A very neat, short story, and I really enjoyed it, however there are a couple two many however's in the first couple of paragraphs and I didn't particularly like the bold type all the way through the story.
The paragraph below is an example of some good descriptive pieces in the story ( BTW: old fashioned...)
The man indeed was the spitting image of Santa Claus from his white hair and beard to his still rotund body despite his severe malnutrition. Instead of the familiar red suit, he was dressed in shabby brown slacks and a red plaid shirt with worn shoes held together with duct tape. His old fashionfashioned wire-rimmed spectacles
A cute story ~ anyone who remembers their childhood and has since become a parent will appreciate in full this very short story about a little boy playing ball...
I wouldn't want to be Jerry, he is about to get into a lot of trouble!
I have never tried these before ~ they are a lot of fun, and if you need a good laugh I am sure this will do it!
Thankyou for an hillarious half hour, I will be back to try again.
My Madlib Results LOL!!!
Gidge went into the underpants and asked for his itchy, man. The flyblown, Manager refused to give it to him, so he kicking the stupid counter around the institution with a stenchfilled, Bank. That certainly fixed things!
This was fantastic! You really write well, great flow, great, biting wit! Full Marks! Loved it from beginning to end.
Excerpt!
I want to see Reality Barbie. Let's see her juggle the rent, credit card bills, utilities, etc on her minimum wage job at the factory. I want to see those worry lines and under eye circles that come from wondering if you'll make enough this week to put food on the table.
Barbie, you're now 46. It's now time to let your age shine through. Show off the wrinkles previously hidden by your plastic surgeon.
Let the world see your now sagging boobs
and drooping ass.
Did you think we would not notice the marks from liposuction on those thunder thighs? Let it all hang out; you'll be a better woman for it.
Big Welcome to my old friend, atw201 - just read your short verse - and noticed that the word nonsense has been spelt incorrectly
You might want to correct this before the spelling warriors get onto you.
I hope that we something in your port in the way of stories or more verse... great idea of joining this writing site for a leisure activity. I have added you to 'My Favourites' - and will come and visit again soon.
BTW = By The Way - and Jack The Quack = {bitem: 1012019} - without the gap between the colon : and the numbers...}
Sadly, a potentially good story has been lost while you, the writer experiment with a novel style. The sentences are too long, and the first paragraph was not a good start to the story, starting as it does with unclear narration.
For the appreciation that wouldn’t be inspected so confinedly, one assembler of especially senile items exhibited, at a suitable gallery, those accumulations whose senescence had invariably received such persecution.
The protection of these items, clearly, was the ideal, and assurance, to the collector, of the elusive abilities of his prizes would suffice to encourage him as well as an impenetrable encasement.
First of all, there needs to be lines between paragraphs ~ also with the dialogue:
"Janice, come into my office. You're very special, you know that? You're one of a kind. I'll explain when you get here. Walk down the hallway behind the desk. I'm in the last room on the left."
We walk past the desk, watching the receptionist. She continues gazing at the sofa where we had been sitting. I shake my head.
The hall is just as ornate as the waiting room. Similar rugs blanket the floor and exquisite paintings hang on the walls. It seems to stretch on forever. I picture the building from the outside, wondering if it was this long. Finally we're at the last room on the left. I knock.
"Janice? I'm so excited to meet you! Do come in, hurry!"
As I grip the handle to open the door, the world goes black.
***
I would go over this story very carefully, and check for meaningful narration versus exposition.
It really needs some clear sighted revision to tighten the story and heighten the suspense and intrigue throughout.
The formal masquerade ball also offered many opportunities for learning. I was amazed at the talent and creativity exhibited during this event. Many attendees brought homemade masks and rented costumes for the night.
Comments
I read with avid interest all Diane had to say about Convention 2005 ~ this annually held Convention is certainly intriguing.
An informative and well set out piece, which teases out an increased interest in the reader to know more...
A really good SF story on how (if this planet could survive to this point in time!) ~ Writing.Com would look and sound in the future.
Excerpt
the Dectium already knew what he was thinking about, so he just nodded his head and said, "Do it, come on!"
The 996-bit colour screen shimmered and a three-dimensional website opened out into James's room. A hooded website owner calling herself the Thinkmistress*3005 glided down a red carpet and stood before James.
"How do you do, XTO134323?"
***
I really enjoyed reading this story - the futuristic new titles for things and people were great!
Survival. That was the name of the game: survival. It’s a game I was forced to play very young and a game I learned to play well. The fourth largest city in the United States is where I called home.
paragraph break
Unlike New York or L.A., Houston doesn’t really have “Projects,” but the area is still poor. The houses weren’t run down and falling apart at the seams but the neighborhood was still poor. One look around and you knew you were in the ghetto.
para break
My father was a school teacher, which naturally meant he didn’t get paid much, and my mother was a stay at home mom. ..
para break
My journey bounces between Stockton, California, my birth town, and Houston, Texas...
para break
Clothes were never an issue in our family, hand-me-downs were plentiful. As far as shoes ...
... and so forth~ having appropriate paragraph breaks makes the reading of the story much easier to enjoy and digest.
It certainly is an interesting story, so why not present it to readers in a way which does it justice?
This was a very unusal piece, with the concept a little hard to follow.
I think that "Invention No. Game" would have an esoteric following ~ a small niche here at WC may actually enjoy the convolutions of the different characters and their respective roles.
Wonderful use of language; a great little story of 1,236 words.
An Excerpt:
“My Lords, Ladies and assorted vegetation, I am come to this gathering place to respectfully request a subject of the species ‘terrigenus’ for the purposes of research. I wish to breed, rear and study the growth of such a life form and sue for your permission to undertake this task.”
This is a perfect story! No adjustment necessary ~ no spelling errors detected.
I will save this story to My Favorites ~ I am really impressed with the story's structure and descriptive use of words.
So true! BTW, I read your back from the convention piece, are you all sworn to secrecy or something? What do the SM's look like, and their names? Do they tell you their names?
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and I didn't particularly like the bold type all the way through the story.
My Madlib Results LOL!!!
I did not notice these artworks in 
How did you come by it, if I may ask?
{e:shock]{e:reading}
Why not ask her for a review 