looking forward to more of your work.

Good job on this tale that left me wondering what the heck happened.j

cheri
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for entry "Stormchild" 
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Found your request in the HUB.

As I said before you have an interesting take on things and a unique writing style that I appreciate.

This story has character development, decent plot and a hook that makes me want to find out what's next.

Thank you for bumping up the font and rating this appropriately.

Overall, there is nothing that I could see that left a question mark over my head. Very good job on this one.

Cheri
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Review of Who & Why  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Always love what you do with a pen and paper. I write to deployed military and this one touches my heart in a unique way. I don't do poetry, but i appreciate the artistry of those who can. Very well done. Thank you for sharing.

Cheri
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Review of Seven Sins : Envy  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Oh, my, you do tell a tale. I get the characters and plot pretty clearly. I see you are tying the sins together in the central hub of the diner and keeping all the characters within kissing distance of each other.

I prefer a larger font just because i have old eyes. The genres are correct. The rating? Not sure. If it's 13+, it's just by a smidgeon.

Maybe you know this, but the first paragraph swings between first and third person perspective. Is that what you wanted to do? Another thing I'd like you to try and that is read this out loud. There are spots where I had to go back to see if there was a word missing, a little clumsy phrases, you know - like that. I don't want to silence your author voice, but I think by reading it out loud, your brain will inform what needs to be tweaked.

I think intentionally dumping food on another person is a hard sell for justifiable homicide. Might want to take some time to build the mental instability and picking the wrong person to bully.

I like you writing. I am a fan. These are just my ideas. As the saying goes, You can use them or lose them.

Later, Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
My husband is sitting there wandering why I am laughing so hard I cry.

This is the best story. I can see it all play out. Right there feeling all the aches and pains and bravado. It's perfect as written.

Thank you for sharing.

Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Better than anything I could come up with. I'm not a good judge of poetry, because I usually don't get it. And i like your little seasonal piece.

thanks for sharing.
cheri
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Review of The Letter  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I found your story in the HUB. As always, these are just my thoughts, it is your piece and you do what you want.

You have a very formal style of writing, which I find interesting. I see the mystery in the story, but would have liked a solution ... unless this is part of NaNo. If this is part of a larger work, then it has a good hook to see what happens next.

I did not see any glaring mistakes, other than these two small items

he glanced at but showed no reaction. [looks like a word is missing.]
but I hope that I can some light on the strange occurrences that [looks like a word is missing.]

If you meant to write it like that, just ignore my comments.
Just an afterthought...your introduction implies the letter is eagerly awaited, and every other thing would indicate that there was foreboding surrounding the letter. Just a thought that wafted through my mind ...

anyway....good luck with your writing.

cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
I found your piece in the HUB. And will try to give you a decent review.

Your writing is consistent and tight with what there was of it. I like pieces that have decent punctuation and grammar. The piece is appropriately rated, if there was a bizarre genre, you could use that too. You have talent that much is evident, you just need to dig deeper.

These are the things that left a question mark over my head.
1) How was such a creature captured? If she can lose limbs and they regrow, she can also escape whatever man-made prison is created. What makes your encasement special? Describe it to me so that I get it.
2) There are certain bodily functions that occur, aren't there? How can she remain a goddess if she is in chains? Aren't there certain smell of the odoriferous nature that will linger?
3) Why is this researcher not trying to communicate with this creature? Dialog to lay this out for the reader so that we get the characters and scene set.
4) Where did the creature come from?
5) What other environments have been tried? Solitary confinement is what caused the insanity, why was it the only one used?
6) What is the reason for the endless experimentation?

This sounds almost like something out of the Twilight Zone. If this goddess is a demon and the researcher is the Guardian of the Light or something like that, then you need to fill in the blanks.

This is a good try and worth a rewrite. The subject line requires a story in the 1500 to 3000 word range. Take your time and use your senses. Put yourself in the scene, and tell/show the reader what is going on and why? Remember that smell is the one sense that triggers instant reactions in, or enhances, the other senses. Remember you can relay a lot with dialog....for example

If the good researcher walked in the room and the first words out of his mouth are "What is that smell? What did you do?" and the response is an hystercal laugh rather than a scream. Push it, man! You got this. You can do this!

Hope that helps.

WDC power award
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow. Found this little gem in the HUB. I will attempt to give a decent review.

I did not find any obvious errors in punctuation or grammar, so thank you for that.

What worked: I like the way you turn a phrase. The story was well paced. I got the characters and scene layout pretty well.
What did not work: The only thing I did not get and may have to be tweaked is how people end up in the sack on the first date. That irritated my sensibilities.

Rating and genre are appropriate.

What can be improved: I liked your story, but I think dialog should be added to show what attracted these two people to each other. I saw where this was going at the initials on the five plates. Instead of "relayed his hypothesis". Put it in a statement. There are lots of spots where you could take a shot at dialog and see how it lands. Eavesdrop on people and see how couples talk to each other. Then put it in the story.

You included all the senses, so that is good.

Keep writing. I like what you do.
Cheri
Cheri
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Review of Bite of Vengeance  
Review by Cheri Annemos
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this little piece of wonderful in the Comedy Newsletter. I see it won some kind of award. And it is well deserved. I got the characters, you painted the scene well. Giving a voice to a dog was well done. I could see the story laying out and felt such empathy for Daniel.

Genres and ratings are spot on. In order for a comedy to work, the story has to be paced perfectly and grammar/punctuation has to be spot on. And yours was.

Nothing I would change. Looking forward to more stories of the trials and tribulations of Vesta.

That's all
Cheri
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dang, I love this Spartacus Kane character. I would not want to be on the receiving end of his interrogation services.

And I would not want Roller to be playful, could get hurt that way.

Everything perfect as always.

Later, Cheri
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Review of Whatever  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

Found your little gem in the romance genre section.
Unless you are on a word count, I would like to see more character development. Unless you are on a word count, slow it down and paint the scene. What makes these characters unique? I won't know unless you tell me what drives the story.

What worked: Your plot and story idea are strong and to the point. Your ending is the strongest part, and the one that left me the most confused. Grammar and punctuation were mostly correct, which i appreciate.
What didn't: I find it hard to believe that a person can be released for good behavior on a murder charge. Now if the person was very young, then I can see it, but I won't know that unless you tell me. You ending left a big old question mark over my head. First you shot the kid in the head and then you were subdued. And then you are the one being treated and I don't know for what. Readers don't like being confused unless it is a mystery.

technical: initiation right [ in this context, I think it should be initiation rite.]
genre and rating are appropriate.

So I hope that helps.

Cheri
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Review of 16: Action Report  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Like your Spartacus character. I don't know enough about this genre to give you a good critique. Just know that I love the way you turn a phrase. Enjoying this steampunk series.

The only thing I don't like about Spartacus is that a crew life is only worth $1,000. Makes me think he is in government employ.

Looking forward to more stories.

Cheri
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Review of Closure  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this little beauty on the HUB. I would not have reviewed it with that title. And I usually do not look at anything marked "other". That aside, You piece packs a powerful punch in just 16 lines. Each word is carefully placed and forwards the theme beautifully.

The rating and the genre are appropriate.

This is such a poignant tale to be skipped over because of an inadequate title. Now you had two lines that would have caught and held my attention: Those are "Broken tale" and "Shreds of Regret."

So that's all.

Best wishes.

signature for file



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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Multiman: I found this little gem in the HUB and thought I would try to give a decent review.

I had a hard time believing that a 35 year old was stuck in pre-teen like that. Well written, but still hard to believe. Love you style of writing, love that you took on a tough subject. You capture the range of emotions people go through when they are responsible for another person's death. I can see that. I just haven't seen any of them commit suicide because of it.

I got Evan at the meditation state. Liked his characterization the best. The story played out nicely.

Genre is appropriate. Rating is teetering on acceptable. I saw that you disguised the f-bomb to stay within the 13+ rating. I just think the term "balls" in the content presented is a sexually derived term. If no one else says anything you count this as just another prude on the loose.

Now for the technical stuff:

As soon as I lifted my head, I double-took when I saw a man staring out my window across the window. [what?]
Eli was good as sensing my desires. [did you mean at sensing?]
it's just that the way you think it needs to be resolved it much different than what actually needs to happen." [wrong word or missing word? something's off.]
“He looked at me blankly for a second and then smiled warmly and nodded his head.” [did not sound like a quote to me.]
He cares the hell out of you until you let him in [did you mean scares?]
Remember that time when you almost walked in front of a push but ‘something’ pushed you back? [what's a push?]
He pinched his year ducts and shook his head with a sigh. [what are year ducts?]
If you had let go of all that anxiety, guilty, and depression [s/b guilt]
On my to the edge, I stepped on my spectacles and cracked them on the gravel. [missing word.]

When single spacing, please indent paragraphs. It is easier to follow.
I saw your effort to set off the nightmare scenes with a deep indent. Does your program allow you to set off the entire scene with a deep indent? That would help. Or italics to clue me in that we are in a regretmare scene.

So these are just my insights and impressions. It is your piece to do with as you deem appropriate.

Best wishes,

WDC power award




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Review of Closure  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
found your little gem on the HUB.

Not very good at reviewing comedy, but i can give general impressions and you can take it from there.

You had enough descriptives to lay out the scene. The four characters were distinctive and sounded like they stayed to true to what you had in mind. genre and rating were appropriate. would have loved a little bigger font. Overall impressions were that this was very well done, I just want you to consider two things....

Most women would have been done after the second medium. Can you give me a line or two on why she is staying. When you want to get married, and the guy is hung up on a dead person, is love enough to make her stay? I'm not getting that from your story.

You use the word flipping three times in such a short piece. Maybe you can switch out overturning, destroying, smashing, etc. You are smart, you can figure out what works best.

So, that's all.

Later,
Cheri
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Review of We Handle Our Own  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
First with the good stuff. You have a brilliant handle on the characters and story development. You tell more than a story, you tell a complete story. I did not see any blatant grammatical or punctuation problems.

Are you married to the Title? When you used the words "We take care of our own" in your story, I thought with an occult/horror genre, that would have been a more enticing title. But that's just me. It's your piece, you do what you want.

Just a couple oopsies that I want you to look at...

Gerald Bishop fell out of character when he started listing stuff. Liked it better when he spoke in character voice. If the character voice was an affectation, can you give me a hint that he is faking that bumpkin voice?

Do not drop the F-bomb and call it 13+. Bump it up to 18+ so that readers are not sideswiped. I don't want you to change the words because it captures the character. Just change the rating.

So, overall, very well done. Hope this helps.

WDC power award
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Review of Our Only Kiss  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
I'm getting 1-0-1-2-2-1-3-1 rhythm through out.

The cadence would work more for me if the 0 and 3 had some affinity to each other like the first one in the first stanza. In the first one the cadence screams hold me. The other have no relationship....moment / down, back / be. Those two thoughts do not carry the embrace or kiss theme that you promised in the title. I hope you can figure out a way to tie this up in a nice little bow so that even the budding poet connoisseurs can appreciate it.

Those are just thoughts spoken from a non-poet who had to struggle to get your rhythm and vibe.

The old adage: the only regrets we ever have are the risks not taken -- really applies here. Thanks for sharing your experience.
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Review of What I Did  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Know how newlyweds are glued at the hip and have to do just about everything together. honeymoon period was one of the few times I got my honey to go grocery shopping and i did not have to beg, plead or threaten. As we turned to walk down an aisle, we saw a guy at the other end who looked up sharply and practically ran away. Hubby and i looked at each other, shrugged and started down the aisle. As soon as we got down there, we knew it was a mistake. we were both gagging and chocking and complaining and holding our breath. That was funny too.

As for the technial side, i could not see anything terribly off kilter
I like the way things pop in your head, you have a gift

That's all.
signature for file
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Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Found your story in the romance newsletter. Quite a nifty little story you have here. I got the characters and the plot clearly.

Interesting ending. Nice little touch to figuratively squash him like a bug.

clothe in a dress and high-heel shoe [did you mean clothed?]
and as it laid square in the palm of his hand [proper American would be "lay in the palm of his hand."]

So those are my little inputs and outputs. It's your story, do what you want.

Later,
WDC power award
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Review of Green Eyes  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Okay, first the good stuff. Always wondered how guys take on romance and this one was definitely outside the proverbial box. I was not bored or uncomfortable. Seemed like you handled the tough spots with finesse. Had nice little twists and turns for a good story. This would be a good backstory for a novel length story.

What worked: love happy endings. I too believe in love at first sight and that it is possible for it to last a lifetime. I like the way you tackled all the emotions that converge at one time when you get a terminal (or even potentially terminal) diagnosis. And it really does play out like you said, moving from one extreme emotion to void of emotion in split seconds.
What didn't: I went scurrying to research if two AIDS people can have an HIV negative baby. I think a line about it requiring extra care, you were still scared ... I don't know something to say that there are treatments and you wanted this baby enough to at least try ... JMO

Rating is appropriate...barely. Please bump up the font for my old eyes. If there were punctuation problems, I did not notice. I did notice that the formatting was not uniform.

As always, it is your choice to either use my opines or you can take my two cents worth and put them in the gumball machine. Later,

WDC power award



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Review of Imaginary Friend  
Review by Cheri Annemos
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wow. I found your story in the HUB and decided to give my hand a try at reviewing your work.

Thank you for having a good grasp at grammar and punctuation, and for bumping up the font. It makes for an easier read.
I got the story line and the plot right off. It was a wise move to tell the story from the 6-year-old’s perspective with a smattering from Nana so that we can see what an adult would see and not have to rely on the perceptions of the child.
I don’t know how to make the ending stronger, just that it needs to be. Kind of anti-climactic to have a chase scene and then end with being watched or opening doors.

Just a few things that need to be cleaned up to make the story work better:
leaving the girl's care to his live in maid, and the antebellum house was inherited. [clumsy. Try: live-in maid, and in the antebellum house he had inherited from ?]
It has to be a hundred times as large Mama and Daddy's trailer, she thought. [as large as]
Katie realized Theo never came to play she was in the same room with Nana. [came to play when she was]

That’s all I can think of right now. Like your style, looking forward to more of your stuff.

WDC power award
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