Personally, I like the lightness of your first three lines in each stanza, and then the punch of emotion you evoke in the fourth line. (The only line I'm not so fond of is "imagine the years" in the third stanza.) The finale of the fourth stanza is appropriately solemn and sweet.
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The Angel Army (ASR) Our mission? To welcome and promote a positive community within WDC. Join us today! #1188342 by iKïyå§ama
Your descriptive choices bring this piece to life. I found your writing clear---easy to read and understand---and flowing in a gentle yet moving cadence.
Very creative, a "work of art" this piece, THE WRITER WRITES.
I enjoyed every last descriptive detail, every word, the gentle flow of the rhythmic rhyme cadence. I found it very focused and free flowing, refreshingly unique.
Thank you.
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The Angel Army (ASR) Our mission? To welcome and promote a positive community within WDC. Join us today! #1188342 by iKïyå§ama
I like to walk long distances with nice scenery. I especially like Yoga.
I've found that walking outside is much better than walking the treadmill. I walk alone or with someone who enjoys walking long distances like me. If you walk regularly, the weight will start falling off.
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The Angel Army (ASR) Our mission? To welcome and promote a positive community within WDC. Join us today! #1188342 by iKïyå§ama
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