Editing Group Review
Receipt of this review means that I am done editing the prologue. Please keep in mind that any feedback or comments that I receive regarding this review and edit may be posted on "Invalid Item"  .
Overall Comments
This is a great beginning. I really enjoyed the idea of the chapter, and some of your descriptions were vivid and colorful. You seem to have an excellent idea of what you want to happen in the chapter and how you want it to happen. It did need some cleaning up - a list of what I edited can be found under "Corrections" - but it also needs a little tweaking.
I could tell that you were seeing the story as you wrote it - what a wonderful thing to happen, isn't it? However, as you progress as a writer, you need to learn how to focus that into a more clear-cut picture. Remember, you may be able to see it in 3D, full-color detail, but the readers will only see the picture that you paint for them.
When you are finished with your own edits, please let me know and I will gladly rerate and reread. If you have any questions or comments about this review and the editing, feel free to email me with them.
A great job, and with a little more work, it could be fantastic!
Writing Rules:
And, But, So, Yet
Try not to start a sentence with them. If you need to use the word, rearrange the sentence so that the word is not at the beginning. If you use a large amount of "but"s, try changing one or two to "though", or "however".
Paragraphs
Though it can sometimes be hard to know exactly when is the right time to break a paragraph, it must be remembered that a paragraph is at least three sentences long - dialogue is the exception to this rule.
Past and Present Tense
Past Tense examples Had, was, could, saw
Present Tense examples Has, is, can, sees
There are several instances where you change tense. I would suggest sticking with Past, which is what most of your story is. I would also suggest that you go through the chapter and look for those instances where you change tense to present and fix them.
Example from the chapter
 Dumond is a long way from Philmar and the Rdoni Forest, and a dangerous desert stands between the two. Only a crazy man would go through those woods. They are possessed, dark and consumed with violent creatures, and the dessert is just as cursed.
So the royal family was headed for Dumond by ship and it was going to be a long journey.
In the first paragraph, you are in present tense. In the second, you are in past. A possible way of rewriting follows:
Dumond was a long way from Philmar and the Rdoni forest, and a dangerous desert stood between the two. Only a crazy man would go through those woods. They were possessed, dark and consumed with violent creatures. The desert was just as cursed.
Suggestions
But many people, not just children, believed that this magnificent place truly existed. And many spent their whole lives searching for it.
Whenever possible, try not to start a sentence with "and", "but", "so", or "yet"
Possible rewrite:
...children. Many people, not just children, believed that this magnificent place truly existed, however. Some spent their whole lives searching for it, in fact.
But magnificent mountains and a stretching dark evil forest surrounded the great kingdom making Philmar remarkably hard to reach.
Merge with the paragraph above this one.
Possible rewrite:
Some spent their whole lives searching for it, but magnificent mountains and a stretching dark, evil forest surrounded the great kingdom; they made Philmar remarkably hard to reach.
Many believed he was a great sorcerer full of unimaginable powers. But if he had these powers they weren't enough when an unbelievable number of dragons appeared.
Rearrange wording.
Possible rewrite:
...powers. If he had these powers, though, they weren't enough for the unbelievable number of dragons that appeared.
but his lengthy ebony hair, white demonic eyes, and long black fingernails marked him for what he was, a shade, because demon blood boiled in his veins.
Wonderful description, but it borders on a run-on sentence.
Possible rewrite:
...marked him for what he was - a shade. Demon blood boiled in his veins.
Then, on the wind was heard a vile whisper, “R’tu… zza.”
You use a lot of "then". Try rearranging your words or changing them up every once in a while.
Possible rewrite:
The creature waited. Suddenly, a vile whisper was heard on the wind.
Then the sky filled with fire and out from the flames emerged a multitude of dragons. Not just any dragons, but the Spinyblood Skull, the worst you could ever come across. They had muscular, long bodies with maroon and black scales, and at the end of their long spiky tails they had blade-like extensions used for brutal slashing. Their long limbs ended in sharp claws and they had bony, black, rigid wings. The head itself caused deathly scares; it was web shaped, with piercing yellow-hue eyes, and a single horn projected from the chin.
I love this description! What mean looking creatures they are! To make the paragraph flow more smoothly, I suggest cutting down on the number of "they"s and "their"s. Since we know that the dragons are being described, it isn't necessary to always use those particular descriptives.
Possible rewrite:
The sky filled with fire and a multitude of dragons emerged from the flames. They were Spinyblood Skull, the worst you could ever come across. Long, muscular bodies with maroon and black scales ended in spiked tails with blade-like extensions for brutal slashing. Long limbs ended in sharp claws, and their wings were bony, black, and rigid. The head of the Spinyblood Skull itself caused deathly scares; it was web shaped, with piercing yellow-hue eyes, and a single horn projected from the chin.
Corrections
Paragraph indentations and spacing.
Improper word usage changed to correct form. (i.e. "unremarkably" to "remarkably")
Punctuation errors.
Minor word changes for clarity.
 Should you wish for me to change specific things such as the "and, but, yet" wording, I will need your express permission. I will not do actual rewrites without that permission.
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{e::cut}"There's been a report of a suspicious box 
Hey! Where's the rest of it? How am I supposed to find out what happens next? 
I feel jilted!
I loved this story - though I really do wish there were more already. You may look at this review and see all the corrections and the few suggestions and think otherwise, but this was an absolutely riveting story. 
Yes, I nit-picked on corrections. I just couldn't find very many! 
Sometimes they hit me