The following are my own observations and opinions that are intended to improve your work. Take and leave what you will. Below, your words are in parenthesis mine are not.
This review is done to celebrate your WdC anniversary! Congratulations!
(She was there, again, that girl, with long, dark hair that swished against the wind.)
Usually when we speak of a mirror, it is indoors yet there is wind and no indoor air current could actually move hair around. If this is outdoors, than indicate it with a brief mention like-“…wind in the forest” or what have you.
(The haunting girl had a small nose from which I could somehow feel the warm air delicately coming out. Her lips were thin and colourless but strangely beautiful. She had the palest skin I had ever seen, almost white as in shock, but if shock had been the cause of this, she stood behind a veil of indifference.)
By this paragraph, I am not sure if she is seeing a reflection of herself or another person. At the beginning, I thought it was a self-reflection.
(“we are strangely apart, yet strangely close together.” She then vanished making everything disappear with her and I found myself staring at the ceiling of my bedroom, in my freezing, uncomfortable bed…)
Only her is it obvious it is another person in the mirror.
(…what I felt was as if a puddle was splashing me with unhappiness, insipidness, melancholy… )
Here, as in other times, it is best to show and not tell the emotion the narrator is feeling. Use the five senses or metaphors or similes to make something like-“…with a numbness in my heart and I felt like a rotting gangly tree. My was void of anything that would lift my soul out of its dark trench…”
(…soaked with rain and saw myself laughing meanly at the grey clouds…)
Just a little snippet of advice - try to use more succinct, simpler words. For example, you could have-“…and I saw myself scoffing at the grey clouds.” Usually you get plenty of chances to do this.
(Sensations began to surround me, I felt the humidity of a shop full of people refusing to stand in the rain, I took my T-shirt off, trying to release myself from that horrible yet adorable (just a few days ago) sensation.)
Here, the two commas should be semicolons. Also, the use of the parenthesis is stilted. You could say something like-“…, I took my T-shirt off, trying to release myself from that horrible yet adorable sensation that started a few days ago.” From the best of my ability, this is what you meant.
(I began conscious of the rain reaching my roof and I felt as if every droplet was a sharp knife thrown at high speed from somewhere up there, from someone who wanted to kill me, to torture me, to simply destroy me… I couldn’t stand the noise any more, I screamed as if wanting the rain to shut up, but nothing happened.)
First, this should start like “I began to be conscious…” Next put a dash between “wanted to kill me” and “to torture me.” Lastly, put a semicolon after “any more.”
(I felt strange, why was I suddenly feeling like this? Why did all the wonderful things I used to love about rain make me feel like this? What was happening to me? Why wasn’t rain lending a hand to me and guiding me into a world of happiness, as it used to do? Every answer to these questions was a salty, warm tear that rolled down my freezing cheek. I sat on my bed wanting to disappear into thin air, asking myself the same questions over and over again trying to gain an approvable answer. Suddenly I knew why… there was something I needed tremendously… I needed her… She was the only person that could make me happy nowadays, and at night time when everything vanished and I found myself back in my bed it seemed as if half of me died… the only thing I could do was step inside the mirror and leave my life, but I didn’t care, I didn’t care about my family anymore, nor my friends, I didn’t care if rain was ever to cross my life again, I simply didn’t care… I just wanted to be with her…)
What you have above is excellent! It clearly illustrates the person’s desperation and longing for the woman in the mirror. You delve into the mental and emotional affliction of the narrator. I can see the apathy and self-torment of the person. This was a diamond in the rough of your story thus far.
(I knew what this meant, she was outside and I was inside the mirror… Tears began to invade my eyes, but it wasn’t because I was no longer with her, I felt something else… I felt betrayed, angry, sad, trapped… but what I most felt was what I had to do. Go for the next victim…)
A very a clever twist at the end. I would again say to show the betrayal, anger and sadness but I honestly this it fits in this instance.
Overall, my interest was piqued at the middle I would say. The beginning segment was a little stilted and confusing. But you really came through at the end. There were points where you just named an emotion rather than show it. This is easily fixed as you will see. Great work and happy WdC anniversary!
 
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