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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cherylwrites
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44 Public Reviews Given
44 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Beautiful Traitor  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a powerful poem ! Your unique use of imagery is very quality and nails its messages. The rhyme of the poem works well and is not forced. There is consistency of theme throughout, and I like the way the last line ties back to the title "Beautiful Traitor" ... I'm wondering if, perhaps, a line could fit in somewhere to bring home, a little more, about the darkness and "deception" of this individual ("but your hair, like the sea, was dark as coal") starts to get as this.

best to you and write on !

~C
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Review of Late December...  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is beautiful, engaging, and well-written. It really brings the reader into the world, painted so well, in the story !
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Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (5.0)

I Love this
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Review of She's a Thief  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (4.5)

awe..I really like this...it's simplistic enough but never boring nor cliche' .... I'm wondering if it might be helpful if your title gave more of a hint of the, bird, subject matter (although the title you chose seems good if your work is grouped with poetry about nature.) I especially like your line "before the beating sun."
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Review of Wax  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)

I like the plot of this story and thought it was pretty clever. The possevive form of Cannady in: "As she excited Mrs. Cannady's and turned home," needs to be changed. Some words, or phrases seem to be repeated a little too much. I think also that mysterious details like Janie suddenly having on the neighbor's apron should probably be left out or better explained... I also think a few of your sentences could be a bit shorter...maybe broken into two sentences (your actual use of punctuation is good though.) A few of your details may need to be either left out or said differently (in my opinion.) For instance, even though you changed a word or so, "Jay as she likes to think that her family and friends call her" probably doesn't need to be repeated (as it is stated earlier in the story.) Maybe she could state in the dialogue: "My name's Janie, but I go by Jay."

Overall good story; the clever plot somewhat off-sets (what seems to me) like a few technical weaknesses. With minor adjustments this story has even more potential.

If you're interested, I'm looking to have my short story "Gregetta" reviewed...
thanks

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Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

You first, sparsely punctuated, poem is an Excellent poem!!! It flowed well, was not hard to follow (like some "original" poems) and used unique, beautiful and/or dead on, imagery that Worked. Thank you for the helpful example. I think imagery might be a stronger element in my poetry; I struggle with how to do line breaks and punctuation (or not) though. I'm drawn to using a lot of dot dot dot (three dot) punctuation, but don't know if that works very well. Recently, I read that all poems need punctuation, so it's refreshing to hear differently from an obviously talented poet.

Again, thanks

I'm alway looking for reviews, if you might be interested in something in my port...
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Review of All I Really Want  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

I like this writing....Very interesting and unique poem with a quite powerful ending. The lines leading up to "cause all I want to do" make you think a little bit and each line ending ends up making sense.
I did think the lines leading up to "cause all I really want to do is tell you I'm sorry for hurting you" could match a little better with the last line in that particular stanza (the lines could somehow match wanting to apologize better)...
The honesty in this writing is excellent and adds to its strength

If you might be interested, I'm always looking for reviews for writings in my port...
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Review of Dew of Dreams  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (5.0)

This is an excellent poem. It has Beautiful imagery... I especially LOVE the first line. I love the wholeness of the imagery. I think this piece is good enough to stand on its own as a purely image/metaphor piece if you ever wanted to do that... maybe a few human explainations like: when we are "lost" perhaps could be said through metaphor (or slightly more unusual explaination wording (re again. the word 'lost")) and the poem might gain from being a little bit shorter. That being said, I think the beautiful wholeness imagery woven in with some complexity of human experience makes it a five star poem (no five star, or any other, poem is perfect)

If you're interested, you might like my poem "The Joy of Being Four Years Old"
I'm always looking for reviews...
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Review of Monster  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)

Wow! This is quite well written with a powerful and very surprising ending...
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Review of Star Song  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (4.5)

This is a nice piece. I like your unconventional use of language like "the fames are catching, do you hear the tune." I also like your paradoxical use of language "as far inside as out." Very nice imagery as well

If you're interested, I'm looking for reviews of my short story "Gregetta" or anything in my port..

Thanks..
Cheryl
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Review of The Wall  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

This is an excellent writing! I love your description and easy, intelligent use of words! The story took quite a bit of turn, and you made this work quite well also. The nature imagery is inviting and real. The story held my attention real well and was easy to follow. I like the hint of metaphysics...Good Job!!

If you're interested, I'm looking for reviews for my short story, "Gregetta" or anything, at my port, you might find interesting.
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Review of Tomorrow's Child  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (4.0)

This is an interesting poem. For the most part, I thought you were able to use rhyme that didn't sound forced. There were one or two places where I thought you could use rhyming words that sound a little more unique (or else leave out a little of the rhyme altogether.) Given the title, I thought your piece might be imporved if you gave one more reference or image (last two stanzas) referring to the "child"... the child of tomorrow. Overall nice piece..

If you're interested, I'm always looking for reviews of my work...
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Review of Wandering  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (4.0)

I can relate to this poem. It is interesting, and I like the way you mix in imagery with "telling" in this piece. I think there are some explaination words that probably could be left out... I think the piece could benefit from being trimmed down just a little. Sometimes you use traditional punctuation and other times not. I think consistent, traditional punctuation and maybe shorter lines would help this writing as well. Overall I think this poem has a LOT of strength, avoids the triteness that weakens some poetry, and speaks to a deep subject. Keep writing, I think you have a lot of potential, and some of it is realized in this particular work.

If you're interested, I have some work I'd like to have edited, you may like "Gray Travels to the Red Light District" or "A Prose for Drew" or "The Tree-Rose"
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Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Twisted Tales Contest Entry

(1707 words) Grey Travels to the Red Light District


The red light district, on Hay street in CrossRoads, North Carolina, that was where Grey was traveling. His 1970's VW pop-top van was about maxed out on mileage. It didn't matter though, all he could think about was seeing her, Scarlette.

As a young adult, Grey had often parked his VW for camping. It provided a refuge for him, and he preferred to use a train for longer travels. Now that he had survived into middle age, he had started using the van for traveling. Though Scarlette had never seen the VW, somehow it reminded him of her; he was using it as a part-time home when they met, on a train, all those years ago.

It had been almost twenty years since that fateful day when they crossed paths. Scarlette was riding the train back to her home near the red light district in CrossRoads. She lived with her sister who worked in the Call-Girl business. Grey was headed to the red light district, for the first time in his life, in search of a prostitute. He never told this to Scarlette.

As the train's loud sigh and hypnotic clanging started, the pair noticed each other. Grey was dressed in dark, pleated pants, a floral-ish button-up shirt, and a black artist baret hat. His strongest feature was his hooked roman nose which complimented his olive skin, soft brown eyes, and dark wavy hair. Scarlette wore a black, gentleman's walking hat; her copper curls underneath fell down to her shoulders. Her fitted, navy, smooth-denim shirt covered the waist of her navy knee skirt. Black mid-calf boots balanced her matching hat.

Somehow the romance, of the train ride, had allowed the two young travelers to drop their guard and confide as if they were writing in their own private diary. Grey turned around in the seat he had moved to, one seat in front of Scarlette, and they told each other about there lives.

Looking out the window into the distance, Scarlette told Grey how her parents had been killed when she was five years old. "My older sister worked, as a prostitute, to support my brothers and me" Scarlette said, emphasizing the word prostitute. "I can't stand to think about her making that kind of sacrifice for me. I don't think I can ever leave CrossRoads. I can't leave my sister and she can't leave the business." Grey looked at Scarlette intensely and put his hand on her arm. "Her boyfriend makes money off her and leaves every time she quits." Scarlette took a long deep breath and exhaled slowly. "But I can get away once or twice a year. I can take the train to see my brother." Her eyes lilted into a tiny smile as she looked at Grey's face. "How long have you been living like this." Gray asked. "For the last ten years, I've been taking caring of her. I cook and clean for us, work two jobs and, when she's home, I usually lie in bed with her until she can go to sleep." Grey looked at her, his brows furrowed in thought, "I'm sorry you have to live like this. How can you have a life of your own?" He asked with obvious concern. "She sacrificed her life for me I can do the same for her." Scarlette answered resolutely.

Grey saw a lost little girl quality in Scarlette. She was trying hard to be a mother to her sister, but the uncried tears, that glossed her blue eyes, showed how much she herself needed a mother. Grey wanted to put his arms around Scarlette and hold her but her posture had become erect, her shoulders held back, as she quickly ended her narrative and asked Grey about his life. Grey admired the courage and fortitude, he had already seen in Scarlette, that now reflected in her eyes.

Grey's own mother had been absent for much of his youth. His father a workaholic that rarely had time for Gray. "I was painfully shy and spent a lot of time reading and playing my music. On weekends, I would sit alone out back, with the crickets, and play my guitar until two in the morning. Eventually though, I figured out how to talk with people by going to week-long music festivals." Scarlette nodded. "The free-spirit types there were easier to be around than most people." Scarlette nodded, again, knowingly. Grey confessed that, even at the festivals, he felt he fit in better by drinking alcohol and doing mushrooms. "I thought I was Jesus almost the entire week one time, and that is scarey." As he was finishing his sentence, Grey looked up at the ceiling, on the bus, and stared. He looked as though he was in another world. His eyes were glazed, and his body stiffened. Scarlette called his name several times before she got his attention. "I'm sorry" he said quietly "sometimes I just start remembering things."

Grey and Scarlette had shared much conversation, that day on the train, before he told her that he was married. It was because of his marriage that he wouldn't be able to see her again for many years.

He had wanted to tell her earlier but felt there was never enough break in conversation. In addition to their personal histories, they had talked about their common interests in reading, art, music, and almost anything unconventional. They had laughed about the presentation of some of the other passengers. They laughed the most about the man with a hearing aid and an ear ring in the same ear. They had made up funny fiction stories about the lives of various passengers in their line of view. Neither had laughed so much in quite a while. The connection they felt, in four short hours, was profound and powerful.

At first, a deep heaviness began welling inside of Scarlette's chest when Gray divulged his marital status to her. Not wanting Grey to see, she turned her head away from him. "My wife and I live entirely separate lives." He truthfully told Scarlette. He then felt compelled to confess that he could never leave his wife. Though Grey would never admit it, his wife provided him with the structure and security he so needed. She mothered him which caused him to feel a deep loyalty to her.

Scarlette paused for a long time, after Grey's confession, but eventually told Grey she understood. She realized that he could have avoided mentioning the marriage at all. Grey wanted desperately to see Scarlette again. However, she told him not to call her as long as he was married. She knew her life was already much too complicated.

Grey did not go look for a prostitute that day as planned. When Scarlette departed, he simply stayed on the train.

Almost twenty years went by and the two never abandoned thinking about each other... wondering about each other.

After an unhappy, exhausting, eight-teen year marriage, Grey's wife passed away from an extended illness. Grey continued his coinciding friendship with wine, beer and bourbon. Soon after his wife's death, Grey renewed his interest in music festivals. He brought out his 1970's VW pop top van and started traveling.

Time had taken a toll on Grey. Alcoholism had began to wither slowly, but permantly, at his once sharp brain. Even in his "AA" drinking respites, some who knew him were beginning to wonder if he was going mad.

His life plans no longer had much that was, on the surface, linear or logical about them. His circular planning seemed to involve a wider and wider scope of ways to achieve his goal. Many times, he told his friends he was traveling to the red light district in CrossRoads, NC to find Scarlette. Ultimately, his plans always brought him back to the same place, alone.

As the months passed by, Grey began sleeping in his VW. He kept it parked just outside of his house. He would drive his van during the day time, and the neighbors had often seen him driving around in the neighborhood. Still though, he insisted that he had spent his days driving to CrossRoads... looking for Scarlette. His days left him disappointed... his nights remained lonely.

But, all this was, all this was two years ago; now, now things were different. He had made it back to the red light district; and he had found his Scarlette!

As finally his long fingers reached out to stroke Scarlette's lightly blushing face, he heard a voice.

"Time for morning meds," the voice pierced through his vision like sirens wailing. A loud page was heard over the intercom, and a red light flashed in the background. Grey had been in the state psychiatric hospital for two months now; but there had been no change in his condition. This was the closest he had gotten to Scarlette. This was the first time he had touched her face.

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Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I enjoyed reading your story. I like that the story was really good at holding my attention. Though the grammer and punctuation were a little non-typical at times, I thought it worked. I liked the way you described Rudolph "tasting" the "rust and blue paint", of the bus, near the end. And while I get the idea at the end, I think it needs just a little bit more punch... a little bit more dramatic as well as hinted at examples of the cat's powers...

I have a story I'm looking for reviews of. It's called "Grey Travels to the Red Light District". If you might be interested in reviewing it, I'd really appreciate it..
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Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (4.0)

Insightful, I can relate
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Review of Never Enough  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)

I like the way this builds and flows....from unique color and shape descriptions to specific form. Your impressive unique description is natural (and not forced)..nice
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Review of The lost Warmth  
Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: E | (4.5)

I like this...
nicely depicted/nailed visual and word image...descriptive, concise

If you might be interested, I'm looking for reviews for my "Rose-Tree" prose..

thanks
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Review by ArtAttitude
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Very clever and well written, good and original description
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