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150 Public Reviews Given
523 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Weeping Willows  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hmmm... a bit far-fetched, but it makes good reading all the same.

Maybe you can go into a little more detail on the kids' stories - why would people like Cindy want to stay? There must be a reason. They can't be that naive... after all, Kenny fought back.

How about a sequel? I'm sure Kenny would want revenge. Keep writing.
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27
Review of Loose Change  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hmm... nice plot you have there. I think that you should pay a little more attention to grammar and spelling, though. There are parts where words are obviously missing. For example, "He shook his and..."

Also, could you please put a blank line between paragraphs. Or you could indent the first line of each paragraph. This would make reading a lot easier.

Keep writing.
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28
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I think I still prefer the old version - sorry, I'm a traditionalist. But this has got a nice twist to it. You've let the queen kill off Snow White, but she has to die as well. This would be more acceptable to modern children, maybe. Anyway, keep writing.
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Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is one of the best stories I've read this month. I love the way you weaved the words around - there's a nice flow in the language.

I liked the plot as well. Somebody told me once that you're only counted as a great person if there are people crying at your funeral. You seem to have grasped this as the cornerstone of the story.

I hope to read more from your portfolio soon. Keep up the good work!

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30
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice story. Is it a true one? Even if it is not, I hope this will make more people see what it means to take drugs. Hopefully, drug takers will read your story and make an effort to stop taking the drugs.

Nice work there! Keep writing. I hope to read more of your work soon.
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31
Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow! Great story you've got there. I think I'll head over to your portfolio and browse over some of the other stuff later.

I like the twist you've put into the end of the story. Just one thing though - I think it should be 'Worst Nightmare', not 'Worse'. Maybe you should just change that?

Good work. Keep writing.
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32
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow! This is one story that's going to keep me awake for the next few days. I won't be surprised if I get nightmares from this.

I liked the storyline. You've developed your main character well, but perhaps you should do the same for your supporting characters.

Good work. Keep writing.
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33
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Haha - I like this. I went through such a program in school as well - it's supposed to teach us to be good parents. But all I got was an egg... We just had to make sure that the egg remained intact after a week. This is really original though. Keep writing.
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34
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice story. It's still missing a little something, but I can't seem to put my finger on it.

I like the overall plot. People going into strange worlds have been used as a plot quite often, but this one seems to stand out a little from the rest.

Maybe you should think of expanding this into a novel. Keep writing.
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Review of Escape  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey, nice work. I guess this is one way to solve problems.

I don't understand why you wrote the first part of the story in the present tense, though. Shouldn't it be in the past tense? The epilogue is in the past tense. Shouldn't the beginning part of your story have happened before the epilogue?

Keep writing.
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Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (4.0)
The title doesn't seem to do this story justice. This story's title seems a bit mundane. Perhaps you should think of changing it?

I only found one grammar mistake (a typo?), which I have put into the relevant edit point.

Nice story there. Keep writing.
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37
Review of Oh,Oh!  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is great! Are George and Harry really your students? This should be published widely, so that more people can find out about plagiarism.

I used to teach English as well, and I cannot seem to make my students understand the importance of copyrights. Your story should do it. Keep writing.
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38
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey, this is real nice. You've managed to make it real by adding in Mrs. Hansen.

I suppose a person's sins always find them out, but I pity Missy for living with her guilt for so many years. I think her boyfriend is a real jerk, though.

Nice piece of writing there. Keep it up!
39
39
Review of In Control  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I don't usually read free-form poems, but this one glued me to the screen. I like the way you've described life - really appropriate.

The poem is a little too sad, though. Surely life has got some high points too, right? Maybe you could work a little of that in.

Keep writing.
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40
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It's a nice poem, but I don't think there's much free form in it, there's too much that rhymes.

Also, in the fourth stanza, shouldn't it be "and wonder"? And "not even knowing what I would say" would sound better.

It's a sad piece, but a nice one, all the same. Keep writing.
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41
Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a nice children's story. I like the way you've put in a representative from the different races. I just spotted one spelling mistake - it should be "border" instead of "boarder". Maybe you should name all the different areas in Fairy Land - makes the piece more interesting. Keep writing.
42
42
Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hmm.. this really sets people thinking. Looks like there's something to the ouija board. Here's another story you might want to look at: http://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/9908...

I didn't really spot any grammar or spelling errors. Good work! Keep writing.
43
43
Review of The Darkest Path  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Wow. This is definitely nice. I especially like the way you described the passage of time.

There are a lot of things that people would do for love. I suppose this is one of them. I wonder what happened to him? Maybe you should try and extend the story.

Keep writing.
44
44
Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (4.5)
I've read part 2 as well, and I much prefer this - less jargon, more fun.

Good work! Keep writing.
45
45
Review of Graveside visit  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
I think you should put in more descriptions of what had happened earlier. After all, this is a story about revenge. Revenge should be about the past. Maybe you should tell us what happened in the past?

Also, you could add in descriptions of the set-up. What did the narrotor do? How did the murderer take it?

Keep writing.
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46
Review of The Lone Survivor  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice story. Keep writing!
47
47
Review of Journey's End  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is another story worth expanding. Was it a cult, or something like that? Keep writing!
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48
Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (4.0)
Haha - this is real funny. I liked it a lot. Keep writing!
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49
Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (3.5)
Not bad. Could do with some improvements though. Maybe you can describe more about Lucky and Poker's plays.

Keep writing!
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50
Review of The Four Elements  
Review by duskiestar
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice outline you have there. How about expanding it?

Keep writing.
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