*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mariapanlilio/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
547 Public Reviews Given
559 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 ... Next
26
26
Review by writeartista
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Tee,

It's my pleasure to give you this review for this technically well-written piece.

If only I had read this story before "Reaction to Foreign Environs(HOME II)" , it would have alleviated the multitude of questions I had posed in my recent review of said segment. If I were writing these biographical vignettes about your father and your life in Nigeria, I would organize them, as follows: ("HOME" is just an example. I trust you will give it a more appropriate main title.)

HOME I "I met my Father (HOME I)" 
HOME II "Reaction to Foreign Environs(HOME II)" 
HOME III "My Personality Comes to Life (HOME III)" 

Now that I know the narrator is only four years old during this point in his life, I am less critical of the arrogant and snobbish disillusionment of a young boy dispatched in a new and {i]repulsive{/i] environment that is his new home—Nigeria—a "half-civilized place" compared to his beloved London. I also know now that he, his mother and elder brother move to Nigeria to join the father. This brings only new questions. Why did he leave his family in London for Nigeria other than the fact that he and his wife were born there? Couldn’t he find a job in a more progressive city like London? What kind of job did he have in Nigeria that was more important than being with his family in London?

Meeting the father for the first time is such a momentous occasion unfortunately marred by the boy's disappointments caused by the father's middle-aged, rough Nigerian countenance. As the boy thinks this to himself: I had looked forward to a Caucasian “daddy”, or a black man not like the mystifyingly grinning men and women who--, please excuse my comprehension deficiency, but is the daddy Caucasian, or black?

The narrator as a boy is a self-indulgent, spoiled, persnickety, high-and-mighty kid who thinks only of himself, that's why he doesn't even describe how his mother and father react toward each other when they come face to face after years of separation. All the boy can think of is how disappotingly Nigerian his father looks.

I look forward to reading the third segment of this series with expectations of an epiphany. Is the boy finally going to accept and love his fathe and his new home and life in Nigeria?

Write on.

Maria (writeartista)
Author of:
MOUNT PINATUBO  [E]
Mount Pinatubo's eruption in 1991 drastically changed the lives of the main characters.
by writeartista


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
27
27
Review by writeartista
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)

I am reviewing this in accordance with your suggestion – to fully appreciate its sequel. So here I am.

The snobbish, arrogant, condescending tone in which this is written almost made me quit reading after the first three paragraphs, but I continued on because of its interesting inter-cultural subject matter and your intellectual writing style. As a multi-culturalist I am always interested in reading stories that delve into native customs, lifestyle, foods, etc. This story immediately signified a satisfying promise.

You write very well. This piece, however, did not provide any warmth of humility that I was hoping I'd feel, at least toward the end when I thought you'd reach an epiphany in life toward your father. Why did you dislike your father, and what did he do to change your feelings toward him? The answers to these questions, if given at all, must have been so subtle that I missed them.

I don't know why you left London for Nigeria.
I don't know what you were doing in Nigeria.
I don't know how old you are in this story.
I'm not sure if your father, or your mother, is a black Nigerian.
I don't know if you changed your very negative attitude toward your new home, your surroundings, and the foods.

This reminds me so much of the time when I first met the negroid people of the Philippines who lived on the higher slopes of the mountain. It's one of my most treasured memories.

I look forward to reading your "My Personality Comes to Life". Perhaps my questions will be answered here.

All in all, technically, this is a very engaging read.

Write on.

Maria (writeartista)
Author of:
MOUNT PINATUBO  (E)
Mount Pinatubo's eruption in 1991 drastically changed the lives of the main characters.
#1186646 by writeartista


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



28
28
Review of ~ Solace ~  
Review by writeartista
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1497336 ("Solace")
         Date: November 24, 2008

General comments
I am pleased to read your short fiction and present you with this review.

I think you write very well; you certainly captured my interest from beginning to end.

You have some nice descriptions; I especially like this part:

I close my eyes for just a moment breathing in the scent that is uniquely him. A combination of crisp autumn air and sawdust is the closest I have come to describing it.

Technical remarks:

I am not an erotica writer, so I very seldom read and review one. I’ve read your flash fiction and was curious about your rewrite.

In my opinion, this story is mostly erotica and very little story, so I am left with an unsatisfied feeling. (See, this is why I don’t read erotica. :*Blush*)

One grammar note: “It is one of those little white lies people tell themself.” [themselves]]

Final remark:
Thanks for the opportunity to review something I don’t normally read.

Write on.

Maria (writeartista)
Author of:
MOUNT PINATUBO  [E]
Mount Pinatubo's eruption in 1991 drastically changed the lives of the main characters.
by writeartista


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
29
29
Review by writeartista
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1385888
         Author: S.L.Britton
         Date: September 11, 2008

General comments
This is my first time to read any of your work, and I hope to read more. I think you write well; you certainly captured my interest from beginning to end. We all love Van Helsing's vampire hunts, so even though so many adaptations have been done, the vampire afficionados are always ready for another good story.

You have some nice descriptions; I especially like this part:

The smell alone was enough to announce the undead. It was not unpleasant. It was dark, musty, and different. Part warm earth and burned ozone after a lightening strike. The essence surrounded him like a lover who had overstayed their welcome. This was certainly his lair.

Technical suggestions:

It wasn’t a place for high society he thought laughingly.
Insert comma after society

“I don’t take orders from you.” Gabe answered.
replace the period with a comma after you

Note: a sentence always ends with a comma instead of a period when there is a tag. In addition, the first word in the tag is always in small letter. I suggest the following examples should be revised:

There is little enough of it.” He hissed.
“You refuse to listen.” Valenko snarled.
“You and your kind can not be allowed to continue.” VanHelsing announced, fighting to keep his control.
“After nearly 300 years, do you believe I haven’t learned?” The demon asked.

Final remark:
Good start. I look forward to reading more of your work one of these days.

Write on.

Maria (writeartista)
Author of:
MOUNT PINATUBO  [E]
Mount Pinatubo's eruption in 1991 drastically changed the lives of the main characters.
by writeartista


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
30
30
Review by writeartista
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1469642
         Author: Jerry Powell
         Date: September 9, 2008

Hi Jerry,

This is quite an interesting story. Except for the solitary confinement part, I'm sure many of us can identify with the aforesaid experience; I know I do. Those USB flash drives are so small, so they're easily misplaced. One of these days I'm going to invest in one of those passport flash drives, which are not as easy to misplace.

I don't know how you ended up in jail and in solitary confinement, but that must have been the most horrible experience, especially since you said you were innocent of the crime that convicted you.

They can do that -- place the accused in a maximum security solitary cell (for his protection) while awaiting trial? How about bail? Well, it's a very interesting story, and I look forward to reading the expanded version.

I firmly believe that in every personal setback or tragedy there's always a blessing disguised somewhere; in your case, you were able to write several stories that might someday end up on the shelves of book stores and libraries.

As I have come to expect from your stories, there's no point in looking for syntactical mistakes because I won't find any. So I don't bother. If there were any mistakes here, they had to be so minor to be noticed.

Thanks for sharing a sensitive part of your personal life with us.

Write on.

Maria (writeartista)
Author of:
MOUNT PINATUBO  [E]
Mount Pinatubo's eruption in 1991 drastically changed the lives of the main characters.
by writeartista


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
31
31
Review by writeartista
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)

Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1028505
         Author: Leigh Martin
         Date: August 12, 2008

Hi Leigh,

General comments
I learned a lesson or two on how to show and tell effectively from reading this wonderful, well-crafted story. You have, in my opinion, mastered your writing craft as evident in this exhibit.

From the first paragraph down to the last, you grabbed my undivided attention and held it through the very last word. This is gripping and suspenseful. You have the gift of storytelling, and you paint unforgettable images through your words.

Just a few suggestions:

Fear, spiralling uncontrollably through my bones,
Correction: spiralling (spiraling)

my eyes were lead away from the continued story
Correction: lead (led)

THREE WOMAN FOUND STRANGLED ON LONDON PLATFORMS!
Correction: WOMAN WOMEN
         Did you mean to have "THREE" there?

One last comment:
You did not label this as a horror or ghost story; however, I got the feeling at first read that the protagonist was a ghost who’d been murdered by the Ices.

Closing remark:
Great job. I am an instant fan, and I look forward to reading more of your work one of these days.

Write on.

Maria (writeartista)
Author of:
MOUNT PINATUBO  [E]
Mount Pinatubo's eruption in 1991 drastically changed the lives of the main characters.
by writeartista


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
32
32
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (4.5)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1423344
         Author: Judy - Loves her Friends
         Date: August 11, 2008

A REVIEW AND A PRAYER FOR JUDY


Dear Judy,

General Douglas MacArthur (“I shall return.”) once said, “for it is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.”

Thank you for the three years you served with the U.S. Military. You are a heroine in my book.

I’ve had the opportunity to enjoy your port before, and now I am back for more of your quality writing. I had no idea you’d served under the U.S. Armed Forces until I received the request for prayers from the Open Door To Grace group. I am glad that my attention has been redirected to your port, and learn this important information about you. You see, I am a big supporter of our troops.

You write very well. I look forward to reading more from your port.

Write on.

God Bless You.
Be Well. Miracles happen.

Maria

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

Simply Positive Review Forum   [E]
A group dedicated to spreading honesty and positivity.
by Simply Positive


33
33
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (4.5)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1391578
         Author: stephen alexander
         Date: July 23, 2008

Dear author,

Congratulations for being selected as one of the best Rising Stars for July.

This is excellent writing, a mixture of business and creative style that captivated my attention. My mom had a stroke that paralyzed one side of her face. It was scary at first, but the doctors assured us that it was going to be temporary, and it was.

Your detailed account of "the stroke" is superbly rendered; enough to arrest my consciousness about the threats of hypertension and stroke.

If there is any technical criticism at all that I can offer is your propensity to use the parentheses a little too much. For example:
         Immediately following the “accident” (as the medical people are apt to describe it), I suffered from intermittent crying jags, (which I continue, periodically to endure); In my opinion, you don't need enclose which I continue, periodically to endure in parentheses.

About this "deep-seated Catholic inculcation, a need for assigning self-blame as well as an equally deep-seated guilt." I never could understand this. Why do we as Catholics have to feel this way?

Thanks for sharing this well-written essay about stroke. I hope you're well.

I will get on the treadmill now, so I'll talk to you later.*Smile*

Write on.

Maria
Author: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


The Rising Stars Tour Bus  [E]
A One-Stop Mini-Tour of our Program, Past & Present
by Lilith of House Martell

"The Angel Outreach Program" 
34
34
Review of Mirage of You  
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item #1431326, by Erlyn Baya
         Date: July 13, 2008

Hi Erlyn,

It's been a while, but I'm back for more of your delectable poems. I hope you're having a great summer so far, and still very much in love with the mysterious and lucky Mr. Mike A.S.--your professed muse for whom all these poems are dedicated.

Again, this poem resonates with such sensuality, romance, love and passion that I have come to admire and enjoy in your writing. You are still very young, but already oh so lucky in love. I hope it lasts a long time, like forever, for you.

My favorite part:

some lazy Sunday
when nothing stirs but joy
on the wing tips of a Monarch
in flight upon the Pacific
in search of a sweet and
pure mirage of you.


Write on.

Maria
Author: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

35
35
Review by writeartista
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1184411
         Author: Sherri Gibson
         Date: July 3, 2008

RE: A review for a
"Simply Positive Review" Forum's reviewee)


Dear Sherri,

This is a very touching and moving manifestation of your undying love for your mother. The incorporation of the song “My Heart Will Go On” is a very effective way to show your devotion to your mom. Nothing can be more traumatic than losing the woman who gave birth to you, especially when she had to suffer so much from metastatic cancer. I can understand completely how you must have felt when you heard the news that your mom was dying.

I lost my mother in December of 2006. I was so grief-stricken after the doctors announced that nothing could save my mother anymore from her illness, and advised us to “give up and let go.” When I left the hospital in tears, I ran through a red light and was imposed a $375 ticket. Talk about double jeopardy!

Thank you, Sherri, for sharing this poignant story to us. I loved it.

Write on, and be well.

Maria
Author: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

36
36
Review of ANONYMOUS RATERS  
Review by writeartista
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1209577
         Author: Sherri Gibson
         Date: July 3, 2008

RE: A review for a
"Simply Positive Review" Forum's reviewee)


Dear Sherri,

Personally, I have not experienced anything unpleasant with respect to an “Anonymous Reviewer” but I have these past few days been quite frustrated and annoyed by a member hiding behind several user names; i.e.: shwet, shwet_2, shwet_3, spiritual, and spread_love. He victimized many authors on the Auto-Rewards Page who offered generous GPs for reviews, leaving only the word “HEY!” and a 1.5 rating, which he later changed to 4.5. He or she collected the A-R GPs by hitting the space bar many times to qualify for the reward. I happened to have five items on the A-R page then, so he was able to steal a lot from me. Then he used other user names to review same items over and over, again, leaving onely one comment: "Hey," thereby collecting multiple A-Rs.

I, and other members hit by this member, reported this case to Support@WDC who immediately took action and refunded us the stolen GPs. I was impressed. Kudos to WDC support and StoryMaster for their swift response.

The bandit will come back, I am sure, under a different name. WDC SM assures us that the System will protect the honest members from such an invasion and dishonesty. (APPLAUSE!)

I am pleased to have this opportunity to express my thoughts regarding this incident through this review to your item. The bandit will probably come back disguised as a well-meaning reviewer but not really reading anything. I hope I’ll be able to recognize his/her M.O.

I hope others will keep a neighborhood watch on this bandit, or other bandit-wannabes.

I hope you don’t mind me using your item for this statement.

Write on, Sherri, and be well.

Maria
Author: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

37
37
Review of More About Me  
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1165028
         Author: Sherri Gibson
         Date: July 3, 2008

RE: A review for a
"Simply Positive Review" Forum's reviewee)


Dear Sherri,

I’ve read the other “Something About Me” piece, and I am glad to have read this addendum to it by popular requests. It must be the best feeling or form of flattery ever when people ask you to write more about yourself so they could get to know you better. I, for one, am happy to get to know you better by virtue of this material.

Keep up the good work.

Write on, and be well!

(NOTE:This type of a statement does not really demand any critiquing in my opinion. But just in case you intend to make any editing to it, please note this minor typo: “. . . . but I find the best gifts ever received the ones of --” >>Insert are between received and the.

Maria
Author: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

38
38
Review of WHY I LOVE WDC  
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (4.5)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: #1165028
         Author: Sherri Gibson
         Date: July 3, 2008

RE: A review for a
"Simply Positive Review" Forum's reviewee)


Dear Sherri,

This is a very nice and warmth-filled acknowledgment of your WDC friends and their manifestation of their love and respect for you. Having known you only for a short period of time so far, and having read some of your stories, I can understand why there has been such a relationship between you and WDC.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts on why you love WDC. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Write on, Sherri, and BE WELL.

(NOTE: This type of a statement does not really demand any critiquing in my opinion. But just in case you intend to make any editing of it, please note this minor typo: “. . . .the opinions of my peers still helps educate me--” >>Change helps to help.

Maria
Author: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

39
39
Review by writeartista
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item #1420479, by forsaken
         Date: June 28, 2008

Hello,

( RE: A "Simply Positive Review" Forum's
"REVIEWEES SELECTED FOR THE WEEK OF JUNE 26 to JULY 3")


Another book published by Country Mom. Congratulations! I'm proud to have exchanged R&Rs with such an accomplished author. I will check out the book stores for a copy.

This is a very nice poem. "You Gave Me Wings" is a very good title for it.

Once again, congratulations.

Write on.

Maria
Author: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

40
40
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame
* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: 1372872
         Author: Sherry B
         Date: June 13, 2008

Dear Sherry,

What a magnanimous project you got going here. I would be willing to say a prayer for those who need it; I think it's a wonderful idea. Therefore, please make me your 50th participant.

In addition, thank you for continuing to read my novel, "MOUNT PINATUBO" .

God bless you.

Write on.

Maria
Author:
MOUNT PINATUBO  (E)
Mount Pinatubo's eruption in 1991 drastically changed the lives of the main characters.
#1186646 by writeartista


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

41
41
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame
* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: 1435709
         Author: alz heimer
         Date: June 12, 2008

Dear Alz Heimer,

This is definitely a winner. And congratulations for the first place honor on the Newbie Writing Contest Central for your other short story: "When Sarah's Brain Starts Dying." For a left-brained mathematician who has just discovered that her right brain is endowned with so much creativity, and is now sailing through her first literary journey, you write like a pro.

Your mentor and my friend has informed me that your second short story about your Aunt Sarah and her Alzheimer's is now on the Auto-Rewards reviewing page. I hope you've been receiving some helpful reviews instead of mostly generic and boilet plate comments consisting of one or two sentences. Your mentor has expressed your concern about these reviews because you're using up your limited supply of GPs for generous auto rewards. Don't be disappointed; if you can get a few very helpful reviews then it will probably be worth the expense. Instead of the Auto-Rewards page, you might want to explore other groups that pride themselves in in-depth reviewing for their members. Just go to "GROUPS" and find a forum that you think will be helpful to you.

Having said the above, in my opinion, you don't really need a LOT of help because you have proven that you can write, and write very well. You are writing about something you know and understand, and that is the first rule in the business. Keep doing what you're doing now, and you will find that you will continue to improve in every aspect of writing.

Now, about this story. Isn't it amazing how a few words that power up the opening sentence and paragraph and hook a reader's attention? It was not a good day for Aunt Sarah. This definitely made me want to read on to find out what happened to Sarah. Each paragraph after that engaged me with tremendous interest. This is very well done.

Reading about how Sarah walked to the grocery store early in the morning while you were still asleep--wearing only her house slippers and pajamas, and tried to leave without paying, sets up a series of worrisome events that I am sure can elevate your degree of fear on a day to day basis.

What other phone calls are you going to receive next time, is probably a concern that never leaves you as her caregiver.

You cooked the breakfast items she had bought, but then she didn't even eat any of it.

Later in the afternoon, you discovered the washer and dryer running without any clothes in them; then she got angry at you for doing her laundry. She was upset that you think of her incapable of doing mundane chores like that.

Every time she hears your Mom urging her to move in with your family, she gets angry because in her mind she still is a highly capable person who can take care of herself.

You have become accustomed to her explosive fits of temper, knowing that eventually she would feel remorseful and apologize to whomever she had just offended.

I felt angry when her "so called" friend tricked her into talking about her life and her Alzheimer's so she could write about it in the local paper. And she did, without her permission. I'm glad she got that reporter fired. I don't think the publiaher's apology on page 9 was enough though.

I could just go on and on about your story, but I would just be repeating what I've read. I think the most touching and moving part was the ending when your Aunt Sarah asked you to look for another caregiver because she could no longer stand hurting your feelings with her behavior and temper tantrums. This hurt you more than than anything else.

This is so wonderfully written: When she turned to face me again, her figure was spectrally glowing from behind by the setting sun. It was mesmerizing. She looked like an angel approaching me. But her face depicted nothing angelic about it. She looked stern, harsh and unwavering.

And then, this ending sentence: Quietly facing the setting orb, she would remain standing there, her hands on the wooden railing … watching time elapse in slow motion.

As far as the technical aspect of your writing is concerned, I could not find anything to criticize. No error in grammar or spelling.

I look forward to reading more of your work, Martina.

Write on.

Maria
Author: "Invalid Item" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

42
42
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame
* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item:1384154} ("Simply Positive Group")
         Author: Sherri Gibson
         Date: June 2, 2008

Hi dear Sherri,

I hope you're doing fine . . .and you must be by virtue of this flourishing group of positive reviewers. Your group signatures proliferate all over the Reviewing Page. I haven't been doing a lot of R&Rs recently because of business travels, but if you would have me, I would like to be a part of your fine group of reviewers. I've read the rules; I think I must review the five featured authors each month before any out-of-forum reviews would be credited . . .is that right?

OK, I look forward to reviewing for the group; starting now.

My warmest regards,

(I guess I should pick my sig now.)

Write on.

Maria
Author: "Invalid Item" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

43
43
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (4.5)
Just stopping by to say hi, and to check out your newly established port as recommended by a friend. You definitely have the gift of poesy, creating memorable prose that descriibes something invisible but able to create a calming sensation within one' self.

I cannot stay long, but I will come back to check out your items later.

Write on.

Maria
44
44
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame
* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: 142529 ("Sensuality of Writing")
         Author: Erlyn Baya
         Date: May 16, 2008

Dear Erlyn,


Great job.



Welcome to Writing.Com. I note that you just joined (04-21-08), and that you've registered with the Angel Army's Adopt A Newbie program. You did the right thing. It's also great that you were adopted by Orient Pearl. You got a terrific sponsor.

I am pleased to have this opportunity to visit your space and find this exceptional and emotional short story.

My general comment(s):

Gratifying at once,
delicious and nectar sweet.
The aroma of a rose at dawn,
deep ruddy hues sprawled
over a vast magenta sky.

If I were only reading the above lines without knowing that this is a poem about writing, I would say, no way is it about writing. It immediately evokes a sensual note about love and romance. Then again, what is it about writing that makes us feel the way we do, no matter the occasional heartaches. Our relationship with writing is just that: love and romance. We spend more time with our computers than we do with our loved ones (well...maybe some of us do).

This is plain terrific. It successfully wove that phenomenal synchronicity between romance and writing.

My technical comment(s):
This is virtually perfect in grammar, punctuation and spelling. I have nothing to criticize.

My final comment(s)

I am glad to have had this opportunity to visit your port.
Keep writing. You have the talent.

Write on.

Maria
Author: "Invalid Item" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

45
45
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (5.0)
MARIA CONCEPCION PANLILIO
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame
* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: 1421862 ("When Sarah's Brain Starts Dying")
         Author: alz heimer
         Date: May 5, 2008

Dear alz heimer,

Welcome to Writing.Com. I note that you just joined (04-21-08), and that you've registered with the Angel Army's Adopt A Newbie program. You did the right thing. It's also great that you were adopted by Orient Pearl. You got a terrific sponsor.

I am pleased to have this opportunity to visit your space and find this exceptional and emotional short story.

My general comment(s):

From the title alone, I instantly deduced that this was going to be a tear jerker, and I was right; but only toward the end.

My knowledge about Alzheimer's began when President Ronald Reagan was diagnosed with the brain disease. After his death, I read a book by his daughter, Patti Davis ("The Long Goodbye"). Up until the publication of that book about her relationship with her father, I didn't have any admiration for her. All that changed after I read the book and learned how she had changed after getting to know his father better. A little late, since Reagan was already suffering from the disease then.

In your case, you've always loved and idolized your Aunt Sarah from your youth, not only because she was such a beautiful person physically, but because of her incredibly brilliant mind.

It's too sad that a person's mental capacity is reduced to nothing by virtue of a disease that eats away at the brain cells.

My technical comment(s):
This is virtually perfect in grammar, punctuation and spelling. I have nothing to criticize.

My final comment(s)

Please do not wait to post your next item about your Aunt Sarah's Alzheimer's. Many of us can learn from it, and maybe help us cope better if and when a loved one is diagnosed with this cruel disease.

I am glad to have had this opportunity to visit your port.
Keep writing. You have the talent.

Write on.

Maria
Author: "Invalid Item" 

My adopted newbies:
         CaliforniaGirl91905, author of: "Invalid Item" 
         writerwannabe, author of: "Invalid Item" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

46
46
Review of Funeral  
Review by writeartista
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame
"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" 
Angel Army's "The Angel Outreach Program" 

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review of:
         Item: 1365663("Funeral")
         Author: Jaye P. Marshall
         Date: April 12, 2008


Hello Rising Star,

Welcome to the galaxy of WDC Rising Stars. May you shine bright always.

My general comment(s):

I am pleased to have had this opportunity to visit your space.

This is a sad story about a boy who remembers the negative times with his father, and he wonders why his eyes are dry. Why can't he feel as sad as his mother and his sisters? He can't wait for his father's funeral to be over so he could join the other boys at the ball field.

I don't know if this is biographical, but I find it to be realistic. I can see a young boy like Chuck feeling the way he does at his father's funeral.

My technical comment(s):

This is very well written. It seems you've mastered your craft. I didn't stumble even once over any word or phrase. This is flawless.
Great job.

My final comment(s)

I look forward to reading more of your work.

Write on.

Maria
Author: "Invalid Item" 

My adopted newbies:
         CaliforniaGirl91905, author of: "Invalid Item" 
         writerwannabe, author of: "Invalid Item" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

STATIC
The Rising Stars Tour Bus  (E)
A One-Stop Mini-Tour of our Program, Past & Present
#1163726 by Lilith of House Martell

47
47
Review of The Lake  
Review by writeartista
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" 

"The Angel Outreach Program"  of the Angel Army

* * **Heart** * *


Writeartista's Review:
         Item: 1407281 (“The Lake”)
         Author: t.l.mcdonald
         Date: March 31, 2008

My general comment(s):

There's a mesmerizing quality to this story, like the calmness of a lake. But deep within, something is tumultuous. You handled the revelation in the end - the death of the protagonist's mother from breast cancer, and her bout with the same disease.

My technical comment(s):

This is very well written, with just two minor mistakes, e.g.:
"The expression he showed me had becamebecome so familiar to us all."
"I’m not sure why,but I--" >>Add space before but

My final comment(s)

Keep writing. You've got the talent. I look forward to reading more of your work.

Write on.

Maria
Author: "MOUNT PINATUBO" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
48
48
Review of The Angel Army  
Review by writeartista
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I love the new design for the Angel Army webset. Congratulations to Ladyoz for a job well done. It's nicely laid out and easy to follow.

Now, if we can have an alphabetical listing of all the members for easy reference, that would be an icing on the cake.

Write on.

Maria
49
49
Review by writeartista
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Item: 1399568 (“The Blue Screen Of Death”)
Author: J. A. Buxton
Date: March 13, 2008

My general comment(s):

Judity, it is my pleasure to give you this RR&R. You never cease to amaze me as you seem to crank up a story day after day. And you never fail to satisfy a read with your wit, humor and exceptional writing prowess.

Plot
An author's (Judity) CRT on her laptop shows a blue screen of death, then some neglected characters of her own creation start to threaten her of something very dangerous if she didn't resurrect them from the graveyard of forgotten characters.

Oh, don't we all experience these creepers and crawlers under our skin when our neglected characters start talking to us through the blue screen of death?

Characterization
The author's character, Vulcan and Walker are fascinating characters that hold the reader's attention from start to finish.

Grammar
No grammatical error noted throughout the piece.

Descriptions
Strong, vivid images.
Nice showing versus telling.

My favorite part:
I like it all.

Technical comment(s)

1. I've never experienced this thing you call "the blue screen of death," but if the screen turns completely blue as show in the image you included in the story, how can you see the taskbar and the icons?

2. "--it was impossible to scratch my fingertips enough to stop the feeling of ants crawling under my skin."
          (Ugh! That makes me want to scratch and massage my hands and fingers.)

3. The itching now was moving down my fingers, through my hands, and past my wrists.

In paragraph 2. above, the itching is in the fingertips; in paragraph 3. following, it sounds as if the itching was coming from the arm and traveling downward to her fingertips.

Final comment(s)
Thank you for sharing this wonderful and entertaining story.

Write on. I look forward to reading more from your port.

Maria
Author: "LOOK, MOM, I'M FLYING" 

"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

50
50
Review of Flight of Freedom  
Review by writeartista
Rated: E | (4.5)
Maria Concepcion Panlilio
Rising Star Superstar *Star* Angel Army Hall of Fame

* * **Heart** * *


Item: 1382464 (“Flight of Freedom”)
Author: NickiD89
Date: March 12, 2008

Writeartista’s Review Of A Rising Star


My general comment(s):

It is my pleasure to give you this RR&R as a Rising Star whom I have not reviewed before. Since I am impressed with your work, I am positive, that I will be revisiting your port again soon.

Plot
A blind woman experiences human flight through parasailing, and for a moment feels absolute freedom from any and all limitations in life.

Characterization
In mere 300 words, you have managed to create a sympathetic character that is not easy to forget. The discovery about her handicap was a little obscure at first, then I thought, after a better understanding, was handled very well.

Grammar
No grammatical error noted throughout the piece.

My favorite part:
(For precious fleeting moments I was a sylph soaring through the balmy air, freed from the heft of my oppression. Time was irrelevant; the past and the future ceased to exist.

The use of the word "sylph" is perfect. The euphoric sensation was described perfectly in spite of the word count limitation.

Indeed, being up there, flying like a bird defies time. No past, no future. Just the moment.

Final comment(s)
The title is perfectly chosen. The ending is just right.

I would not change anything, except maybe to lengthen it so you can really go to town about the exhilaration of being up there ...soaring in the wind.

Thank you for sharing this wonderful, well-written story.

Write on. I look forward to reading more from your port.

Maria
Author: "LOOK, MOM, I'M FLYING" 

"The Rising Stars Tour Bus" 

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


165 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 7 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mariapanlilio/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2