AHAHAH! That is hilarious! You know the whole time I was thinking to myself, what in the hell is this superfood they are discussing? Then when it gets to the bottom and she said he couldn't believe she was willing to swallow while going down on him that is when I realized bloody hell! Semen! Oh this is a good one. And you know I have actually heard that semen does have a lot of protein. Great dialogue! Great story! You had me fooled.
Well, I think Vic should have told her mom there is no way in hell she is opening the door to Ernie unless it was to let Winky rip him to shreds for causing the previous damage.
It seems we all have that one relative that thinks they can fix things but they only make things worse.
Few grammar and punctuation mistakes but overall a good little story.
Well this is a good story. It kept my interest. I do feel sorry for June though as she did have a terrible day. You have worked your characters well with descriptions as well as their personalities. It's typical of the "suit" types. I can only imagine seeing one of these pedaling on a bicycle downtown with one shoe missing and looking like a wreck. It would be embarrassing to say the least but when you have your mind set on something, you will do what it takes to get the job done.
Love and music will always go hand in hand. Music has always added the romance to love and vice versa. In an entire world full of songs, some raging, some hateful, some ear shattering, all you hear is one sweet melody of love. This could be defined as true love as well, where no matter what and who is out there, all you see and hear is the one you want to be with.
This is clever! I love poetry and I can't even remember all the styles, but this reminded me. Of course I am all for "Eight" because I love rhyming poetry. You have definitely worked hard on these and I applaud you. You are a poet in my book.
I like the Name poem for the number six as well. It was creative and you did a great job :)
Great job describing Riley's last day. It seemed a peaceful one even with the geese flying and honking and Riley seemed to be enjoying his ride in the truck. You have made the reader aware that you had Riley since he was a pup and just how loyal he was all the way to the end.
It is never easy to have an animal put down, especially when you have had one for such a long time and they become part of the family. At least you were there for him as he had always been for you.
Wow..this is beautiful. Now I have to be honest, the first two lines I can relate to. :) The rest is a true look at how some women are. I hear all the time from coworkers and friends how they think they are fat and they want to get liposuction and tummy tucks and botox, the whole shabang. And when they do and they think they have finally achieved the role of supermodel, there is always a better procedure that comes along and they feel "ugly" again. After all the time and money spent making themselves look beautiful, they forget who they actually are and no amount of surgery can make up for the ugly, rotten apple they have become.
Like I told another writer a few days ago, I love rhyming poetry! You did very well here. You have brought out in your poem what a lot of kids actually go through growing up. If people would just take the time to listen to what a child wants or needs, especially during their teenage years, we wouldn't have to worry so much about them rebelling. It is very easy for society to control young people. All they have to do is ignore them. And it is sad but happens very often that the same people who placed these kids on a pedestal and controlled them growing up, are also the ones that are calling them a waste later on because they didn't choose the path they had tried to instill in them in their early years. Nicely done!
Sounds like a typical fishing trip with the family. Kids will always add so much flavor to any outdoor activity. Boys will get "icky" and girls will think everything is "icky" and the whole activity ends up being just the opposite of what it was meant to be. The general scope of your story is good, but you need to work on your grammar and punctuation. Try revising and adding a bit more detail. Would love to read the revised draft.
God Bless America and God Bless You! It is a brave thing to serve in any branch of the United States Military and I thank you for serving our country to protect our freedom. I can't imagine the things you have been through and seen. Being exposed to depleted uranium, seeing fellow soldiers as well as innocent women and children killed, the explosions, the constant fighting; it has to be hard emotionally to deal with all of it.
I am glad you learned valuable skills in the Army. They not only gave you training to fight and shoot, but they gave you a chance to experience what most people only dream of doing. Yes, most soldiers will get hurt during their service, but they don't regret it at all. A soldier never backs down, and they always protect the innocent.
There are a few punctuation and grammar mistakes throughout but other then that, this was an interesting chapter of your life that I am glad you shared.
hahaha. This is funny. The Loaves. Honey Ham couldn't take his eyes off of Cheddar Cheese. You have some really great satire here and I think with a little work you can make this golden! Your plot is good. You need to work on grammar and punctuation though. A brief run through and you should be able to fix the errors. Try a revision in a good word program and you should be good to go.
I think a story about food characters is a great idea by the way. It's definitely a change of pace for once.
I give you 5 stars right off the bat. This is heart warming and sad. I love the rhyming and the way it all unfolds and little Cameron definitely has proven doctors wrong. The first four lines of your poem are very strong and sweep the reader in, and in the end he just wants to help his sick friends by making them happy. Does this poem by chance touch home or purely fictitious? Either way, beautifully written!
I've never read a western story before. What drew me to this one was Indigo Man and the portrayal of his character. Like a zombie gunslinger gone Clint Eastwood. :) At least that is what it makes me think of. You use dialogue very well here and their cowboy talk instantly reminded me of the old westerns I used to watch with my grandfather. Keep me updated on Indigo Man as I think you have something good here. Also, I like the descriptive words used throughout this piece. Good grammar and punctuation!
Indigo Man to me is fearless, has been through hell and back, takes no prisoners, and is a character waiting to come "alive".
Nice! I love anything that has to do with the paranormal. This type of haunting is heard of in every culture around the world and I believe it to be a blessing when they warn the living of a coming disaster. You were very lucky listening to your senses and I enjoyed your story very much. Just a few punctuation errors within the story but nothing that can't be fixed in a few minutes. Great Job!
I don't think I have ever read a story this short.
Truly greed and gluttony together. I say your character got what they deserved. Usually we don't go taking boxes of anything from a break room and eating it, unless of course, we are greedy and hungry and maybe a little desperate too. :)
I am now wondering what happened to your character? Do you have more to the story or do you plan on writing more? Dealing with gluttony, was this a fatality brought on by God over the seven deadly sins? Is your character still alive, maybe just poisoned, or hallucinating? Surely the taffy could have been laced with something.
I love it but I am hanging in limbo :)
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