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Review of A Matter of Faith  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Ken,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for WDC Rhythms and Writing contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: A Matter of Faith


First Impression: I enjoyed the witty frankness of the piece. I could easily see your hero questioning his faith.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors. I appreciated the spacing very much. This growing old ain't what it was cracked up to be. I want a do over, the golden years are based on lies.

Favorite Parts: Like Ted, I want proof so his reasoning made sense to me too. I would loved to have been a mouse watching discreetly as Ted appeared before the group of men. That could have gone all wrong. I didn't see the twist coming of him wanting to save Jesus, that was cool.

Overall Impression: The writing was refreshing and direct moving in a good steady pace to the conclusion.

Thank you, Ken, for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 2 week ending:
Yellow rose


Hi Theresa

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and for your win in 4 Seasons Auction. Review 2 of 3

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: All Hallows Eve


First Impression: My favorite time of year, I was married on Halloween so the title drew me in to see what mischief was inspired b Stormy's poetry contest. Good job on using the required words and winning first place.

What needs your attention: The only line that took me out of the scene was this one and it was because of the repetitive use of moon. And the moon was a bright full harvest moon. This is a simple fix, I suggest trying this.

It was the night of the All Hallows Eve Ball.
And what a bewitching full harvest moon it was
For all the creatures of the universe to come out.

Favorite Parts: I loved their names Zelda and Zombie Elvis. I loved the imagery of a zombie bobbing for apples. What a perfect ending first place and a kiss.

Overall Impression: A delightful poem about all Hallow's Eve. It was a fun read.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of "The Daffodil..."  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 1 week ending: 4/25/2018
Yellow rose


Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and for your win in the 4 Seasons Auction. Review 1 of 3

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Daffodil


First Impression: I saw the title and wondered how you tied it into becoming a yellow case.

What needs your attention: I noted the tribute to the daffodil but didn't see the connection to the yellow case other than they both are yellow. I also saw you used the word new on four lines in a row and on two other lines. I suggest checking out synonyms so there are words meaning the same thing without the repetitiveness of the word new.

Favorite Parts: The daffodil is a vibrant flower after the bleakness of winter indeed. Yellow is a cheerful color and does tend to brighten one's day as you noted.

Overall Impression: This is a good beginning to a poem but could use some tweaking with the repetitive use of new.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of " A GLIMPSE"  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review number # 1 week ending:2/28
Yellow rose


Hi Netty

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: A Glimpse


First Impression: Welcome to WDC. The thought of such place existing is very appealing.

What needs your attention: The first two lines took me out of the imagery because of the redundancy of Glimpse of God's Glory almost underneath each other in the lines. The repetitiousness doesn't add to what the narrator is saying it actually detracts. It could easily be said differently while still planting the same imagery. Like for instance catch a glimpse of God's Glory, the splendor is sacred in heaven.

Favorite Parts: Colors we can't behold in this eartly realm attracted to me because of my love of gardening and I briefly imagined all my beautiful flowers more spectacular than they are here.

Overall Impression: Your poem has potential in this writer's opinion it just needs bit of tweaking for the thoughts to flow smoother on the page.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of Rainbow Sparklers  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Review number # 7 week ending: 2/21/18
Yellow rose


Hi Neva

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Rainbow Sparklers


First Impression: They sound beautiful. I've always loved watching fireflies in a meadow. Did you collect them as a child and put them in a jar to have in your room? We could only keep them overnight as a child because my grandparents made us release them every morning so they didn't die. I did the same thing with my own children.

What needs your attention: This sentence doesn't flow smoothly. It feels like you've left words out. However, when the swarm is attack each individual member takes on a random blinking pattern.

Favorite Parts: I love that they are pollinators and attracted to bright colors and magic spells. Bees need all the help they can get. Teamwork makes for a better environment for sure.

Overall Impression: Interesting creature that has vey few predators but adds potential beauty for us to enjoy. Hopefully, mankind will not interfere in its existence as we have so many other creatures.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review number # 2 week ending: 2/18/18
Yellow rose


Hi Michael

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Nova Starr in London part 1


First Impression: Obviously, I've flown the wrong airlines. Nova certainly had a good time.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors as I read. I believe double spacing would make this easier reading.

Favorite Parts: I can't decide if I enjoyed being a voyeur in the cockpit knowing the air marshal was right outside the door or having a bit of girl to girl pleasure. Both were interesting to read.

Overall Impression: It was enjoyable to have background on Nova and her thinking before we took the journey with the sexual escapades. Nicely done.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of Triskaidekaphobia  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number # 1 week ending: 10/18
Yellow rose


Hi Ken

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Triskaidekaphobia


First Impression: I'm so glad you posted your comment on the newsfeed, I might have missed this delightful gem. Thirteen is my favorite number and I enjoy all the phobias surrounding it from others. They're missing out on a good thing.

What needs your attention: Not a thing, it flows smoothly.

Favorite Parts: I loved the reference to Jason, you're right Friday the 1oth doesn't work. I chuckled at the last stanza because when I called in a bagel order the clerk said to me a baker's dozen on the 13th how appropriate. Yup, 13 spinach bagels coming my way. *BigSmile*

Overall Impression: A fun poem to read on Friday the 13th. Have a ghoulishly delightful day. Beware of 13 black cats, in case they cross your path. Thank you for bringing this to my attention. I enjoyed it very much.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of I Have a Hero  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Review number #5 week of: 10/5-10/11
Yellow rose


Hi Tinker

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: I have a Hero


First Impression: The adult in me is very happy Uncle Ray was there to make sure you were safe. The child in me wishes I had an Uncle Ray. Childhood memories can be devastating to overcome.

What needs your attention: Nothing the poem flows very smoothly from beginning to end with each stanza building on the next.

Favorite Parts: The opening stanza hooked my interest. You did an excellent job of setting the scene so the reader could feel the child's story.

Overall Impression: Thank you for helping me raise awareness that abuse exists in many different ways. Together we can make a difference by speaking up so others don't feel alone.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Review number # week of:1
Yellow rose


HiSorji

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Once Upon an Empty Body


First Impression: It was a wise move on the demon's part to grab an opportunity when it presented. Nice opening to a story, I'm interested in knowing what happens next.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation errors.The story flowed smoothly and had held my attention throughout.

Favorite Parts: The demon living a normal child's life and the realization of the price tag if he did as his parents requested was an interesting way to approach a story. It reminded the reader not to lose faith, even in the darkest moments there is still hope. The demon appreciated all the things this baby's death had given him. His love for his human parents gave him the courage to do what might very well be death for him.

Overall Impression: An interesting approach by reminding the reader that with faith things can happen when we least expect it. The demon here expected death but his love for his parents and respect for their wish gave him the courage to do what he believed impossible.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my immense pleasure! Lyn




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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Daughter of my Heart

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: House of Black & White

First Impression: Wow, I love this. There are numerous prompts to choose from for writing. The variety is excellent.

What needs your attention: The forum is organized and the directions are clear. This reader enjoyed having this increase in point value with the change of prompts. The prompts are numbered although 43 is acutally listed two times.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed that every few days new prompts with higher value. This gave the teams a chance to improve their team scores with sizeable rewards.

Overall impression: It is clear to this reader the forum and the prompts were not done overnight. The content is inviting and fun to write. It's kind of a russian roulette wheel and the majority of us has created a lot of fun entries.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been immense my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Writing becomes you. Two more days of insanity , will you
Lady Lyn Signature
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Review of My City of Dreams  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Naveed

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: My City of Dreams

First Impression: As I read, I wondered what city you're discussing because I can't determine that from the poem. I think it would be helpful to the reader if you simply put it in the description.

What needs your attention: It's interesting you chose couplets with end rhymes because the wording has to be dead on because the reader notes any flaw immediately. I would recommend you re-write this without the end rhymes in quatrains and having either the opening line or end line on every other quatrain be the same to give it a more powerful sense of loss.

What part I liked best: I appreciated the young man's mind questioning the leaders and what is the norm. Change is vital to our survival and people need to realize we exist on one planet, we're all one family and work for the common goal of sharing our resources for the good of everyone, not the select few that control the resources and money. Oops, I didn't mean to preach.

Overall impression: The poem needs some work Naveed, there are a lot of good thoughts in here and a great reminder of the losses in our existence that I hate seeing as well. I hope you return to this piece and tweak it.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? The title of your folder saddens me, your poetry is not a failure. Every writer begins somewhere and the process is like your city requires nurturing to reach its potential.
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Review of Thinking is Bad  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Naveed

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Thinking is Bad

First Impression: The title caught my attention and made me chuckle. You're too young to be cynical. Though there are times, where being cynical will be to your benefit, unfortunately, in this world of greed and material focus.

What needs your attention: In your second stanza, third line you have but hold it would sound better a but behold. And again in the final stanza you have hold when Behold would be better.

What part I liked best: "Set in stone were his beliefs, impassable the thought of dying." Sadly, people do become so ingrained in their thinking, they don't think or change because they've always done it that way. It's when they are faced with immortality they question when it really is too late. Their lives were wasted.

Overall impression: The poem encourages the reader to evaluate the way things are done, to welcome thinking for one's self not simply acting without thought.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Happy Birthday, Naveed. Just how are you by the way?
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Review of Regrets  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hi Leger, review 3

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Regrets

First Impression: Do you ever visit your port and just look at the dates of poems written and wonder what your state of mind really was. I thought of this as I read this piece about all the unfinished pieces in my life because of regrets or risks I feared.

What needs your attention: This 20 line couplet works very well to discuss regrets. There is one word that took me out of the cadence of your poem, cenotaph.I had no idea what it was and how you apply it in other stories.

What part I liked best: Buried below, the unborn, for which you wept is a powerful image and invited the reader to consider the poem longer. Is the author talking about a child or is the subject matter about something the author didn't follow thru and its haunting.

Overall impression: The Couplets and
the cadence deliver a nicely told story about the stre=ss of analyzing one's life the way it really is.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Write on
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Review of ModSearch  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Leger

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: ModSearch

First Impression: Interesting play on words with the title and the actual content inside the word find. The words chosen for the puzzle say a lot about the subject. Hopefully, all are supportive and encouraging.

What needs your attention: The puzzle was well done and the reader enjoyed indulging herself as she completed the puzzle.

What part I liked best: I thought of the different moderators I know and was pleased with the adjectives that the selected to describe a moderator. As a child I did a lot of word finds with my grandmother. I still love doing them but it's not special like it was a child. Gram made it fun with M'M's and a glass of homemade lemonade. She was wheel chair bound so doings things with h

Overall impression: This is the first word find I've discoverd until writing.com. It was a treat to find this. Nicely done.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Going to see whatever other fun things you have to.
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Review of Eventually  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Sophy

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Eventually,

First Impression: I'm sorry, I should have glanced at the whole collection of poems before commenting in my review about hoping all was well with your dad. Eventually, is a difficult word when someone says it regardless of when because it all indicates a journey not wanted.

What needs your attention: I found the poem interesting with the same opening line in each stanza. It adds to the tension of the poem and helps carry the emotions forward.

What part I liked best: Memories will sustain me. I know it doesn't seem like it at the time when someone says it to someone grieving. I've had it said to me more than once and even said it myself because I was at a loss of what to say next.

Overall impression: The author discussed a difficult grieving experience in a poignant manner that any reader can connect with from their own experiences. Eventually, one reader at a time will feel the same sadness and remember your poem.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Thank you.
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Review of Morning Rain  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Sophy,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Morning Rain

First Impression: This hit home for me because I remembered all too well when the doctor told me I had cancer. There were lots of restless nights and unremembered dreams. You summed it up perfectly life was never the same.

What needs your attention: Not a thing, free streaming works very well discussing a difficult period of time.

What part I liked best: I chuckled when I read sticks and stones stanza, it definitely was an idiot who's been blessed not to have himself or someone he loves have cancer. Cancer changes everything, the way you look at life is so more intense because you're wondering if this will be the last moment you have. Even after recovery, you notice details so much more because of the experience.

Overall impression: The author invited the reader into a difficult moment in her life as she tried to prepare herself for the difficult days ahead. I hope this review finds you and yours celebrating remission.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I'm a three time cancer survivor. My last chemo was May 2006. I've take tamoxifen, the recommended cancer preventive in hopes that I'll never face it again. So far it's been 9 years.
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Review of Stormy Night  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Sophy

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Stormy Night

First Impression: We're twins Sophy. My husband blissfully sleeps through storms as well while I lie awake like you. I don't know how he does it as I'm sure you've wondered the same thing.

What needs your attention: Free style works very well in this incidence. The poem flows smoothly disclosing a moment in the author's life.

What part I liked best: "The sky opening with a torrent of rain, the sound deafening" That's exactly what happened here last night in New Jersey, we were under a severe thunderstorm watch and the lightning was crazy vivid and the cracks were close and then the sky opened up buckets of rain and he slept through it all. Macavity, my kitten and I watched it all as he slept next to us.

Overall impression: I loved the moment to moment narration it made me feel like I was experiencing the storm with you while hubby slept.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Beautifully crafted imagery and tension throughout. Awesome!
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Review of Birthday Island  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jeff, this is review 4 of WoT spin #60. Yay, I'm on to Sophie and then I can have a sloth moment.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Birthday Island

First Impression: There are parts of this poem I felt were forced and lacked the magical flow that your other end rhymes had.

What needs your attention: It would have been helpful to the reader to have the explanation of the form.
A Rondeau is a French form, 15 lines long, consisting of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet with a rhyme scheme as follows: aabba aabR aabbaR. Lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the same metrical length).
I looked up the form so I could read the poem and the form at the same time.\More and corps and trip and gyp I found awkward and didn't flow as smoothly as they could have.


What part I liked best: I chuckled in the second stanza about God handing him an eternal pink slip. That was an unexpected touch which added humor.

Overall impression: The pome in this maanner encourages conversation without feeling preachy.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Sleep for the weary...not til after the games
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Review of Virtue  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jeff, this is review 3 of 4 from my spin on WoT #60

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Virtue

First Impression: This was a mirror image of the companion piece Sin. Visually, it was interesting to see.

What needs your attention: Nothing the free verse done with quatrains with end rhyme works very well.

What part I liked best: Patience leap out me, I can appreciate the desire for some to add tact into the situation. All of the virtues are important and should be a norm but unfortunately are not a norm. It takes a lot of patience some days for me and tact is something I need more.

Overall impression: Visually and verbally appealing free form poetry wasn't a norm. I'm glad that poets are pushing the bar and raising awareness about spiritual topics in other ways beyond the bible which is quite tedious to read. This would be well served in a Sunday school setting with middle school age children to learn about spiritual topics but also to expand their spiritual knowledge,

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I think you've got free verse down. I can't wait to see what
else I discover.
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Review of Sin  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jeff, this is review 2 for WoT spin #60

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Sin

First Impression: INteresting subject choice for one's first free form. The poem flowed well and the end rhymes didn't feel forced.

What needs your attention: Seven sins discussed in seven quatrains in a free form which gives the author a lot of flexibility. I don't recommend changing a thing.

What part I liked best: Each quatrain addressed a different sin and the author's writing addressed the sin within the confines of a poem without making it feel forced at all. Nice cadence! My favorite was pride, yes vanity does affect some people's sanity and does seem to have a sharp sting warranted.

Overall impression: Nicely done, it wasn't preachy. It came across as very matter of fact and one can choose to ponder the sins or move on to the next piece that the author indicates is the second part of this poem

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? I think after the games I'm going to commit the sin of sloth for at least a month.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Jeff, this is review 1 of 4 for spin #60 on WoT.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Times Tey Are A-Changin

First Impression: I've known quite a few soldiers after they've returned home so this story resonates hugely with me. The author discussed the difficult adjustment to civilian life.

What needs your attention: The punctuation and grammar are in order. The story flows smoothly from beginning to end.

What part I liked best: I thought the two interviews was dead on how many men feel when they return home unskilled in the civilian world and wanting to have a job but also dreading having a dead end job yet they can't refuse a job when they have family depending on them. The burdens they carry are more than anyone should.
I loved the ending with the family watching the fireworks and the peacefulness he briefly found with his family.

Overall impression: This was an excellent portrayal of how life is in the armed forces and what it's like to come home being a civilian.
My son is a Master Chief in the Navy. I am relieved that when he leaves the military the skills he has are useable in the civilian world. He's an underwater welder.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? A poignant story about a soldier returning to a different world than when he left. Very nicely done.
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Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Joy, yay review # 4 and I only Jeff left to do. Phew, spin # 60 was time consuming especially with my head spiraling.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Deep-Writing or Moral Argument.

First Impression: Of HUman Bondage and The Sound and the Fury are both books I've read and enjoyed so this piece actually made sense to me. I'm learning the importance of character development so these flaws and weakness are easier to use and never have every characteristic match there have to be some conflicting traits that surprise the reader when the true desire become apparent.

What needs your attention: Nothing the grammar and punctuation rock.

What part I liked best: The explanations and examples worked very well and I think regardless of where you are as a writer this information will be helpful.

Overall impression: The author is very knowledgeable about writing and shares her knowledge with all on WDC. Which is very helpful to writers like me who are expanding their tools. Great advice, Joy.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Would you mind if I printed these documents to refer to when I'm not online. I always ask because some authors are okay but some are not.
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273
273
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Joy, this is review 3 of WoT spin #60

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Epiphany or the Truth Grasped

First Impression: There is a lot to be said for coming across preachy or going to easy on character. Vic just nailed me on that with a story I wrote in Black and White about being preachy and not giving my protagonist any conflicts. After reading this, it makes sense what he was trying to explain to me. Though his explanation left a lot out too.

What needs your attention: Nothing the punctuation and grammar are in order. :)

What part I liked best: I wasn't familiar with Joyce's quote but as I read this for the second time it really says a lot about important light bulb over the head moment is in a story. I've read lots of books with those a ha moments but never looked at in this way. It comes down to what the protagonist learned a long the way that was different from the initial story and how they use that info. Cool.


Overall impression: Great information for any level writer,because everyone needs reminders on how to use their tool set.
I love Seamus Heaney's poem about his father. That to me is his epiphany moment when he realizes his father will not go away.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Thank you for putting such great info in your port.
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
274
274
Review of Pre-writing  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Joy, yup I am still reviewing for the crazy wheel spin #60 on WoT.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Pre-writing

First Impression: There's a lot of information here and some really good ideas Joy. I can tell I need to spend more time in your port after the games because I'm learning more than I am in the class I paid to take. I journal every day with my trusty pencil and paper. And yes I have lots of interesting things in there but obviously, I could be putting a lot more.

What needs your attention: Nothing, the punctuation and grammar are in order. The information is presented in an orderly fashion.

What part I liked best: What got my brain thinking was the body journal, I never thought about recording that information. What a great resource to have on hand if I'm trying to have my character having a back ache for instance, I could look at my own journal and details to work with for insight.

Overall impression: Dangnabit, I really wished I lived near you I'd be picking your brain every day when I get brain cramped. Especially, this year since I'm going to give NaNoMo my first try. I feel like I'm jumping off a cliff and maybe the parachute will open. So with that said, I'm going to spend a lot more time reading and getting myself prepped with lots of good information.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Joy rocks!
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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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275
Review of Miguel's Duty  
Review by Lyn's a Wit...
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Robert,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Miguel's Duty

First Impression: The emotional turmoil Miguel felt was powerful and heartwrenching to this reader. My son is in the Navy, I pray he never has to be in a situation where he imagines his child's face during a military coo. As I read, I was scared Miguel was going to die saving the President's life, a man he didn't respect. I can relate to not respecting the President, I don't respect the one we have. I'm not alone, our country has become the laughing stock of the world.

What needs your attention: The punctuation and grammar look in order. The story flows smoothly and makes the reader want more.

What part I liked best: Miguel imagining his daughter without his presence made the whole story real for me. It allowed the reader to step into a military situation and see what that life is really like. The hardships and choices they make are difficult for a typical civilian to understand without having the opportunity to glimpse inside their world.

Overall impression: I enjoyed the imagery and tension of the story. Thank you for not ending Miguel's life, I didn't want him to die. I was kind of hoping the President would but more so because of our own leadership.

Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


What does the Fox say????? Impressive writing Robert, I'm never disappointed when I visit. I'm glad Lorraine directed us to this story since I had already review her first choice of Winter in Palm Springs It was a win situation for me.
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