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Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Clown,

My name is Lyn.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes

Can it be read out loud? Yes, but it doesn't flow smoothly off the readers tongue, some of the words stumble.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, but there are excess words that can be eliminated to help the pacing or cadence.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. The author set the scene and the conflict and conclusion effectively.

How did your piece make me feel? It has potential but needs some tightening up and stronger verbs to help provoke emotions in this reader. What I've learned thus far when writing poetry that it's important to have strong verbs and to not use: the, will, and, I, you, they slow the cadence down. Minimize the words to get your point across in a sharp crisp fashion.

What was my favorite part? The stanza about the tattered books, I wish you had elaborated more on that because it eludes to the time when gods were the guardians of history but I understand that wasn't the focus of the poem.

What would I change?

There's a dilemma reaching us all
a feeling foreshadows the fall
felt but forgotten over time

broken wings and shattered dreams
stories lost, forever unseen
as the world marches forward

march to the beat of the drum
as the tattered heart slips from
the open page of yesterdays news

can you feel the thumping earth
a reminder we're not the first
to see the angel's wings fold

no protector or guardian left
or people to feel bereft
nobody cares what's right or wrong


Was it well thought out and well written? The author chose a concept that most people can connect with. It just needed a bit of tweaking. I hope you find my suggestions helpful. Thank you for asking me to review your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
227
227
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

HiLollycrow

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me


First Impression: Take no prisoners approach, awesome. I'm guilty of being blunt and I see you are as well. If we can't be honest with ourselves than we'll never reach our goals will we?

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation issues. I felt the writing was focused and flow smoothly throughout.

Favorite Parts: When you recommended she pull up her big girl panties and do it. All of us are so worried about others think so much that we set impossible barriers before we begin and end up handicapping our self unnecessarily.

Overall Impression: I thought you gave excellent advice, didn't shirk your responsibility by sugar coating it. I loved your approach, it reminds me of myself. I've had some great conversations with myself over the years. I agree you got this!

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
228
228
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Mesonali,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: What's the Matter with You?


First Impression: Not a dang thing, Mesonali. I enjoyed reading this entry, I chuckled as I read. Thank you.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues but in all honesty I wasn't actively looking because I was enjoying the tone of your letter so much.

Favorite Parts: Clicker, that's an interesting description for a photo bug. I really like that. I may start calling myself that instead of amateur photographer. I agree with your sentiment, pictures are indeed art and if there is a market make the most of it.

Overall Impression: We certainly can be our own worst enemies can't we. We immediately tell ourselves we can't or we're not and put ourselves behind a protective barrier instead of taking the chance. No truly isn't going to physically harm us. I'm happy for you, click on woman! You got this and good luck with your dear me entry. I found it very refreshing.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
229
229
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Jennifer

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me,


First Impression: I'm sorry for your loss. Grieving is not easy on anyone,hon. I agree with making those memories with your own babies, everything will eventually fall into place.

What needs your attention: I didn't see anything that distracted me as I read.

Favorite Parts: You're a crafter like me. I love doing things with my hands too! I can't be at the computer all the time, my mind shuts down. Yet, when I'm crocheting... I sing, listen to music or audio books. That's one way you could increase your reading of the great books out there.

I chuckled about the sleeping and wasting valuable time. I'm always on my hubby's case for that. He sleeps way too much.

Overall Impression: I agree with your muse's assessment about spreading too thin. We're all guilty of that. If I may Jennifer, choose what gives you the most joy, find a way to include your children in that activity and make the most of those moments for they will become precious memories.

I wondered what happened to you in 30 day, now I understand. I's challenging juggling writing when there are lots of other fun things going on. You'll find the balance needed.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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230
Review of Dear Me 2019  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Chris

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me 2019


First Impression: You've laid out your goals and intentions for the year.

What needs your attention: I realize this is a letter to yourself but there a lot of redundancies that could easily be edited to make your points stronger. I felt like it was a sermon more than focusing on your goals.

Favorite Parts: Fasting is interesting. It actually has a lot of health benefits. I fast everyday for 16 hours and only consume food and beverages during an 8 hour window every day. I've lost 55 lbs thus far.

Overall Impression: Keep on doing whatever gives you peace and hopefully everything will fall in place for you.



Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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231
Review of Dear Me 2019  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Charity,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me 2019


First Impression: Wow, I have a good friend and her husband that did exactly what you're planning. They sold their home and moved into an rv initally traveling all of Europe. They sold that rv and moved back to the states and purchased another rv. They're now traveling throughout the 49 states. It's takes an amazing amount of discipline to live a minimalist life. So I can't imagine doing it with children, that's huge Charity but you know your situation better than me.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation errors. I felt the paragraphs flowed smoothly.

Favorite Parts: I think it will be an exciting adventure too! I hope you find the resources to make your dream come true.
Four books is quite the accomplishment. I suggest contacting different hospitals and treatment centers and find out what resources are available for schizophrenia patients you might be able to promote a speaking opportunity.

Overall Impression: It looks like you've laid out an effective game plan and the only factor in your way appears to be the six month deadline. But with perseverance anything is possible. I wish you and yours success.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
232
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Review of Dear Bob 2019  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Bob, how's it going?

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Bob, 2019


First Impression: I chuckled as I read the poem and then your inner voice telling you to avoid poetry, it doesn't pay the bills.

What needs your attention: The poem flowed smoothly and covered all the points of the contest.

Favorite Parts: It was interesting to discover you have a novel in hiding with redundant scenes obviously you want removed before you turn it loose for review. Now, you've got my curiosity peeked. Come on show and tell time.

Overall Impression: It's always a pleasure to read your work so I'm not sure why you're reluctant to put it out there beyond short stories and poetry. We're our own worse enemies aren't we?

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
233
233
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Mastiff,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me


First Impression: I hope you've recovered. I agree with your inner voice that was risky. As writers our hands and arms are vital to our trade, cherish your tools.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation issues but frankly with all the submissions for the contest I didn't look either.

Favorite Parts: Reading and reviewing does help as much as getting the words on the page although many writers disregard it. We can't grow and learn without looking at our craft in multiple ways. I think your muse nailed it, don't get caught up in ego, do the work.

Overall Impression: I felt the writer had a good grasp of his situation and knows he has his work cut out to be all he wants to be.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
234
234
Review of Dear Me 2019  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Whiskerface

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me


First Impression: I wish I lived across the street from you, I would love some chocolate chip cookies. Since, I don't do me a favor, make the cookies and take them over. Everyone loves surprises.

What needs your attention: I wondered why you chose to only use half the page instead of maximizing the page. I didn't look for grammar or punctuation issues just focused on the topics addressed.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the routine conversation and wholeheartedly agree about using one's time in a valuable manner. As humans we do tend to waste time on nonsense crap instead of doing things that are healthy and helpful.

Overall Impression: I felt the writer had a good grasp of the situation and was bluntly honest with himself. Sometimes that's the hardest part of doing dear me is looking at our weaknesses and strengths without our rose-colored glasses. Good luck Whiskerface and ps. don't forget the thank you note for the fudge.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
235
235
Review of Dear Me 2019  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi ErinLynn

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me


First Impression: I was also a later in life college student. It does have a different feel than when we were young. I agree it's challenging but as older adults we appreciate each accomplishment so much more. You're so right about maintaining balance, there's no hurry.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation errors but frankly I wasn't looking either. I focused on the content.

Favorite Parts: Focusing on academics is important but not at the expense of living in the moment. I laughed when you reminded yourself to travel. On my winter break back in 2006, I went to Jamaica, it was just what I needed after a particularly difficult fall semester. Take your muses advice, you'll thank her later.

Overall Impression: Good luck with all of your course credits. Hopefully, you'll find the balance you addressed in your list.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
236
236
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Scarlett

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me


First Impression: It's good to research publishers and what they accept. It's great that you chosen one but did you take it one step further to see what other publishers want in the submission process, how many chapters, a query letter,synopsis, or a cover page, online or snail mail. There's a lot involved and each publisher tends to want different approaches. Oh yeah, some will only take submissions from agents and not directly from author. You can't put all your hard work in one place. Keep track of where you've submitted, allow a reasonable response time and do it again.

What needs your attention: The letter would have been easier to read if it had been either double spaced or larger font. I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors but I didn't spend a lot of time looking I was more focused on the content.

Favorite Parts: It's so true like you many writers have multiple attempts at a bunch of stories but never take it to the next level but your muse feels competent that you will. Let's not disappoint her. One is ready for submission, what about the next?

Overall Impression: Waiting ten years to set a game plan is a long time, tell that muse to up her game plan life's too short to waste a moment.


ize:4}Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
237
237
Review of Dear Me, 2019  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi SciFiPlus

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me, 2019


First Impression: It had the feel of a student resenting the assignment at hand. I highly recommend in person writing groups. I belong to one in Philadelphia and it's been invaluable. We read for 5-10 minutes, typically 5 pages and then the group critiques what we've shared.

What needs your attention: There are many redundancies and over used words that should be edited and removed. I suggest getting familiar with the most over used words before you submit anything. Like the word also, which you've used too many times.

Favorite Parts: I thought the code names were interesting but it would have been great for the reader if the author had elaborated a bit on why they matter and what purpose they serve.

Overall Impression: It has potential but needs serious editing.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
238
238
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Ruth E

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me


First Impression: Wow, 365 pieces of work submitted is no easy feat. That's a lot of pressure for any writer to live up.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors but there are spelling errors. Finish does not have a t at the end.

Favorite Parts: You've made it to day 29, that's a pretty good start. I wish you lots of luck in reaching your goal

Overall Impression: This muse isn't taking any prisoners, she's making this writer accountable for every single day. I can't help but wonder did she allow for any recreational time because that's equally important. Balance is the key to success in all aspects of life.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
239
239
Review of Dear Me  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Fyn

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me


First Impression: First, I want to extend my sympathies for your losses. Second, I want to encourage you to take good care of yourself at our age we just don't bounce back like we did when we were knee high to a grasshopper.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation errors but in all honesty I was more interested in the content.

Favorite Parts: There's a lot to be said for being a die hard fixer. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels that's their role in life. Write their stories, make them forever immortalized in print because it's the greatest way to stay in touch.

Overall Impression: I think your muse has a good grasp of the situation, now you just need to cooperate and let all the pieces fall in place. Remember balance is the key to success.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Dear Me - 2019  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Jace,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Dear Me contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dear Me


First Impression: Wow, ten years of writing Dear Me. That in itself is probably a WDC record.

What needs your attention: The only thing I noticed was ---"You been on WDC when it should be you've been on WDC. Frankly I was more interested in the content as I got to know a bit more about you. I know I was very impressed with your reviewing skills and your writing.

Favorite Parts: I agree with your muse about increasing your reviews and writing. It definitely will give you joy like you once had on WDC.

Overall Impression: The letter was very well articulated and hopefully covered all the bases for helping Jace get back on track. I know from a reader's standpoint I enjoyed getting a glimpse of Jace.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
241
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Review of Sands of Eternity  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Graham

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for WDC Rhythms and Writing contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Sands of Eternity,


First Impression: I found the story refreshing and engaging from beginning to end.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed reading about Zigo and Kaye's relationship while on her mission. The tale was engaging from beginning to end. Good job! The dragon did everything it could to help its mistress. I was glad she released him from his bonds before she continued to where the stars refused to shine. I hope she does follow Syrina.

Overall Impression: I found the story delightful and I could easily see it as a children's book with delightful illustrations of Zigo and Kaye seeking her goal. It would only need a couple of tweaks where you mention making love for it to delight 8- 12 year olds.

Thank you, Graham for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
242
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Review of Mexico Bound  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Pure Sci Fi Plus

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for WDC Rhythms and Writing contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Mexico Bound


First Impression: Victoria was an interesting character in a difficult to follow story. You have an interesting story that needs a second pass editing and clearing up some plot points.

What needs your attention: Then she puts it down on the passenger seat before she picked up the vanilla folder. It should be placed or set it down,. This story needs to read out loud so you can hear where you have changed tenses and point of views. It was difficult to tell when the narrator and Victoria was speaking.
In the situation when she whipped out her PI id and inquired about Emma Lou from the clerk, I found that unbelievable because most clerks aren't going to disclose guests where abouts because they would fear losing their job.

Favorite Parts: When Victoria finally found them and was waiting in the hotel room. I looked up django. Django is a free and open-source web framework, written in Python, which follows the model-view-template architectural pattern. So I became curious why a software item was so vital to her but then the ending showed it was all about Emma Lou.

Overall Impression: Victoria's story was about a determined character focused on her goal. I hope you consider tweaking her story so she reaches her full potential.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
243
243
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Robert

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for WDC Rhythms and Writing contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Gold Prospecting for Dummies


First Impression: The title caught my attention but then when I saw Daphne needs to snag a wealthy husband I wondered where you were going to take us. Is it going comedic or dark?

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the persistence of Ms. Dian interview of Daphne. We got to see her character, motive and downfall. Daphne failed gold digging 101, know your target and if you're going to use terms of endearment in another language be sure what they are.

Overall Impression: I found the story amusing and was pleased that Daphne failed again. I've known women like her and they've always turned my stomach.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
244
244
Review of Trapped in Time  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi RHN

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for WDC Rhythms and Writing contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Trapped in Time


First Impression: What an interesting deja vu twist you created. Some days actually feel like that in my world.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors.

Favorite Parts: I felt sorry for Keith and Lara. It's heart breaking losing the one you love but to do it multiple times. I chuckled when it became clear that Keith learned how to manipulate time so he could be with Lara much to Katherine's and Steve's frustration because he refused to return. They couldn't be to mad at him because he did provide information they needed.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed reading about Keith in his Alzheimer twilight zone because he was spending time with his Lara. It was amusing how he materialized in the room before Katherine and Steve seemingly coherent , has a conversation and drifts away. It'so much like being with an actual Alzheimer patient. My father-in-law had the disease and he lived for 7 years disappearing in and out of his own world. It's a horrible disease to face, when all your memories are stolen.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
245
245
Review of A Matter of Faith  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Ken,

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for WDC Rhythms and Writing contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: A Matter of Faith


First Impression: I enjoyed the witty frankness of the piece. I could easily see your hero questioning his faith.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors. I appreciated the spacing very much. This growing old ain't what it was cracked up to be. I want a do over, the golden years are based on lies.

Favorite Parts: Like Ted, I want proof so his reasoning made sense to me too. I would loved to have been a mouse watching discreetly as Ted appeared before the group of men. That could have gone all wrong. I didn't see the twist coming of him wanting to save Jesus, that was cool.

Overall Impression: The writing was refreshing and direct moving in a good steady pace to the conclusion.

Thank you, Ken, for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
246
246
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Review number # 2 week ending:
Yellow rose


Hi Theresa

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and for your win in 4 Seasons Auction. Review 2 of 3

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: All Hallows Eve


First Impression: My favorite time of year, I was married on Halloween so the title drew me in to see what mischief was inspired b Stormy's poetry contest. Good job on using the required words and winning first place.

What needs your attention: The only line that took me out of the scene was this one and it was because of the repetitive use of moon. And the moon was a bright full harvest moon. This is a simple fix, I suggest trying this.

It was the night of the All Hallows Eve Ball.
And what a bewitching full harvest moon it was
For all the creatures of the universe to come out.

Favorite Parts: I loved their names Zelda and Zombie Elvis. I loved the imagery of a zombie bobbing for apples. What a perfect ending first place and a kiss.

Overall Impression: A delightful poem about all Hallow's Eve. It was a fun read.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
247
247
Review of "The Daffodil..."  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review number # 1 week ending: 4/25/2018
Yellow rose


Hi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive and for your win in the 4 Seasons Auction. Review 1 of 3

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Daffodil


First Impression: I saw the title and wondered how you tied it into becoming a yellow case.

What needs your attention: I noted the tribute to the daffodil but didn't see the connection to the yellow case other than they both are yellow. I also saw you used the word new on four lines in a row and on two other lines. I suggest checking out synonyms so there are words meaning the same thing without the repetitiveness of the word new.

Favorite Parts: The daffodil is a vibrant flower after the bleakness of winter indeed. Yellow is a cheerful color and does tend to brighten one's day as you noted.

Overall Impression: This is a good beginning to a poem but could use some tweaking with the repetitive use of new.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
248
248
Review of " A GLIMPSE"  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Review number # 1 week ending:2/28
Yellow rose


Hi Netty

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: A Glimpse


First Impression: Welcome to WDC. The thought of such place existing is very appealing.

What needs your attention: The first two lines took me out of the imagery because of the redundancy of Glimpse of God's Glory almost underneath each other in the lines. The repetitiousness doesn't add to what the narrator is saying it actually detracts. It could easily be said differently while still planting the same imagery. Like for instance catch a glimpse of God's Glory, the splendor is sacred in heaven.

Favorite Parts: Colors we can't behold in this eartly realm attracted to me because of my love of gardening and I briefly imagined all my beautiful flowers more spectacular than they are here.

Overall Impression: Your poem has potential in this writer's opinion it just needs bit of tweaking for the thoughts to flow smoother on the page.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
249
249
Review of Rainbow Sparklers  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Review number # 7 week ending: 2/21/18
Yellow rose


Hi Neva

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Rainbow Sparklers


First Impression: They sound beautiful. I've always loved watching fireflies in a meadow. Did you collect them as a child and put them in a jar to have in your room? We could only keep them overnight as a child because my grandparents made us release them every morning so they didn't die. I did the same thing with my own children.

What needs your attention: This sentence doesn't flow smoothly. It feels like you've left words out. However, when the swarm is attack each individual member takes on a random blinking pattern.

Favorite Parts: I love that they are pollinators and attracted to bright colors and magic spells. Bees need all the help they can get. Teamwork makes for a better environment for sure.

Overall Impression: Interesting creature that has vey few predators but adds potential beauty for us to enjoy. Hopefully, mankind will not interfere in its existence as we have so many other creatures.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
250
250
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Review number # 2 week ending: 2/18/18
Yellow rose


Hi Michael

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review for Simply Positive.

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Nova Starr in London part 1


First Impression: Obviously, I've flown the wrong airlines. Nova certainly had a good time.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors as I read. I believe double spacing would make this easier reading.

Favorite Parts: I can't decide if I enjoyed being a voyeur in the cockpit knowing the air marshal was right outside the door or having a bit of girl to girl pleasure. Both were interesting to read.

Overall Impression: It was enjoyable to have background on Nova and her thinking before we took the journey with the sexual escapades. Nicely done.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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