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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cloverish/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/4
Review Requests: OFF
203 Public Reviews Given
203 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I focus on SPaG and in-line problems. Passive vs Active. Not too good with the telling and showing, but I'll point out awkward lines, give you SUGGESTIONS to how it could be written better. The good, the bad, what worked, what didn't. Just look at my other reviews to get the gist of what I do.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Adventure, I'll actually try anything usually
Least Favorite Genres
Maybe not Sci-fi. I don't know, it seems I just don't like reading them, especially the space opera, scientific ones
Favorite Item Types
Short Story, a chapter
Least Favorite Item Types
LONG PIECES... even though I want mine to be reviewed and some can get long
I will not review...
Overly long pieces. Like those mounted thousands. One or two I'm good, but any more and I start fraying at the edges.
Public Reviews
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Review of Awkward T  
Review by B-T
Rated: E | (3.5)
Yeah, continue with your poetry. I really liked the beginning of how much they lack in the field of expression, but then how much they still love the other, and how they pick up the slack. I have to agree. I'm that awkward one... but then sometimes he switches to that role. It all depends but your poem speaks true! Keep at it!
77
77
Review by B-T
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Ah! I wanted to know what happed! But nice play on books being foreign. For the story though you could've elongated it because I read the: Found his wife then Their son. Missing a complete middle! Like 20 years has passed and it's told in a line, not even mentioned about a son being born or a sister.
78
78
Review by B-T
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
It's hard to write about a true experience as a poem I believe, but you did it well enough. It's odd. I think you have no rhythm, but then you do. Some parts are catchy like: Zero degrees Midwest deep freeze Ten PM.

I do find some of it pretty choppy, but I think you meant it that way to add the tension
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79
Review of Pieces of Me  
Review by B-T
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A little escalation there at the end, but I loved the rhythm sequence you have going one. The end does tie to the beginning so I like the whole connecting from start to end you have.

What happens to the force of love
when it chooses to withdraw?

that line seems a little weird for me, not so much as the second line but just the force of love. That's my opinion, so you don't have to change it at all.

It was a real good piece! Keep writing!
80
80
Review by B-T
Rated: E | (1.5)
I haven't read the previous chapters just for forewarning.

I think you definitely need to break it up a bit with indentions. It kinda clunks, but that might because it's just a pain to format it here.

For your text messages, I had the same problem as you did. They aren't real dialogue, but you want them to be separate, so my advise would be to change their font, and add ':' after you say, and I texted. It cleans it up.

You're grammar isn't so great. WHen you talk: "Yad yada yada," he said. You have to put that comma there. If you don't the 'he said' becomes its own sentence and is a fragment. This also means you have to un capitalize the he, unless you are asking a question or exclaiming something, then it can e either way, or you can totally dismiss the 'said' tag and explain who it is by an action. "Yada Yada." He walked over to me. Sort of like that.

Sometimes you miss the end punctuations, and you change tenses. SAid is past tense, but some of what you write is in the present tense like am. Comma's seem to also to be your downfall.

Also, your work needs to flow from one stage to the next. It's lacking in that sense.

I think you really need to check up on your grammar, but the story doesn't sound too bad. It is usually a parent, or relatives that kidnap a child.
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81
Review by B-T
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I liked the novel. I picked it up for a school thing because I watched the movie and I had middle school teacher who told me to read it, so I did, eventually.

I see your point with the unhappy ending deal, but it was a pretty good ending for ralph because he didn't die, but the other boys, not so much.
I'm sure they will go through extensive therapy to heal their broken youth, or have ptsd because of it.

Now with your writing... it's good, but it's a big chunk of information you should break up, and maybe give more background info on the story line
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82
Review of Taking Flight  
Review by B-T
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like it, but I don't see how it is poetry. Maybe I'm just not reading it in the right beat or something, but it sounds more like a short story than anything else, but it is good. It does have some bounce in it, and it seems to flow. Maybe because it is so story like I cant picture it as a poem
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83
Review of Crazy People  
Review by B-T
Rated: E | (3.0)
I few grammatical errors. 'There words... there brand...' It's supposed to be their. There is like that item is over there, or they walked over there and is a location and their is ownership. EX: It's their dog. Haha sorry for the lesson it's just that if I only tell you how it's supposed to be then you wont know why

And you forgot the ' in the were all crazy in the third line.(We're all crazy)

A few more too.

I like the message though.
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84
Review of Beautiful  
Review by B-T
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is great! It really is, but I think grammatical marks might help some. I like the layout, but I think for some lines it feels choppy. So maybe you can scrunch up a few lines, but then again that might disrupt the flow you have going so maybe you shouldn't. It deserves the full five stars that I'm giving it.
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85
Review of Black as Day  
Review by B-T
Rated: E | (2.5)
I like the description, but it is hard to follow. It seems to jump and repetition is high. Grammar needs to be checked big time, but the premise is good. Really it has great potential, but it needs tons of tweaks to make it better.
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86
Review of Iridescence  
Review by B-T
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like it. I like her past getting mentioned on, but you could explain the scar a better and the beginning was a little rough. Since you touched upon the scar, perfume and house in the first paragraph it should hold more meaning throughout. I thought it was well written though
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