The rhyme in this is flawless and I did need to read it a second time through to make the line, "and the evening it warms" work in the same rhythm, but that was entirely a flaw in my own pronunciation. From this I gain a sense of mystery, a need to know what the call was about, there are clues throughout the poem but I am still left with endless possibilities. I am able to follow the receiver of the call through their initial doubt as to having answered the call to their eventual relief, so I (the reader) am assured that all went right, but the nagging question remains, what went wrong?
Poems like this tell a story without telling the whole story, and I do love a mystery, it excites the imagination and inspires stories of the reader's own. Well done!
You are right on the mark as far as the restrictions in the prompt, and for it you have created quite the compelling imagery. I find myself both chilly yet warming after a long freeze, and it is currently nearly 80 degrees where I am, very well done. I particularly enjoyed the portraits you painted of each of the 'characters' and how they were experiencing the change in weather.
I am unable to read what you have written all except for,
"I'm brand-new also am continue to move for the environment for you'll I swear yall Luv it yo"
I am uncertain what the symbol is, but this text is followed by twelve identical lines of it. I do not know if this perhaps the effects of posting from a mobile device or perhaps a formatting issue?
I love learning about forms of poetry that I have not experienced before, thank you for sharing how a Diamante is composed. The one that you have written certainly fits the bill and reminds exactly how a comedy show in poor taste might go; in the beginning quite funny and then one distasteful joke can spin-tail into a horrifying debacle. I will be trying my own Diamante in the future as I can see that it would be a challenge. Nicely done.
Wit (noun)
1.mental sharpness and inventiveness; keen intelligence:
2.a natural aptitude for using words and ideas in a quick and inventive way to create humor:
I would say the definition applies, and you have a great deal of it which is quite evident after having read this. For just the briefest moment in the beginning I was lost, but in a good way, and then rescued by the ingenuity of it all. Well done!
This reminds me so very much of a situation a friend is in, which is exactly what this poem invokes the most to readers I would imagine, a feeling of familiarity. Each line breaks in just the right place to express just the right amount of: fear, frustration, exasperation, and sometimes, just being plumb tired of it all. The real life of this poem hit me in the right spot, thank you for sharing!
I have to say, this is pretty much flawless given its intent. I had no trouble whatsoever following the dialogue and it was very easy to interpret the interaction between characters and distinguish who was who. It is even more impressive how two additional characters are introduced and seamlessly incorporated within the discussion without any confusion or misunderstanding at all; nicely done!
"...Light is being taught by shadows." This is such a powerful line! Of all the imagery and historical significance of this poem, this line really personifies forces that outweighed everyone's control once set into motion. It is kind that springing from all the overwhelming tragedy of this event hope follows through rebirth. Well done!
This invokes such sadness, a love lost to the whims of time, hinting at what might have been if neglect and distance hadn't taken their toll. Even at the end there is a pleading hope that there might be a rekindling one day; your words truly take us there.
This almost reads as an excerpt to a story, which I realize prose can sometimes do, it is the last line that gives it that expectation of being a part of a much larger work. Without an explanation within the prose itself as to who Mr. Frost is meant to be, as prose the last line leaves it just a little disjointed, and perhaps this is deliberate and I have simply missed the significance on the surface.
I do believe that this would be a beautiful addition to a larger work however and I feel compelled to share that as it has inspired my imagination as to all the possibilities; please do let me know should you ever expand it as such I would love to immerse myself in it.
A sincere view of a time gone by but not forgotten by those who lived through it. You certainly paint a very pretty picture of the innocent times of that age, and while it of course was not all roses, you make the point that we should seek out the important things to pass along from our 'age' to the next generation. This is an insightful piece that invokes one to explore one's own perspective on the topic, well done.
There are volumes said in just a few words, lovely. I would critique only that "Sirens" is possessive "Siren's", unless of course there are multiple sirens which would make it "Sirens'", well done.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/lacylashes
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.23 seconds at 7:30pm on May 10, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
