I kinda liked this story. A fictional romance story with a part of it rooted in important historical events and figures. Most of the story hooks me as a reader, but there are also parts that move way too quickly. For instance, the events of Charlemagne's coronation move along at lightning speed. This story has great potential, but needs some tweaking.
I kinda like it, but it is also lacking in some areas. You do an excellent job with rhyme scheme. And the poem has an air of medieval chivalry because of the knighting, sword and shield, and early modern English, which I think is cool. But sometimes I have a hard time trying to figure out what you're trying to say through the symbolism you use.
I like it. A very classic portrayal of Kris Kringle - jolly, white beard, red suit, presents and all. You manage to make the poem witty, magical and even a bit satirical throughout the work - partly because many of your rhymes are like punchlines. And you do all this while sticking to the rhyme scheme. Nice.
Excellent work. Very heartfelt and powerful. One thing I like about the poem is that though there is turmoil in the middle, it starts and ends well. I like that because the narrative of the Bible appears to me to be the same way. God starts something good, we mess it up, and then He comes in and rescues us.
I like the overall message of this poem -- that people should go to war for freedom and not for power and territorial gain. I also like that you were able to completely stick to the aabb rhyme scheme you established from the outset of the poem. What doesn't make too much sense is this passage: "fighting for power and meaningless land, / is something that war does not demand" (11-12). I don't think you mean to have war not demand anything here, but rather to have certain things not demand war. I think what you mean to say here is "gaining power and land are things that do not demand war."
I kinda like it. I like how it is impossible to tell where exactly the house is located by the plants alone, because they originate from all over the world. The only thing that clues us in to the location of the house are the wooden shingles, which were used in the construction of houses in Europe and the British colonies in America. You do a very good job explaining the state of the shingled house and describing the prominence of the apricot tree, among other things. Laura's estrangement from her family is also made very poignant by your choice of words. I have a problem with the story, though. You write more about the plants around the house than about the brown shingles, and yet the title of the story is "Brown wooden shingles." Maybe you ought to think about giving those shingles more screen time.
I like this piece of writing because it’s funny in a simple way. The humor of the story is kind of deadpan because of the way you portray the narrator. He explains in detail but does not overstate the obsessive behavior of his parents, his word choices are simple and sophisticated and his sentences never end in exclamation points. And this makes for some rather funny moments. There is one small correction you might want to make, though. The part where you write, “You might say I’m a late bloomer” in parentheses is unnecessary, I think. That’s already implied when you write, “I didn’t discover my interest in writing until I was in my 30’s.”
Excellent work! You always follow the abab rhyme scheme and never deviate from the tetrameter. Also, the events preceding Jesus' crucifixion are presented as they would have been perceived by Pontius Pilate. Very well done! You must have spent a lot of time on this.
Excellent work. Very entertaining and suspenseful. After a while of reading, I was thinking, what mishap is going to befall him next while he searches for the stupid sound? I deeply enjoyed how you caused his college friends and the girls next door to end up in his apartment as the movers were bringing in his stuff from home. It made his embarrassment all the more poignant. The accidents that befell him were also believable. However, at the beginning of the story, there is a moment where you’re giving us too much information about Ryan at one time. For example, you establish Ms. Taylor as a business-oriented and unfriendly landlady, yet Ryan feels no problem volunteering all these words: “I'm looking forward to living here. Four years in a dorm is enough. I've got a couple of weeks before I start my new job, so I plan to get settled as soon as possible and then enjoy chilling-out by the pool.” I don’t think he would have volunteered all that knowing that Ms. Taylor is not interested in being friends with him. I think it would be better if you greatly decreased the amount of things he tells to Ms. Taylor in this excerpt. You could just as well explain some of those things throughout the story.
I like the punny title as well as some of the wit in the body of writing. The narrator needs a head, not "to get ahead," lol. Yet, I don't find the written work to be funny as a cohesive unit. It has funny parts here and there, but the work as a whole is kind of scattered. I feel like there should be more to this piece of writing than just the narrator elaborating on the play on words.
This was a fun little word search. In fourth grade it would have taken me half an hour to complete this, as opposed to the five to ten minutes it took me today. I have some constructive criticism for it, though. The bottom left corner is underused. Also, words that are hidden horizontally and backwards are more or less limited to the top of the box of letters, and it might be good for you to change that.
I like the overall message and feel of the poem, but there were some things that can be improved on. Some cinquains of the poem feel a bit forced. For instance, in stanza nine, you write:
She gave me books and made me read
Seeing clearly an inner seed
As yet unfilled
underskilled
But glowing there, a burning need
Here, the teacher sees an inner seed in the speaker, which is not yet filled and is under-skilled. Yet, when I think of seeds, I don’t think of them being filled or skilled. I think of minds being filled and skilled, but I think of seeds being cultivated. So, in short, if you’re going to use seed imagery in one line, follow through with it in the other lines. Perhaps you could rewrite this stanza in this way:
She gave me books and made me read
Seeing clearly an inner seed
Uncultivated
Yet motivated
And glowing there, a burning need
This would change your rhyme scheme a bit, because “motivated” only nearly rhymes with “cultivated.” But it gives you an example of how to continue the seed imagery throughout the stanza. God bless.
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