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712 Public Reviews Given
729 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I try my best to read everything on Writing.com with great care. My reviews always include a first impression, my feelings about theme and structure and where appropriate, some thoughts about possible revisions.*Mugr*
I'm good at...
I give my best reviews on stories, poems and articles that hold my interest and stir up my emotions.~~ *Smile*
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Religious/Spiritual,Romance, Historical, Mystery, Fantasy and Sci-Fi.~~ *Cool*
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Erotica and Vampire/Werewolf/Zombie.
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Short Stories, Poems, Articles and Essays. ~~
Least Favorite Item Types
lessons and puzzles. ^^*Mugr*
I will not review...
Will not review anything with a rating over 18; no horror or erotica.^^*Mugr*
Public Reviews
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276
276
Review of So Not Normal  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC.
It is my pleasure to welcome you to Writing.com where I believe you will find wonderful support for all of your work.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
Jennyfer is late to arise to the challenges awaiting her on of her first day of school. Along the way she will experience the “screeching” mother, the “…vile, sinister, wicked sister”, and the teacher of first period Mrs. Calazarki. Her story is a glimpse of the people and trials that form the character and ultimately the world view of the American teen aged girl.
 
Interest and Pace
 
I love Jennyfer's response to her world. It is interesting to explore the surroundings that seem to be a catalyst for her moods and attitudes. Her mom seems dimly glad to receive any kind of response, even ones that make no sense or are loaded with sarcasm, “Oh nothing, I just accidentally switched moods with a peeved ape who didn't get his banana.”... “Oh sweetie,” my mom said like I just cracked her up. Was that even funny?” ...I rolled my eyes and grabbed a granola bar. “thanks for the amazing breakfast, mom, I love ya!” This glimpse of Jennyfer's life moves quickly, like flipping through snap shots in a photo album, rather than a stroll through a gallery. I appreciate the rhythm and pulse of the words that take me from one embarrassing moment to the next. I can't help but build an admiration for this young girl's ability to cope: How embarrassing! I thought. Usually, they never talk to me. How many times do you get called “the girl” in your life? I sighed and thought I was going to have to get used to it.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
I enjoyed the first person narrative. The story feels intimate from the beginning and I sense that I am privileged to get to know the mind and heart and reality of the fragile and yet resilient Jennyfer. The tone of the story blends humor and truth beautifully and clearly, provoking me to empathize with Jennyfer and truly care about her life
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There were a few incidental word and punctuation corrections that will be needed if you decide to do a re-write, other than that I would not suggest any revisions to your story. I would recommend a re-write and with an expansion of what you have begun. The story is appealing and Jennyfer is a wonderful character to be with.
 
Recommended Edits ▼
 
Summary
 
Jennyfer's first day of school did not go well. From being late, to enduring harassment by family and peers, her day is the nightmare of most teenagers, at least in America. What day is complete without a healthy dose of humiliation, intimation and sarcasm? What is left at the end of such a day but tears. Lots and lots of tears. I wanted to hold her, comfort her and assure her with gentle lies that it would all be better soon. Isn’t that what grandfathers are for?
 
I truly enjoyed your story. I appreciate your insights and thank you for sharing your gifts and talents.
 

 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
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CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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277
277
Review of Echo  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.5)
I selected your story to review through the “Read a Newbie Forum” of WdC.
It is my pleasure to welcome you to Writing.com where I believe your work will be received with great appreciation.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your work and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
Her home begins as the waters and the woods. Her occupation is to sing songs and captivate the unsure men of the world who give their lives for the sake of the siren’s song. But Echo is stricken herself one day and begins the process of her banishment to the deep recesses of the earth. The wonder of Echo's tale is how well it parallels the real life drives and passions of my soul. Eternally the soul of man is destined to become wedded to lusts and cravings and then at last obsession. The tale, while cautionary and dark, is a well written exploration into the motives and powers that bind humanity to calamity, guilt and shame.
 
Interest and Pace
 
Echo is a delight to be with. I have given in to her myself. I’ve lusted after the spritely nymph whose song promises heaven and bliss. She still resonates in my soul, though my desire to possess her killed me. And in the end she cost me a price more dear than my own life. So I am in your story, working out my own journey to illusive love. I am truly your captive audience. The pace of the story is consistently spot on and I am immersed easily into Echo’s story.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
I like the formation of the story. The long paragraphs at the beginning set up my mind to be relaxed with the character of Echo and enjoy the Siren’s perspective of how men give themselves over to her gentle compliant form of execution. Then the story moves quickly, as the nymph herself becomes entwined in a hopeless, agonizing love of her own. The story evolves quickly and clearly into the "captor becoming the captive" and I appreciate the writing that leads me to appeal on behalf of the nymph that she be spared, even though my own soul has been destroyed by one so much like her.
Edits/Revisions
 
Your story was well wrtten and I was not aware of any need for edits or revisions.
 
Summary
 
Until she meets Narcissist, Echo is content to live the life of a predator. She has fully justified her existence and views her life as the natural way of the cosmos. But her own obsession leads to the loss of her song and the ability to create and to snare her prey freely. She at last can only do one thing to find solace and that is to hide in the darkest remotest place she can find.
 
Your story awakened for me the struggles within my own soul. Mythical and yet tragically real.
 
Thank you.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
*Music2**Music1**Music2*
    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 
101@101513


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
278
278
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I selected your story to review through the “Read a Newbie Forum” of WdC.
It is my pleasure to welcome you to Writing.com where I believe your work will be received with great appreciation.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your work and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
The story of Jack Halladay is the kind of story I like to read. It is a varied mix of scenes of the hard life that occur near deprivation and despair and the good life where opportunities to experience abundance and redemption abound. Jack is resigned to the hopelessness of poverty and comes to grips with what it will mean for the future. Jack is yanked physically and emotionally from this reality into one where he suddenly holds the keys to dramatically changing the course of his life.
 
Interest and Pace
 
Jack’s story often appears on the back pages of newspapers where bleak reports of those who become victims of lack and poverty are scrawled with a dehumanizing touch. You obviously know Jack’s story well and are able to bring to life the real person who is in the struggle for survival. Your style of writing helps draw me into Jack’s life and I quickly care about what is to become of Jack and his sister Jessie.
 
The details within your story are well done, while keeping the reader (me) moving forward into the tragedies and triumphs of Jack’s life.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
The plot of your story is clear and uncomplicated and real. It has the quality of being one story of Jack’s life and then suddenly it is another, different story of Jack’s life. There is Detroit. And then there is Boston. The key thread between the two worlds that is a good vehicle for linking the two stories together is Jack’s complacent attitude about playing basketball. The transition from this point in Jack’s life into the champion he is destined to be is written with great precision and clarity. His identity changes with the faith and encouragement of a coach and the picture of a transformed Jack is a joy to read. ”Jack could not believe it! He had made the Varsity as a Sophomore but he was too determined to stop there. The team, led by Jack, kept winning and they had a perfect record at the end of the season…”
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There were a few typographical errors in your story that will be easy to spot when you do a rewrite.
 
One suggestion I would make, and this is my preference coming from how I perceive realism in stories so it is just a suggestion coming my perspective, when Jack becomes a part of his new family you may want to have him reflect on his old life in Detroit. I can’t imagine him being fully disconnected emotionally from such a hard life. In reviewing scenes from his life in Detroit there are images that can be drawn from his father, sister and mother that could add more drama and realism to the process of his transition into a champion.
 
Summary
 
Jack’s story has the universal appeal of being about a boy whose character is molded by the poverty and violence in his community and in his family only to have a door to a new life flung open to him. As in most real life transformation stories that bring about true redemption, Jack is influenced by a strong coach who sets him on a course to becoming a champion.
 
I appreciated the quality of your writing and the victorious outcome for Jack and his sister.
 
Well done!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 
101@101513


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279
279
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (3.5)
I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC.
It is my pleasure to welcome you to Writing.com where there is great support for all writers.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your work and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
In a subconscious utopia there once lived a maiden and a writer of plays. They were good for each other in every way though their physical union was never meant to be. So they began to live in a world where they love each other in dreams so real that there is satisfaction that their relationship is a perfect one. What the lover’s don’t know is that their dream world is very much tied to the physical one and death can separate them. The response of each to them to their loss can doom them to either a heaven of continued dreams or to a hell of darkness and despair.
 
Interest and Pace
 
I love the fantasy elements in your story. You have created a unique situation that defies the laws that humans are naturally bound too. You explore the dimension beyond our reality with confidence and insight as though this is where you thrive every day. Because of your confidence in writing on this theme and the talent you have for writing about the unseen, you have made the story believable for me and wonder if I have not visited this dimension myself. The pace is well done, though I think it could have been improved with more showing the reader what happens to the maiden and the writer. In other words, for instance, when the maiden is snatched by the carriage, consider building some tension around this scene by describing the market place sounds, colors, smells, amenities, the sound of the horses as an intrusion on the meeting. What manner of servants were sent to take the maiden back to her master? Were they thugs or gentlemen obeying orders for their own sakes? Your story has such a quick pace to it there is room for more description of the scenes and the actions by those determined to keep the two apart.
 
Structure and Clarity
My preference as a reader is for shorter paragraphs and I think your story could benefit from breaking up the longer passages. In this way it sets apart the more dynamic prose from the descriptors or narrative. For instance I would take the writer’s declaration: ”This physical shell which keeps me from being with you keeps within it a pure world where we can spend eternity together.” This is a dramatic moment in the story and the writer delivers the proclamation that sums up the whole nature of their relationship as he and the maiden part forever except for the life they now share in their utopian world.
 
I appreciate the clarity of your prose and I enjoyed the writing immensely. I would encourage you that your skill level will be better showcased as you draw into your story the details that would provoke me to fully embrace all of the magic and wonder of love in another realm you have created.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There were a few words that were accidentally left out and a bit of punctuation that needs correcting, but I can tell by your skill level of writing that you will be able to correct that on your re-write of your story. My only other suggestions for revisions I mentioned earlier.
 
Summary
 
Two lovers who cannot remain together in a physical world devise a new realm for themselves where all things are utopian. There is only one problem, it is not impervious to the brutality of the real world. The maiden and the writer are fully challenged to keep their love alive. I appreciate the way “The Story of The Realm” unfolds and comes to a natural conclusion. The conspiracy of two lovers is perfectly utopian. But the way their union is affected by the physical world they live in is their only true destiny.
 
Your story is wonderfully conceived and it is a most unique lover's tale. Thank you for sharing your gifts and talents.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 
101@101513


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
280
280
Review of This Is War  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.0)
I chose your story to read from the Read A Newbie Forum of Writing.com.

It is my pleasure to welcome you to WdC. This is a great forum for those who want to be a part of a writing community that is supportive as well as creative. I enjoyed reading your story and I am glad to offer my impressions and a short review of your work.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may help and encourage. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
There is a brutal war in operation that perpetuates the enslavement of boys from the land of Senin. The boys of that land are victimized by those who come and recruit soldiers at will. Nothing can stop them and every Senin boy's destiny is to be used as fodder in the war machine. There are two strongly created characters, Rehan and Pieter. They are orphans, but are watched over by the butcher Reed, in whose shop Rehan has been employed and where they share the last two week's of Rehan's freedom.
 
Interest and Pace
 
Rehan’s character is wonderfully developed and is a great contrast to his brother Pieter whose innocence and trust in his older brother is magnetic and a centerpiece for the story. The tension in the two weeks before Rehan’s fourteenth birthday builds beautifully, Those two weeks passed like a breath. I couln’t do anything to slow it down, make it last longer, not because I was agraid of what came next but because I worried. Pieter would be alone. I am caught up in Rehan's challenge of living life with some normalcy, while preparing for an unfair future.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
I appreciate the sights, sounds, feelings and emotions you have woven into your narrative. I can visualize the cruel realities of “occupation” by hostile forces. I feel the despair of engaging with soldiers that cannot be stopped. The official officer, the recruiter, with his shabby appearance, but no nonsense deportment, is especially well done and adds believability to your tale of heartless war. Every paragraph moves the story forward efficiently, enticing me to care more about Rehan, Pieter and Reed.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There may be some minor punctuation edits that need to be made when you decide to do a re-write. These edits will make your story grammatically correct, but those issues did not detract from my understanding of your words and images. I was not aware of any other revisions that would improve your story.
 
Summary
 
War is in itself, heartless and cruel, but add to it the conscription and enslavement of young boys into a “war machine” and the universe becomes an even darker place to exist. In the story “This Is War” the author paints a dramatic picture of yet more of war’s evils and the real live individuals who try to hold on to hope despite the inevitable tragedy unfolding before them.
 
I enjoyed the emotions that your story stirred up in my heart and soul. Your writing invoked responses from all of my senses and kept me hoping for a happier outcome for Rehan and Pieter.
 
Well done!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
This item is in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 
 
101@101513


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281
281
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.5)
I selected your story to review through the WdC Side Bar from the main page.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your work. I am especially pleased with the revisions you have done with your piece and I am glad to give you some impressions I have as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
Beatrice is a delightful character. Her strengths, loves, favors, blessings, hurts and weaknesses adorn her with real life beauty. Even when first met by Stephanie she seems old and staid in another century with definite unalterable ideas about life and art. She seems preserved in time as her father dotes on her with love poems and eccentricities that shock the modern mind of Stephanie.
Interest and Pace
 
Like a beautiful painting, your writing draws my interest in on the landscapes, the community and the people where Stephanie lives, especially the unique artist, Beatrice. She seems to be suspended in time, unaffected by its passing and yet preserving herself in her self portraits. The pace of the story is maintained gracefully and I felt as though I was drawn into a dance by the elegant prose.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
The twists in the story as Beatrice becomes reclusive and out of touch with the community and the outer work on the mansion that reflect the sorrow inside is well written and clear. As Beatrice once again comes into Stephanie’s life it is charming that Beatrice wants to become more like her sometimes friend. This line is one of my favorites capturing the sorrow of Beatrice's circumstances, ”…But I’m not fine! I’m afraid of all these changes that are constantly going on all around me. Look at me, I’m still in my Victorian dress!" She looked so lost and bewildered. For me it is a pivotal moment when transformation could begin, and the hope is there. But as always in these kinds of life situations- will the person choose to step beyond the bounds that have held them back? But clearly we are led to understand that Beatrice is still very much in a invisible trap.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
The work you have done to polish your story is very commendable. I have just one suggestion in the last paragraph where the line reads, ”Later on, when all of her work was sorted out, her work was displayed for everyone to look and enjoy…” The line might read better if the words were changed to either “look upon” or “view” .
 
Summary
 
Beatrice, is known for being a Victorian lady stuck in the 20th century with gifts and talents so tied to the will of her parents that she can never flourish beyond the walls of her compound. Painting pictures is her only release and outlet for passion. Stephanie goes beyond friendship to become Beatrice’s assurance of a legacy as everything that she has created is threatened by a junk man’s fire.
 
 
This character study is one of my favorites. Thank you for sharing your talents and gifts.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
*Music2**Music1**Music2*
    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 
101@101513


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
282
282
Review of The Beach  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.0)
I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC.
It is a pleasure to welcome you to Writing.com where I believe your work will be received with great appreciation. I enjoyed reading your story and appreciated your insights.
 

 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
“The Beach” is a detail rich story of a woman taking her family and friend on a crazy ride to the beach. Her son is frustrated, bemused and sometimes exhilerated by his mother’s antics behind the wheel. As the unsolicited advice of her friend becomes a thorn in the her side, the family's ride to the beach endures some fabulous stunt driving. This is something that spices up an otherwise dreary two hour car trip and a wonderfully conceived story.
 
Interest and Pace
 
I love the characterization of the mom. She is vital, rich and amazingly adept at navigating the challenges of life fearlessly, even driving her impatient son and friend to the beach. A baby who sleeps through the whole ordeal is a wonderful touch and a great contrast to the anxiousness of the other passengers. The story moves along to a wonderful conclusion with great glimpses of how the characters interact with each other and the challenging world around them.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
The plot, “getting to the beach,” is well conceived. My favorite stories are ones where I’m presented with a simple challenge well thought through. You have accomplished this in your story. Everything else clearly adds flavor, turning a simple excursion into an exciting story.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There are a few grammatical improvements that could be made, but I didn’t feel there was a need for much revision other than that. An example of what needs correcting is in your opening sentence: There is no words to describe what I'm feeling right now. the verb in the sentence should be “are” instead of “is”. Again, this and a few other simple corrections will keep your readers from being distracted.
Summary
 
I like the descriptions of the drive and the son’s thoughts and point of view throughout the story. The conclusion is a beautiful contrast to the harrowing/boring trip and there is great satisfaction as “…mom’s mood lightened”.
 
A good fun read.
Thank you!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
*Music2**Music1**Music2*
    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 
101@101513


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
283
283
Review of The Surprise  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC.
I would like to first of all welcome you to Writing.com where I believe you will find a great network of support for your writing career.
 
I enjoyed reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
Clarice is a nightmare. Until one has a relationship with a woman like her it is hard to imagine the hard heartedness of this species humanity. I read with chills as I remembered such a woman in my past. Scott becomes the victim of an unfaithful wife, but soon turns the tables. For the reader who has dealt with betrayal and unfaithfulness of a spouse “Surprise” is a “quarter turn of the key,” from the perfect read to bring a sense of self-satisfaction.
 
Interest and Pace
 
Clarice grabs me right away. I know her and the plans she has for the men in her life and so my interest is piqued immediately. The fact that she still loves her husband while having many affairs is a twist for the self-secure mind, because who in their right mind would do that to the perfect husband Scott, or any person for that matter? But the story quickly and efficiently explores the realm of unfaithfulness and retribution. Scott may be dim, but he is swift to bring a resolution to his immediate pain.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
The plot is well developed and the reader can enjoy the set up for Clarice’s fall as varied images are used to engage us with her pending crisis. The longest paragraph graphically describing her war with the front door lock is well done. The blend of no entry to the house and the disconnected phone of her husband work to build the tension as she finally makes a decision: “Well, half an hour was reasonable. She’d just wait till Scott arrived. He’d take care of this.”
 
The writing that brings Clarice and her audience to the awareness that Scott knows everything is extremely well done and I am pulled into the dynamic revelation as well.
Edits/Revisions
 
I did not find any need for edits or revisions. In fact I enjoyed the design and the prose of your story very much.
 
Summary
 
Can the Clarice’s of the world hide their infidelities forever? And when they are discovered what retribution for their callous works of evil is appropriate? I applaud Scott’s choice. Keep cool. And say through a legal representative: “’You had the keys to my heart and house. But now I have changed the locks…’” Good for you Scott. Good bye Clarice.
 
I obviously had my own issues color my response to your story, but I enjoyed it none-the-less and garnered more forgetfulness in my soul. I hardly remember her name now.
 
Thank you!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
*Music2**Music1**Music2*
    Come cast a vote for this years Mr./Miss Thankfulness!
 
101@101513


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
284
284
Review of Slop Bucket Road  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.5)

I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC.
Thank you for sharing this touching glimpse of your life. And also, welcome to Writing.com where I believe your work will be received with great appreciation.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
There are lands and people in America that have similar heritage, but not all are worthy of the insightful tribute you have given the rural medical practice and the unique patients of that country, like the Zipporah Watsons, who thrive there. Your story gave honor to a precious woman’s memory while delivering a stirring story of real life perseverance.
 
Interest and Pace
 
I believe it is the upbeat and down to earth tone of your story that grabs my interest. There is no pretension. The doctor is ready to stand and serve and the prose takes the reader on those early visits; so there is a coming to an eye opening revelation of how medicine serves the public when those who practice it are centered on the welfare of the patient. Your story at times carries the glow of a fable or a myth. Something mankind has heard about, but is cannot actually exist somewhere.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
The structure you use works well for your story as it is not plot driven, but still conveys the essence of one life, Zapporah Watson, whose quality of life increased greatly with the advances in medicine and the care of a compassionate doctor. The dialogue is wonderfully lined out to capture the essence of Zapporah, while building the reader’s expectation that a wonderful relationship is being developed. The interactions between the characters remain clear throughout the piece. And even the introduction of some medical references serves the interest of the story and does not detract from the reader’s interest.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
I did not come across any need for edits or revisions.
 
Summary
 
When Zipporah Watson says, “..git out here right now. I got chest pain,…” Dr. King enters into a relationship with a patient that seemed destined to be on the short side. Along the way we are given the opportunity to see the beauties of rural life in the hills of Georgia. The writing of the story is delightfully varied and professionally done and as a reader I feel I have been introduced to a part of the American community that I should know well, but have seldom visited.
 
Your story was most enjoyable for me to read and it was a pleasure to review.
 
Thank you!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
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Review of Amnesia?  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (5.0)
I selected your poem to review through the Random Read Forum of WdC.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your work and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
“One thousand times I’d forget your name, but remembered it one thousand and one”
I am with the one who has developed this infernal “curse”. The setting is the mind and the mind is on an awful journey except for when it remembers the one it loves. As the poem opens I am confused about myself, but remember the one I love. Is that amnesia now? Probably not, but a good analogy of how the days develop as the demands of “making a living” and staying connected relationally grow and grow.
 
Interest and Pace
 
The wonderful quandary of a mind at lost with it’s own identity and yet ultra aware of its mate somewhere, out there, keeps me engaged from the first words to the last. The twist that the love has always been and the forgetting was just a way, a ploy for giving a love even more assurance of the inevitable indelibleness of the relationship is crafty, but wonderfully inventive at the same time. I was provoked to remember the times that I have done that. Your poem flows with great rhythm and presence and I enjoyed every word.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
A four line with a consistent meter and consistent rhyme is well done and makes your poem a comfortable read. I hum along with the words and enjoy the words that convey the slyness of the mind to play with me if I let it… but then I would never do that. Would I? The images and words I believe convey a clear story as well as a logical and easy to comprehend end.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
I was not aware of any need for edits or revisions. In fact the poem was extremely well written in every way.
 
Summary
 
“We’ll live together in happiness and never rue the day
That we met and learned to love, in this somewhat unique way
And when our time on Earth is done, we will finally part,
But not for very long my love, for you really have my heart
 
Your poem is a sweet reminder of how deep true love runs. Whether my mind is lucid and fully functioning or not. I remember my love and it transcends the powers of this world or my transitory forgetfulness.
 
 
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your poem. I appreciate you sharing your gifts and talents.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
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CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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Review of Fox on Rory  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum of WdC. Welcome to Writing.com. I believe this to be one of the most supportive writing forums on the internet and I hope your experience here will spark constant creativity and joy in your work. This has truly been my experience.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
 
The images in “Fox on Rory” are wonderful. I enjoyed the specific references to the Jeep, the white cottage, bamboo, and Entertainment Magazine. They make the story present, real and lend some relevance to the tale. The interaction between Jackson and Joanie is charming and invokes a feeling that love is a continual, eternal blooming thing for them. Rory seems to be one of those quirky characters who post themselves at the periphery of our lives just to have odd things happen to them to their complete bewilderment. Her engagement with the fox is entertaining though somewhat perplexing.
 
Interest and Pace
The images and the interaction between Jackson and Joanie are the interest focal points for me. I like their relationship. It has that combination of cute “I’m so in love with you,” and frantic sexual tension that is fun to watch (and experience) in real life. The story moves along at a quick pace and there is plenty of human interaction to keep the story on track.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
I appreciate your attempts to keep the conversations and images interwoven by eliminating the “he said,” “she said”. The interaction is left to be dominate and keeps the flow quick and upbeat. Occassionaly however, and this may just be me, I find myself lost as to who is saying what. When that happens I then become unclear as to why the character is saying it. With a reread I am able to string it together, but then the story for me loses its import. For instance, ““What did you say?!” Because Joanie, Jackson and Rory are all engaged in the scene at this point it was difficult to easily read through this section. If this was a Rory line, a simple Rory said, would have been helpful.
Also, I’m still not exactly sure who said the line: “That’s where both Mr. Flower and our old neighbor Mr. Steer suffered their heart failures.”
“It’s a good chair for a man to stay off.” Is Rory saying both lines? Or is one Rory’s and the other someone else’s?
I was a bit confused as well by Arnold’s presence later in the story and the person Ray. I guessed Ray to be a part of the “Club”, but this is not clearly defined. And I wasn’t sure how Arnold was still a part of the scene.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There was one typo that I noticed, Their hold their hands, holding forks in the air over the salad bowls. I believe you meant the “their” in this line to be “they”. The only other revision I would recommend is the clarifying of a couple of the character interactions, that I mentioned before.
 
Summary
 
I enjoyed reading the story of Rory’s encounter with the dog-like fox. Joanie and Jackson are charming and could evolve into shining stars if they were developed into a larger story. I like Rory and can’t help but wonder about her and the other wonderful Rorys in real life.
 
 
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your story. I appreciate you sharing your gifts and talents.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
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#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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287
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Review of The UnNamed  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum at WdC. Welcome to Writing.com. I believe this to be one of the most supportive writing forums on the internet and I hope your experience here will spark creativity and joy for your writing. It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 

Overall Impression
There is a CoOp that has the power over the entities in space who remain a mystery to the reader of the “UnNamed” but whose actions set up the search for another little known power in the universe. “Some say they are born from the black holes of the oldest galaxies, while others say they are born from the dying suns of the first stars to blink into being.” The reader is challenged with the explorer to get past those who have little memory of their encounter with the UnNamed, to actually come face to face with them. It is a terrifying experience and I am left haunted by the explorers discovery.
 
Interest and Pace
The mystery of where everything began is set in the first paragraph of your story. I am provoked to read more to gauge what kind of mystery needs to be uncovered. Because this a back story for something else, I can enjoy the course of your descriptions without worry of where the main character has been and where they are going. The pace seems about right for a back story piece as a lot of detail has to be interjected into the tale to bring believability onto the scene.
 
Structure and Clarity
With all back story pieces the challenge is to get the essential points of the plot correctly drawn and keep everything clear without losing the interest and pace of the story. I think this is an area for improvement for your story. How the main character comes to the point of seeking the UnNamed is less important than who these creatures are. I would suggest that the story would be clearer if the paragraph about the various names for the UnNamed were pushed to the beginning. The paragraphs seem a little long. Perhaps varying the lenght occassionally would make it easier for the reader to move along smoothly. Your prose is strong, but if there was a way to interject more emotion into the earlier parts of the piece I think the power of the story would increase. There could be more sights, sounds, smells, tastes earlier in the story to keep my human inquisitiveness ramped up.
 
Edits/Revisions
This was the one edit I came a cross. I believe you need the word “to” in this sentence to make it read correctly, ” I knew I would have___ try and figure out why everyone was so quick to oblige this strange order from the CoOp.” The rest of your story is well done. The only revisions are those that I suggested earlier.
 
Summary
We join the main character as he/she comes to a near cataclysmic encounter with the UnNamed. It is a force that destroyed many civilizations on many planets and it can give you the "mind video" of all of their destructive raids if you dare step into their presence for a few moments. The interaction between the UnNamed and the main character is extremely engaging and a fresh original way to see history of universal hatred gone mad.
 
 
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your story. Keep up the strong writing.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
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#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.0)
I selected your story to review through the Read a Newbie Forum at WdC. Welcome to Writing.com. I believe this to be one of the most supportive writing forums on the internet and I hope your experience here will spark lots of creativity and joy for writing. It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 

Overall Impression
 
I enjoyed the mysterious, surreal quality of your prose and the near poetic visuals that describe the formation of a new place in time and space: a “…thousands of years of peace,” to the Adorian universe. An opening image that is startling and wonderfully vivid “…eyes of a burning sunset and scales like the charred remains of a forest fire,” not only increases my knowledge of this dark moment in space and time, but also sets a tone for the rest of the story as it unfolds.
 
Interest and Pace
 
“Her song a healing harmonious one that rippled across the obsidian void of tiny sparks and voiceless whispers.” This intriguing line stimulates my interest both in the story and you as the writer. What do you see? I am interested in your view and I prepare myself for a fusion of images that I have never experienced before. I am not disappointed. Your writing makes me care about the formation of a dragon. Something I can assure you I would not in real life be interested in. But your prose captures me with a unique rhythm and I find that I am drawn along at a marvelous pace as a supernatural being is birthed in the universe.
 
Structure and Clarity
 
The combination of an omnipotent point of view and the dialogue between the two entities as they are born together works wonderfully for me. I am able to easily follow clearly the formation of something that is incomprehensible and unbelievable in my natural mind. Like this line: “All I know, is that they called you by the name `Diamondraskyro` because you were prophesied to resemble a sky of diamonds and that you would be one half of a whole that would allow the universe to grow and evolve safely.” Is this beyond my understanding? Yes. But this line opens my mind to a whole world where the ways of being are radically beyond the scientific and yet are believable. Well done.
 
Edits/Revisions
 
There were a couple of places where the use of commas would have been appropriate should you edit or rewrite. Your punctuation is nearly perfect so the minor adjustments will no doubt occur through the natural course of your rewrite. Other than that I did not find any place within the story where I would recommend edits or revisions.
 
Summary
 
Through Diamondraskyro’s story I am introduced with great skill and visual impact into the Adorian universe where a 1,000 years of peace is about to be created. The being that is formed defies the comprehension of the human mind and yet I can see and experience the amazing birth of the dragon that will guarantee peace.
 
Thank you for the opportunity to read and review your story. It was wonderfully written and a joy to read!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
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AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I selected your story from those newly published on the Reading Newbies forum of WdC. Welcome, to Writing.com. Your experience in this community will surely be a positive and creative one. I am glad you have published your work here.

I enjoyed reading your work and I am pleased to give you some impressions I have of your piece as well as a short review.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
Extreme tension and a tough reality are immediately created in the first line of the story.     The reader is offered quickly the option to join Terra in her process of healing and remembering. What happened at the lake that she should now suddenly be gagging on a healing potion? It all comes back with clarity and emotion.
 
Interest and Pace
The first paragraph is well designed to bring the reader into a new world with a new purpose. What is happening to Terra and where is she, are questions that spark one to read on and discover with her the world and circumstances that have left her sick and without memory.
 
I enjoyed Dar’jut’s way of being for the stricken Terra. He is odd, but caring and compassionate and matter of fact about the magic he has had to contend with in his world. Terra’s sardonic attitude is interjected in a clever way “Awfully sweet of a contract killer.” Both characterizations grew in strength as the chapter opened up.
Structure and Clarity
The story carries a good classic form introducing the wonderful Terra immediately, setting the scene through her eyes and clouded memory. The quick introduction of Dar’jut provides a striking contrast to the stricken Terra. The mystery around Terra works, because it seems obvious that the reader will be allowed to know about her as the story progresses. The scene unfolds clearly as Terra engages with Dar’jut to get the answers to the puzzles in her head.
 
Edits/Revisions
I did not find any place within the work where I would recommend edits or revisions.
 
Summary
It was wonderful being introduced into the world you have created. There are obviously familiar elements: a lake, a girl, a town, camping; but the reader is made aware of a strong potion, catfolk, the Rogue Mage and the strange catfolk creature Dar’jut and the conflict with an enemy with the ability to cast a powerful spell, all blended together with great precision and clarity. The story is crafted with great skill to allow the reader to absorb all of these elements in a very short read, setting up the next adventure that is ahead for Terra and her friend.
 
 
This was a most enjoyable read. Thank you and have a blessed and creative day!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
 
   This review is given in honor of:
 
FORUM
AFaith's Unofficial Account BDay Event  (E)
CLOSED - My UAB R/CE Starts November 1st! Come help me celebrate by showing thanks!
#1955910 by A*Monaing*Faith

 
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290
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Review of Foward  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
First of all I would like to welcome you to Writing.com. I’m glad that you have become a part of this wonderful community of writers.

I enjoyed reading your story and appreciate the thought and work that went into the creation of your work of fiction. I would like to share my impressions and a short review of your work.
 
My review of is based solely on my opinion and feelings. I may suggest some structural revisions, but they are often just my own preferences at work. I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions to give help and encourage more thought and interaction with a piece of fiction or essay. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
There is so much beauty in the story “Forward,” that it becomes a wondrous walk through thoughts and images I have never put together before. It is a fresh perspective on tragedy and how the human heart can choose to overcome even the most terrible violations that it has had to endure. Much of the story’s beauty lies in the solid foundations that seem routine, but are life lines to dealing with tragedy, like a loving husband, a picture, an art wall on the fridge, a back porch with a pet and the symbols of transition flying to a new season. I am easily at home with the setting, the scene, Sarah and Adam..
 
Interest and Pace
I appreciate the story’s pace in setting up the serious conversation to come. A foster child for the empty nest is a possible serious challenge for anyone. But I love the way Sarah and Adam approach the challenge. Sarah and Adam are real and the ordinary things around them speak of their humanness and fundamental way of being with the realities of life. The light of their actual heroism begins to dawn as Sarah removes the sympathy cards from the refrigerator. My interest in the story begins to escalate rapidly from that point.
Structure and Clarity
I appreciate the perspective. I am allowed to view this story unfold from a bit of a distance. The paragraphs include bits of information that keeps my questions coming, but I am satisfied with the images and the answers to my questions as the story easily progresses.
 
Each line of prose seems carefully created and I am able to read and understand each movement of the story with ease.
 
Edits/Revisions
There were two words that probably were used by accident: “Sarah’s thoughts wonder back…” I believe should be ”Sarah’s thoughts wander back…” and ”Sarah goes into her daughter old room…” should be possessive, ”Sarah goes into her daughter’s old room…”.
 
There does not appear to be any need for any revision. The story is bright and concise the way you have written it.
Summary
I love this revealing story of love and human endurance. Adam and Sarah's capacity for love is deep, wide and ready to reach out beyond their own small world to encompass another child. The process to come to this heroic decision is created beautifully and was a complete joy to read. Thank you.
 
I appreciate you sharing your creative talents.
 
Have another great creative day!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 

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291
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Review of The End  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.5)
I enjoyed your wonderfully written story and I am glad to share some of my thoughts and a short review of your work.
 
As usual, my review of your piece is based solely on my opinion and feelings. I may suggest some structural revisions, but they are usually just my opinion. I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions to give help and encourage more thought and interaction with a piece of fiction or essay. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
A stirring image, visually stirring and heart-warming opens the story of a couple so tied together by love that they look forward to their destruction together with a calm acceptance and no regrets. The story’s facts are balanced well with a rhythmic prose that at times feels like a familiar melody.
 
Interest and Pace
My interest is provoked by the images of the old couple on a golden beach, viewing stars and crimson ocean, while taking time to stretch out answers to questions that are immediately answerable without thought.
 
The words and images blend so naturally together that the labor of reading the story is not labor at all but a piece of bliss and charm.
 
Structure and Clarity
The third person view is a front row seat to an event, not just in the lives of two people devoted to each other in love, but also to the cataclysmic work in the cosmos. The scene unfolds with a natural ease that helps me be accepting of the couple’s fate even as they seem to be. “Like us, I believe they have made peace with their fate…” The conclusion of the man is laden with so much meaning, but is also crystal clear. All of the images and suppositions of your story are remarkably clear.
 
I’ve not often thought of the question now that I am older, but many struggles in youth was a coming to a place of “peace with my fate.”
 
Edits/Revisions
I found no reason to make any edits and have no revisions to suggest. I would only say that I enjoyed the prose and professional writing so much that more would have been happily received.
 
Summary
“The end happened as the couple held each other on the beach”. There are so many ways that the “end” comes in this life and sometimes speculation may lead us to think of the unavoidable randomness of it all. But in “The End” there is goodness, and acceptance and love. The story reminds me that this can be my reality someday as I approach my own end.
 
Thank you for sharing your talents and story.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
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292
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (3.5)
I enjoyed reading this your second chapter of your novel. I would like to share my impressions and a short review of your work.
 
My review of your piece is based solely on my opinion and feelings. I may suggest some structural revisions, but they are usually just my opinion. I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions to give help and encourage more thought and interaction with a piece of fiction or essay. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 

Overall Impression
I am drawn to the two main characters in the story, Ansia and Ryan. As I mentioned before, they have great potential for being memorable characters. Chapter Two, unlike Chapter One, has a lot riding on it. The first chapter of a book can be mystifying and circular in thought with the main goal being to get "my buy in" to the story and grow in appreciation of what the story teller is going to reveal.
 
The question in the second chapter is always, what new can be revealed to keep me reading on?

Interest and Pace
My interest is still on Ansia and the introduction of more Ryan Johnston comes along at the right time.
 
You continue to keep elements of the story simple and uncluttered which moves the reader through this part of the story.
Structure and Clarity
To maintain at a chapter after chapter level I feel that your structure will need to broaden quite a bit, starting with the last of the first chapter and moving into your second chapter. The action and interaction of the characters is crying out for some back story. I want to bond with Ryan. I want to bond with Ansia, but besides their emotional dialogue I am feeling distant and uninvited into their lives. What do they like to wear? Eat? Do? I feel when a writer wants to delay the revelation of why there is such an intense break down between people, a wonderful way is to just slip into the history of the people. I’ve even seen gifted writers use an non-starring character like the Detective Derek to interject a three page pause to delay the revelation with that character's profile. He’s not central to the story, but it delays the solution of the mystery without slipping into redundant indications that let me know the author is not going to tell me the “real situation” right now.
 
Chapter two could benefit from slowing the pace and letting the reader get to know some of the main players in your piece. Since this is a book it is ok to write a lot more.
 
Edits/Revisions
I have only two suggestions for edits and revisions: 1) Write more color, flavor, sights, sounds and thoughts into each of the parts of the scene before progressing to the next 2) There is no need to capitalize text when people are yelling. “Why are you so happy? You could have died” is strong enough to carry the scene. Describe how Ansia is saying it, “face contorted, ferocious, fists clenched, eyes flaring – etc.” Did she yell? I’m sure she did. Show me the reader what it looked like and sounded like.
 
Summary
This second chapter of “Till the Clock Strikes Midnight,” is ready and on the brink of being a great transition for what is about to happen between Ansia and her father. With the introduction of more detail and more “showing” of the action, the story could sustain for many glorious chapters.
 
Thank you for sharing your talents and story.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
 
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293
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.5)
It was a real pleasure reading your work and I am glad to give you some impressions I have of your poem and a short review of your work.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a poem in the hopes that they may be of some help and encourage further thought about what has been created. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 

Overall Impression
The wonderful title is my usher into the sanctuary feel of your peace. You have create a place where I can come with my soul and taking the wonders of both my humanity and the forces and nature that can overtake me.
 
Interest and Pace
I am drawn to your poem as a rationalist. As a rationalist I burn with emotion for the forces that oppose each other. The repeated line “soothing tornadoes and calm hurricanes” feeds my urge to witnesses the forces of peace and calm overtake the murderous tornadoes and hurricanes. Rationally impossible, yet inside man seems to be a seed that births desires for a peace that will tame the storms.
 
Structure and Clarity
The repeated line becomes the focal point for me and anchors my feelings to a an understanding of my emotions hooked to your words that make the poem extremely clear for me. The gentle rhymes are beautifully done without losing the impact and power of your words.
 
Edits/Revisions
I did not find any place within the poem where I would recommend edits or revision.
 
Summary
“With A Strong Brush” has an Ecclesiastes feel to it. Perhaps the acquisition of wisdom is doomed, but we live our lives to the glory and feel the pain of the ultimate powers that bring us to the end of all endeavor and yet with love, life and sometimes celebration.
 
I enjoyed reading your poem very.
 
Thank you for an enjoyable read!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 
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294
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

First of all I would like to welcome you to the WdC writing community. I am glad that you have joined this wonderful creative forum. I believe you will find support for your writing endeavors here and enjoy the great writers on WdC.
 
It was a real pleasure reading your work and I am glad to give you some impressions I had of your story and a short review of "It Wasn't Meant To Be".
 
My review of your story is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may help and encourage. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
To stand in the tempest of a disintegrating relationship, especially one based on love, trust and deep devotion is a defining moment for a person, fictional or otherwise and you write the scene beautifully. Samantha wins my admiration and heart as her soul is brutalized by the one person who should have cherished her above his own life. It could have been cataclysmic, but there is strength and moral resolve to not be beaten down despite David's betrayal. She doesn’t cry in the moment of deception but why hold back on a cold walk to the café? There is no need and my hope is for her to receive comfort.
 
Interest and Pace
I am drawn into your story easily because I have been on that cold windy road, tears flowing and hands stuffed in pockets wondering what happened. I am able to relate. The process by which she discovers David’s infidelity is well written and I am drawn along in the story, wanting a battle between the two, but I am at the same time pleased that Samantha is cool and deliberate. I am able to keep my heart and feelings with her in the “show down.” It is a most interesting drama with a pace that keeps me glued to every word as I desire to learn more about this moment in Samantha’s history.
 
Structure and Clarity
“…now she was completely alone on the streets of Caribou.” Is one of many phrases that are crisp and well designed to give me a picture but also an emotion. “She forced herself not to cry. ‘not now’ she kept repeating to herself.” Again, another picture. A woman wanting tears, I can see the face, I’ve seen the face, and yet she is coaching herself to not do it. The emotional strain is building for her and me as we wait through this critical moment. All of the writing is wonderfully clear and I am always delighted when I can see, hear and feel a piece as the story unfolds.
 
Edits
There was only one line that I kept re-reading and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t read it the way I believe you meant it to read: ”She made her promise herself she wasn’t going to…” I know what you are trying to convey but every time I read it in my head it comes out “She made a promise to herself that she…” Now this is probably a case of being stuck in my own head and if so please forgive me for rewriting your line. In every other way I am totally with you through the story.
 
Summary
“Since when do you say ‘I love you’ to people from work?” she asked with her words dripping with venom. She was going to be angry with this; she had every right to be. Rereading this and the preceding paragraphs I was feeling for Samantha, but I am also drawn into David’s life as well. What would have been the outcome for me if I …? Well I can’t finish the thought, but I feel Sam’s venom both coming out of her and entering into David. I am glad for Sam’s ability to move ahead, and I am wondering with David, what is it he has lost?
 
I appreciate your great attention to the physical and emotional detail in your story. Thank you for sharing your gift and talent.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

First of all I would like to welcome you to Writing.com. I believe you will find this to be a very supportive community of writers and a wonderful forum to post your work.

It was a real pleasure reading your story and I am glad to give you some impressions I had and a short review of your work.
 
My review is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a story in the hopes that they may help and encourage. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 

Overall Impression
Your obvious devotion to your sister and the love you feel for her is communicated with vivid images and attention to detail. I especially like the contrast between those “lacking self-respect” and someone with solid moral foundation. You describe well the difference between authentic admiration and carnal judgments.
 
Interest and Pace
My interest in your story develops graciously because like all young men I have an affinity for heroes and stories where the hero takes on an elevated position in life. Your story builds in this interest as Melissa becomes more that your role model, but the grounding force in a family that has not the benefits of two parents. I am keenly aware of the force of your words as they produce indelible images that keep moving the story along at a wonderful pace.
 
Structure and Clarity
You have chosen to give all of your writing attention to developing a characterization that might be ultimately developed into a story of high drama or memoir. The setting goes from one moment in Melissa’s life to another and as an overview of who she is and how this has affected you works well as a set up for something larger in scope. I found your prose to be very engaging and almost always clear. My moment of anxiousness was around Melissa’s accident, where I’m left in the dark. But as a set up for a larger story, this of course would work just fine.
 
Edits/Revisions
I was not aware of any part of the story that required editing or revision. My only recommendation is to expand the story. Let us listen and watch Melissa talk and engage directly with others and I think your story would have strong appeal for all readers.
 
Summary
The yellow dress defines Melissa in a way that sets her into another class of person. Her character and values have been transferred to her sister and the symbol of that moral transference is the yellow dress. The prose around the characterization of Melissa is fast, witty and current and wonderfully engaging. I enjoyed reading your story very much.

 
Thank you for sharing your gift, talents and story.
 

~Kenword~ *MugR*
 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.0)
A wonderfully believable, family action piece with a great ending. Who could ask for anything more?
 
The following review of your work is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a piece in the hopes that the ideas may help and encourage further development. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
I enjoyed the mom to children to husband interaction very much. The outer elements around the impromptu gathering outside of a potential bomb threat site is surreal, but I think it works as a great contrast to the solidity of the family.
 
Interest and Pace
The mother daughter conversation and the fresh baked rolls open your story nicely and sets me up for the unexpected events at the family's home. I am surprised and of course that is a key to keeping my attention, with almost anything. The pace is wonderful. I am easily drawn along through the story without just enough detail.
 
Structure and Clarity
Short, one sentence paragraphs as a structure for this story works well. For even if I want to “off road “ with my own thoughts the story progresses at a swift clip to keep me on track.
 
The premise, images and interactions of characters is clear and entertaining.
 
Edits
I was not aware of any need for revision. While your story is complete unto itself I think it could work well as a center piece for a larger story or a chapter in a novella.
 
Summary
The scary turns funny, as the family in your story goes from preparing for a big party to having their fudge blown up…by experts! I smiled along with the clueless as they have a "big bang" of a revelation and in my world, smiling is a good thing when reading a story. Nicely done.
 
Thank you for sharing your talent and your story.
 
Cheers!
~Kenword~ *MugR*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Mathew 5:13  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like your use of “salt” as a direct comparison of how we as Christians can become. Your writing exhibit’s a wonderful flavor to go along with your images and I love the story like quality to your piece that for me enhances the power of the message you are writing.
 
The following review of your work is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a piece in the hopes that the ideas may help and encourage further development. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
I appreciate your opening. It is compelling with the use of foods I am familiar with that are wonderful when salted to perfection and the introduction of a food I am not familiar with but am able to imagine because I know the flavors of salt and lime so well. You have created a great contrast between the opening paragraphs and a statement made later in your essay, “We need to have the salt or the spirit in our lives alive, fresh, ready to be a voice for God to use where we’re needed.” Here for me too, this may not be a “flavor” I am familiar with, but I know God and I know what it was once to be fresh and alive. I am challenged to be that salt I was earlier in my walk with Him. But am I truly that salty?
 
Interest and Pace
Your many different images present great interest in your essay. Contrasts of foods of differing cultures, "giving our testimony", serving in church, the pastor who gives a wordless illustration of fellowship and “This Present Darkness” are high points of interest through out your work and I find it easy to flow with the pace and rhythm in your essay.
 
Structure and Clarity
The build up from food and its seasonings transitions well into a frank discussion of the way others live their spiritual walk. But then I to must face the bottom line of how am I in my own saltiness. For me this works as a good strong structure for making a clear conclusion. The structure was used professionally and helped to keep your points crystal clear.
 
Edits / Revisions
I was not aware of any need for editing or revision. Your essay works as a serious reminder of how much the Lord loves us and desires our best a we represent Him in the world as flavoring, the workers with the help of His Spirit.
 
Summary
Everything in your essay works to help me have a greater understanding of God’s word and the lesson Jesus was teaching in Matthew 5:13. Your writing is professional and helps me to have another perspective on a scripture I have meditated on for over thirty years. Very nicely done.
 
Thank you and Blessings!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Gift For Father  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (5.0)
First of all I would like to welcome you to Writing.com. This is a great online writing community where I think you will find a great support for your wonderful abilities as a writer.
 
This was one of the best stories about the joys of leaving this world behind that I have ever read. In fact I don’t think I have read anything on this topic so well done since reading George MacDonald.
 

The following review of your work is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a piece in the hopes that the ideas may help and encourage further development. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 
Overall Impression
The descriptive language is gripping throughout the story, but especially in the beginning as the draught is drawn so cryptically that I can experience the heat and the dryness of everything. I am taken easily into the boy’s world as his father battles for his farm and his life as the main provider for his family.
 The brutal winter, losing Jake, struggling spiritually with the job at the Jolly Joy, the boy is in a crucible that has broken grown men before and his courage and perseverance drives this story of overcoming and transcendence.
 
Interest and Pace
The beautiful prose in the first few paragraphs sets a wonderful tone for your story and it is kept up through out the piece. The interest throughout the story never wanes because you keep the reader pressed up against the ferocity and hard times that this life produces sometimes. It is a war many times, as your story reveals beautifully. The strong survive, and those with faith testify of God’s goodness and grace. To die with Christ is great gain as the father demonstrates to his son.
 
The story is nicely paced to allow all the emotional, sensory elements of your tale to open up wide to give the reader a complete experience.
 
Structure and Clarity
The images you chose were well done and the structure of the story extremely professional and well thought out. At times it may be hard for a reader to experience the reality you are revealing, but the story is so well constructed that it is easy to assimilate and savor the full weight of your character’s experiences and beliefs.
 
Edits
Overall your story is technically well done. There were just two errors that I caught. 1.) Was probably a typo: “Looking back on that moment I think that deep down inside me the watch stood for everything we [are] humans do not have a lot of on this earth;..” I believe you meant the [are] to be “as”.
2.) [I smile at the memory of my father as my fingers ran across those engraved words... “A Gift for Father." I believe there is a problem with the verb agreement in this sentence, I could be wrong, but I think the sentence would be either “I smiled at the memory of my father as my fingers ran across those engraved words…” This would agree with the tense you chose to writer your whole story in. If you were shifting tense I think you would want it to read: “I smile at the memory of my father as my fingers run across those engraved words…”
 
Summary/c}
This is an extraordinary, professionally done story of amazing quality. I especially appreciate the message of the Gospel presented in this life, love, family, death and life again story.  .
 
Thank you for sharing your grace, talent and gift.
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
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Review of The Tournament  
Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your historically based story of courage and determination. Thank you.
 

The following review of your story is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a piece in the hopes that the ideas may help and encourage further development. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 

Overall Impression
Within the main character, Dochia, is a courageous heart and a desire to meet her enemies within her own strength and skill. I felt the wonder of being in a classically set tale of survival and romance.
 
Interest and Pace
The tensions between Dochia and Duncan work for me and keep me reading to find the merit in both characters. The pace never drags and I am rewarded with each succeeding paragraph with more delightful images. Lake bathing by a mister turned miss, dining in the market place, a love for apple pie and the training ground. Extremely engaging.

 
Structure and Clarity
I like the way the paragraphs expand as the story grows. There is a rhythm to the chosen words that keeps building through the beginning of the story which works with the startling awakenings to “stench” “rudeness”, “combat” and “hot dogs”. The images are clear and interesting and I felt a part of the action through all of the scenes.
 
Edits
If you decide to do a re-write of the story there are a few grammatical errors that need to be corrected and missing words and awkward sentence structure that need to be fixed. If you are unable to find these areas in your re-write let me know and I’ll be glad to assist.
 
Summary
I am pleased with the experience of reading your story and find myself hoping the best for Dochia and doom for Miklos the Land stealer. There are many ways that the story could be expanded and a re-write with more detail about the surroundings and characters would be warmly welcomed by all of us who champion the writing of historical fiction.
 
This was a fun read. Thank you.
 
Have a Creative Day!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
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Review by ♫~ Kenword~♫
Rated: E | (3.5)
First of all I would like to welcome you to Writing.com. This is a great online writing community of where I think you will find a great support for your creativity.
 

The following review of your story is based solely on my opinion and feelings. While I may suggest some structural alterations, I prefer to lend my feelings and impressions about a piece in the hopes that the ideas may help and encourage further development. Please take what you think is appropriate for your work and disregard the rest.
 

Overall Impression
The scene and interaction between Paige and her Dream Weaver is an excellent concept and the set up for something “big” is well done. I like being in that ethereal place of “is this a dream?” or “is this real” the precept is working well for me.
 
Interest and Pace
I like that the story has an easy circular pattern to it. It seems to spiral towards some revelation, but my eagerness to know completely what is going on is held in gentle suspense. I am intrigued and my interest is held. The pace is good, though I had to put my need to read swiftly on hold. The comprehension of what is unfolding requires me to stay focused and alert. That’s good. I just took a breath, another sip of my coffee and got into it.

 
Structure and Clarity
The structure is going to hold up well as your story develops. There are lots of interactions and descriptions that repeat either directly or with different phrasing, for me this helps to establish the feeling as I'm reading that clarity is a time earned thing. We are going to know what we know, but not before the author, in his good time, reveals it.
 
Edits
There were a few omissions of words along the way which I’m sure you will pick up on in the rewrite. Two typos stand out (1.) “with trails” where I believe you meant “tails” and (2.) “He was ringing” which I think should be “wringing”.

 
Summary
“Paige got to her feet and brushed her light hair from her face. She dusted the sand from her dressed and walked…” A sweet, simple way of approaching the complexities of dreams and other worlds. I enjoyed reading the story and can see many ways the scene can expand and the many directions the story can go.
 
A fun read. Thank you.
 
Have a Creative Day!
 
~Kenword~ *MugR*
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