This put a smile on my face its written well and very funny. though the story is short and spends too much time describing the characters. some advise if you are going to describe a character so much make to the story longer,but besides that great story
i am a 12 year old boy writing this five days before christmas, and like you i love christmas morning though mine doesnt start at 4 am. it really is impressive how christmas can delight people and bring us good memories, your story is a great example
Wow this is a very long poem too long too fit in a page, i like it though it rhymes and to find so many rhyming words to finish this poem must have been hard and i like reading hard work.its a poem that also tells a story which is a very unique type of poem, good job
Its not bad but I still think it doesnt make much sence then again im 12 so that would explain alot right? still sometimes poems are meant to not make sence still writing a poem about your life is a good idea i will try it some day!
Guess what im 12 too, now to your story its good actually very good, though i like my stories with a happy ending it did have a twist which is a type of writing some people have im not very good at putting twist in stories but am not half bad at writting them. anyway in the part where "two mice (Jacques and Gus) could not carry a key twice their size up a marathon-like flight of stairs. But fortunately for Cinderella right now, this story is different than your original, every day Cinderella. This time there were six mice and they made it up the stairs quite quickly (for mice), if you ask me." after reading it twice or thrice i got it but for some reason or another i dont like that part that much still its good. no other comments
the words used in the story at the very end "Funny how a writer writes her tales and folks often don’t know quite for sure if the stories really happened or not." is totally true though funny may not be the words i would have used many peeople may think it is fantasy, and it may be but i have heard read and even know someone who says they can see auras. anyway I liked the way you started the story as though you really writing it in a paper and hiding it for someone to read years later.
I usually write one bad thing about a story in a review to help the author make the story better but no bad things come to mind when i read this story!
This was really good, i always thought of inmortalitty fasinating, though it would bring many problems to the world this was actually a good story. you are a good writer so please read my story
This a really good idea for advertising your and other peoples work. I myself am new to writing.com community so i dont know exactly what to do. but this seems like agood idea
My english teacher would always say "dont ever put let me tell you the story of...." just like you did but im not saying it as a bad thing. I would like to show this story to my teacher and see what he says. anyway its good but you get sidetracked more than once in the story by adding in things that dont really need to be there, just delete somethings
Short but sweet, im not sure sweet is the right word maybe awesome, yea thats what i meant. like i said in my last review for " Never Was" I like your style of writing poetry it really hooks the reader
Wow this is incredible and i mean it I got goosebumps after reading it. Some people say poems dont have to rhyme, and they are right but rhyming sure helps make it better and your poem is a perfect example of what I mean
One question, well actually two, first are you Katie, and if you are is this story real? I dont want to get to describing the story if it is but i will tell you this, real or not you are an incredible writer, and have a way of dragging the reader into the story. thankyou for your time
That looks totally fake, its awful, its ovious you drew that in the computer then attached it to a picture of train tracks, you might think im a party pooper but i hate it when people try to trick me especially when they are bad at it and i can notice it right away, if this was suppose to me a joke of some sort then im sorry.
Wow this was really good filled with great details there are no other words to describe it. it was filled with incredible moments that forced me to keep reading I was really impressed, I hope I can read all your other stories if they are as good as this one then they will surely be worth it .
Please read my story the son of lightning
-hojalata 98 just stating the facts
This was really... i dont know how to describe this if it is true im deeply sorry, if its fiction then i congratulate you for the perfect way of expressing your feelings,how you were able to but the reader into the story. im impressed
please read and review my story,... The Son of Lightning
Wow this was really good there are no other words to describe it. it was filled with incredible moments that forced me to keep reading I was really impressed there are no other words I can use to describe it
Please read my story the son of lightning
-hojalata 98 just stating the facts
Wow this was really good there are no other words to describe it. it was filled with incredible moments that forced me to keep reading I was really impressed there are no other words I can use to describe it
Please read my story the son of lightning
-hojalata 98 just stating the facts
Scared? No Silly! is great It really was funny to read and is going to be a story i will remember and read again, and show it to my friends, just one thing too long, but then again that might be me being lazy!
A really good story which takes you into a world in the past for some reason or another i could relate to the story which is what a writer tries to do, so great job I was really impressed keep up the good work
please read my story "The Son of Lightning" and review it
Wow that was an awful lot of reading, my eyes are aching from looking at the computer screen, but it was well wort it I couldnt stop reading this story I was amazed.
That took me a while to read if it was me i would have broken it out into two parts or three, but besides that its an amazing story, how at the beggining Zeus is alone hearing someone calling his name makes an eery setting which gets you interested in reading more,
anyway im new to the writing.com community and im writting a story called "The Son of Lightning" Please read it and review it it has an 225 GPs award just for doing so, so its a win win
Wow, Thats a lot of reading, but well worth it, The thing about this story is that the author describes a scene so well you can imagine being there, read the story once or twice then close your eyes and try to retell it in your head thats what i did and i had a clear image of what was going on, im really impressed,
anyway im new to the writing.com community so please read my new story "The Son of Lightning" Its not finished by far but it can give you an image of whats to come so please read it and tell me what you think.
-hojalata98 just stating the facts
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