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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fiery_astrid
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3 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Astrid
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good introduction, I'm intriued as to what's going to happen next. Though because it is all descriptive it didn't grab me with it's tension and atmosphere, it didn't suck me into a story with characters. Though I suppose that bit is to come. As a prologue it does seem long, perhaps you could not give us this much information this early on and reveal it slowly, hightening the mystery and illusiveness of the Nuro (only a suggestion).
Astrid
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Review by Astrid
Rated: E | (3.5)
Interesting story and interesting concept with the pre-cognition. However I feel you could bring in more emtion and tension into the piece. She is obviously very frightened and anxious about the dream, I want to feel it. Perhaps changing the sentence structure or even putting it in the present tense to make it more immediate. Experiment with atmosphere and things, explore the use of the other senses to bring out the horror of the piece. I almost want to feel compelled to read it, even though it is horrible to read so to speak.
Astrid
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