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97 Public Reviews Given
110 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of Moments of Gold  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story on the parenting genre search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: Eye catching.

What I liked: Learning something new.

Overall Impression:

Your story is well written, easy to read, and kept my attention all the way through. Being a parent myself I was interested in your story and what could be learned from it. I was as surprised as you were that the child wanted to play chase and was not trying to take toys from the other child. I will have to watch my own kids closer to see what I can learn from them.

Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
2
2
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story on the nonfiction search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: Appropriate.

What I liked: The descriptions of the surrounding environment.

What I didn't Like: I liked all of it.

Overall Impression:

A story about the surrounding environment and view from a window.

This was well written and flowed. I really enjoyed the way the writing brought the surrounding environment to life but in a way that was interesting and not dull as detailed descriptions can be. The writing about the observations of the couple across the street were outstanding. I am amazed that you could take such ordinary things and write about them in a way that was interesting and pulled me right into the story. You made the mundane engaging. I wish that I could do a better job describing how I feel about this piece. Good work!


Scene/Setting: Excellent.


Characters: Good.


Grammar and Mechanics:

7.25 the next morning. - 7:25


Suggestions: None.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
3
3
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I found this on your portfolio page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: What is says is what you get.

Overall Impression:

I read this because I was curious to know how an outsider viewed my country. Your writing is insightful and I agreed with many of your conclusions.

I was surprised on the comments about the USA being a land of law abiding people. I took it for granted that other people lived the same way. I didn't realize how unusual this was. I was really surprised when you said that people not from here act differently when they go back to India.

The reasons might be many, but one reason as told to me by elderly Indian ladies living here is that Indian boys are too demanding and help too little in domestic chores. - Got a good laugh out of this one.


FOURTLY - spelling


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
4
4
Review of FROZEN TEAR  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I found your poem on your portfolio page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: Interesting title and appropriate for the subject.

Overall Impression:

This is a great poem. It did an excellent job in expressing what any person goes through when they hurt someone else. It is sad because the person who did the hurting is now living alone and they realize that they really did hurt the one they cared for.

Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
5
5
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I found your story on the religious search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: It caught my interest.

Overall Impression:

Your poem is outstanding! It states the truth that through the beauty of the creation no one can deny the work of a Master designer, the God of all. I have watched sunrises and sunsets on the lake on fishing trips and no words could describe the beauty of them. Your words do a great job of expressing it. At those times it would be hard to deny that there is a creator.

My favorite line:

For the world is filled with music
Coming from Creation's song.

Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
6
6
Review of Trust Me  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello! I found your story on the religious search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: I was scanning titles and this one grabbed my attention.

Overall Impression:

I loved this poem! You have done a beautiful job capturing the debate, the struggle that every christian has in their walk with God. The struggle to fully trust in God is one that can take a life time. I can relate since I have gone through the same arguments in my life.I was amazed and impressed when I read your poem. It is not often that a poem connects with me and creates powerful emotions. Well done.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
7
7
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story on the religious search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: It caught my interest. I like that it has dual meanings.

Overall Impression:

A story about an atheist who becomes a believer through a miracle.

This is well written and flows nicely. This story left me feeling happy at the end. If this is really a true story than that is amazing. It is hard for someone who hasn't experienced something like this to believe that it could be true but some amazing things happen in this world. Many things that provide life that we take for granted are miracles in themselves if only we took the time to really look and think about it. Rain itself is amazing. Look it up and read what it takes to keep life watered. It is amazing. From the sounds of it only a miracle would have changed your Father's path in life.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
8
8
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story on the religious search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: Gets right to the point.

Overall Impression:

I think that you did a good job presenting an argument in a short, easy to read piece. I didn't take the time to fact check everything that you listed but everything you stated agrees with what I have read on the subject. Anyone who is really seeking the truth would know that new discoveries in science are destroying the theory of evolution and those that are in the know on this debate already have moved past the fact that the evolutionary theory is wrong. The science has moved the debate into the realm of intelligent design.

Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
9
9
Review of God Let Us Talk  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I found your poem on the religious search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: It caught my attention.

Overall Impression:

I enjoyed your poem. It expressed the hope and optimism of a Christian.


Grammar and Mechanics:
are'nt is aren't


Thank you for sharing your poem. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
10
10
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello! I found your story on the random read page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: Grabbed my attention

Overall Impression:

This is a great story/poem on the seven deadly sins. I couldn't agree more that these sins are doing well and have a great home hear in the USA.

Suggestions: None


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
11
11
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello! I found your story on the short story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression:

The story was well written and flowed nicely. I couldn't figure out where it was going until the end. My curiosity was piqued so I had to keep reading. A couple of times I thought it was going to be a typical, cheesy, romance story and I almost stopped reading but I still wanted to know where this was going. I liked the foreshadowing that indicated that there was more to this then what appeared on the surface. The deaths by alligator were stomach turning. Good job. It was a nice triple twist to the story when I found out that Ben was a hired assassin, who decided not to kill Sam but instead wanted to try to marry her to get to the money and the final twist where Sam turns out to be a killer. Great job.


Suggestions:

"I've read it as well, Richard. You see, the will also says that if anything should happen to Sam, the property will go to her spouse-- if she has one. - This part seemed strange. Why would she have a will to a future spouse? Do single people commonly do this?


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
12
12
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! I found your story on the short story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression:

A story of a primitive culture learning and developing new ways to overcome their environment. The story flowed smoothly. I enjoyed the immersion into the daily struggle for survival.


After consoling Mugg with the bloody leg, licking his wound, - This was disgusting. Good description.

The struggle with the bear was well done. The words brought the danger of the battle to life.

Grammar and Mechanics:

they oftern grew

A few of them tasted good but her preferred red meat. - The use of her does not make sense.

Though they all had much body hair it was not warm and thick like the bears had. - awkward

and they could use the fur more usefully. - awkward


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
13
13
Review of The Suitcase  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! I found your story on the short story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Overall Impression:

The writing flowed well. Very creative descriptions were used. Who wouldn't want to be hit in the head with three million dollars? As long as it didn't kill me.

I got a good laugh when JP out ran the sprinter.

What a bummer when he discovered that he could not spend the money. I was smiling when JP decided to dump the money from the roof of a building and watched people running around picking it up.

I enjoyed reading this story right up until the ending. I didn't get the meaning of the end of the story and the references to the movie.

Grammar and Mechanics:

attempting to utter what appeared - The use of utter doesn't make sense.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
14
14
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello! I found your story on the short story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: Caught my interest

Overall Impression: This is a good start to a story set in space. I liked that it gave the feel of being in a warship in space.


Scene/Setting: Good, I could imagine the warships in space.


Dialog: Good, it sounded like being in a warship.


Grammar and Mechanics:

enforce the fodder. - This is confusing.

that his crew were the only to survive. - awkward



Suggestions:

It would be easier to read if the dialogue between people was separated.

Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Critical Mass
15
15
Review of The Weekender  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story in your portfolio page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: It caught my attention.

Overall Impression: A fishing story with a murder at the end. I loved the opening scene where Clem brings his catch to show off to the boys at the bait shop. Any fisherman (and I am one) can relate to the excitement of showing off and seeing the catch of the day at the local bait shop. I don't have too many pictures like that but you can go online to the local Finger Lakes1.com paper and pull up a picture of my boy with a huge Northern Pike caught from Cayuga lake. The story was well written and flowed nicely. It grabbed my attention, sucked me in and kept me reading for more. The ending really threw me for a loop. I was shocked. I never expected Clem and his buddy to kill their customer. I wasn't really sure why they did it. It sounded like they killed people and used them for bait? Not really sure. I didn't know what to think I was expecting this fun fishing story and then, wham, an unexpected turn in the story. Shocking ending. Nice.


Scene/Setting: excellent.


Characters: Good.


Dialog: Good.


Grammar and Mechanics: Looks good.


Suggestions: None.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Dave
16
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Review of Demons  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story on the short story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: Caught my eye.

What I liked: The writing brought to life the horror of people being destroyed by alcoholism.

Overall Impression:

This was well written and flowed nicely. The writing allowed me to see and feel the tragedy of a home being torn apart by alcoholism. I could feel the desperate struggle that the Mother had with alcoholism. The state in which the children lived made me feel sad. Every child should be able to live in a loving home.


Scene/Setting: Good.


Characters: Good.


Dialog: Good.


Grammar and Mechanics:

“Chasing after Kenny, she cause because she can’t find her money.”


Suggestions: None.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Dave
17
17
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello! I found your story on the short story search page. I hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: This caught my attention.

What I liked: The vivid imagery of the setting.

What I didn't Like: It was too short.

Overall Impression:

The writing flowed well and set the scene of a wedding with a political meaning. I got the feel of the tension on both sides that were being brought together by the wedding. The writing felt like a snap shot of a bigger story. It is a good start but needs more.


Grammar and Mechanics: No problems that I could see.


Suggestions: Continue the story.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Dave
18
18
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this poem as it made me stop and think about our veterans and the sacrifices that they are making for our country. It also reminded me of the time I left home and went into the Navy.

He grew up in the hills and vales
Amongst cedars and oaks.
But then one day he said goodbye
To his old gentle folks.
He left them all, for freedom’s sake.

This was my favorite part. It made me remember the forests and hills where I grew up.

Thank you for sharing your poem.

Write on!
19
19
Review of The Cursed Gun  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello! I found your story on the western story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: Grabbed my attention.

What I liked best: The mix of a poem and a story intertwined.

What I didn't Like: Liked all of it.

Overall Impression:

I loved this short story. I can't believe this was written in only fifteen minutes considering how good it is. For such a short piece it feels complete from start to end.


Grammar and Mechanics: NO problems that I could see.


Suggestions: None


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Dave
20
20
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This was so funny, rolling on the floor, choking on my food, spitting out my coke, red in the face, coughing and choking funny! Absolutely loved it. The talents of this writer are so over the top, amazing, brilliant beyond mind blowing to the level of Einstein to the nth power times infinity amazing. Just my humble opinion that you rock, dude.

Write on!

Dave
21
21
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story on the action story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: It caught my attention.

What I liked best: The vivid image that was created in the descriptive first paragraph.

What I didn't Like: The redundant use of the word now.

Overall Impression:
I enjoyed the setting of this story and what sounded like an ideal life. A man, his family, land and sheep to care for. With all of these things why would a person want to pull up roots and move to a new land? Not without a good reason. Then the whammy hits. An outside intruder destroys this ideal setting and creates the reason to leave. Good work.

The writing flowed smoothly. I loved the way the words painted a beautiful picture of the home, land and life of these people. I could picture myself living a quiet life there.

Kelley line all the way through the ages to Adam. - This line really stood out.

I felt anger towards the British soldier when he hit Treasa.

Style and Voice:


Scene/Setting: Excellent


Characters: Good


Grammar and Mechanics:


Suggestions: The word now was used too many times and created a distraction from the story.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Dave
22
22
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story on the action and adventure search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: It caught my attention.

What I liked Best: I liked the way the introduction made me feel like I was entering into an adventure. It created a feeling of excitement.

What I didn't Like: I liked all of it.

Overall Impression: This is a great way to introduce newbies to writing.com. I love it! Instead of a boring instruction manual the reader gets to be carried along a cool story to find the necessary information. Good work.

Scene/Setting: Good.


Characters: Good.


Dialog: Great.


Grammar and Mechanics: No issues that I could see.


Suggestions: None


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Dave
23
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Review of At two  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like it. It made me smile and laugh. I have a two and three year old and I can relate to the experience expressed here. Excellent work.

Rooms and yard are childproofed,
all danger banished,
until the diapers are abandoned. - This is my favorite part. Been there and done that. Nothing worse than cleaning up diaper droppings from the rug and couch.

Write on!

Dave
24
24
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello! I found your story on the short story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: It caught my attention.

What I liked: The idea of another dimension.

What I didn't Like: Too short.

Overall Impression: It is a good start but was too short. It has no middle or end. I think it could be a good story if continued. I like the dialogue and the whole idea of someone making it into another dimension. It grabbed my attention and I wanted to find out where this story would lead.

Dialog: Good.


Grammar and Mechanics: No problems that I could see.


Suggestions: Continue the story.


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Dave
25
25
Review of Liar's Deathbed  
Review by Critical Mass
In affiliation with Dream Team HQ  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello! I found your story on the short story search page. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.

Title: It caught my eye.

What I liked: All of it.

What I didn't Like: N/A

Overall Impression:

A great story of how one sin can destroy a lifetime of work. Sadly too many people choose to do the wrong thing without thinking about how there sin will hurt their family, the people they love.Good job.


Dialog: Excellent.


Grammar and Mechanics: No problems that I could see.


Suggestions: None


Thank you for sharing your story. Write On!

Best Regards,

Dave
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