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1,259 Public Reviews Given
1,301 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Conversational - I don't have a formal template. Comment to my perception of the work, both substance and technique; highlights & misses. My reviews are public by default, but I will gladly make private upon request.
I'm good at...
Poetry - I read aloud; respond to both art and craft; Short Story - I listen for the voice(s) and respond with how I perceive both the creative voice and technique; and effective use of writer's tools; Articles/Essays - I'll let you know how you keep it real and hold my interest. Comment to substance & technique, fact-checking, depth of research, logical flow.
Favorite Genres
I love to read ^_^
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, Short Stories, Articles / Essays
Public Reviews
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76
76
Review of Harmony  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings! I am delighted to read your poetry, and offer here my comments to a fellow Rising Star*Thumbsup*

The title introduces and describes the theme of this poem effectively, as the images conveyed in the two opening stanzas flow as a continuum which is then summed up in the final quatrain.

Reading aloud, the anaphora challenge is well met; effective in the choice of words used to call attention to each image in the quatrains opening the first two stanzas; which are then summed in a rhyming couplet, while leading to the next stanza. The final stanza, a summation of what has been depicted, effective as a pair of rhyming couplets, each a statement in alternating trochaic and iambic rhythm. *Thumbsup*

In the second stanza, the iambic fades , not sure if it is with the intent of evoking a halt with 'tomorrow' else, perhaps 'future days' would maintain the rhythm while conveying the same image.

In the final stanza, consider a stop after the third line "...community," to balance the rhythm of the first image and to have the final beautiful image stand alone as well as part of the wheel???

Thank you for this insightful and evocative imagery. Good luck int he challenge ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate
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77
77
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings! I am delighted to read your work for the auction, and offer here my comments to a fellow Rising Star*Thumbsup*

The linked chain stanzas in this terza rima form convey both an image of links in a chain of events in a life, and the fragile tether of the individual links as they ultimately 'fade away'

Reading aloud, the more pensive pace of the dactylic draws the listener with more depth to contemplate along with the speaker each image in the opening two stanzas; consider the inflection in the second line, first stanza, clearly identifying the speaker ans the subject of the poem. The the iambic pace picks up passion, conveys a sense of anger or pain. Consider a pause (comma) at the end of second line before beginning the next image line.???

For rhythmic balance, the third tercet, consider a two syllable synonym for 'inundate' - perhaps something like, 'emotions engross...' or 'emotions engulf...' ??? Good use of the 'cliche' to end this tercet, and the initial passionate 'journey.'

The next tercet provokes a turn in thought, akin to a volta in a sonnet - insightful image.*Thumbsup*

Then the final tercet, and the couplet, both resolves and brings full circle the journey lyrically (dactylic) and in its imagery.

For clarity and the balance of assonance, consider the final line replace the ambiguous 'soon' with more visual 'fading away leaving only dismay.'

The image prompt is vividly envisioned by the poem, which does not however need the image to hold the vision*Thumbsup* Thank you for this vivid lyric image, all too real for many of us*Heart*



Keep Writing!
Kate
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78
78
Review of ...and Fred.  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings! I am delighted to read your work for the auction, and offer here my comments to a fellow Rising Star*Thumbsup*

The poem is well met from a child's eye view; the language, images, the iambic and anapestic rhythm in short, vivid lines and couplets and the rhyming with 'Fred' - something a young child would recite with 'Fred.' This poem brings a smile to the adult and an 'aha' grin to the child - in years and memory both - recalling such a bond.

Fred's identity is cleverly concealed in the first stanza, reference to 'our head' evokes and imaginary friend, and subsequent ones evoke images or memories of a beloved pet. Fred's identity revealed in the final stanza, sublime ^_^ No spoilers, read the poem - aloud - to learn Fred's identity.

One spot where my voice faltered, fifth stanza - consider for rhythm and to balance with 'my Mommy' first stanza, 'At six o'clock my Daddy comes home' and later, for clarity and perhaps balance with the next line, show how Daddy helps, maybe "At dinner time he cuts my food" ??? maintaining the rhythm and providing a clear image, believable for a five-year old.

Again, Fred's identity revealed ~ sublime. Thanks for sharing this delightful journey - I can see why you remember.*Smile*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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79
79
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Thank you for this opportunity to read your provocative essay and effect this Simply Positive Review

The title is personal, relating to the writer, and the tag line offers options for others to seek the goal.

The essay opens with a paragraph pondering first the quest for the ideal of happiness, responds first with the attempt to attain it as a goal, then concludes that happiness is not the goal, but the quest itself.

The essay continues with a couple of personal observations and opinions, then verifiable examples of happiness as a goal backfiring upon those who wait for happiness to come to them. The argument is on point. The summation reavers the opening opinion, citing first a quote then the writer's agreement with same.

Well plotted and effective argument.

I note but a minor grammatical nit in the opening and a statement with potential for ambiguity in the second sentence.
"The answer to these questions have been asked by mankind since the very beginning." (also a passive sentence)

'The answer' would be singular, but it's respnding to two questions in the first sentence; and I'd want to know 'the very beginning' of what? time? recorded history? humankind's evolution?

Consider something like - Mankind (or humankind) has sought the answers to these questions since the beginning of time. (making mankind actor in the quest)

If I did not already believe this in my heart, if not always my daily action, your essay would be very convincing and, at the least, invite creative discourse. Thank you for a great read.


Keep Writing!
Kate
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80
80
Review of Amazing Guy  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

This poem tells a story of a chance encounter that progresses over time to a relationship sublime*Thumbsup* The rhyming and rhythm is natural, along with the conversational speech within the verse, evokes a lyrical quality, perhaps with either a folk or a hip-hop beat.

Reading aloud, rhyming couplets within each stanza focus the images being developed as the relationship develops in a natural progression. Alternating dactylic rhythm which evokes a downbeat with iambs and anapests which convey movement and excitement further conveys a sense of a song being written. Some creative internal rhythm and rhyme as well could be like a riff (i.e., “It’s not a date…I don’t hesitate.”*Thumbsup*) Consider the sound of ending with a folk-type rhythm, perhaps like “I think that I’ll be with him for a long, long while.” ???

I note but a few spots where the rhythm either appeared forced or I lost it,
The second stanza, first line, consider a slight pause for emphasis, before leading to the next, “No words said for a week, maybe two,” (the comma inserted for the pause)

The next stanza, more vivid, consider “…,I check the clock on the wall.” And for the rhythm the next line, “almost eleven and likely too late tonight,” (provocative internal assonance and alliteration{e:thumbsup)

The next stanza, a dropped apostrophe in the download – should be pastor’s

The next stanza, again suggest a bit tighter for the rhythm, “time to go pick up the rest, or we’ll be late.”

The next stanza, consider opening with the iambic upbeat, “We go and have a real good time” to prepare for the finale. And to maintain the vivid intensity of the finale, consider just a bit tighter hold on the rhythm and in keeping with the conversational tone of the second line, perhaps “He’s a hottie with a cool style,” “but still, he’s respectful of me” along with the tighter ending.

Thank you for sharing this powerful lyrical verse – a tribute to real love, or a vision of what will one day be.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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81
81
Review of Grrr  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

The title and tag line convey an image of a hunter or perhaps animal trainer faced with a feral beast. The story related in third person works well in conveying sensory images – physical, emotional, and mental. The conversational tone makes me feel like someone is telling a story, like a friend perhaps describing an event.

I have but a few suggestions to tighten the prose and keep it ‘showing.’ The second sentence appears a bit forced. Consider “They met just once over coffee.” And a couple sentences later, to keep it active not passive, “She took a sip of her wine…” (sip and little redundant) Also using looked and looking in quick succession, consider changing the second to “He was staring at her…”

To keep active and immediate, where they first kiss, consider something like “…lifted her by the arms to his body and kissed her, his full hot lips…” (more active than proceeded to kiss…)

“Let’s go inside.” The low purr of his voice sedated her, and she allowed him to lead her by the hand. (starting a new paragraph with his words and more visual image of her thoughts showing how he led her in?)

The final paragraph, “She was gasping for air.” Or perhaps “She couldn’t catch her breath.” ? Her resolve is so sublime with the down to earth comment*Thumbsup* Consider a bit more active with less helper words to fix the image in the reader’s mind.
“She didn’t want to lose him, just to tame him.”

Thank you for sharing this delightful journey, I smile at the tongue in check, memorable conclusion*Thumbsup*.


Keep Writing!
Kate
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82
82
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

The title and tag line are delightfully irreverent, as are the images in each stanza. I can see one musing, pondering the chosen attributes of a god in tune with her sybaritic acolyte.

Reading aloud, the alternating rhyming lines help focus the images and ideas proposed for the chosen god in each. The opening stanza sets the tone, and each successive stanza gives vivid images to show (not tell) what the god would do.

Just a couple little nits, third and fifth stanza, last line, “they’d grow… and “they’d love us” (deleting the extra ‘e’)

The final stanza feels just a bit forced for the rhyming in the first two lines, but then so does rap, I suppose –

The final image to conclude the ‘conversation’ is delightfully sublime ~ thank you for sharing.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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83
83
Review of Flaming Angel  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

Actually, I disagree with the tag line*Smile*, though it does pique the reader’s interest. I see some vivid images, engaging the senses physical, emotional and mental.*Thumbsup* and making one want to know how and why she is shackled and condemned.*Thumbsup*

Well depicted with little telling, sensory images draw the reader in. Just a couple places where I stumbled or slowed. “Ash and soot from the flaming mountain splattered her glowing skin…” (more accurate visual for me, not to infer that someone or something was acting to smear it) Also the last line of the opening paragraph, a bit more active, “She had no chance of escaping her steel bondage.”

The summation of this prologue is intense with great potential. I am left curious as to why and how she was shackled inside a volcano. Of what ‘sin’ she was guilty, either for real or imposed, who imposed her ‘sentence’ ~ intriguing opening that leaves me wanting to know more.*Thumbsup*

I look forward to reading more of the Flaming Angel’s story ~

Keep Writing!
Kate
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84
84
Review of I Hate You More  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings,
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

Wow, this is intense and an act of courage, but despite the pain and suffering within, the image ends with power and strength, “I’ll be a better parent Than you ever could have dreamed.”*Heart*

Reading aloud, the conversational tone, fixed by alternating lines with rhyme and near rhyme, asking and answering as a dialogue what the speaker had pondered over time perhaps, and finding answers and guidance within oneself.

I note but a couple places where I lose the rhythm or have to reread. Each line or couplet for the most part speaks a clear image. The first line, consider just a bit tighter, i.e.,
“It’s kind of funny” then continue with the second line balancing the poignant image.

One minor nit final stanza where an apostrophe was lost in the upload,
“You’re just …”

Thank you for sharing this poignant, powerful image of growth and resolve.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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85
85
Rated: E | (3.5)
Greetings, Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

The title and opening line draw a vivid image of what is to come – the shape of the words in the poem also evoke a flower, a tulip perhaps.

Reading aloud, I find some rhythm in images in each line or enjambed lines flowing to the next to weave the image and evoke a sense of coming to flower, or blooming*Thumbsup*

Consider maintaining the near heartbeat rhythm in the opening until the title is repeated, i.e., the second line, the sound of “beneath a blazing sun” putting the emphasis on the second syllable in the first word. The fourth line anapests work to slow the pace and focus the image in the listener’s ear (but delete the extra ‘e’ in “the eyes…”

The sixth line- who is taking action – I believe the flowers are the actors, if so, consider, “two flowers did spring” following the image of the seed being planted/tended above.

“windswept souls” = what a memorable image as they are brought together to embody true love*Heart*

Thank you for sharing this vivid image in verse.


Keep Writing!
Kate
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86
86
Review of The Diary  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review
I see a tribute to a companion, always there, stalwart keeper of secrets and hopes and dreams, as etched daily upon a blank page. Then returned to the darkness to keep them safe until the next day, and the next, like life itself, etching its marks upon the body and the spirit.

Reading aloud, as a story poem, I do not seek a rhyme scheme, but a cohesive flow of images describing a vision or telling a story. This is done fairly well personifying the diary as a friend, companion, perhaps muse..

I note but a few occurrences where the subject (diary) loses focus for me
The second line, to maintain the identity of the diary in focus as the subject “her” – consider ending with “…and torn from abuse.” (the ‘abuser’ understood as the writer)

The fourth line, a bit redundant at the end, consider instead of adverb repeating idea (‘slowly’ with ‘over time’) perhaps, “Her leather binding wearing over time” ???

Two lines later, the number inconsistent, i.e., “To the memories that are secured….” Or simply “To memories secured and locked.” ???

Next line, the subject and the writer also appear to conflict –
“And reveal the heart and soul inside” else using ‘her’ would imply it’s the diary’s, not writer’s heart revealed.

Keeping the personalization going, “Who writes every night,” (remove ‘it’ so as not to depersonalize the diary), and continue something like, “Etching words lightly in black ink” describing the actions of the writer upon the subject Diary.

One minor ‘oops’ second last line – “And cast into darkness” (in place of ‘casted’)

The ending is both poignant and leaves the listener with a smile, promising a return the next day, and next – a writer’s promise to keep writing!.

Whether it be prose or verse, I do hope to see more of your creative and visionary work.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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87
87
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Greetings! Thank you for the opportunity to read and comment on your work for
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This item number is not valid.
#1488944 by Not Available.


Wow, this is intense – each reading strips another layer from the masquerade that promises perfect love in exchange for blind unquestioning obeisance and sacrifice; manipulating with guile unthinking masses to seek salvation from their own inherent evil – to embark on “a path of suffering to heaven” by denying want, need, and what is unique in oneself. The speaker addresses the Almighty, then questions in each stanza a dictum or tenet of religious observance – its meaning and observance. The poem is a journey – seeking substance to validate belief, laying bare the illusion of dogma, and revealing true belief*Thumbsup*

The poem begins as a prayer or invocation that immediately challenges with force.

Reading aloud, The overlying rhythm after the opening line is forceful, demanding, with combinations of iambic and anapestic rhythm. Consider holding for focus in the third line the iambic rhythm – i.e., “You dare ask me to pray to you” – where every other word would be naturally stressed – a sense of irony in speaking. The last line, first stanza, slowing down to retain the image, consider eliminating adjective after the stop to incite a trochaic rhythm, i.e., “Full of lies, maggots feeding on truth.”

The second stanza, second line, to put natural stress on ‘pain’ consider eliminating ‘the’ before; and the third line, “held with affection” more visual; the final line a grammar thing, “We wander lost, never knowing for what we search” also puts the natural stress on ‘know’ and ‘what’ and ‘search’ or consider ‘seek’ in place of ‘search’ = seekers of truth or treasure?

The third stanza last line, “Bestowing on us your cold acid love” adding ‘on’ here adds balance to the rhythm, a natural stress on 'us'.

The fourth stanza, consider the first line opening with the same intensity as the second stanza – consider not using ‘death’ twice in the stanza, but a like-meaning image – consider the sound of “I know that I live, but see mankind’s demise” (is the speaker ‘living,’ or merely alive?) and the final line for the balance and to fix the image, consider a stop before defining, i.e., “Your words are nothing, but masked larvae of death.” (plural larvae to balance with ‘words’) or if you want to focus on the almighty ‘word’ – perhaps “Your word is nothing, but masked larva of death” ??

The fifth stanza reads as a realization, an epiphany that impresses upon the reader/listener the writer/speaker’s realization*Star*

The final stanza, second line consider keeping the intensity high in the second line – “A pit of truth chained with sin you gave us.” (eliminating ‘the’) and the next line, keep the same tense – in the present, the realization today, “The lies we all pray for, the damnation you give.” (as it’s still ongoing for the masses)

The summation – not faith, but awareness brings knowledge of a higher power, that inspires not fear but Love*Star*

These are my comments in response to your intense and provocative work – a true poetic dialogue you’ve opened that speaks to my mind and my spirit. Thank you.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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88
88
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

This is fun! I don’t know what all the specific items are, but I don’t need to, as I can see the Fisherman each weekend on the lake or stream, there for the love of the sport*Thumbsup* The items themselves aid the parody, as pronouncing them in song twists the tongue, resulting in some funny garbled words (St. Croix rods, for one)*Smile* The assonance follows suit with the original in some instances – could be a bit closer, i.e., would ‘seven sacks of Senkos’ work to rhyme more closely with ‘seven swans a swimming’? – if Senkos don’t come in sacks, would be funny to the fisherman when their wives or girlfriends sang it*Wink*

I note but a couple little ‘oopses’ – On the ‘fourth day’ stanza – ‘true love’ is forsaken for ‘new love’ – not sure if it’s intentional, but it made me go back and reread the first three. Also on the “Eighth” day – check “eight’ .

I enjoyed singing this, and am certain your fishing buds will likewise enjoy the images. Hope you find some of the wished-for items under your tree (or at the pier?)*Smile*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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89
89
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

A child’s belief in magic is tested, and she resolves to create her own reality instead of relying on handouts. This is both sad and somehow energizing, as she is given not promises, but placating remarks by both her mother and Santa in the store, and realizes that she can control her own future through effort and will. It’s a hard lesson for a kid to learn, but she does learn it and I can see her realizing her dreams by her own design, once again finding the joy and promise of Yule.

Reading aloud, rhyming alternate lines of each stanza (for the challenge, I presume) makes it easily memorable for younger readers and listeners; recalls to me the tone of a fable, although some of the enjambments created by the structure appeared a bit forced (i.e., the third last stanza, “…Sally was certain that – Santa was bringing it for her. Dawn” (beginning with ‘meant’ felt forced to me)).

Other of the enjambments are real gems – i.e., the next stanza, “and mittens. “Now you won’t have to shiver – all winter.” Mama’s words stuck in her throat.” I can envision her thinking of the words the rest of the winter – see the image*Star*

Also, there’s some lapse into the passive (i.e., consider “excuses mom did conceive” (in place of ‘could’) to make it more active?

Each reading gave me more of a sense not of a loss of faith, but developing, albeit by necessity, a belief in oneself. Sally’s path to success – through study and work – *Thumbsup*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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90
90
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

The story in verse of the last snowflake as a symbol of the wheel of life turning, the symmetry a snowflake (personalized) falls to earth in a droplet, then blossoms, then leaves, fall to earth in a ‘shower’ to form mounds, resting, recalling the beauty of the last snowflake of winter, imparting her beauty upon the blossom, inscribing the blossom with her essence. Such a resplendent image in verse. The blue snowflakes separating the stanzas add to the image of a drifting petal of snow*Heart*

Reading aloud, as a free verse poem, I do not seek rhyme but a cohesive flowing imagery. Each stanza follows in natural order, I can envision the seasons changing, yet tied together by the image of the snowflake – to a blossom, to a leaf, back to a snowflake.

There are but a few places where repeated words or redundancies slowed me a bit – for example, consider the first stanza, the third line, where “she fell into the orchard” (down is already stated in the first line and understood from ‘fell’

Consider also the fourth stanza, using ‘on’ twice in the same line – perhaps “they piled atop one another…” would work, keeping the second occurrence of ‘on’ ?

Consider the next stanza – ‘beautiful’ repeated – perhaps one of them could be ‘resplendent’ or another simile for beautiful that conveys the ephemeral nature of the individual snowflake or delicate petal?

The next stanza – I have to say it, really remains with me – “…clouds of petals…reminding the world of their beautiful ice-sisters.”*Heart*

Consider the final stanza, “in fall, the leaves will fall from the trees” perhaps use ‘autumn’ or maybe the leaves will float –

Thank you for sharing this beautiful story in verse. I really enjoyed this image – and will pass a smile for the beautiful last snowflake as I watch for her arrival with the first buds of springtime.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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91
91
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review for this auction which does benefit several great groups in our Community as well as afford a splendid venue for altruism by both donors and bidders to read and review some of the creative work of our members.

As a forum, the title and tag invite; I like the 'Very First' in caps; evokes a smile and curiosity to see what it's about. The no frills bold color format of the forum's opening immediately supplies the parameters of the auction, timetables for contributions and fulfillment. A nice gesture also to offer donors a merit badge, perhaps increasing the level of their altruism.

Working links to the groups to benefit a nice touch to allow casual visitors to check out any with which they are not familiar; also, donations posted clearly in forum - easy to read (and bid). The forum posts themselves are friendly, donations acknowledged in a friendly, courteous manner.

I accept with pleasure your invitation to participate in the auction and will be back to bid. I would like to add a token contribution towards the prize fund or however you choose to employ. Best of luck with the Raffle*Smile*

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of A Thousand Masks  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thank you for offering this mirror image to which most of us can likely relate all too well!

The title intrigues, and the tag line invites the casual observer to read further. One suggestion, "inside" as one word, to balance with the text of the poem to come?

I'm sensing a lyric quality in the 'refrain' opening with the repeated lines and in the first and last stanzas, focusing the statement in the first couplet with "Never knowing, always hoping" and within the poem reversing the two "Always hoping, never knowing" before answering the question posed in that stanza. It gives this reader pause for a moment.

Reading aloud, there is some rhythm within each stanza and the initial couplets, with rhymed end words and near-rhyme to hold an image together, along with assonance in the end lines of each stanza that add to the lyric quality of the poem. I can envision this sung as well as recited.

Consider holding the same active moment throughout, i.e., in the fourth stanza, I think, instead of dropping to the past,
"That you could see the side I try to hide" (in place of 'tried') - that the speaker is still seeking knowledge of the self, masks are being worn and discarded ~ Intense*Thumbsup*

Check your contractions "I've" and repeated use of 'that' - where it dampens the intensity of the following image a bit, altering the rhythm of a couplet?

Thank you for this vivid and memorable portrait, again one with which many can relate as we don our 'mask' and face the day*Star*

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
~~Image #6000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
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{image:976770]

{image:748948}
93
93
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings! Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

I can see why this song earned a prize in the contest*Thumbsup* -The title evokes a sense of mystery and magic which the lyrics then confirm and describe in both overt and subtle images of passion above and below. I also like the credit to a fellow author at the end - just like the liner on a cd jacket ~ thinking publication*Thumbsup*

Reading aloud, the marked 'verses' and 'chorus' are balanced and rhythmic; conveying a story in lyric verse. The repetition at the start of the last 'verse' brings the story full circle and prepares for the final chorus. The flowing imagery in "shooting stars" as "silver fountains" relates well to the couple creating a 'fireball display' to 'hit the Milky Way.' *Star*

For the rhythmic balance of the words alone, not knowing if it's been set to any music yet, consider a couple of minor shifts to make more active the connection between above and below -

i.e., instead of repeating 'can' how about the sound of
"and when the night is clear, heaven does appear... (or will appear...?) - as witnessed by the brilliant visual imagery in the chorus and the final stanza*Star* - also the pause after 'clear,' puts the natural stress on the first syllable of 'heaven'

In the 'Bridge,' 'can' works effectively as an action for me.

Also, consider an explanation for colloquialisms at the end, as non-rural readers and listeners would say 'cuz' in place of 'cus' ???

Keep Writing!
Kate
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
94
94
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thank you for this place where soldiers and veterans around the world are daily honored and appreciated and effect this Simply Positive Review

As a forum, the title and tag line inspire and invite the casual observer to a place where veterans worldwide are welcomed, honored, and appreciated. I was once told by a Veteran Marine, there's no such thing as a 'former Marine,' and I believe that is true of all our Veterans, as so effectively exemplified herein.

Insignia from military forces around the world highlight the global scope of the forum. The purpose of the forum is stated with clarity and working links provided to additional resource for visitors and members to aid soldiers currently serving and their families. Challenges are offered to recognize and honor the service and sacrifice of those who serve and sacrifice to keep us free.

The insignia "Freedom is Not Free" in the center remains in my thoughts*Thumbsup*, and I hope you can use this small token to help keep the home fires burning for those who have given and continue to give so much*Heart*


Keep Writing!
Kate
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95
95
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review

I enjoyed the journey you weave, from the moment of declaration, working through the doubt, a touch of innocence that blooms into something magical*Heart* Such a simple phrase ~ beginning and ending the story, brings it full circle.

The opening comment and the recipient’s reaction to it carry the story, which is related in first person, with wit, vivid detail, and depth of impression and observation.

I note but a few places I was slowed – the opening line “…he whispered, as we stood…” (‘to me is redundant, and appears later in the next paragraph, where I think it fits well). Also, use of “as” repeatedly in the first paragraph, perhaps an alternate in some places, i.e., “I would have to find my seat while he made his way…” ???

The fourth paragraph, it is the speaker in a fog, so consider “I passed the remainder of the day in a dejected fog.” ??

And the final paragraph a bit unfinished as written ~ still together, long ago separated? Perhaps just begin “Years later, I can still feel that delicious shiver…” (leaves the question open while stating time has passed) or simply “I can still feel that delicious shiver…” leaves the question open, unless there’s an answer to include?

Thank you once again for this delightful journey to a time of innocence and hope.


Keep Writing!
Kate
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings!
Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review ~

Thank you for sharing your wise words and the examples that prove them true~ Love MORE and Fret Less” ~ *Star*

As an essay or opinion, it flows naturally from the opening qualifier, to personal examples and commonly accepted generalizations about kids, to the conclusion, based on experience, that accepting and encouraging the positive qualities while guiding them with parameters will allow them to grow and excel.

I note but a few spots where the tense shifts abruptly within a paragraph – the end of the second paragraph, consider “…walk in cap and gown, …diplomas.” (holding to the plural without extra pronouns)

A little oops “thinks,” (comma within quote)

Your words of wisdom inspire and that final line should be on every parent’s bathroom mirror ~ first thought as they greet the day.

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Prayer to Danu  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings!

Thank you for sharing this prayer; fervent and honest and inspiring. The title and tag line are clear as to intent, which is met by the images conveyed in the poem, each line an invocation.

Reading aloud, the etheree form is well met to convey vivid detail and impact in each statement/line.

I would suggest, since you do use pauses in the opening, perhaps a couple to aid reflection on some of the images; perhaps every other image for allowing the mind to hold the focus for a momentary pause??

Thank you for this inspiring and beautiful work ~ reaching through the skies above*Heart*



Keep Writing!
Kate
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98
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings~ Thank you for this opportunity to read your work and effect this Simply Positive Review ~ being of like mind, I immediately recognize the title without need of the tag line, which is however a fitting introduction to the casual observer.

Reading aloud, the refrain in each stanza those of every faith can read as the symmetry and balance that life itself seeks; that life is a cycle of birth, maturity, and the final harvest, death. "as above, so below" focuses on this balance and symmetry.

Reading aloud, I also note the rhythmic pattern or cyclical flow which allows the mind to focus on the images in each stanza, each stage of life and growth.

I note but one spot where I am slowed - thje rhythm feels a bit forced - the third stanza, "permeates through my soul" (feels redundant) - consider perhaps "permeates my spirit" ? in place of 'through' ???

Thank you for this incantation or reflection or prayer relevant and thought-provoking, I believe, for those of all belief systems.

Brightest Blessings!

Keep Writing!
Kate
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Review of Choices  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings~ Thank you for offering this thought-provoking timely verse that helps the reader focus on the impact one person's actions have on the lives of others, whether known at the time or not!

Reading aloud, as a non-rhyming verse, I do not seek rhymes but a cohesive image that flows and tells a story or carries a consistent thought or message, which I find here.

The poem begins with a list of questions to draw the reader in and pause to reflect on apparently ordinary choices; then each stanza expands to show how the choices affect life's path and the path of others one encounters.

I note several grammatical oopses spellchecker deleted - the apostrophes in the possessives for example, 'else's' 's and I'm the apostrophe*Blush* Also for clarity and grammar, the third line "whom to sit..."

For consistency in the powerful final stanza, consider maintaining second person "...for all you know" to "your choice..." or if you desire more objective, "...for all we know" "one choice could save us all" ???

Thank you for this call to thoughtful conscious action.

Keep Writing!
Kate
wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
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Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
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Review of Joyride  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Greetings, and thank you for offering this adventure into a world perhaps parallel to ours ~ where magic and mechanics are both tools for the valiant border guards. Don't know if it's intended, but I see some relevant satire with respect to the job description - 'border guard.'

Dart, a young border guard, begins his adventure by 'appropriating' his supervisor's hovercraft for a joyride and immediately encounters supernatural beings whose attack he must fend off to merely stay airborne. Frustrated with his training as a mechanic despite his desire to pilot, he then, crashes the vessel, and encounters more potent elemental beings which he defeats. It appears that this was part of his training, utilizing his mechanical aptitude to train him not as an ordinary 'border guard' but for a more intriguing purpose.

I see but a bit of passivity in the descriptive scenes, where the action and images might stay more immediate with use of action to fix the image in the reader's mind. For example, after Dart crashes the craft his physical features are described. Consider something like, "The brownish red leather of his flight suit creaked in in time to his battered joints, shaking off the overcoat of dirt along with the illusion of age. He fingered his sandy-blonde hair, casting off leaves and twigs, then pushed the cracked flight goggles hanging from an ear onto his forehead. (kind of run-on there, but see where I'm going with the multi-tasking images - action to show his dynamic youth and vigor.

Also consider tightening to some simpler or more basic words for clarity – for example, second paragraph, "...bite wasn't immediately impending." consider, "...bite wasn't imminent."; also eliminating redundant or duplicate words that appear close together – the noted paragraph you use "tail end" and "tail wing" - consider perhaps a nautical term? maybe 'aft' or 'port' for one? Also duplicate words later where he strives to maintain control, "..he nearly lost control," and "..he regained control." consider for the second occurrence, "...he leveled the craft." See where I'm going with respect to clarity and couching the descriptive in action?

I also note some fragmented or partial sentences. Combine or perhaps one action word will suffice to show what’s transpired?

The characters are believable each with their own voice; they interact with realism; and just as Dart is informed that his mechanical training will continue; utilizing his ability and expertise in unique fashion, I look forward to the ongoing adventures of Dart among elementals, goblins, and perhaps, his deciphering the underlying intrigue or ulterior motives of his superiors?.

Welcome to WDC and to The Terrace ^_^

Keep Writing!
Kate

wistful rune ~ …
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Kate - Writing & Reading
~~Image #6000 Sharing Restricted~~
Strive to live the ordinary life in a nonordinary way.
Book of Runes
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