This was an interesting story about alot of misfits. Something many of can relate to I am sure. The is an interesting cast of charecters and the settings are easy to imagine. The story flows well and moves right along, pushed forward by good use of dialogue. The author is really creative. I saw no obvious errors. Good writing. Lin
This was a good poem about one of my favorite trees - the Weeping Willow. The poem flows well and moves along smoothly. I loved the last two lines "The beautiful song you so long to hear, Is the ver soft rhythm of their falling tears." This peom reminded me of the hours I spent under our trees dreaming and reading. Well done. I saw no errrors. Lin
This was a funny poem about a man's thoughts about how to calm down before he has his blood pressure taken. The poem flows pretty well and moves right along. For every calming thought, the author has one that sends the man's blood pressure up. I could relate to this poem. We have a man's whole life in just a few stanzas. Good writing. Lin
I was caught immediately in this story of a journey onto self. The story flowed well and moved right along. The use of Little Bear as the guide was a good choice and the wisdom that shines through this piece is sincere. The story is moved forward by the excellant use of dialogue. I found it believeable. The setting was easy to imagine. The charecters well fleshed out. Good reading and good writing. I saw no errors. Lin
This is an interesting story about a Pegasus who needs to fly. The story flows fairly well and does move along nicely. The author does a good job describing the setting and the Pegasus. There are some things that should be corrected:
"stands on" not at.
"tremble" not "trembles"
"will be" not "would be"
"...into nothing so can escape it" instead of "to" escape it
"...which is fast approaching" drop the word "he"
"...the stallion stops his descent downward just above..." drop second "stop"
This is an interesting legend and I found myself wondering wherre the location of the opera house is. I love this kind of legend. I saw a few things the author might want to correct:
"...devastation over" not for.
"So, after the performan that she gave..." I changed the wording here. It flows better I think.
"...it was not a large town..." Changed from "nothing big".
"beauty lay" not "lays"
The other version is tht she threw herself off before..." added "off".
"toying" not "towing".
"...misplacing things on not "for".
"...whcih she would have sat in..." added would have.
With some editing this would be a good intro to your contest. Lin
This is a very clever retelling of the Sleeping Beauty story. The author has a good sense that is evident throughout the story. The use of mordern language adds to the humorous aspect. There are some things that need editing:
awakened not awaken
"enter a teen" not "came"
"There isn't anything" not "aren't"
gold not golds
"go prepare for..." add "for"
"to go to her room" added "go to"
"the King enters" not "came"
"all the spinning..." add "the"
"happens" not "happen"
"Where?" delete the exclaimation mark you used here and in other places. You do not use that right after a ?
"takes" not "took"
"Turns" not "turned"
"holds" not "held"
"lettering" not "letter"
"prince kisses" not "kissed"
"says" not "said"
"poses" not "posed"
"falling" not "fell"
"didn't" not "don't"
"...do that?!" drop the exclaimation mark.
"Shakes" head not "shook"
"we must hurry" not "be hurry"
"Yanks the Price" not "yanked"
"Haven't you" not "Don't"
"I would never...have come here" added "have"
"It is dusty" not "becomes"
"sad" not "set"
"real prince comes" not "came"
All stage directions should be written as if they are happening at this moment, as far as I know. This is a clever retelling. Good writing. Lin
I liked the theme of this story and it's resolution. The story flows fairly well and certainly moves along. The dialogue helps push the story forward and is believeable. There could be some more description of how the charecters appear. The story needs some editing. These are the errors I would correct:
"It seemed like our lives at that time..." add "at".
"Yep...at that time..." add "at"
Instead of crept on, I would suggest maybe "flowed through".
"...a very typical..." drop "a".
"...who knows, he might love you...." add "might.
"focus more on friends..." add "on"
grownups is one word.
two not 2
"...a hypocrite..." add "a"
I am not sure why you typed ":P".
"...you'll like..." not "you".
"..., said Ashley..." small "s". This happens alot when you have dialogue.
"...the sociology..." add "the"
"to boot" not "to boost".
"...a lesson" add "a"
" we could have done it".
"just had" not "have".
"football" needs a small "f"
"...as Debbie clung to Sandy's arm..." changed to "clung to."
"a tear. add "a".
"...disappear right then" not "that very time.
flirting not flirted.
"I'm supposed..."
"clinging to Sandy's arm..."
leave not left
"...surprizing Ashley..." not resulting in Ashley's surprize.
"books and stuff" not "stuffs".
"always haunted..." not haunt.
"...faced him." Drop the words "standing right in front of me.
"got" not "gotta"
"asked" not "indicated".
This story could shine with some editing. I loved the song and the way you worked it into the story. Keep writing. Lin
I got a good laugh out of this at the end of the story. The story flowed well and moved right along. The author builds good tension and we feel the fear and uncertainty created. The twist at the end is good and a fun solution to a problem that has plagued many parents. I have one suggestion on the sentence; "She tried to...her mind, but..." I added a comma. Good writing. Lin
I always wondered what you guys were doing in the back. I find it sacrier to know. This was a look inside the world of the McDonald's crew. Be afraid. Be very afraid. I like the author's sense of humor. I have to say that my favorite is the Christmas song. This flows well and moves right along. You need to correct the words "on the" in paragraph one. Otherwise, I though this was funny. Thanks for sharing that information. Lin
This was a fast but good read. The author can really pack alot of a story into a few short words. We find out that the main charecter is self-righteous. egotistical, greedy, corrupt and a murderer. The author manages all that with just good word choices and minimal dialogue. Well done. I saw only one error. There is a period missing after the word "anyone". Thanks for a good read. Lin
I think that this was a good poem about something that happens to many of us from time-to-time. Frankly, I think it is a good thing and I like the way the author addressed the subject. The poem flows well and moves along nicely. The author has done a good job of coveying their feelings. Good writing. Lin
I enjoyed this poem. I was nodding my head in agreement all the way through my reading. The poem flows well and moves right along. I settled easily into a rhythm. I had a good mental picture going and I love the way you went from being rude to being nice and back again. Two suggestion: You might want to use color for the response and you saw "in my turned back, like my ex-wife." But then in the response you say "She uses me..." This breaks up the continuity. Should that be "he"?
Otherwise, I bow to the author. I enjoyed this read. Lin
This is a wonderful piece by an eloquent author. I was moved by what I read. I can understand wanting to share with your daughter and being afraid of what you are sharing at the same time. This piece flows well and moves right along. I did not falter in my reading anywhere. Thanks so much for sharing this with all of us. You thoughts will stay with me. I wonder if you have ever read anything by the author Chaim Potok? I saw no errors. Well done! Lin
This is such a great idea. The page is well presented and was to understand. No one can complain because anyone can enter. The rules are all laid out so there is no reason to feel confused. I hope that you get loads of entries. The Image you included is very good. Well done. Lin
What a wonderful idea. For a minute there I thought I pushed a really wrong key on my keyboard. So now I am really happy to know that you pushed the key and that it is the Writing.com birthday. This page is well presented and definitely in birthday mode. Fun for everyone to share in. Happy Birthday Writing.com! Lin
Well done lenny666: This made me laugh. It is so ture of a few people I know. The piece flows well and moved right along. The subject is one of the things I tend to ignore in friendship. Eveyone has their quirks and this one is annoying but I try to take the good with the bad. I saw no errors I would suggest correcting. Lin
Well said. Well spoken. I think that we should all be members of NAG. This piece is another humorous offering from the author. This time it is on grammer errors. I hope that I am making fewer than I normally do. The story flows well and moves along quickly. The ending is a surprize. The author has a valid reason for this rant. Well done. I saw no errors. Lin
This is a good poem that goes a long way towards describing what the author experiences. You do get that world turned upside down feeling from the well chosen words. The poem flows well and moves along rapidly. I felt some of the craziness. On a much milder basis I long for the summer sun. I have also lived with someone dear to me who was bi-polar. This is a must read for anyone interested in trying to understand the problem. Well done. I saw no errors. Lin
This was a funny rendition of the author's own "Night before Christmas." We are long since past the old version. I had no trouble imagining this scenario. I could just picture the poor teenager on the phone - cringing. It has a happy ending though, so I was pleased. We all get silly and that is part of the fun of the holiday. This piece flowed pretty well and moved right along. I saw one error: first line X-mas. You have X-Mass. I am wondering if that should be changed. I could be wrong and I bow to the author. Lin
This forum is well presented and an excellant plae for people to go and voice their thoughts or feelings about dealing with chronic pain. Often, we need to have people to talk with who have actually experienced what you are going through to be understood. Well done. Lin
I will hold them down while you beat them, okay? This is a painful description of what the author suffers on a daily basis. God bless her. The piece flows well and moves right along. The author manages to convey what happens to her without being morbid or self-pitying. We are unable to understand the problem because her description is translated into normal words and not just in medical terms. The author's sense of humor is apparent in the telling. Well done. Lin
First of all; God Bless You! I laughed all the way through this list because I have been there, done that, and have the shirt. My next move is to post a message in the forum. This piece flows ell and moves right along. The author has done a very difficult thing in maintaining her sense of humor throgh all this and she has a great sense of humor. My personal favorite was numer four. Good writing. I saw no errors possibly because I was too busy laughing. Lin
This short story has a very good twist. It flows well and moves right along. The decription of the change is very good. I never saw what was coming and I was caught up in the story, right from the beginning. I liked the theme and will look to read more of the author's writings. I saw no obvious errors. Good writing. Lin
This was a well written story about death. The author does a good job of catching the disbelieving greif that one can experience on the death of a beloved family member. I liked tht the setting was the church and that all it once stood for was reversed for the main charecter. The story flows well and moves right along. A good read that I enjoyed throughly. There were no obvious errors. Lin
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