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134 Public Reviews Given
207 Total Reviews Given
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51
51
Review of For you  
Review by JPS
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Poetry can be very therapeutic. It is also very personal, and in my opinion if writing this poem gave you some relief it achieved its purpose. I am hoping that this is at least in part fictional!

Technically, and I don't know what the exact rules are for poetry, I think you need to remove a few commas, for example,

The blade,
is cold.

and

Hate,
overwhelms me.

I don't know that much about poetry, but grammatically this is wrong.

On a personal note, most of us have loved and lost before. The pain doesn't lessen with age, but our ability to handle it does. Hang in there *Smile*


JPS

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52
52
Review of Alone in dungeon  
Review by JPS
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
This is too short to really judge it. It has no beginning and no end, which makes it kind of dream-like. Perhaps that is what you intended, but the ending is too open for the reader to even guess who the man is. It needs a conclusion of some kind, even if you just say that she woke up and it was all a dream, and the man is lying next to her in bed, or something like that.

I spotted a few typos:

She hears someone coming, a man with a tray opens the door and comes in. - this should be two sentences.

Three men unknowen to her appear. - unknown

Puzzled she goes into the room and changes - comma after "puzzled

...and he leads her out onto the floor and they begin to slow dance - begin to dance slowly, or begin a slow dance

Let me know if you finish the story, I'd like to read it again when it is complete.
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