Starting off, i can easily tell there's no real problem with this story. Of course, when i think of the word story, i don't think of real life affairs, i tend to think of story's as an escape from the real world into another one. For me, this is a transcript of what has really happened in someone's life. And I'm not just saying this because the writer talks about this at the start of it all, call me crazy, but i felt a lot of deep feelings emanating from this piece. Most likely due to events that share a part of my life in it as well.
In any case, this item touches a lot on the subject of faith, and learning to truly believe in something that we cannot see with our own eyes. It even has some nice lyrics to go with it. But that's also where my only real problem stems from. I think this item could use a link to someone singing the song where the lyrics start so we can hear how it sounds ourselves, or so we can all just sign along. Other than that, that's all i really have against it. Good job kiddo.
I'm gonna be honest here, (since the owner asks that much of us in their portfolio) I'm not a fan of poetry really, But i was asked to do this review by the owner, so I'll do what i can from a non-fan based viewpoint. So here goes nothing.
The rhymes were pretty good from what i could tell. Not all of them were different though, and whenever i hear poetry being told, it seems better to me when no one repeats any of the rhyming words. For example...
for this is the worst Christmas gift ever,
I bet we’ll regret this present forever.
Though the rhyming words were technically different here, they both essentially ended with the word 'ever'. I really don't like it when people can't think of a better word to use and just use the same one over and over again just to give off that rhyming effect. But again, this is just me. The rest of you reading this might feel different about this, i just ask that you respect my opinion on the subject, that's all. I myself would try to find other words like 'lever', 'helper', 'better', etc.
Something else i don't really like is the dark and depressing atmosphere about only having enough money to buy a pear for Christmas, plus all the talk about famine and drought, and the regret of buying a pear for Christmas is more than enough to make me think this little story should be posted in the Dark category, instead of Inspirational one. I don't see much inspiration from this work in my opinion, just a lot of sad feelings.
This is a very great interactive with a really good story in some areas. I would love to see an Anime built off of this concept. A young man inheriting a giant mansion with four magical maids in it, as well as his childhood friend who stops in from time to time, add in some slapstick, hentai, some fetish scenes, and you've got yourself a really great show rolling. Of course there would be the task of finding script writers, animators, and all those other people. But i can picture this story reaching all kinds of new heights of you put enough work into it. Keep up the great work!
This part of the story was much better written than the last one. I didn't see any typos at all. But if i did miss any that were there, then there must've been only one or two. Not a whole to worry about if that was the case.
The story itself was a lot shorter than the last one. However, i already know that Darkly combined most of his chapters together. And that he's yet to move further with the story at this time. I can't wait for the next chapter to see how Darkly gets himself out of this mess.
All in all, interaction with Characters (Even though Darkly was only talking with Vincent and Yuki/Sephiroth) felt a little better than the last part. Definitely some improvements from the last one. And a lot of room for more should the need arise.
This story is a great fan fiction so far. Though it is riddled with spelling errors left and right, i could still understand all but one or two parts of the story. If you were to fix all the typos then I'm sure this story would get even higher ratings of at least four stars even by myself.
As for the story itself, i felt that there wasn't much interaction with any of the Characters apart from Yuki/Sephiroth and Darkly. I'm not counting the world of Naruto since most of the story seems to be focused on the world of Final Fantasy VII. For now anyway. Those views may change however when i get around to reading the second part of the story.
All in all though, i really feel that the shrinking plot could be use more often. And not just because i enjoy reading stories with that kind of content in it. But because it's one of Darkly's most powerful ability's. And the only time it's been used so far was to escape certain death by the hands of Sephiroth. However, as I've said before, that may change when i get around to the second part of the story.
Hello there. I think this story is quite unique in the fact that there not many people who write about nature, or create Characters who have a very strong connection to nature. I believe we need more stories and Characters like that. I have one such Character of my very own called Axel Redress in a campfire called, "World Renown." Which is about a bunch of people with superpowers who are trying to save/take over the world. So far it's only 1/5th inwards, with plenty of room for people to come in and help out. But I'm falling off track here. We're here to talk about your story. Not mine or anyone else.
As for the story itself, I felt it could use a little grammar editing. There are some parts of the story that were either misspelled, or didn't have any commas or periods to separate the words. Like in the first part of the story-
The world today is silent but it was not always so long ago the everything spoke from the mightiest of oak two the humblest of ants.
I feel so much more can be put into this one part alone. For example, and you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I just feel more people will rate this better if it's fixed. The changes I think should be added I'll put inside of parentheses
The world today is silent(,) but it was not always so(.) Long ago(,) () everything spoke from the mightiest of oak(,) (to) the humblest of ants.
You don't have to make these changes. I just thought I'd put them out in the open for you in case you didn't see them before.
The rest of the story could also use some better punctuation, but I'm sure you'll make the right choice regardless.
I like this campfire. But I find that everyone's chapters are either to small, or have spelling errors every five seconds. I think this would be a great campfire if Evil Dude, Scorch, and Perpetual Sorrow would learn to use the Writing.com spell check more often. I'm not saying this to be offensive, this is just what I think.
What I think this story could use more the anything is more info about the story itself. I mean, a lot of us really don't know who Mr. Mr. really is, nor do we know what he want's, on anything about the storyline itself. So what I think this story could use is more info about Axion, Mr. Mr., and anyone else that has anything to do with the story itself right at the start of the story.
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