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1
1
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating

Congratulations on winning Stormy's poetry contest with this poem. You've done a great job here with beautiful, evocative description and wonderful use of the prompt words.

I just spotted one slight error. You write 'Charcoals' but need to lose the s on the end for it to make sense grammatically.

Apart from that this is great and worthy of the win.

Look forward to reading more of your work soon.

Best wishes,
Mark


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2
2
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon

This poem made me chuckle which is just what I needed today. It's very easy now Christmas and New Year are over to fall victim to those post holiday blues. This fun verse is a wonderful antidote to that and I highly recommend it.

I love the gentle humour. The poem is well edited and flows really well with great use of rhyme. As a performance poet, I must say this would be a wonderful poem to read aloud.

I spotted no errors and have no hesitation in giving this the full five star rating I feel it richly deserves.

So glad to have read this today.


Best wishes,
Mark


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3
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Tim Chiu

This is a fun little poem about a couple's love for their child. The words flow well with great rhythm aided by short lines and effective use of rhyme. I particularly like the 'child / styled' rhyme. That made me smile. Very clever.

The only part of the poem that didn't quite work for me was where you write 'some ladies make dents'. I really don't know what you mean by that, and it feels a little forced to meet the rhyme. Of course this is only my opinion. Other readers may feel differently.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark


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4
4
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Tim Chiu

This is a lovely, positive poem on love that made me smile as I read it. It feels like an out-pouring, a stream of consciousness on the subject. Although I couldn't quite understand the meaning behind all your phrasing a little ambiguity and obscurity is fine when, as is the case here, there is enough emotion expressed for the reader to engage with the subject matter.

I like the wordplay in this poem and you use rhyme to great effect.

Best wishes,
Mark


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5
5
Review of Love Becomes Real  
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Tim Chiu

This is a sweet little romantic poem that anyone in love can relate too. I love your use of rhyme here and the poem flows well with great rhythm.

You write 'there’s no place I’d be' when I think you mean there's no place I'd rather be. This may be worth editing to make the point clearer. If you want to maintain the same syllable count to keep the rhythm and flow then maybe something like 'no other place I'd be' would work. That's merely a suggestion but I hope it helps.

Over all you've done a great job with this and I enjoyed this poem a great deal. Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark


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6
6
Review of Autumnal Spirits  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Dave

This is a wonderful example of the Dorsimbra form. I really like the picture you've included with the poem too.

You seem to have met all the requirements of the form and the poem flows really well. Your effective use of alliteration really helps with this. The title fits the poem well and this was a pleasure to read.

Congratulations on having this featured in this week's newsletter.

Best wishes,
Mark


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7
7
Review of Bitsy  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Ms.Magi

This is a wonderful example of the Dorsimbra form. You meet all the criteria and use the requirements of the form to great effect. Lovely subject matter as well -- about a new addition to the family. I remember the Stretch Your Style contest with much affection so it was a bonus that your poem reminded me of that. Congratulations on having this featured in this week's poetry newsletter.

Best wishes,
Mark


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8
8
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Purple Celebrates

I love the rhythm and flow of this poem. With its pacy short lines and great use of rhyme I think this would sound fantastic read aloud. The poem has an emotional warmth to it and a romantic feel. Can't find anything that needs improving. Very happy to give this a full five stars. Thanks for sharing your work :D

Best wishes,
Mark


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9
9
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Tim Chiu

This a thoughtful, philosophical poem. I like how you use sound with the children and dogs at the start of this poem. That really drew me in. I enjoyed the roller-coaster imagery in this. Although depicting life's downs as well as ups you've chosen to end on a positive, inspiring note with your last two couplets. I like that. Good work :D


Best wishes,
Mark


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10
10
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Redtowrite

This is a very powerful expression of your views about the military and all that is left unsaid in the recruitment ads. War is a nasty business and this poem doesn't shy away from the truth of this. I think many readers will share your view. Not only does your message come across strongly but it really works well as poetry. Your words flow well and this has a very polished feel. I can't find any errors or suggest any improvements, thus the full five star rating.

Best wishes,
Mark


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11
11
Review of Sleepless  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Kalixta

This is a lovely example of a non-traditional haiku. You've made every word count and obviously paid attention to how the words sound together. I especially love your opening line. Your ending put a smile on my face too. I very much enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing your work.

Best wishes,
Mark


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12
12
Review of Loss  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello BEAR

This is a thoughtful, aching poem about loss. You use rhyme to great effect and overall this helps the pace and rhythm of the poem.

I think maybe changing 'it's' to 'they're' in the second line of your second stanza is worth considering as 'letters' and 'calls' in the previous line are both plural.

This poem ably illustrates how useful it can be to express yourself in writing and the importance of having someone there to share.

Write on!
Best wishes,
Mark


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13
13
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tim Chiu ,

this is a thoughtful, and thought-provoking reflection on the upcoming American presidential election. It's very topical. Obviously these are difficult times for American politics with many voters disillusioned by both Trump and Clinton. There's a lot of emotional reaction to the current political situation so one thing that I particularly like about your poem is how restrained it is while in no way diminishing the difficult choice facing the country.

Commendable work. Keep writing!
Best wishes,
Mark
14
14
Review of Love is not  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Mouser

It's hard to write love poetry without repeating what's been said thousands of times before. It is such a common theme. However, this poem's focus on what love is not rather than what it is gives it some originality. I really like how you've structured the poem. It flows well and you've chosen your words with care. I particularly like the subtle reference to Romeo and Juliet.

Nice work!

Best wishes,
Mark


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15
15
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  (E)
A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello inkwell

This is a wonderfully descriptive little poem about the positive effects of a dream-catcher as protector, enabling peaceful sleep. Your words flow well, and I particularly like how 'dream-catcher' works with 'saviour' in your penultimate line, in terms of how the words sound. You mention children but I think many adults get comfort from dream-catchers too.

I very much enjoyed this poem. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark


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16
16
Review of Cockroach  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Kalixta

This is a great example of the haiku form which fits all the criteria in terms of syllable count, and also references nature (with the bug) as traditional haiku does. I love the ambiguity of the phrase 'beat on' as this could mean different things to different readers. The image of the cockroach looking down from the ceiling is strong too.

All told you paint an interesting scene in very few words. Well done with this.
Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark


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17
17
Review of The Sirens.  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello inkwell

This is an evocative poem about the legend of The Sirens that lure sailors to their deaths. Your use of rhyme and short lines give the poem good pacing and it flows well.

The line 'their eyes do gleam' seems a little awkwardly phrased. Much more natural to say 'their eyes gleam'. To put the extra syllable back in the line you could perhaps give their eye colour eg. 'their green eyes gleam'. That's only a suggestion though.

You also use the word 'Thats' which needs an apostrophe before the s.

Otherwise I spotted no errors and enjoyed reading this poem. Always good to see the old myths and legends retold for new audiences.

Best wishes,
Mark


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18
18
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Tim Chiu

This is a lovely, uplifting poem in celebration of love. I really like the sounds of the words here and how they work together. This makes the poem a good one to read aloud and you've obviously taken great care in the word choice. The title fits the poem well, and I must say it is one of the best poems of yours I've read. It left me with a smile on my face. Keep up the good work.


Best wishes,
Mark


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19
19
Review of Recess Kids  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Dan Sturn

This poem works wonderfully as an analogy of the inner workings of the mind. I think the whole concept of mind as playground is wonderful. It also has a subtle humour to it. In that respect I especially love the ending part about Fame and Disgrace. Giving proper names to feelings and ideas by capitalising them(as with the aforementioned Fame and Disgrace) also reminds me of The Pilgrim's Progress which is no bad thing.

This poem was a pleasure to read and I very much enjoyed the experience.

Best wishes,
Mark


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20
20
Review of Death Bed  
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Dan Sturn

This little poem is a beautiful, moving memorial to your Grandma and the faith she held onto until her death. The loss of a loved one is not an easy topic to write about but you handle it with warmth and sensitivity here. The poem flows well and I didn't spot any errors. You say in the description that Jesus is proud of your Grandma. I think, in turn, she'd be so proud of you for writing this. Very powerful title too.


Best wishes,
Mark


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21
21
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Merry Mumsy

This is a fun, positive poem about preparing for NaNoWriMo. I love the humorous nod to the famous 'Night Before Christmas' poem in the first stanza. The way you reference Halloween and NanNo in the same poem is also great. The poem flows well and you use rhyme effectively. Congratulations on having this poem featured in the current poetry newsletter. Good luck if you're doing NaNo again this year.


Best wishes,
Mark


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22
22
Review of NaNo Flow  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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A group whose mission is to spread positivity.
#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG
This is a lovely, simple little poem of encouragement for writers taking part in NaNoWriMo in November. The title is very apt and I think many readers will be inspired by the content of the poem. Your use of couplets and rhyme give the poem pace and it's easy to read and clear in both meaning and intent. A big part of belonging to a writing community is encouraging our fellow writers. You do a great job of that here.

Best wishes,
Mark


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23
23
Review of Monday Madness  
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Tim Chiu

This is a thoughtful, reflective poem that well conveys the harsh reality of the start of the working week. However, it highlights the need that many people feel to find balance at the weekends by spending time with friends with laughter, seeking 'fun and relaxation'. I think many readers will relate to this. It is good company and the ability to find enjoyment where we can which is able to sustain us through the difficulties of both work and life. I like the title of this poem and found it very apt. I also like the alliteration in the title and throughout the poem.

Best wishes,
Mark


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24
24
Review of Quantum Communion  
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Joto-Kai

Love poetry is very hard to do well just because it's so common and prone to clichés. You've created something both beautiful and original here in this short poem though. You display a great gift for recognising how words sound together and I think this would be a wonderful poem to read aloud. Some lovely imagery as well. I was captivated from beginning to end. Couldn't spot any errors. Really enjoyed this immensely thus have no hesitation in giving 5 stars.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark


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25
25
Review of Poetic Canvas  
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Rated: E | (4.0)
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#1384154 by Simply Positive


Hello Dan Sturn

I was really drawn to this poem by your title which I love. Poetic canvas, great phrase. As a fellow poet I often say I paint pictures with words :D I read this piece as illustrating how we can feel both isolated and confined within our thoughts until we feel the connection to the bigger picture and the world around us.

If you wish to edit this poem at any point you may want to consider the following suggestions which are only my opinion.

* I think the word 'just' is superfluous in your first stanza. It doesn't add anything and can be removed or replaced with no loss of meaning. I think this is particularly worth doing as you also use 'just' later in the poem where it's much stronger and serves more purpose).

* You also repeat 'woods' in consecutive stanzas and I wonder if the second time 'trees' might work better. Again just a thought.

* Finally the phrase 'in the ground' makes me think of underground and therefore out of the poet's sight (this in a part of the poem concerning what the poet is watching). That jarred for me a bit and I personally think 'on the ground' would be better.

I hope this helps. Take anything useful but discard what isn't.

Overall I enjoyed reading this.

Best wishes,
Mark


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