I like your atitude! i have to say you rock! Your poems are so honest and true, and shares a good life on what it is really like to be a teenage in society nowadays, as many of the teen books make out that it is this kinda perfect thing, and that we all live in a happy little world with no problems, which is unfair. parents are all like, what's your problem, you have a great life, you can do whatever you want, no one's telling you not to do anything but if only if they knew what really went inside of our heads. I bottle things up inside of me so much.
Great poem! Can't wait to read more of your stuff.
Take care
*Sky*
I really like this. It written well and has a good plot. Just goes to show what a difference a day makes eh? Good abrupt ending, in the right tone. I liked how they had connected so easily though they had only ever talked online.
Good job and keep writing.
*Sky*
I agree with the whole labelling thing. If someone lablels you as whatever, they think they automatically know all about you. I think it's unfair. Labels are for soup cans. People don't get it that they don't need to catergorise themselves to find people that care about them.
A couple of years back, i wanted to fit in so bad. I wanted to find acceptance and be one of those poeple with a million friends. Looking back now, i have no idea what i was thinking. I don't fit in any group, i don't fit in anywhere for that matter, but i do have people that love me for who i am, and i think that is the most important thing, and people shouldn't judge each other. That's my views!
I really like your piece, and your opinion comes across strong. The language is good, and is easy to understand. Maybe you could expand on this and make it into a longer article as i am sure that you have a lot more to say on the matter!
Good writing.
Reply
*Sky*
I cannot express how true i found this poem, and how important i consider it to be. I feel that without hope, we cannot live.
I love the views that come across in your poem, and i also like the way that you come to putting them down on paper. I like how you keep the title persistant through the poem.
I think that if everyone had this view...the world would be a better place. This is PERFECT
*Sky*
This is honestly one of the best short stories that i have read in a long long time.
This is a really sweet story, and i liked the twist at the end. It was built up well and definately unprdictable. You have an original voice which comes through in your story, and i enjoyed how it was written. One suggestion i have is, that maybe you could miss out the last sentence, and put that as the story description, because i think it would become a stronger piece. But iot's up to you, and by no means do you have to follow my suggestion!
But your story is fantastic. The spelling was precise, and i thoroughly enjoyed reading it!
Thanks for sharing.
Peace
*Sky*
Awwww, what a sweet poem!!! I ama mazed at how mnay different types of poems there are! This certainly works.
The spelling is accurate again and i love the image that this poem sends. I think this is very cleverly thought of and written and i throroughly enjoyed reading it.
My apologies that i cannot help at all, but in my opinion this poem is perfect. You have such an amazing talent for poetry.
All the best and take care
*Sky*
I really enjoyed reading this. It just goes to show how many people underestimate each other.
The langauge used it god and precise, and flows well. I especially like the character of the man, and how you have described litte things that build up the readers knowlegde.
Good job, keep writing.
*Sky*
Thanks for entering my contest!
This is excellent and i liked how everything related to smoking. You weaved this poem very cleverly, and it is just the right length. I like the ending, and i am glad that things are okay and that he is an ex-boyfriend now! By the way, i LOVE these two words;
Menthol Muzzle
Lol! it's fab!
Good job!
Take Care
*Sky*
This is good, but needs a bit more work. The title needs to be changed to "You" the quality of the writing is great and i can see that you have great talent for poetry.
The Boring Bits
I think that the start of every line should be capitalized, and maybe the last line should be changed to You Are, so it flows with the rest of the piece. Whatever you decide, it's up to you! This is great! Thanks for sharing!
*Sky*
This is a really imaginative and thoughtful piece. I now know quite a bit about you, like what you value, and that is good. I like how you would spend you last 90 minutes of life.
There are a few typos, that you will find if you read it aloud, but other than that, it's brill. You've created the tension perfectly.
Hope to see you around writing.com
all the best
*Sky*
Hi!
I really enjoyed reading your poem, and your words moved me! i think this is a strong reminiscent of your childhood.
The language you used flowed nicely and accurately expressed how you felt about being young.
The rhyming was good, and i liked the non-rhyming couplet every third verse. Very clever! a great poem!
Keep Writing!
Take Care
*Sky*
I would never have known had you not tell me that you had to use certain words for this. Often, when someone tell you, you have to yuse this word, that word, and this word, most people just ramble on about random things, but this makes sense, and is a fab poem! again!
Does your talent end?!
*Sky*
This is really really good. I think if you were God for one way the world would be a perfect place, and that would be a miracle!
I like how you care about everything, no matter how big or small, which is how everyone should be.
I'm having heaps of fun looking at your port!
This is a perfect interpretation of friendship. I especially love the last verse, and i like the fact that "A friendship cannot be undone" This is (yet) another fantastic poem! I can see you've got bundles (i love that word!) of talent, and you'll go far.
*Sky*
Awwwww, this is really really sweet. I think the title is perfect. I have one suggestion, and that is to capatalise, the "dear daddy" at the start, as you are talking about how much your Dad means to you, and that would only make sense. Things will get better.
A great sentimental poem.
Awwww i really love this! I can see it in my head! i love the ending! it's great! Good rhyming, everything flows, and you've chosed the right words to really set the mood!
I'm enjoying looking through your port, can't wait to read some more
*Sky Rainbowfairy*
I love this poem. The way you really get the message across clearly is fantastic, and i can really relate to what you are writing about.
As for the structure, i really love how the verses really relate and connect to the last well, as you take little bits from one and put it in the next.
I really liked reading this poem, and i am glad that you have this atitude as many people let other people walk all over them like door mats, and well done for sticking up for yourself!
You go!
All the best
*Sky*
I don't seem to be able to get to know characters that well, as they all seem to turn into me in the end cause i make them like me s i thought it would be easier, but i am now learning to make them completely different and i am eventually getting to know them
If people are asking you if your characters are real, that is good, as you obviously make them very believable. Also, these people need to get a good imagination. But take it as a compliment.
Have fun on writing.com
All the best
*Sky*
This is again a really good piece. I now appreciate how good it is that my parents support me through my writing. I tink you definately have that nack of writing back! It is very uncliched and gives me a great insight into who you are.
Another fab piece!Keep writing, and it will be exactly like old times when you can't keep up with putting words on the page!
All the best
*Sky*
lol! great! I can totally relate to you on this one!
I like how you are having a conversation with yourself! i can really see the scene in my head.
I know what you mean with ideas, they're there one minute, then gone the next! it is so annoying! The thing is with me, i struggle to think of endings! But they eventually come to me, but then i forget!
Anyway, back to your piece. An outstanding piece of writing; it is fluent and easy to read. The only thing i would say is seperate the title, because that can be a little off putting to the reader, but other than that, perfect!
All the best
*Sky*
very good expanation of statistics, and i have learnt many things that i didn't know five minutes ago, that i will be checking out right now!
Thanks for explaining statistics, because it used to be completely confusing to me, and now, well, it isn't!
Thanks again
*Sky*
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