Very nice to know more about you. I agree on the GP's- true and sincere friendship means so much more.
What Needs Work:
that being- genuine and sincere friendship. The extra punctuation would reveal more clearly what is expected.
Overall Thoughts and Rating:
I appreciate your openness and honesty in telling about yourself. Bad reviews are tough to get, but if we DO care about one another we will encourage all to reach our best potential. I am emotional too and passionate about my writing, but work very hard at keeping myself trainable. I have reviewed some writing that wasn't my style, but it was good writing. Its hard to review those items, but you are right beauty is in the eye of the beholder and I think that is a good thing for each of us to remember regardless of which side of the coin we are on.
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Every one does want to be special and how you drew the reader right in on that note.
What Needs Work:
I found no errors.
Overall thoughts and Rating:
You really drew me in to the story, to the point, that I had to read the 1st Chapter- which was good as well. I started to read the 2nd Chapter and had to stop myself, for time reasons.
What I Liked Most The heartfelt words at saying goodbye to a love.
What Could be Improved
Pink carnations remove the S since later you state it was a single carnation.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:
I have been fortunate enough so far in my life of not losing someone really close to me yet. Your writing drew me into the pain that you felt. Nice job.
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What I Liked Most The reminder to all to be careful how we treat others, when we ourselves are going through pain in life. I don't believe in Karma, but I do believe in natural consequences of our actions.
What Could be Improved
I personal didn't see any grammatical errors, but its also not my strong point either.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:
Very interesting choice of words describing how one might feel when the consequences come back to bite them. Very nicely done.
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What I Like Most:
The honesty written of the rules broken, that we all have done one time or another.
What Needs Work:
pear, and plum trees.
pleasant, but not
Overall Thoughts and Rating:
You did a marvelous job of bringing the reader right into that garden. Your writing brought back memories of my own childhood as well. I loved to swing and sing, but I certainly was no daredevil like you.
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The reminder to all of us who get caught up in the to-do list, technology, and trying to fit into the box of what we think life should be. To remember to live within the freedom of who God made us to be.
What Needs Work:
There are several places that have too many or not enough spaces. We open our eyes every day, listening to the morning routine sounds,
we move as we programmed to do things our stuff to get ready to face the day, --something has to be corrected here it doesn't make sense.
what's gonna happen in this day,
imaginary world that we all wish to be in.
I'm not saying saying technology is harmful because you and I are using it right now.
I'm sure that after one minute or less
worried worried about food, health, money, you are in a big wave every day trying to settle anywhere in peace,
present in one place. Who do you think gets the benefit from all this?
analyse things giving our brain time.
anything you're doing, (I'm just a beginner)
Overall thoughts and Rating:
You did very well at expressing your thoughts on the subject. Now you just need to work on the grammar, its my weakness that I have had to develop too. keep writing.
What I Like Most:
This was a great story and you wrote it in easy to read narrative that drew me in. I feel very connected to Jason and Gloria and ready to see if Gloria gets a job working in the cafeteria doing what she loves.
What Needs Work:
I saw a few places where you need a comma before, but.
“Chicken soup is one of the easiest soups to make, as well as all those other good reasons to make chicken soup.”--I believe that is where the comma would go. Gloria passed a soup pot over, so that Jason ... I have heard a lot lately that showing a story rather than just telling it will take it another step up, but you have already done more than I can do and that is telling the story in a way that draws the reader in.
Overall Thoughts and Rating:
You did a wonderful job!!
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What I Liked Most The flow and ease of reading the poem.
What Could be Improved
peices Pieces |peircing Piercing| apon upon | sheilding shielding| i before e accept after c.
Overall Thoughts & Rating:
The poem seems pretty deep with underlining meanings. Question: are you trying to portray how tough we can be on ourselves? or what is your main message in this poem? It might be helpful to include it before the reader starts.
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What I Like Most: It was a very enjoyable read, almost like how my mind can go sometimes in just a 1/2 session in one day.
What Needs Work: You don't have this listed as a poem, but when you first start reading there is a rhyme and rhythm to whats written. Going along suddenly the rhythm stops causing confusion at first. Maybe point it out to the reader that there is no specific form so they are not watching for it in a review.
Overall thoughts and Rating: My favorite line was:
Words deny, thoughts are gone, how do you spell, when all is wong?
I really enjoyed reading this. It made me laugh which is always a great way to start the day.
What I Like Most: The poem does a great job of describing the character joker. What Needs Work:
With his jokers grin & solemn threat,
"Starting tonight, people will die, I'm a
man of my word." the Joker...he went out
with a bang that stirred his public into the
frantic-frenzy, disbelief-shock one last time. I lost the rhythm in this section
Overall thoughts and Rating: Different style poem than I am used to writing, but diversity is good.
Very nicely written. Love the part "loving you so loving me. And you're loving me loving you" I know how you feel with the puzzle solved, because that is how I feel with my husband too.
Nice song praising Jesus for who he is our Savior who came to earth so he could understand fully the things we face in life. Do you have a tune with this too?
Nice reminder for us not to count the wrongs in our relationships, each day receive new mercies from God and we should pass that on to our loved ones as well. Is there somewhere at writing.com that explains what abcb, 7-6-7-6 format is all about?
Short and sweet I imagined she like it. Gives a great visual of how someone turns your life around before you even realize it. I love how you spaced out the poem and I had to scroll to see above...that was a nice touch too.
I went through a time in my life with depression and you wouldn't think you would be depressed because "God is in your life, so you should be happy, joyful." We all have different seasons in life that only God knows, in fact he allows, and has a specific reason for allowing it. We can trust in the hope that it is for our good and He'll work it out to our best.
Here is a poem that I wrote during that time in my life...I hope it brings you encouragement.
From Death to Life
Some days my life seems dead,
like the earth in winter-time.
There isn't a whole lot to be said...
nothing I do is worth a dime.
I might as well go back to bed,
after all it isn't a crime,
But then the Holy Spirit speaks to me,
"You live to bring God, the glory!"
Then my heart, begins to show forth life,
like the crocus, in early spring appears.
I am reminded that I can be a great wife;
I can care for my children and wipe away their tears.
Some of my days may contain failure and strife,
but that's now I'll grow throughout the years.
God uses even dead times, to change His daughter,
but He'll always make available His living water.
Pondering on Heaven is such a delight. God loves relationships and the greatest thought is of seeing our lost loved ones and the face of my Lord. This is a delightful poem of such pondering and flows very in a nice rhythm too.
I love rhymes too... This is neat and you are better at the rhythm than I.
The hard work and the results went well with my garden for two years, but after the second weeding on my third year I started doing less and less. It is a perennial garden so everything comes up each year, but not as pretty as the first two years. Maybe I need to read this again in the spring to light the fire under me and remind me of the joy when I work harder at it.
What you have so far is pretty good...the story line is interesting. His violet red(eyes) was missing. I like fantasy stuff so I would be interested in reading more.
This was very creative!!! A wonderful story filled with great truths. It portrays a journey I imagine a lot of unbelievers go through. Nothing is greater than grace....no body has done something so bad that they are beyond saving. It was written with easy to follow dialect. Grammar is not my strong point, but I didn't notice any misspelled words.
Keep writing!
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