Very good with the feel. You may want to do a bit w/ "freedom seem (s) to not be on your side" & "clutch to my life but all (I) find is night" Or maybe "I clutch to my life" slipping in the night "Darkness overtaking me." These are just some ideas. I like the power in this piece. Keep writing I'll be back for more.
I really like this piece. You might consider not using the word "seems" quite so much. Maybe; "So very real, but should I believe"? Your thoughts run smoothe. All & all a nice piece
Wow! This absolute. The images are wonderful.It bids me come dance as well. I so enjoy the read. Some gramatical slips but overall a wonderous, dreamy, find. If you received only an honorable mention I wish I could've read the winners' work! I hope to see more of your work. I will add you to my favs. Thank you for the blessing you gave.
The loss of a child is always so difficult. I totally feel your pain. I too have lost my wonderful angel to the heavens. God bless you. Your writting is superb. Every sentence left a wound on my heart. Well done Keep the Flow comming; we want more!
Hi Meg, First your poem. This is so heartfelt! My sentiments exactly! My father served in the military, my husband durring conflict times. I have 3 girls 1 son. All have said they'd serve if needed. Great subject, writing, & thoughts. Whisperer
Dear Meg: Wow! I LOVE your style. 42 years is long together by many standards. To be in love & together is a blessing indeed. We may not be naive,it may be that we've loved so hard & been loved so well that what they chose to hide, was well hidden. Beautiful work. I can't wait to read on! Thanks for your FB on my work. I hope to converse with you more.
Whisperer (Jahala) From The States
Dear Kage: I enjoyed your story. I'd like to read more. I would sugest fixing the small spelling & gram. things. A short story of this nature is not something I usually read. If you write it I'll come back for more. I hope you keep writing. the basics are good. So is the story.
Sounds like your life has changed. Your poem is real. I felt your flow was not consistant, but the meaning was pointed out very clear.
Keep writing! The more you write the more we get from your work. Someone told me that I shouldn't use all caps.. It's like yelling. I haven't had the time to edit mine yet. Just passing along the info..
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