Hi, Graham B.

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The story is good and I can say that it is a story that is full of suspense and mystery.
You did well in introducing your character’s personalities through the way they talk and their action.
Each scene is simple but it is needed in the story, they were arranged properly and it flows smoothly. The language there was used is just fine, but there are a few that were filtered by using some words in where it blocks the reader’s understanding.
Other than that, I can say that it is a good story.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have a few doubts for you to consider, I colored it red and my suggestion will be the color green.
“Everybody who was around back when Bush ’41 was still in office knows it!”
“Everybody who was around back when Bush ’41 was still in the office knows it!”


“I saw Wilhelm! But he was at the shed over there, and the light was on inside.
“I saw Wilhelm! But he was at the shed over there, and the light was on the inside.

“Daphne’s sounding off again, eh? I’ll put it rest right now
“Daphne’s sounding off again, eh? I’ll put it to rest right now

“Is there something else you want fixed?
“Is there something else you want to be fixed?

Other than that, I have no doubt arises. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, THANKFUL SONALI Now What?

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The way how the story is created is beautiful, it's a combination of prose and dramatic style. You did well in holding the emotion that was created.
I like how the story started, you did a good technique in hooking me-the reader, by giving a scene that intrigues me, and the involvement of the prompt of the contest. It blended fully into the whole story.
The way how you introduced your characters is meaningful also, especially the main and the other characters that support it. You did well, cause the way how you present their personality is not in an obvious manner, but articulate.
It is also mysterious when they go with grandma to the attic and explain the deep meaning of the crayons and other artists' tools.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

I have a few doubts for you-
I highlighted it with red and green color is my suggestion.

because the crayons themselves sense that one of their number is no longer whole,
because the crayons themselves sense that one of their numbers is no longer whole,

The feasting done, the presents were opened and Grandma
The feasting is done, the presents were opened and Grandma


And I wonder what's the girl name, I haven't seen it in the story.

Other than the stated above, I don't have any doubts arise. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while staying in WRITING!

Hi, PureSciFiPlus

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review of your entry.
Thanks for entering the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspectives also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

This story talks about how our hobby is important to us, and sometimes we choose to do it first or do it with as our routine every day.
It has a simple scene and has few characters. You did well in stuffing the character's element in where it encourages the emotions that reflects in the story.

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:
My only doubt is the appeal is in a moderate manner,
you might like to add some twist or anything that surprises or left your reader me with an awe feeling.
Other than that, I have no doubts already. Good luck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while staying in WRITING!

Hi, Sumojo

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Journey Through Genres: Official Contest  (E) Write a short story in the given genre to win big prizes! #1803133 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others' perspective also. Take it if you like and drop it if you don't like it.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
The Story is good and it flows smoothly.
I like the author's idea about obsession to a collection that was linked in the given prompt of the contest. The way the author introduced the character of the story is something brief, it is good that the author shows it through the likes and characteristics of the character of the story.
I also like the ending part. it shows a surprise, not expecting it to be its end.


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

There are some words for you to check out that left me in doubt upon reading the story.
I marked it red and color green is my suggestion.

neither would she partake of the brew in anything
you might mean 'nor

The young couple married and set up a home in the Derbyshire countryside,
adding an a emphasize more.

Albert, by this time, had realised he had been a minor player in his wife’s story and left the marital home and Edith with her obsession.
= realized

Seriously though, do you think we should we be doing something?” Anne asked her brother.
Seriously though, do you think we should be doing something?” Anne asked her brother.

Other than that I've stated, I have no more issues arise. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while staying in WRITING!

Hi, PureSciFi

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others perspective also. Take it if you like and drop if you don't like.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The given title is interesting, it gives a double thought, time that already passed and time who are flies, I already understood the title after reading the body. It's not very clear to me but I think about a disease or sickness that related to time. I liked the smooth flow of the story, you did well in holding the emotion that first introduced on the first part until it reach on the ending part.
Words used also creates a good imagery,I also like the given names of the main characters, they are different and link to the story. I think about how it links to the given prompt of the contest, I only realized it maybe their destiny and how they create their destiny. Well Done!


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, Sumojo

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others perspective also. Take it if you like and drop if you don't like.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

This is a great story about coming home and family. It's always have the good feeling when we are coming home.Indeed no place like home. The flow of the story is smooth and natural, every scene has its part and gives an important in the story.
The way how you introduced your characters are good and in a natural manner not forceful or obvious, by making them a part-their personality in every scene.
It is also link in the given prompt of the contest because this talks about destiny and our choice.
It is also reflect a good imagery and enhance a good emotions in every scene. All in all the story is good. Good luck!

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!