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131 Public Reviews Given
185 Total Reviews Given
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26
26
Review by Budroe
Rated: E | (5.0)
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This is an interesting read. It is clearly written, and on point. It clearly delineates between the skills of writing and the craft of writing.

The work clearly brings into focus the necessity for writing clarity to the newest generation, while speaking clearly of the writing quest through the learning and advancement of the writing craft. While brief, it is an excellent jumping-off point for future discussion.

Congratulations on an excellent piece of writing.

Write Well!

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27
27
Review by Budroe
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Welcome to WDC. I saw this work on the "Request Reviews" page. I chose to Review your work because of the title. It seemed to be a bit oxymoronic to me, given my distinct distaste for this particular season.

Overall, I was postively impressed with your work. The story is well-crafted, although the ending was not so much of a surprise, given the nature of the story which led to it. But, I especially enjoyed the last sentence very much.

There are some typos in the work which I believe a keen reading, and perhaps a spell checking utility would readily capture.

I want to encourage you to offer us more of your work. It is really very good. With your rich descriptions, and the specific absence of dialogue (quite a challenge, actually), I was a grateful reader.

I look forward to reading your work in the future.

I thank you for the honor of reading your work.

Write Well!

Budroe
28
28
Review by Budroe
Rated: 18+ | (1.5)
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Hello, and welcome to WDC. I hope that you will enjoy your time here.

I saw your request for a Review of your work on the "Plug" page, so I thought I would see what you have to offer. You have much to offer, I believe, but it is very far away from the work you are presenting here.

The tone of your work (not even "freeform would, in my view, classify this as poetry) speaks of the rebel, and rebellion.

Much more than teenaged angst, however, you seem to have come to the conclusion that rebellion, for rebellion's sake, is acceptable--or even laudable. What rebel do you know who cannot speak his or her thoughts plainly? And, what rebellion is worthy of being followed with no purpose, no goal, and no passion? This piece of work shows me none of these things. But, I do think they may be within the emotion of the words.

Your use of the English language is not, at least in this work, very acceptable. You must at least use the correct words in the correct manner. Making up words, or scoring a "near miss" with the words you select simply makes your rebellion empty.

I hope you can clean up your words to get the purpose beyond your obvious passion. I would love to see what develops when the words are the weapons to portray your purpose.

Write Well!

Budroe
Clarksville, Indiana USA
29
29
Review of The End Of Brucie  
Review by Budroe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I didn't like Brucie the moment I met him, and didn't even know why, for sure.

The more I learned, the less I liked. It seems to me that, of all the members of the family, the one who dispatched Brucie was going to be the martyr, no matter who ran out of patience first.

It is truly a sad moment to realize that such anger and angst at every family reunion from now to Eternity has only one common bond with everyone in the family: they all hated Brucie. You just happened to, sadly, be the lucky one to do something about it. Even though it was an accident. Yes.

Great story. I feel vindicated for having read it.
30
30
Review by Budroe
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
It has been wisely said that "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone."

Beauty is, like joy, and inside job. What you see is not me, but the shell protecting the me which lives inside. The challenge is to get beyond the shell, whether gorgeous or hideous, and find the secret joy which awaits the one person who seeks to find the real me that I am. Only then can my full beauty become--truest beauty IS in the eye of the beholder.

In His Care,

Budroe
31
31
Review of The Chiaroscurist  
Review by Budroe
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
The title is extremely, I believe, appropriate to the work. I'm not quite sure that even Ansel Adams could have argued with your use of it.

This is a wondrous perspective into the mind of love fulfilled. I, too, live on (or in) such an island within my own life these days. It does take quite a bit of getting used to, but the place of my life has become comfortable for me. I relate very closely with the specifics of this story, on several levels. But, participate I truly did. For that, I thank you. I have a friend who is facing just such a momentous decision in life right now, too.

I did so love your words:

" Few are brave enough to commit to love someone for a lifetime. To do that takes more guts than climbing Mount Everest. I’ve never understood trying to hold someone who needs or wants to be elsewhere for whatever reason."

This is a superbly written piece. I did notice the one spelling error "impression", but after getting "Potempkin" spelled correctly, I was afraid to touch it. Perhaps the one slight imperfection will make it perfectly unique.

Welcome to WDC. And, welcome home.

In His Care,

Budroe
32
32
Review of More than song  
Review by Budroe
Rated: E | (4.5)
Rusty:

I enjoyed your submission very much. There is much to be learned from it, I believe. It is also a very unique perspective on the story--I like that personally. I did have one major stopping point however, and I thought I would mention it to you so that, if it is an error, you might replace it prior to the judging.

In line 11, you have written ..."we seen the blessed star."

The agreement is wrong, I think. "We've seen...", or "We have seen", or "We saw" would be correct here.

Also, "we" should be capitalized, I think. Even in dialogue, sentences begin with a capital letter (I think!)

A powerful poem that speaks well. I enjoyed reading it, and I thank you for writing it. Good luck in the contest!
33
33
Review of Frobesher, 262  
Review by Budroe
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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TITLE:Frobisher 262

AUTHOR : Puppycat

Date Reviewed: NOvember 26th, 2006


I. GENERAL Review:

My first impressions of your story: I very much enjoyed your choice for a "hook" line in this piece. It worked nicely for me. You fought the tendency, I thought, of "looping" the piece by using the last line (which would have been effective, but slightly misleading, in my view), which shows some sophistication in your writing.

I did enjoy reading the piece, but while I found it easy to identify the characters as they developed, I found it quite difficult to find empathy with any of them. Frobisher was the most likely candidate, and failed the test for me, personally. That, however, took nothing away from some excellent writing.


II. SPECIFIC Review:

A. The overall story: I enjoyed the story, overall. It was a fun, and entertaining read. It is well written, and some really excellent writing technique is displayed. As a reader, I got invested in Frobisher emotionally a bit as his folly develops, but only in the sense of watching someone headed for a train wreck. Two implausible situations developed, each of which resulted in conclusions that distracted me. The first dealt with "the aging gene" situation. The second dealt with Frobisher's participation in the process at all, given his reputation. But, brilliant people ARE known to do ridiculously stupid things, aren't they? :)

B. The theme: Bothersome for me, the theme(s) which drive this piece. Will "good" people make "bad" choices? For even the very best of intentions? Even with "terminal" outcomes, affecting not only them, but others as well? Well, sure they will! But not to research the "aging" gene. Perhaps Frobisher is discomfiting to me because his brilliance stops when he ambulates. (No common sense.) How far will a person, dedicated to their calling in life, go for what they consider personal success? (Ask a writer!) :) In this regard, I would suggest a different title for this piece: "Frobisher's Folly", perhaps.

C. The technical details including formatting (spelling, grammar, scientific or historical details), etc.: Excellent technical presentation. The writing was tight, the dialogue correct, with no distractions. I do not know of the history of your writing, but you do it well! Interesting choice of subject, and nice form throughout yielded a very interesting read. For me, personally, it was not what I would consider enjoyable, but that is only because of the implausibility of the premise. That distraction kept me from becoming fully invested in the writing. It did forewarn me, however. Very little good ever comes from a fool's errand.

D. What I loved about this work, and why: I kept wanting to see Frobisher "wake up" to his errors. Unfortunately, he never does. I went to the last word on that hope alone. In the end, he was brillant, but stupid. My empathy found its limit, and I never got a chance to revise my opinion.

E. What caused me problems, and why: The premise(s).

1. Aging has no genetic code marker, or gene, or DNA section. It is the result of a process, dependent upon other processes being completed. While one may "age gracefully", gravity and friction will not be denied. For me personally, I was simply unable to bypass this reality to invest in the story fully. But, it did cause yet another difficulty for me, with Frobisher himself.

2. A scientist, no less, with such "brilliance" would USUALLY never allow themselves to find the first moment, much less the final conclusion of this piece. Thirst for knowledge, desire for success, and the need for validation DO drive us, sometimes, to extraordinary ends, so the validity rests at "implausible" and does not make it to "impossible".

3. A third difficulty for me was the inclusion of Frobisher's family to such degree. I feel they would have better served the purpose with a one-sentence identification alone. Such description and detail add, quite frankly, nothing of substance to the story as it sits now, and create a false (to me) investment on the reader's part. I feel no empathy towards them from the story, save their innocent victimization by a fool. I'd give the entire lot a one-sentence reality, and keep the focus on the story.

III. FINAL COMMENTS: Excellent writing! It was a fun read, and as you may deduce from my review, an entertaining one as well. The thoughts I developed for my Review of this work indicate, to me at least, that I did participate fully as a reader in the work. What more could a writer ask? Good job!


Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. I try to make my Reviews relevant, helpful, honest, and tactful. If there is one item on this Review which helps make your writing better, I am satisfied. It has been my honor to visit your work today.

If you have any questions, concerns, or comments about my Review, or suggestions about how I can be a better reviewer, please do let me know. We are all learning, and growing, and sharing our craft—or at least we should be.


Write well!


M. B. “Bud” Fields, Jr.
kybudman@writing.com
34
34
Review of A Safe Place  
Review by Budroe
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is a compelling, and well-written story. I really hate this kind of story. Yours was consistent in it's POV throughout, and I bought into Brian's character almost immediately.

The middle of the story, usually quite difficult to maintain even in short stories, was vivid, insightful (especially from Brian's POV), and very imaginatively written.

The ending of this story was the first answer to the question that I raised as I first began to understand the relationship Brian had with George, yet you skillfully devised its mask until the reveal. The reveal was powerful. Right now all I really want is about 15 minutes alone in that field with George.

The saddest truth of your story is that, sometimes, there isn't a safe place here for the abused child. We, as adults, tend not to see the problem until it is too late. I think that helplessness (Brian's) is what your story portrayed only too well.

The plot can be well-imagined, but the pain it reflects very seldom is, and I am left wondering where such empathy as this comes from.

Thank you for a really superbly written story.

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35
35
Review by Budroe
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Really excellent writing. Your backround is very well defined. The only problem I had with this was that you seemed to linger too long before proving your point. You give, on the one hand, a pretty balanced review of the arguments, and I believe your weighting of the several conflicts not only within, but about this book is well-balanced.

You leave us, however, with the very quandry you argue against as your final statement. It is parents, teachers and School Boards who often must determine who is "mature enough" to read it. The four charges you make against it ARE the very reasons School Boards ban the volume from school shelves, independent of the student or parental choice. If it's not there, they don't have to choose.

Third graders should not, in my view have unfettered access to this book. It contains those four "concepts" that children of that age cannot process effectively--even with the willing assistance of those parents who would if they could. High School sophomores, however, should have open access to this, and many other such "notorious" volumes to help them in the areas of social history, socialization, and current events critical thinking.

It's a bit more of a dicey argument for High School students, because then the issue is not "Can they?" but rather "Should they?" Just because a child is sixteen does not mean that we, as parents, attempt to shield them just as much.

Really excellent writing here. I would hope that, if possible, you would go back over the last three paragraphs and really powerfully express your own personal view. Yours is the voice that many will read, and perhaps many more will hear.

Good luck on your journey.
36
36
Review of ? HAPPINESS ?  
Review by Budroe
Rated: E | (2.0)
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TITLE:?Happiness?

AUTHOR : Ronin4

Date Reviewed: Sunday, October 15th, 2006


I. GENERAL Review:

My first impressions of your story: The communication of your feelings about the term "happiness" comes through very well. It took a lot of work to see it, however.


II. SPECIFIC Review:

A. The overall story: I was intriguedin your perceptions of what others may call happiness. I was struck by the "observational" aspects of most of it, and wondered if this term was one that you had ever applied personally.

B. The theme: I believe you captured a truth, in that happiness (Joy) is truly an "inside job".

C. The technical details including formatting (spelling, grammar, scientific or historical details), etc.: There are just way too many technical difficulties with this piece for me, at this point. I had difficulty with your organization of thought. Incomplete sentences abound, and made me wonder if this was either originally, or subsequently, headed for the Poetry Department. I got the sense of you "jotting down" thoughts, but not completing them, and I thought that was unfortunate. The ideas are there, and they are rich in texture and definition, but very much lacking, I thought, in development. As an example of what I am thinking:

"There are many things that I love and adore about her: The way she smells, the sound of her voice, the sparkle in her green eyes, the set and shape of her lips, her tiny hands, her smooth skin, her long dark hair, the shapes and curves of her body, her amazing intellect, her understanding, her passion, her faults, her smile, her temper, the fact that she is a great mother, and most importantly her unconditional love."

That's quite a list, and I have no doubt each item is true. If you had expanded on even one or two of these, it would have meant so much. What is it, for instance, that makes her "green eyes" sparkle? "...her understanding..." of what? How does her understanding affect you? These are clues without answers. You bring me to the point, and leave me there. I would have loved to see some of you in this piece. I see lots of things about others, and a good bit about one special person in your life. But, I didn't get to see much about you in this. You say you are very happy, then ask if I think you are happy. I think you are, but I'm not sure if it is happiness or gratitude for not being alone. I'd love to see some definition here.

D. What I loved about this work, and why: You reach some amazing depth of self, reflectively. I wish it had been more out-pouring.

E. What caused me problems, and why: The structure gave me difficulty, and I felt as if this was a floodwash of emotion without definition.

III. FINAL COMMENTS: I would love to understand more about you, and why any of these things cause you the happiness you so obviously feel. Now that you have erupted the emotion onto paper, I truly hope you will go back, clean it up, and let us come to know you just a little better!


Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. I try to make my Reviews relevant, helpful, honest, and tactful. If there is one item on this Review which helps make your writing better, I am satisfied. It has been my honor to visit your work today.

If you have any questions, concerns, or comments about my Review, or suggestions about how I can be a better reviewer, please do let me know. We are all learning, and growing, and sharing our craft—or at least we should be.


Write well!


M. B. “Bud” Fields, Jr.
37
37
Review by Budroe
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Hello, Joe! Thank you for this opportunity to review your work. I must admit, however, that I do truly need a bit more information before I can give you a truly objective Critique.

How is this to be used? If it is an advertising piece, there are some considerations that are unique to that writing style which I believe would be of interest to you.

There are some really diverse difficulties with this piece, Joe. Most of the basic ones are regarding sentence structure, syntax, and grammatical. Spelling errors are rampant here. I am wondering if this was a first draft... If so, it needs some deep work.

Generally (I'm not complaining, just explaining) when a work is submitted for review, it is a finished piece ready for publication. This work isn't near that mark yet, but I believe it could be. You will need to first get your spell-checker (and some fact checking, too I think) working full time on this work.

I did get an overall impression of what you are attempting (I think) to get across here. That is that you have a "Work From Home" or "Online Business" opportunity to offer.

If you are attempting to use this as an advertising piece, I strongly urge you to spend some time with the basic sentence structure, etc. first. Beyond that, you will want to take a serious look at the choice of words here. If you want someone to take an action you must compel them to it. It is not just enough that they understand the action you are urging them to make. It is only enough when the action you want them to make is the only reasonable choice they can possibly make--now!

Your writing is very, very passive here. More than asking me to act, I felt like what you wanted was my agreement with your point of view. This is a dangerous position to hold in an advertising piece. Many will not, and discount your offer because of their disagreement with your position alone! Your opportunity will never get a voice.

If you will begin with the fundamentals here, I would really like to see the result. Then you can look at altering the "tone" of the piece from a passive statemet to a clear call to action: one action.

I hope this helps.

Good luck on your journey.
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