Well this was different. Just taking a writing break clicked on read and review. This was very entertaining and well written. I went back and read it again. Now I have something to reflect on. Thanks.
Great, Bio ,Nicely told. except for the part where you married a Marine. ( Sorry , Bad Navy Joke. ) I came across you in a news letter. Small case of mistaken identity. I really liked your explaination of the writing life. I am not close to your productivity but the effects are being noticed by my wife. It would appear that chores are not getting done. The dog can be bought off with a treat. The chores remain. I am cruious about your work and want to read it. If I can ever get my head out of this Novel. I made a mistake by putting alot of unfinished and early stuff in my portfolio. Some day I may have time to clean that up. I rarely get to WDC anymore. I will check out your portfolio. I will do the fan thing to remind me.
Thanks jim
This story caught my eye. While reading the Newbies news letter, I checked out your port. I read the intro. That led me to chapter 1, so it was a sucessful intro. The FBI thing was a draw for me. You have a unique voice. I have never been brave enough to tackel first person ; I was tempted once on ( Death Deal). Your story has alot of potential.
There are a few glitches in the intro, with adjectives being repeated all this is small potatoes and washes out in rewrite.The dream sequence, had me worried at first but the followup was convincing . I do not even look at spelling or grammar because mine is pitiful. That is why I have 4 novels that are waiting on my writing partner to edit. Your story looks fairly well polished. You gave a pretty strong hint that the guy on the date might be the killer. But if it turns out he is not the serial killer, that foreshadow, will be a wicked good twist in the tale. If he is; it might be a little strong. Now I am going to have to read the next chapter even though this is not quite my type of story, I like some supernatural, Romance not so much. Then again maybe it will be, I kept reading it so you hooked me. What ever you got going , keep doing it. Thanks for the entertainment.
This is a nice touch. lam not really sure how I found this. This design is cool. I guess I am a fan, a rather new experience for me. The the book cover is great and your book is smashing.
I was taking a morning break from writing and spun the random read dice. Your poem came up. It was very refreshing, we have had some muggy weather that broke last night. This just fit nicely. Some how,I overlooked the title. This made the poem even more delightfull. That quick little discovery moment. Thank you for the entertainment. Jim
OK, young Lady you have done it again. You write things out of my range. This peace has soul rendering depth and heart. There is a both a personal and universal message or truth going on here. I wish I knew technical details about poetry to give you a useful review I was going to keep it short to save you points.
I can fix that. Just as all good characters are flawed, so are all princes. The key is balance. Does the good overcome the bad. Is the good, that good? If some one physically hurts you its over. Immediately. ( that behavior never changes ) If they have done you some other wrong, they may get one more chance depending. Then you see what they are really made of. If they fail again, they may not be the hero of the story after all. I have been reading your writing for only a short while. But it is Dark. I started Dark but soon mellowed. I have a very twisted philosophy. it is based on General Patton's remarks. It is not our soldiers duty to bleed and die for his country. It is his duty to make the other bastard bleed and die for theirs. This is not the direct quote. I found it to be adaptable and fit in most all aspects of life. Jim
I really know nothing about song writing. I could not carry a tune in a bucket. But I have heard you sing and you are really good at it. I used to correct your mother on the words, mostly on Dylan songs. I tried to run this through my head, trying various tunes I knew , I gave up after three. I ended up trying to make things rhyme
I don't know what I was trying to do. The lyrics have possibilities I do know that. They definitely tell the story. I used to think I was dark with all the beatnik poetry in the 60's but you got me beat. This would fit in that genre. I am curious as to weather you were thinking Rock , Country , Folk, something else or not really there yet ? Keep writing. You are a born artist. Jim
Wow, I have not written any poetry for along time , used to do the Beatnik coffee houses in Boston on Beacon hill in the old days. You said this is dark , and it is that. I really am not up on the rules of poetry , style etc. This piece as a first entry , and as free writing , puts you light years ahead of me. This is nice work. Keep at it. I enjoyed it. Thanks for the entertainment.
This is a very good chapter. It advances the stories themes. You now have more character introduction. I wonder if they are to be prominent characters . You have introduced a few more hooks. The use of magic and possible conflict or contest of powers. A revenge motive. The suspense at the end of the chapter creates a page turner. The author is promising a lot of answers to come. The entertainment continues. thanks Jim
Kyle, you have a good solid beginning here. It really does the job. I definitely want to read more. So far this is a very promising story. I have a policy , if I read it I review it. You have a nice brief introduction of characters. There were very few typo's for a draft not run through a publisher. There are some great bones here, I keep thinking maybe there could be just a bit more fleshing out. It could be a difference in style, my own writing is an editing nightmare. You have some nice hooks here. Thanks for the entertainment.
I agree with you 100%. When it's flowing in your head , it needs to get on paper, or at least the main points. My favorite quote is " Don't get it right , Just get it written." James Thurber. I got many Ideas and partial novels down during my working life, now in retirement I have many projects to work on, believe it or not they come back just as strong if not stronger. I will be reading your works soon. Good luck with the teams. I was MIUW team , IUWG-1 out of Coronado CA. Stay frosty. Keep writing, Jim
Good Poem, and I don't normally read poetry. I don't know why. I usually end up liking what I read. In your case it was very true. I found this in the Newbies, news letter. I was intrigued by the title. You have managed to capture many universal concepts and still personalize it. Thanks for the entertainment. Jim
Really good short story. great writing, I am a slow reader and it went by fast. So no long break tonight. I wasn't sure what I was getting into at first. I read it as an editor's pick form the newsletter. The story and the pace sucked me in and carried me to the end. The ending was nicely done also. There was one part of the story that definitely sounded like it was written form a male point of view. That was toward the end , their discussion on independence and Harold. Up until then I had no clue. I didn't look till I was done reading. That was cool. Now its back to the keyboard, Thanks for the entertaining break. Jim
I was taking a break from the grind of chapter eight. I looked at the left side of my screen and saw the very topic I was mulling over. Temptation got the better of me and I read it. It was well worth the time. Very informative and well written. Not only was your article full of good ideas and reminders , it was an effective prod for those of us who procrastinate on edits. I just wish it had been longer , Now it's back to the Eight ball. I am hurrying so I don't end up behind it.
Thanks Jim
I read this as an editors pick , It was a rush, that is in a good way. It was well written. This is not normally my genre. I deal in High Fantasy mostly. I think your writing is bolder and braver than mine. However it was appealing. I found it to be an interesting topic. There were a few areas I had to read a few times carefully, to get the meaning or message clear. Thank you for the entertainment. Jim
This is an excellent article. I am not sure how I got to it, but I am very glad I did. It was informative and answered a few little doubts I had. The examples were easy to relate to and could be transferred to other genres. Unfortunately for me, I am no where near ready to use any of this great material. I read it so I reviewed it. That is a self imposed gesa. The article is written with almost military precision. It was easy to read and entertaining. It will be saved for future reference.
Thanks Jim.
I read this as an editors pic from the news letter. It is a good story with lots of potential. The writing flows nicely . It did hold my interest all the way. Unfortunately It is not my genre, I am a fantasy, Mythology, time travel, type so I don't really have any sage advice. I have four projects that I am trying to straighten out. You appear to have a nice fresh start here. So if it moves you, keep going. I for one would read it if there was more. The odd part is, I don't know why. So there is something here. Take up the deck and shuffle the cards until you get what you want.
Thanks for the entertainment .
Jim
This is a very good story. I don't know why , maybe it was because I was in a hurry, to get some heat in this room, but I didn't think I liked it. Then it kept growing on me. I must have really liked it. because , I have yet to put the heat on and its freezing in here. If I read something it's my policy to write a review. Ah, got the heat on. This story hooked me with out my knowledge, which is very good writing . I was expecting a Romantic twist because saw it as a editor's pick on the Fantasy News letter So I was doubly surprised. I really enjoyed it. The twist in the end was excellent and was foreshadowed , which was nice touch.
Thanks for the entertainment.
Jim
This story was outstanding. The writing was powerful and it triggered a wave of emotions. I try to steer clear of serious subjects, lately.I came upon this story by accident poking around in WdC, but I am very glad I did. You drew me in and held me all the way through. This is one of the few fives I have given. They say everything can be improved, but I can't see it in this case. Well maybe the fact that you made me all teary eyed. Old Senior Chief 's are supposed to be hardcore. Don't believe it! Thanks for this.
I am not sure how I got to this article, but I am glad I did. I agree with your rating system. I go for story first, if it's good the rest is window dressing. If its a published piece , then I may expect a bit more polish. The Idea of some one dumping on a young writer is not cool. I believe in James Thurber's quotation. " Don't get it right the first time. Just get it written."
Your ideas and philosophy are spot on. I can easily relate to this piece.
I jumped into WDC with both feet , the hardest part being , getting things from my computer to this site. I was not looking for readership at the time. I was just getting back into writing after my retirement. I have material scattered all over. I found this place to be a central location and it looked like fun. I was in the process of getting it transferred , when reviews started to come in. My writing was still in draft form with out benefit of revision. Most of it being converted from hand written. My typing skills are poor at best. . Not to worry, I am not twelve. I am a story teller, I can pay some one to put the punctuation in and check the spelling , if I ever decide to publish. I write for fun and for family and friends. Now if I find a computer savvy typist I will be golden. As soon as I figure out how , I will put things in folders and restrict them till, I get them revised.
Thanks for the article. It was well written and pointblank.
I seem to be acquiring a taste for poetry, because of random reads. This poem is deeper than it first appears. I read it a second time. I really like it. It is life in a snapshot or it could be applied to portions of life. I do not have the expertise to give advice. I am not a poet. I just thought it was great. Thanks.
I was looking for something a little different and spotted this. I don't normally read dark, horror type fantasy , This was very good and entertaining. I am starting to get a taste for short stories. This one was quick to grab me as a reader and held me all the way through. The bad thing about it was, it ended too soon. I also don't get a chance to read a lot of first person. I like it, but it just never seems to come up very often in the books I read. My writing in first person always ends up sounding like a police report, dry as dust. Yours was very appealing. Thanks for the entertainment.
I don't read poetry very much and but I was looking under military and found this. I really Liked and understood it.!
Every time i tried to write poems, I loose the ability to find enough words to rime after the first few lines. You did it all the way through without distorting the work to fit the words. There were a couple of lines where taking out a word or two would have made it a little smoother read. But it was great. We used to play Alice Cooper, We got to get out of this place. I come from a different generation of Military but your poem resonated and brought back a few thoughts , Keep up the excellent work. Thanks.
I really like this writing piece. The title hooked me at first, but I quickly got a feel for the concept. That in turn enticed me to continue. This story is a little reminiscent of early Fantasy writers like Michael Moorcock , Andre Norton or Tanith Lee. There is the real promise of a good story here. It starts slowly like some of the classic sword and sorcery. Many experts tell us to punch it up , start off with a bang or a big conflict. You may want to give that some thought, However, many times a little subtlety does the trick just as well. Yours did for me. Your ending leaves excellent clues as to where this could go. Nice job. I really hope you take this project on to the finish. I am not sure of your target age group, but you have a lot of room to maneuver.
Nicely written Prologue.( I am going back to the start. your chapter 4 hooked me.) I liked The flow, It reminded me of some of the earlier fantasy writers. I can follow and liked the Dagda, and Fae or the children of Danu, the Tuatha De Danand, I liked the way you worked in the Dragons. There was the one name that didn't seem to fit for me. Odin. It's been along time and I was never the best student. But I think in Celtic mythology The Dagda was the good God, The red one of great knowledge, The father God associated with the Celtic creation myth. Startled the Boyne river by New Grange and mated with the Morrigan, the triple Goddess. But that is the great thing about fantasy, You do get to have it your way. Remember one person's mythology is another person's religion. I rated 4.5 It was solid and did what it was supposed to do very well.
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