The first element that stands out about your work is the tone. The tone throughout the piece remains nearly constant, and that consistency of emotion is anger; it vacillates to some degree to absolute frustration.
The poem has impact and its message is clear, that is its strongest point. What needs some additional editing is the grammar....there's a major difference between then and than! Another example where some editing is required is:
now want embark on a new adventure
You need to add the word "to" in order to construct the infinitive. There are several other areas that you need to look at. These are mechanical areas that are easily fixed. Correcting them will increase the power of your poem.
Your story paints a very dark portrait of our secular world. Though dark, it is absolutely true! Your perception and insight into the world around you must be very painful for you, and for this I am very sorry. I agree totally with your sentiments, and I wish more people would work towards the goals you set.
I like your thoughts and aspirations, those are the strongest points in your work. What needs some editing however is the grammar and spelling. These are simple edits but will improve your work.
Thank you for sharing your essay. First, a thought for your consideration. Your first (thesis) sentence reads: "Creativity is very important in our society". You might consider changing the word "our" to any society or all societies? This will give a universality to the rest of your essay; especially in view of the fact you use examples of men from various time periods and cultures.
I enjoyed your essay and for the most part agree with what you say
Thank you for sharing your work. Here are my comments on your story "Cannibalistic". Please keep in mind these comments reflect my personal opinion only, and even though some may be negative, they are offered as constructive criticism.
The most glaring weak point of your story falls within the realm of mechanics: spelling and grammar. Words like stair and stare are homophones but mean two entirely different things. There are several other places in the story where the incorrect word is used and/or misspelled. These are mechanical problems and are easily fixed by carefully editing your story.
You imagine to avoid a fatal flaw in horror stories, that being having someone wake up only to realize they had been dreaming. Readers consider this a cheap trick; but you avoid it by putting a twist on the ending (good job). I just feel there needs to be more suspense introduced into your story.
Your story concept is fine, but it does need some polish.
Thank you again for sharing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Once again a very excellent short read. You managed to capture the innocence of a child, albeit a young werewolf child. The narrator's tone is sympathetic and child like, adding credibility to the narrative voice. Writing short shorts is not easy, but you managed to accomplish your purpose skillfully.
A delightfully disturbing piece. As dark a read as it is, it is well executed, largely in part because you chose to write if from the first person point of view, and this provides for totally reliable narration.
You provide sufficient background of your main character so we know his history. You also develop his relationship with his sister, and this adds to the tragic climax.
The area that needs some work is grammar/spelling. There are several cases where you use "to" when you mean "too", and used "their" for "there".
I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to additional pieces. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Thank you, THANK YOU! An absolutely delightful read. Aside from being a very poignant and sincere story, your crisp style and fast moving narrative advances the action of the story superbly. Even though you spend little or no time describing any character, place, or object..I came away from the story knowing each character as if I had known them for a very long time, and felt as though I could identify your school out of a million. Your sense of dialogue to progress the forward action is awesome. Great Job.
Keep writing because I'm looking forward to reading much more of your work.
KUDOS!
A pleasant little story. You tell it in the first person point of view (Kevin's) and maintain this narrative viewpoint throughout the story. The first person POV, while being the most reliable narrative voice is also the most restrictive viewpoint. You handled this nicely and didn't attempt to get into the mind of any other character. I was impressed that you followed perhaps the most important and cardinal rule of short story writing, and that is the protagonist must experience a change during the course of the action. In this case Kevin resents having to go on the trip initially, but by the end of the story he comes to realize---or experiences a minor epiphany--that his parents aren't quite the drag he initially thought.
Where the story needs some work is managing your verb tenses. The story shifts from the past tense to the present tense continually, and in several places withing the same paragraph. This is a common problem among new writers. May I suggest reworking/editing your story to maintain continuity in time. Thank you for sharing.
First and foremost, this a beautifully written poetic tribute. Your use of imagery is quite effective, and not overdone. Poetry is meant to evoke emotion, and by any standard, your work accomplishes this beautifully.
The honesty of expression is prevalent throughout, and I would not change one word nor add or subtract a single punctuation mark.
The sense of your loss is omnipresent, and I very much appreciate your willingness to share this beautiful work with us.
A poignant little poem and full of the truth we find in today's world. I enjoyed this short work very much and have already committed it to memory. Thank you for this pleasant read. I have read another of your poems, and feel that you have a knack for presenting simple everyday truths in an artful way.
Please continue writing---Good work.
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