Okay, I'm not sure what the deal is, but I have one other I have to do, plus a very long one I have promised someone for quiet a while. If I do this, it will not be until the first week of November and tha tis when I am doing the NaNo WriMo. So, if you can bear with me I will be happy to review this for you. what do you say?
OH my, how very awful that must of been for you! If it was the cats pee, and believe me I know how bad it smells, I on the other hand would have tried to have found a quilt and throw it over the spot, then I would have used a sheet, next a blanket and pillow and gone to bed in my ow bed. I know, you must think I am horrible, but when it comes to having to leave my very own bed and not sleeping in it, plus I am in my own home, well, lets just say, I will do anything to sleep iny own bed.
yours truly,
Lynda
And just so you know, I would have had lots of things on top o tit, but you could have put your plastic back on and put all these thinkgs I speak of on top of htat so they would not be dirty. LOL!
I love this story. You write it from the heart and you write as you talk. Not so bad. What i have written below is only trying to show you how to rewrite the sentence to make it flow better.
Is Pop your grandfather or your father? When all of us kids were younger, Pop - my grandfather - smoked cigars which came in a box. I had one of those boxes when I was still in the single digit age. I really don't know how I acquired it, but it held all of my valuables I had as a young boy. A thumbtack was it's lock.
Try rewriting some of the other ones as use my writing as a guide.
Some of the things below, I think you can cut out some words.
we must now overcome that eventually help us grow - drop that
Though the hurdles may seem as though a high jump bar at times - you repeat though - you could say hurdles may seem like a high jump bar at times
She is beautiful though in many other ways besides her looks. - here I would drop though
be made, and all the hurdles yet to overcome. - I don't know for sure, maybe, all the hurdles we have yet to overcome.
Again, I am not a professional, but a writer just like you and I truly love your story. You really must continue writing short stories as you have a real talent for it. Keep it up and send me another one. I love it!
What a cute poem! And yes, Raccoons do make a lot of nosie and a mess! They will sneak right up to you sitting in a chair and you will never know it untill their little black hands start pawing at the air to see if there is food they can steal. I have been told though you never want to corner t hem because they are big fighters and with their teeth and claws, they can make a really big mess of you. I have watched them steal food from plactic sacks that were not suppose to be left o the ground but tied in the tree or somewhere high.
The only thing I thought I might changed is the word hullabaloo to hubble. But it is great just he way it is. Another example of your very good writing. You must keep on writing these great little stories and poems as you are very good with it!
Lynda-Spider
The 3rd review of your writings. I think you are a very talented writer and I have enjoyed reading these stories and the poem. Never stop writing. Lynda And thank you so much for bidding on my package and winning it!
oh, this is really cute. I am assuming he would ride up on his bike and ring his bell three times to let the children know the ice cream man was very close. At least that is my take on it. Yo0u don't say how old he is or how he go this job, or maybe he made the job up himself. It would be nice to know.
I thought your reference to Monty Phython was priceless. I liked your story and once again, I found no fault with it. Great job of writing. Keep it up!
Amazing! You actually came up with all those movie titles and made a short story about it. I really liked you rtitle, Just Breathe. I think anyone wouyl dhave to think that after battling a large spider off of their shoulder. Did you win or get an honorable mention with this story? I would be surprised if you didn't get something.
It is funny I ran into this little story of yours. Halloween day, several years ago, my little daughter, who was just in kindergarten, came wling down the stairs and said "boy, you should see the spider I slept wiht last night." Of course I thought someone had help-ed her buy a large rubber spider and she place it somewhere on her bed. Later I went up to make her bed up and as I walked into the room I saw this spider which was at least 3"in diameter hanging down from the top of her bed. I had to laugh to myself for her trying to scare me, but I went over to make the bed and believe it or not, the darn thing jumped at me. I screamed and it jumped at me again from off the floor. I went as fat as I could out of the room and watched it. It wouldn't go away and it was VERY REAL. I shut the door and waited for my husband to get home and let him take care of it. Later I was told it was a Wolf Spider. Honestly, I didn't care what kind it was, I just wanted it out of my house!
You did a great job of writing your story form beginning to end. The character was believable, the plot was somewhat off, but it is hard to write a story under the circumstance you were. I say Great job and good writing! Keep it up. Lynda-Spider
this is the first of the 3 reviews I will do for you.
I love it! Come on over and work on my house. You and my 90 year old aunt would work well together. I do understand watching all the HGTV shows as I tape them to watch later. My son takes over the TV so I have to wait until he is in school to watch my recorded ones. I am so glad you have gotten in touch with your femine self, lots of guys don't do that. It does makeme wonder though, how does your wife feel about you redesigning your home? does she like having a "handy man" or an interior decorator. Just wondering.
Anyway, keep on writing these cute poems because we love them and you're a great writer!
You speak the truth. God Answers (very good title) all the time. It is us who do not always hear or realzie that it is He who is talking to us. It can be in a soft sound we hear or it can be a rainbow in the sky when we are at our lowest. It can be our baby's first cry or our loved ones saying goodbye. It is for us to listen and be aware of everything. We are human and do not know what to listen for, so therefore we must listen and look and see at all that is within us and within our sight.
If I was deaf in mind and heart,
it wasn’t Your failure to impart
the Words to bring me back to life
and overcome anguish and strife.
These words are my favorite because many times we are exactly this way. EAch and everyone of us must do our part to listen and to heed what God has said.
I think your poem explains this very well. Good writing, good job! Keep it up.
What a great storty you have written. How can you say you don't know how to write them? This is wonderful. It is full of feelings, love, doubts, everything you could possible want in a story of this nature. I do think maybe you should have explained the two names as Chris. It makes one wonder. It wouldn't take much to do it either. Example, one could have the middle name as Christain and the other could have the same name as the first part because their mother wanted both of them to have her husbands name.
You did a great job on the party with Monqui saying they would meet her at the wedding. She wanted to surprise her. Even thoughtt it could have gone South on both of them, you turned it around so it ended with a great ending.
I thought your title was inticing. You mad eyour characters very believable and the descriptions and scenes were perfect. Once again, you did it Marci! Keep on trying to write short stories. You do very well.
This is such a creative and cute story you have here. I wasn't sure I wanted to read it but you definitely pulled me right into it. At first I thought maybe it would wind up being a horror story, but no, it was a funny story. What I like the best is them playing in the leaves. I used to have a beautiful Silver Leaf Maple tree in our backyard. When the cool weather rolled around its' leaves would turn all kind of colors. Then they would drop all over the backyard and cover the little wooden table and benches I had out there. Not only did the dogs love the leaves, so did the kids and grand-kids. I hated it when we had to cut it down to make way for my art room. I didn't have a choice. I love the fact the mystery man ended up being their grandfather. I really like the part where he threw water on them and played with them.
I did find a few errors I thought you would want to correct.
bored of sea sawing they raking more - Sea Sawing is see sawing - they began raking
Wally a Malakai smiled - Wally and
ww2 began. - this should be spelled out - World War II
I haven't gone back to recheck for any more errors. Just read it out loud and you will catch them.
Good job Levi! Keep on writing! And happy 1 year at WDC.
Love it! It reminds me of me. I had cataracts on both eyes and I had no idea had bad they were until I had to quit driving. Once they were taken off, the first time I saw myself in the mirror, I was shocked. I had decided to not color my hair anymore and let it grow out until it was really healthy. On that day, I made an appointment to have my hair colored. The mirror, as you say, is so nice to you at night because the lights are so very different than in the daytime.
Your title is perfect. Your settings, descriptions and character are wonderful and funny. I really liked your poem and I look forward to reading more. Keep up your writing! As far a grammar, I did not find anything wrong.
Thank you so much for the great write up on miniature roses. I love roses and have several planted in my back yard. Some are big and some are the small kind. The smell of a perfume rose is one of the most delightful smells in the world. At least to me it is. I love it when I walk out in the early morning and you can smell all the roses. Now there are plenty and many. I would love to go hunting for the old roses that grow wild in the fields and those left behind when people move an the house becomes dilapidated. I have read those are the best ones to have. Now they have a deep purple rose. I had one, but the heat killed it. The nursery finally got some more in so I have ordered two more. From beginning to the end I enjoyed reading your write up. I found it very interesting and I have every intention of getting a pink one. thank you for the very good writing and article. Keep on writing these things as you do a great job giving the information on them.
The punishment of those feet are real and agonizing. I don't know how ballerinas can stand it, but if they are determined, they do it and although feeling the pain, continue. I get the idea you were that ballerina, but you had a very hard time trying to keep up and couldn't stand the pain. I would think most people would understand. Of course there are those who really don't realize what dancers go through for their craft. After reading about ballerinas and dancers and seeing a documentary which showed the feet of one, I sincerely admire them.
Keep up the good writing. I really enjoyed your poem.
Beautiful Poem. Wanting to remember how yo were when you first fell in love. At least this is what I believe your poem is about. If it isn't, please let me know.
Magical, that's what you need to remember. The magic of being together and loving each other in such a different way, than you do today. As my husband says, "Even though we were broke, it was such a wonderful time for us. And I believe it is true for many married couple. As you grow older, children become you priority and you and your mate are put on the back burner. Of course, it doesn't have to be that way. There are many things you can do to keep the communication going. Maybe a one a week date night, without children. It keeps the home fires burning. This is when you talk to each other without interruptions. Maybe looking back at the beginning.
Anyway, if I have your poem wrong, please let me know. As always,
what a great story yo have written! From the very first paragraph you had me hooked.I thought the child was going to be something out of "The Ring". I found it wonderful that she was not. However she did end up being a not so nice young lady. Her facade you mention, interested me quite a bit. But in reading your story, ti never eluded to her having put on one, with the exception of when General Parsons looked at her for the first time. Your story is very well done and this was the only thing I had wondered about. Maybe you could add something about this in the beginning of when she is a young lady.
Your title is perfect as that is exactly what your story is all about. she must have been a very strong young lady to have pulled the body down to the stream all by herself. She definitely was devious at most. Either way she got the man she wanted. A bit fickle, if I do say so.
One grammatical error I found, but that is very good, only one! Fourth paragraph
He was a man that was desired by the many unwed ladies in the village and not a few married ones.
Shouldn't it have been: a few married ones? leaving not out?
Your story flowed well, your beginning, middle and ending was great, and your setting and scenes descriptions were fantastic. You keep up your writing as it is wonderful!
First sentence needs rewriting. I recently came back from vacation in Tennessee. I thought about writing while I was on vacation, but decided I would spend the simply relaxing.
2nd line. you can leave Tennessee out because you have let us know in the first line this is where you went.
2nd paragraph - One day, My mom, me and Aunt Jill were travelling in a spur of the moment adventure. We had planned to cross the Kentucky border, so we could say we had been there.
HI! I think you have a good draft of a story going on here. It needs a lot of work and I hope you aren't offended by some of these things I show you.
Repetitive of the word, route. The same with place. Also need a comma between that and it was no fancier than Applebees.
Use of picked instead of order is better.
5th paragraph - check your last sentence.
There, should be, their, possessive. Being their's. Belonging to. You have several sentences which need to be rewritten. It's okay, we all have to redo some of our first works, so don't get upset over all of this. Reread your story out loud to yourself. This way you can see where you have made mistakes. Correct them and please let me know as I would like to help you and reread this story. Keep on trying!
Poor Kelvin and poor Ray. Kelvin has a really nasty sister. Why in the world the teacher and principal would pair these two together. I guess they thought it would be good for both of them and they would become friends. Great little story. It ended way to soon. From beginning to end I enjoyed it, but the end left me flat. I think you need to rework the ending. Mine you, I am a writer like you , so this is only my opinion. whatever I say or suggest, you can take or leave it.
I think your title is okay, but you might want to rethink it also. I will say this, your story left me wanting more. What happens with his sister? What happens with Ray and Kelvin. Does Ray get picked on? Does Kelvin stand up to his sister? These are some of the thoughts I had when you ended the story.
"
"This should be considered child labor," he thought. Throughout the whole story, this is my favorite line. It made me laugh because I could just see a young nine year old thinking just that.
As I read I did not see any grammatical errors. Your story flowed very well, your setting, character and descriptions were very good. Great job! Keep on writing!
Lynda
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