Man forgot the meaning of the canine call all too soon;
today its purpose (in) is? unrecognized, hidden meaning lies.
Their cries blended into one plaintive wail, lingering,
becoming a howl riding the night wind. God, hearing this wailing for Mankind's fate, deemed it a fitting serendade
for Man to hear their howl so that he would not miss
the sorrow felt by Heaven for the future he had made.
Comments
I really enjoyed this, thankyou for the invitation to visit your port, I went straight away! (I see that you have a published volume available for sale! )
What an entrancing concept! I loved it! I will keep this saved to My Favorites!
It was less complected[complicated] pasttimes [pas-times/passtimes]Merriam Webster Online... as in pass the time...
People get caught up in the expectations and jump into marriage and were miserable. Jake didn’t want that to happen. If he couldn’t have a happy marriage, then at the very least he didn’t want to be miserable. There had to be a way to be both married and happy. He thought of hsi friends nad the good times they had. Joe wondered if she would understand.
Comments
I liked this story, Jake was credible,solid character, who held his own throughout the story; consistent and engaging narrative with a cogent ending.
A thought-provoking poem about a national wildlife tragedy.
by: Harry
The flies are thick and buzzing.
The buzzards circle slowly overhead.
Another black bear lies mutilated and dead,
having fallen victim to the business of poaching.
In Korea bowls of bear paw soup are a delight.
A powder made of ground-up bear gall bladder --
worth more per ounce than cocaine – spells sadder
times ahead. Worldwide, bears are losing the fight.
Comments
This really is a terrible thing to be happening! What, if any, are the fines for those caught poaching?
Someone should tell these Bast#rds, that they can't take their loot with them! To Hell! Where They're Going!
If you call someone a name often enough they may soon believe it
by: Ghostly serenade
Richie wanted to see what lay behind the bandages. And, being the school bully, he was accustomed to always getting his own way. So, after school one Thursday afternoon, he decided to forcibly remove them from me with the help of his friends to see "the freak". The memories are almost too horrific for me to recall; anger, humiliation, pain and despair flowed through my body in equal measures as Richie tore off the bandages so carefully applied until my face was bare. Several other children had by this point crowded round and there appeared to be complete silence for seconds until one word was uttered - "monster".
Comments
Is this a true story? If so, it is rather horrific! The end of the tale is somewhat sinister and not very pleasant at all.
Never the less, it was a compelling tale and not all stories end happily - do they.
Hard sci-fi? Space opera? Well, it is a puzzle. Lotsa clues. Can you guess the SECRET?
by: J.A.Powell
What a great story... many intriguing tid bits throughout... not sure what the secret is though..?!
Loved the following:
Commander, astute as always, caught the query in the Sentry's eyes. "It's nothing dramatic," he said. "Just a meeting with another of those weird alien things. I'll be back before evening chow."
Due to the methodology used in engineering the Sentry and his kind, many of the words uttered by Commander during transmission were difficult to transcribe. "Weird alien things" wasn't really what Commander said,but it was the closest the Sentry could match the tones in his limited linguistics database.
Absolutely delightful! A story I enjoyed reading very much!
***
Lost half a point for the somewhat crammed info on characters, had to double check a few times... interupting flow of readership; doesn't detract from the actual story, though!
It starts with the Spring, and ends with Winter,
The thought of cleaning, is making me whimper.
But now it's summer, and I'm feeling real fine,
I thought about cleaning, my brain starts to whine.
Comments
What a journey! What a year! Boy your garden must be something to see! What a great rhyme, I think this should be sent into a gardening journal for publication, honestly! I'm sure that they'd love it! I sure did!
It was another night at Nobody's Place, but it wasn't just another night for Joe. Standing behind the bar, sipping his Heineken, he had to wonder why the bar was so empty.
He figured some of the regulars would show up for his birthday but none were there.
Bo was at his usual spot at the door and hadn't even mentioned Joe's birthday. Crystal was in the DJ booth on the stage and had played a song for him. Thirty six years old and no one seemed to care much. Joe decided to leave.
Luckily for Joe, all is not as it seems ...
A quirky little story, full of home-town charm; I see that 'Nobody's Place' has a secure region in your port, as there are many saga's here...
This is my view of the end of time. Note: I do not believe in a secret rapture
by: kismet
Powerful, if disturbing and dire ...
This is the end, my friend
Time has come to claim its vow
Evil reigns supreme
And you cannot be redeemed
It's too late to make amends
For this is indeed the end
My beautiful friend.
Comments
A very dismaying indictment on the human state as perceived by another' - which begs the question - What, then does God think of us at the moment!
He must be extremely disappointed, I'd say!
This prose was thought provoking, and as a philisophical piece of writing, deserves consideration.
The air so full, laden of mental moisture,
Laden with the tears of my being this day.
Heart heavy gravity weighs my existence.
Thick air to match
My head so thick
Each breath from this swamp
A quagmire of quicksand.
Other choices offered ... dense, heavy, clotted, opaque;
Comments
I particularly like these excerpts included here; there is a concordance between your sensibility and the season of Winter, also felt by others' and this experience is well documented'.
Nicely presented, and entertaining for the participant; it serves as a nice little break with a coffee I shouldn't be having at this time of night
... thankyou, polls are good fun! Interesting results, eh?
Poll Question:
What do you think your rating as an author is on the 5 star scale? BE HONEST!
This is not a poll to see what others rate you. This poll is to take a look at yourself and decide where you think you are as a writer. It's purely for fun ...
I would not include this sentence, as it is unlikely other residents would tease another, and seems somewhat pejorative to all addressed.
Some of the other kids probably even teased those poor kids; or maybe you were even one of those kids who always spent lunchtime alone.
While all the above examples are lovely profiles on these people, I think that on or two examples, used in a newsletter, to convey your point, would be sufficient. (i.e. I think that it is a bit too long)
*Being a pit perturbed with my wife, I didn’t tell her where I was going
*I found myself sitting in our vacuous apartment and going over ..
*I secured a job, paying[paid?] much less than I was accustomed to, helping out ..
*** The word vacuous, while not a wrongful meaning, has just too close an association with empty headed, fatuous .. behaviour why not consider one of these...bared, dispossessed, denuded, dismantled, empty, stark, forsaken, emptied;
Enough! No more Picking on M'Lord! - here's what I like!
The problem for me was that while I have always wanted to be a writer, I always feared that I did not have what it took to succeed as one.
In High School I joined the journalism club, the yearbook staff, the newspaper staff as an advertisement designer, the speech club and through it all I never stopped dreaming of being a writer. My lack of self confidence, however, left me shirking, avoiding .. (don't know why... I don't like the end of this sentence.. and have left it off)
The reality that after 38 years of life, I was able to fit everything I owned into such a small car and still have room to spare left me depressed
What do all these sentences have in common
... they are all very revealing, - and sincere and they make good reading .. is an injection of veracity ..and the writer's the secret key to writing? could be!
Overall Comment
This proved to be engrossing reading..and I like your last line...
“because I [now] refuse to let any obstacle stand between me and my dreams.”
Written for the By the Light of the Moon Contest. Birth of a werewolf.
by: Flip
***
...she could see something lurking behind his eyes...
***
The baby clawed the rest of the way out of his mother's shell and was quickly picked up by Quenten who carried it outside, in his jaws, to bathe at least once in the fullness of the moon.
***
Comments
I don't know why this hasn't had more reviews; for a short piece (rewarded with gift points!) it is packed with exciting details and expressive speech
I thoroughly enjoyed this - there are no distracting typing mistakes and it's grammatically sound; an innervating read, to say the least
A Rating of 5 is reserved for the best work, fellow writers.. read it! If you really think I'm wrong... I'll pay a 100 Gift Points!
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My Comments
You may need above average intelligence to read and understand and action this information, it will take me a few times to read and react...but I think in principle, it sounds useful! 8/10 for his intelligent devising of this tool and that translates to my 4.5 here.
while sending my mouth watering taste buds on a glorious ride.
Perhaps this would read better as:
while sending my taste buds on a glorious, mouth watering ride...
***
Food is my quiet comfort.
With each bite taken, it envelopes me in a heavy blanket of warmth, while filling the gaping wound
inside my heart.
Overall Comments
You have set this out beautifully, coupling the comfort and pleasure with the guileful food and temptation's repercussions, in a way that has the reader accompanying dolefully, with you - the angst such perfidious appeal as the victuals described, attend on us!!
written for my great grandmother after she passed away
by: Shel
An Excerpt
She went back to the heavens, looked down from the sky
She said "Thank you God, but why did I die?"
The Lord looked at her with eyes all so true
and said "To Come Home", and with that her heart flew.
She thanked the lord, for bringing her home
but wanted his help with one thing alone.
"there is someone down there, who is sad and afraid,
she doesn't know how to live with the life that she's made"
*** These were my two favorite stanza's
There is nothing correct or incorrect about the last two, but aesthetically (visually) they appear slightly at odds with the previous stanza's...
Nothing at all wrong with the wording or meaning... it's just a thing I have, and not really important - with symmetry...
Overall Comments
I thought this was a beautiful commemorative verse and think it's first-rate that you loved your Great-Grandmother so much that you have written this piece in Her Memory
...a glimpse into an evening of a loner at his favorite pub.
by: Lord Corwin
An Excerpt
Barry lifts up his eyes and glares at Roger. Roger retreats a step. After two or three seconds, Barry lowers his eyes back to his drink. Roger shrugs his shoulders and walks to the far end of the bar where the waitresses and waiters make their drink orders. He then grabs a rag and walks the perimeter of the bar, scans its surface, and wipes it with the rag in half a dozen places.
Comments
I liked this story for the following reasons; for me, it had those X Facor ingredients of all good writers that - je ne sais quoi - a certain indescribable something.
The story is short, about a page long (A4-ish) but packs in full characterization of both Barry & Roger - and depicts a great little sketch!
Anything Lacking?
Well, it is only a short sketch.. but I would've liked to know why Barry was sombre...
For my money though
... I like it!
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