I really feel for you in this outpouring and your words have nailed the windfall of emotions we all experience when true love ends for whatever reason. I have had so many experiences of my own that have left me feeling the same and found that the only thing that helped was indeed - time. I therefore used to cross every day off a calendar telling myself that tomorrow - I would feel a little better than today. Some days though I would wake up not remembering what I'd lost and when it came flooding back to me I would reel with the loss of it all and start counting all over again! I wish you well! This was beautifully written. Hold your head up high you are a sparkling misunderstood soul that is in search of something better. It will find you! Leighoire
Wow! this is a fantastic piece of work. You know some stories you read with the intention of putting forward an educated review, pointing out gramatical errors, spelling mistakes, run-on sentences etc., and then there are the stories where analysing the words really just becomes a hinderance to the picture that is being created and this one is one of those! I really didn't pick up one fault in this story except maybe "last couple years" should possibly read "last couple of years" in the kissing paragraph. But that is soooooo minor! A Wonderfully well written story. You have fantastic potential! Keep writing! Leighoire
Oh! I found this heartrendering! what a wonderful story and such a wonderful idea that so many of our long gone granny's could have died in just this manner, with the smile on their faces and the promise that they will continue doing what they loved so much! I really enjoyed this. Very sweet and very well written! Keep up the good work. Leighoire
Hi there! I'm confused now? Are Jerry Powell and LA Powell one and the same person? I don't think so! How do the two tie in? This is more or less the same poem I have already reviewed consequently it seems a bit of a waste of gift points? However, I'm sure you'll explain. . . Regards Leighoire
This was truly an excellent piece of work. How sad it was, how cruel children are! I really couldn't say if there were any errors in this story. As a reader, you soak up the story and are married to the characters as they unfold. You have a definate talent here and I sincerely hope you continue. Thank you for an excellent read! Kind regards, Leighoire
As profound as this poem is, I feel it could have amounted to more had more lines been added. My interpretation of what's written is a transition from young love to old in a very short space of time. If my interpretation is correct, then you have captured this very well, if it is incorrect, then I feel further lines necessary in order for the reader to interpret more. Well done! Leighoire
I enjoy your work tremendously. You manage to capture true emotions in your words - words that linger in the reader's mind long after having read them. I must say I prefer your short stories and am looking forward to reading the upcoming Novella of yours! However, poetry has never really been my forte, somehow, I've never felt clever enough to fully understand it. You, however, have managed to make it appear simple to me, I appreciate this gift you have and thirst for more!
Regards, Leighoire
Your style is unique in that the few lines you write have the ability to conjure up a clear picture of what you've written. This one appealed to me more than the the previous one from the point of view that I can clearly see in this one the vision that is so contradictory! Nice piece. Well done. Leighoire
Hi. You have captured the visual beauty and fragrance of a rose in a clear cut crystal vase. The way you have put it is thought provoking however, It makes one wonder what you yourself perceive from this vision? Undescribed beauty - no doubt, I would have preferred a few more lines on what / why it holds so much impact for you? Nevertheless, cleverly written! Keep writing. Regards Leighoire
Hi there, What a wonderful find, I can't tell you how much I'm enjoying this story and am avidly waiting Chapter 6! Beautifully written, lots of description tied up in a fast paced story. The plight of Seamus almost reminds me of a movie, or perhaps, should become one! Will this end up as a Novella or will it be a Novel? I'm hoping the answer is 'Novel' the description of light and weather as well as surroundings of their home in Eire, almost bring me back to a past life or something! My heritage is Irish and I still have Irish family (now in the U.K) that despise the English for their cruel and selfish rule of that era. Extremely well written. I must admit you are leaps and bounds ahead of many others I have read on this website. Please advise when further chapters are loaded? Kind regards and Keep Writing (Don't stop to draw breath!) Regards Leighoire
Excellent conveyance of the annoying traits of poetic license that is so apparent in Poetry! I myself, feel the same way. I bow to clever conglomerations of words and their rhyming, I respect the emotion emitted in so few lines, but, must profess, do not know enough to critique! I like the way you have expressed this in the form of a poem and tip my hat to you! Good Work.
Leighoire
This piece in once again, very well written! I was a little dissappointed with the ending - a bit flat, I think perhaps the reader would expect an outcome / decision be reached somehow, or a realisation that the reason he never wrote his own song was because he wasn't in love with Catherine, perhaps Jamie was 'the one' and his own song was testament to this? I don't know? Having said this, I can see you have an easy writing style with smooth plot and easy character description. Excellent work! Keep writing.
Leighoire
This one, didn't really do it for me. I understand the poem but feel it requires a fair amount of work all the way through. Can I draw your attention, for example to the third line in the 2nd stanza. You will note that it makes no sense. I think this throws off the whole flow of the poem and I would re-work it and try for a clearer style. This doesn't seem up to your other works.
Hi. As you can see, I'm working my way through your pieces and I see you have a true talent for bringing emotion through in your poetry. I particularly like this poem, it's very "modern day" The subject, everyone can relate to and re-visit. Once again, I must point out some grammatical errors.
The first stanza "What is the next step I'll do" really doesn't work as it should be "What is the next step I'll take" 2nd Stanza, 2nd line, "I thought I know the right words that'll fit" should be "I thought I knew the right words that would fit" 3rd Stanza "Can it just vanish in a blink of an eye" really ought to be "Can it just vanish in the blink of an eye" Whether you wish to change or not, does not detract from the emotion of the poem. Well done! Regards Leighoire
Well, Wow. I like the poem very much, unfortunately for me, I'm not a poetry buff and cannot comment with any authority on stanza's etc. However, I do see a couple of questionable errors such as "treat her like a royalty" this is grammatically incorrect as it should be "treat her like a royal" or "treat her like royalty", whether or not this is poetic license - I stand to be corrected! However the poem itself holds a lot of appeal and you can not only visualise the girl in question (I think we've all met her!) but you can agree with every line. Love it! Keep it up. Regards
Leighoire
Mentor
Army of Writers.
I enjoyed the pace of this piece, the characters come across very strong and the story line holds the readers interest. I can't help feeling, however, that you were in a bit of a hurry to finish this. Do not let word count restrict the telling of your story. Develop the piece further including a few more personality traits of the characters, time, place, etc, this will give your story some richness and texture. Overall a gripping read with a lot of potential! Keep writing. Kind regards. Leighoire
Wow, nailbiting stuff here!! Seems like the beginning of a MAN's book! Although, I'm enjoying it too! your writing style flows well, your characters are very real and the subject is topical if not a wee bit disconcerting! Looking forward to more. Well done and keep writing my friend! Kind regards, Leighoire
Hi, I enjoyed this piece! I felt the fear and intimidation of being alone in a quiet wood. Along with the impaired vision due to fog; it was easy to visualise the dinasaurs that could have once dwelled there. I would like to see a different ending, instead of the feeling of relief which one is so familiar with when we realize how our imagination got the better of us, why not make it real, perhaps there really is an obscure creature habiting the woods? Just like 'Nessy" of the Loch Ness Monster? Just a suggestion! Nice piece, thanks for the read. Kind regards and keep it up! Leighoire.
Hi there! I thoroughly enjoyed your writing style. An intriguing topic which had the interest levels high. I was surprised that it ended the way it did, which was rather abruptly and almost hurried? I was imagining as I was reading, that on the agents visit to the house, he would perhaps discover that the Wilson's themselves, had passed on years before! I think you could do a lot more with the ending of this story and perhaps even turn it into a short story. Overall, I thought well written. Well done and keep it up! Kind regards. Leighoire
Hi, this certainly has got something, the reading is riveting, the reader wants to read more, perhaps a bit faster pace, waiting for the different parts to merge may lead to a bit of predictability. However, I like the theme and am looking forward to the rest of it! Keep it up! Leighoire
Hi there! We need more opportunities like this to come through earlier as aspiring writers. It seems so very difficult to get unsolicited work into print that avenues such as this appear to be the only route to go. One hopes that someone from writing.com will be lucky enough to achieve a higher level through NextStopHollywood? I am an avid movie watcher an even more avid reader as well as an aspiring fictional writer who would love an opportunity from these people!! More of this please! Leighoire
Hi. I enjoyed this piece tremendously. Are you going to be adding the next segment soon?..... I'm looking forward to it!. Just a couple of typo's here and there that you should fix up. Sorry I didn't make a list of them because I got so engrossed in the story. but for instance you have 'her' instead of 'hear' and one place you have 'starring' instead of 'staring' things like that. Otherwise..Great! Well done. Leighoire
Hi! Thoroughly enjoyed this, had to run out and buy myself a box of choccies, they still didn't taste as good as the ones in the story. Keep it up! I agree, For me both certain tastes and certain smells come back to haunt you and tickle your memory cells. Perhaps it's for a reason? Thanks for the read. Very good use of descriptive words and emotions are reflected in your writing skills. Keep writing! Leighoire
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