This is a great poem. The rhyme scheme and theme stays consistent throughout, and the message is heart piercing. This poem sounds like it came from the heart and really makes you think while sounding good to read. 10/10 keep writing. Very impressive. -Gus B.
Good Afternoon Destiny,
As I was looking through your portfolio, I found this piece and thought I would give it a read. I was not expecting such a painful story,especially not from somebody who had been exceptionally cheerful in their review of my pilot creation. I commend your bravery in writing and sharing what must be an incredibly traumatic experience. It is a testament to strength that you were able to publish that, even if it doesn't feel like it. May God grant you the peace that you have been robbed of, and justice clear your conscience. Anger does not weaken speech, it empowers it. Thank you for the read, keep writing and God bless. -Gus B.
I found your piece on the please review page and I decided to check it out and give feedback. I did not regret that decision. Firstly, I found the rhyming and rhythm to be quite good throughout this poem. The detail that is being conveyed in so few words and so smoothly makes your piece a very pleasant read. My only significant area of criticism is the seeming abandonment of the previously used rhyme scheme in the final stanza. Consistent rhyming patterns are always going to make a piece sound better but in the end, it is fairly insignificant here. Well done sir, happy writing.-Gus B
Good Afternoon,
I have read your piece here and struggle too find any coherent plot. Frankly, this seems to me like what my dear uncle would refer to as a "Hornball's fantasy". There seems to be little in the way of story line and reasonable character creation. The highlight of this story, in my opinion, is the descriptive prowess demonstrated throughout. That said, much of the description was wasted as the story jumped around from setting to setting. There is potential for a really good adult story to be written by you, but in my opinion, there needs to be a more even distribution of detail and effort. I hope some of this feedback is helpful in anyway (other than raising blood pressure) and happy writing.
Hello Johnny,
Overall your poem was an interesting piece to read. It covered what I feel is a large array of topics, and bounces between them in a unique style. That said, the poem itself is a little clunky and the rhyme style is inconsistent in some places. Notably in stanza 3 and 4 felt a little unbalanced when I was reading them aloud. Stanza's 5-8 were I believe the strongest part of the poem, the flow improved and word choice felt more intentional.
With regards, Gus B
I love the format of this poem, as well as the message. I also have a soft spot for poems that have good rhyming schemes, and this piece certainly does. I am fasininated by both the word choice and the punctuation. I know that there are some poets who will die by their "Correct" poetry form, but in my opinion this is a great example of what poetry should be. Written well, from the heart, a different image or thought everytime you read. Well done, keep writing!
A truly inspiring tale. An incredible peice that Inspired me to continue in my path of righteousness and glory. This is truly art of the highest form and deserves the utmost praise for its development and release. Thank you so much for this glorious read. Please, Write on
I liked the repetition at the beginning of each stanza, And it really adds depth to the line. The first stanza is very well written with a nice rhyme scheme and good flow. The second stanza also has a nice flow and read to it, however the relevance of the 2-4th lines get brought into question for me personally reading it. The third stanza does a very good job at building the poems message with very few words and very good representation. Overall this was a very pleasant read and an excellent poem to find. Guten abend, und schreiben fortzetsen.
Certainly would be a good song to sing to youth to teach them the ways of god, but there are some verses that cause inconsistencies with the tune. These would then be the responsibility of the reader to fix when singing to keep tempo. For example the first line of Old Macdoanald goes 7 syllables then 5 syllables. Old Macdonald had a farm (7) Eieio(5 when said melodically). Your first line goes (5) (4) (5). the faster you sing the less noticable this issue is but when you are reading this piece it cannot be ignored.
Really good poem, very interesting to read. It was very well written and illustrated with acute detail the pain the writer had when writing the piece. Only on thing I noticed was in the final stanza "Valentine Day" instead of "Valentines Day". If it were trying to show the writers solitude via the singular instead of the plural, I would recommend something a bit more personal. For example "Our Valentines Day" or something of the like. Again very well done, and more of nitpick from me there.
An interesting style of writing poetry but I must say I am missing the overarching message of the poem. Really good usage of sybolism throughout the poem though. The last line sounds kind of out of touch with the rest of the poem but other than that this is a really clever work. Nice job.
cute little story I can not lie about that lie. A little fluffy and duffy as a story. seems more like a skit than anything. (I am also not just padding the character count on this review for the points I need to pay other people to review my stuff. no no. not at all. heres 25 for me lowkey wasting your time with this last bit)
Few grammar problems like for example the sentence: but for the most part I tended to avoid the dance floor like I would walking across an icy lake. I don't really know what you were trying to say there but Overall it was a very good short read. Happy writing.
This is a very good short story, that really grips your emotions at the end. The build up to the reveal made sense and felt real. There were a few small errors in punctuation and capitalization, but overall very good job.
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