I love the way you capture the essence of how a drug works. How they appear to have human aspirations of capture and yet they are just chemicals that the unfortunate human brain is ill equipped to deal with, but which have inexorable power to capture and subdue.
I can see why this was a competition winner. It's short, succinct delivery of the whole gamut of emotions felt (I loved his "Aura"), when expecting a result of great importance to oneself, is there in 55 words. Absolutely brilliant.
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. I really related to this poem. The way you capture the younger persons "know it all attitude" and then the developed adults review of this, is brilliant.
If I could suggest something to think about,. The last line may be better based around "and then you can fly", "learn to fly" etc. instead of the ending of life as in "you go to heaven"
This is a wonderful poem, showing a full measure of life experience of the worst kind.
From being told by the experts that she wouldn't make it, then making it through,.
To the new, very young child hurt and all life's worries coming back to haunt mother and grandmother.
I guess most families don't have to experience and go through this, but you did and came through, a superb inspiration to all.
I liked this a lot. It's a really good short story and the twist at the end is almost unbelievable, when measured against ones own childhood memory of the belief in Father Christmas. Very well written and I still don't know how he fits down the chimney and gets around everyone in the one night.
If you wanted to make a fuller story of it (which I'm not saying you should) one idea could be to have an elves clean up squad, like something from the CSI Miami, following on behind and then how do the parents go in in later life?
A nice attempt at the Sestina form. The rotation of the final words is really good, but unusual. However there is no envoi tercet required for a regular sestina, giving the full thirty nine lines.
However, I did like the way the poem kept insistently reminding me of the fact that "the end" was definitely coming.
This is a very sad, even poignant poem of love lost, possibly through neglect or possibly depression. There's the hint of the desperation of knowing it's all slipping away and then comes the realisation and resignation, to the fact that it's become irrecoverable.
Very well done. I enjoyed it, in a sad kind of way, very much
A great portrayal of the shy person, who on the surface has nothing to say. However, anyone willing to engage and explore with this person, is likely to find a great depth of character, a "rebellious, gregarious orator" But, no matter what, there will always be hidden the true, enigmatic and empathetic "feeler of souls"
I loved this and the last line blew me away, totally unexpected and I should have seen it coming
I really liked this piece, it took me there. I've not read sci-fi for years and this was a very enjoyable blast from the past. The mind grabbing antics of Pio were enthralling and I hope you write a lot more of this. I've put you in my favourite authors and I'll be following the tale as it develops. Very well done.
Hope you're happy with my EPs. If you want more explanation of any of them just drop me an email.
Impressive and enjoyable. You fly between genres, styles and themes like Father Christmas, on Christmas eve. The whole world covered in the briefest of spans. I also enjoy reviewing and for very similar reasons that you recount here. I'm also driven by a selfish wanting to know what others think, in depth, of my work and so I review "others" work in as much depth as I can. Never holding back in positive comment or with suggestions for change. This is all I hope to get back from being a member of Writing.com
A wonderful poem. The beautiful and full, four seasons, encompassed within each year, of the magnitude of the trees whole life. The grandness of this being is so well encapsulated within the poem. I looked up, saw and was amazed at this truly magnificent spectacle of nature.
You identified so many nuances of it's impact on the lives about it, and I felt and heard the under tow of how a person can, by example, influence the many lives around them.
A sad reflection of what you both had obviously felt, previously. Also, it's what we all do, when we don't know what to do; we just ignore.
I enjoyed the undertow of the poem, pointing us in the right direction "of being brave and going over to speak". Not actually stated in the poem, but we all know, in these situations, what we should actually do.
This is great, this is how I write some of what I call my poetry. The story build is magnificent. From the first look, the battlefield review; through to the win. It's insightful and enlightening, of a scenario that most people will never encounter. The colour hatred hint is dark, the attack is exciting.
A great depiction of how a person falls in love and believes everything will always be all right, then is let down for the first time, "never to love again"
This poem truly shows the full circle of, "Innocent love without fear. Then the loss and mistrust. Eventual re-love. Belief again and then fear returns, based on the previous experience".
That's a lovely way to remember someone who was very special to you. I can feel the love once shared between you both and how this other person helped to show you the right way, not telling you but leading you through example.
I answered in the affirmative to the "say thank you answer"
However, I give gift points to any item I review, based on 50gps for 5 stars, 45 for 4.5 stars etc. even if they offer gps for the review.
If they offer say 500 gps for a 250 character review and I rate and review it at 3.5, I will gift 535gps. = their 500+35 back to the author, as I automatically get gps from Writing.com for reviewing people I've reviewed for the first time and sometimes I'm sent gps from other people and I like to spread gps around, It all helps to make it more fun.
That's a very interesting article. I guess there are many emotions in conflict here. However to me, the most obvious are the woman's hurt and her loss of capability towards the youngsters, a very sobering tale. I enjoyed it in a deliciously dangerous enjoyment of revenge sort of way, but I did temper these feelings with concern as to her use of the children, in what were obviously her mental tirades against "him"
I understand the drivers,for the piece, but it's very dark!
Wonderfully poignant feelings, conveyed to another (me). Who has never encountered what you're talking about, in any direct form in his life. The excitement of, the wonder of, is it really true. Then the brief chase, totally believing. Then deposited back into reality again. How many other people, who have undergone this life trauma, have actually felt these emotions, truly believed they'd seen their loved one and then their hopes have been dashed, yet again. Our minds are truly wonderful and devastating places.
Hi Beeline, I've never written a song, but I think I'm starting to understand how they work, from what you've written here.
That aside, I love the poetic words, that describe how the singer feels. The beauty of the thought "I want to see and touch you, when you open your eyes" express's this perfectly. This conveys a deep understanding of the love emotion, and along with the earlier words of "All I know is I love you" and "that's the only explanation I can offer" tells me you have been in "this moment" at sometime.
There's more in this song/poem than I've fully conveyed, in this short review. It is truly wonderful.
A brilliant, brilliant concept for a poem of friendship and trust. Life's smaller and larger issues encountered, worked through and resolved. In the end the dream of unity, whilst in love and harmony, and in the bigger picture - as depicted by the "ocean of love and dreams".
I love the feeling of actually being in a snow covered, silent woods. There is an ethereal, unknown natural spirit abroad, watching, waiting, but for what? The suspense is incredible.
I think you may have intended to use the word shed instead of shades? Just a thought.
It's coming along nicely, but I suffer with what you're both doing lying on the ground at this time of year, at this time of night and in these temperatures. A bit weird in normal life. So if there's a rational explanation for this, include it. It doesn't quite make sense at the moment. The use of words is great, descriptive with a romantic underlying. I think you can develop this into a very nice piece.
Hope these comments are ok with you. If you can see where I'm coming from and want to modify your poem, I'd be more than willing to re-review it again.
Although we probably hold to very different tenets in life, the flow of this poem is very nice. It tells me of your faith in destiny and a higher power. Of you're holding to the course given because of your belief and vice versa, your belief holding you to your course. Excellent, well written.
A very simple statement of your wishes for this other person, I guess from the sentiment a very close fried or even your partner. It's a beautiful thing you ask for them, of Christmas. I understood the pantoum element a little better from reading this. Thank you for bringing this style to my attention.
I liked this poem very much, it's sad, poignant and searching. I've not come across the pantoum style of poem before and I'm still trying to understand the formal setting of one. However, this poem has inspired me to read your others and search out more, in order to gain a better understanding. Very nice, very well done.
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