I like a flawed protagonist, and Sophia is shaping up (if you'll pardon the pun) to be one. That reveal from the cliffhanger where she ran into her mum at the end of the last chapter was amusing.
There are still some parts in here where the sentence structure could use some variation: nearly every sentence tends to begin with "he/she" or a name. Some of the sentences could be joined together, and use of some semicolons and hyphens might help.
And now she's been caught by her mother! So presumably, the mother is going to now be an obstruction to Todd's plans by trying to make Sophia diet. It was also good to see some new settings in this chapter: namely school and the soccer game.
I did find Sophia's transition to looking forward to growing fat a little sudden, though. She didn't seem to think it over very much, and for someone who was an established athlete before, I found it a little unrealistic.
I like the development of the relationship between these two. It's becoming more and more clear that it's not the perfect rosy romance we thought from the beginning of the first chapter. In fact, it's not really a healthy relationship at all: Sophia barely seems to think about Todd as a person, and Todd is now showing a jealous streak as well as the non-consented feeder. I hope there's going to be a fallout of all of this - not many stories of the wg genre have relationships that are portrayed as imperfect.
As far as improvement goes, I'll say to check over grammar of dialogue. End in a comma, then close speech marks, then no capital.
I'm glad this is a realistic one. A lot of these sorts of stories rush the weight gain and while I know a lot of people prefer the massive balloon belly expansion, I like something a little more plausible and relatable. This is certainly relatable, and Sophia is a protagonist that has enough left unsaid about her so that a lot of readers will be able to imagine themselves in her place. On the other hand, though, it would be nice to see a little more about her as a person, except that she plays some kind of sport and likes to stay fit.
Her boyfriend Todd has a little more development: besides those token key traits that he's an aspiring chef and a feedist, it's also interesting to see how he's secretly fattening Sophia up without her knowledge (and, in a way, against her will, since he knows she wants to stay fit). I hope there's some consequences of that later in the series.
Currently, it has to be the Eighth, as I'm enjoying his audio drama episodes from Big Finish. It's a pity he never got more screen time or a chance to appear in the 50th Anniversary. It's also a pity we can't have more than eight choices on a poll, as the Third Doctor is also one of my favourites.
Good attention to the Lord of the Rings canon and world, and I hope you'll continue to monitor additions to this story for that. And you're right, I've never seen a Lord of the Rings WG work before. Some of the grammar could do with fixing up, though - a new paragraph for each new speaker in dialogue, mostly. Watch the consistency with the spelling. Are we using Rose or Rosie here? Also, "Samwise Gamgee" and "Elessar". And more detail would be nice for the meal, rather than just jumping straight from receiving the meal to finishing and being full.
There are a few things missing from this, to be honest. A lot of it could use tidying up with grammar - capitalization would be nice, and new paragraphs for each new speaker in dialogue. Mostly, though, what it's missing is motivations and characterization. WHY is Tommy eating, WHY do the others suddenly want to fatten him up? I know it's still short, but that's the sort of thing that needs to be laid out at the beginning to help people to engage with the story and want to add more chapters.
A cute story. There's not much friendship stuffing/wg around. Some of the grammar could do with tidying up, though. Start a new paragraph for every new speaker in dialogue, and watch your mixing up of words like "their/there" and "where/were", as these won't be picked up by a spellcheck. I'd suggest either revising their use or getting a beta. Also, don't put unit conversions in the text - it breaks the flow and makes it look too technical. Stick to one unit that you feel comfortable with, and if your readers want to put it into their own preferred units, they can look it up.
There's good variety here, both in the characters available and the ways to expand or fatten them. However, I thought River's was a bit too fast and left very little room for development, and being all in the first chapter, there's no option for anyone else to avoid it if they want something a little slower. Also, a lot of the grammar could use work - particularly in using new paragraphs for dialogue - and some of the spelling could benefit from proof-reading.
For the most part, this one's pretty good! Donna's arc was my favourite, as well as being the longest - I like how the contributors have taken the time to expand the chapters with detail and dialogue, and there's opportunity for plots to be established, rather than just having constant eating. Most chapters have good spelling and grammar. There's also a good variety of scenarios for the WG - Martha's comfort-eating, Donna's time travel adventures with food and the feeder TARDIS, Rose's alien capture. I'm not too convinced by the Rose one, though - there's no room for any development and very little detail, and because it happens straight away in the first Rose chapter, we aren't given a choice about whether we want that sort of inflation for her.
This could use a lot more detail in the action, especially with how she feels while she's eating and how the sudden weight gain actually physically feels - it just seems a touch too unrealistic that she didn't notice it until she looked down, if it's really that big. I'd suggest a slower pace and more description as it progresses. Also, stick to one tense - you're jumping between present and past, even within one sentence.
So far (one chapter at time of reviewing)? Promising start. Your writing style seems vibrant and enthusiastic, your grammar and spelling are good, you've given us a good variety of scenarios to build stories from, and you've set out some sensible rules that lay out clearly what you want from this story. There's also a good variety of characters (although I'm not sure about having the six-year-old in there, since I'd be inclined to say she doesn't have a lot of choice in her own lifestyle yet, but that might be just my personal tastes). Yeah, looking good so far. Might be back later to add a chapter myself (any preference for which one you'd like to see done first?).
The gradual WG is nice and realistic, although the days where he just eats and sleeps do get a bit repetitive after a while - some more detail and variation in those stuffing scenes would be good. Grammar could use some proofreading, but improved as I went along.
There are too many chapters in this one with only one choice given - it's not really interactive when that happens, and the authors doing it might just as well have written a static. There's also not much detail given on /how/ the characters' lifestyles are changing to gain weight, besides mentioning that they're eating more and exercising less. The slow WG is great, but I'd like to /see/ what exactly is contributing to the weight gain, rather than just being told it's happening.
Now this one's unusual for the genre. Here we have a protagonist who is being made to feel ashamed of their body type by their friends and family, and who feels that they have to resort to spells and/or radical changes to their eating patterns and lifestyle in order to change so that they can be proud of their body and feel like they can fit in. Yes, it's a flip around from the usual situation - but even in WG stories, the focus is usually on coming to love and accept their body regardless of what those around them think, sometimes gaining for a lover to satisfy either their or the lover's fetish. In this case, it's consistently being portrayed that the protagonist giving in to that peer pressure and changing their body to suit what others want is a good thing, so I'm not quite sure how I feel about that. I think my addition reflects that.
Regardless, the interactive seems to be fairly well-structured, giving options for those who want more realistic WG as oppose to the magic spells. Sometimes the magic spells and the like can get hard to avoid, though, and intrude on the realistic tracks; and some chapters are scanty and rushed. The grammar and spelling seems mostly tidy, though.
Mostly tidy proof-reading for grammar (one addition with a block of text and no paragraphs, but otherwise good); spelling is all good. The mandatory slow progression was a good idea - it's allowing for some pacing; and the dream sequences have been detailed in their objective descriptions, and flowing. It could all do with more description of how the characters are actually /feeling/, though - emotionally and physically. I'd like to see more development of the "Shadow" too - how does he get that name? Build up the mystery?
There's a sort of surreal feeling to this - like, everything that's happening feels like a dream, we keep being prompted to think it's a dream, logically it /should/ be a dream - but it's not. Well, I like surreal - not complaining about that. I do hope it gets a good resolution to the strange universe concept one day. As for what it's like at the moment - spelling is good, grammar is mostly all right, but more detail and pacing would be nice, rather than just the "she ate a lot and then had a big belly" kind of style. It needs more description.
Fills a niche - there's not much male WG and it's quite specific in its appeal - "jocks". Good variety in the choice of characters to manipulate, and there's plenty of room left for writers to develop their personalities and private lives, since we've just been given basic templates. It's tidily enough organized, and logical, but a lot of the chapters could do with more detail, more fleshing out (pardon the pun), better pacing and proofreading for grammar.
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