*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/markone/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10
Review Requests: OFF
1,452 Public Reviews Given
1,692 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 6 7 8 9 -10- 11 12 13 14 15 ... Next
226
226
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Allie

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

I really like the original way you've presented this poem on the screen. It's very eye catching.

You paint a very simple scene (of leaves falling as a yellow bus journies back and forth) but simplicity can be very effective, and it is here.

I do think you just slightly overdo the repetition of 'falls' at the end of the poem. That didn't quite work for me.

Otherwise you've done a very good job with this.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
227
227
Review of To know you...  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Nafi

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very nice, heart-felt love poem that I found an uplifting read.

I like the structure, and also the repetition of the title throughout the poem.

I don't know if 'Spellbound' would be better as 'Spellbinding.' That would seem a little less disjointed.

The flow of the poem is a little choppy due to your use of sentence fragments.

I'm not familiar with the word 'Fazza' and I'm sure I'm not the only reader in this position. A definition below the poem may be helpful here.

For me this unfamiliar word reduced the impact of the end of the poem.

Overall this was an enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
228
228
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kahleigh S Kirsch

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a clever, intelligent little poem that makes me smile. The image in your first stanza really grabs the attention and paints a wonderful picture in the reader's mind.

For a poem looking at cliches this is wonderfully cliche free and refreshingly original.

Your words flow well.

I also like your use of aliteration.

Can't fault this at all, hence the five stars.

Great work.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
229
229
Review of Soldier's Song  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello BScholl

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful short poem on the tragedy of war, written from one soldier's point of view. Your last stanza also highlights the truth that freedom often comes at a cost.

On the whole your words flow well. You use rhyme to good effect though the first line of your last stanza doesn't rhyme. This has the effect of slowing the pace a little.

I noticed a couple of errors in your second stanza. Firstly 'fill my head and toe' should be 'fills me head to toe' if you want to convey the whole of the soldier's body being filled with sorry rather than just his head and one of his toes! Secondly, because you're talking about people rather than things, 'which' should be 'who'.

Elsewhere you're punctuation could use a little work. You have commas which aren't necessary, and in the last line I think a colon would be more more appropriate than a semi-colon.

Overall a good poem on an important subject.

Write on!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
230
230
Review of Stand With Me  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Yellow Rose

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a rather sweet, gentle little poem about two people hand-in-hand on a mountain enjoying the view. You're use of rhyme is good and you establish a great rhythm with the first stanza where all the lines are 7 syllables. This rhythm breaks down in the second stanza where the lines range from 5 to 8 syllables. This for me was rather jarring.

Good poem but smoothing out the flow of the second stanza could make it even better.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
231
231
Review of His Hand in Mine  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Happy Mom's Day 2024!

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautiful, moving poem about growing up without a father. I can really relate to the subject matter here, as my Dad died three days before my ninth birthday.

You express emotion really well here. I like the form as well. You have a good rhythm and your words flow well.

I do think you have a few too many line-end commas where they're not needed. Personally the comma at the end of line two of your fourth stanza would be top of my list to go. Also a comma really isn't necessary before the word 'or'.

I was genuinely touched by this poem. I really love the positive image of the last two lines. The picture you've included is also a nice touch.


Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
232
232
Review of EQUALITY  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello lane kensington

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful, heart-felt poem which makes clear your strong views on equal rights.

Your title is very appropriate for the subject matter.

I spotted a few errors. For instance, in your second stanza 'no' should be 'know'. You're missing some speech marks at the end of your third and fourth stanzas. Martin Luther King Jr. doesn't need a comma before Jr.

Then the following section needs some work:

“CHILDREN! He proclaimed!
I HAVE A DREAM!”
A DREAM OF UNITY!
A DREAM OF FREEDOM FOR ALL!


Here you don't need the speech marks after 'DREAM!' but do need them before and after 'He proclaimed!' and again after 'ALL!' Also 'proclaimed' should be 'proclaims' as the rest of the stanza is in present tense, not past tense.

You lose the rhythm somewhat in the last half of the poem, especially in your longer lines.

I like how you use history to make your point in this poem, and it has a great deal of potential. It just needs some thoughtful editing to improve it.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
233
233
Review of Salvation  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Clover

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful, reflective poem about the loss of faith.

You have some strong, original imagery (I really like the bit about the bookmark for instance).

I found the flow of the poem a little bumpy in places. Perhaps a bit of punctuation could help with this.

You have a couple of repetitions which are a little jarring. You use 'me' twice in the same line, and 'time' and 'times' within a couple of lines.

Towards the end of the poem 'Hoping its God' should be 'Hoping it's God'

Overall I found a lot to like in this poem, I just think it needs a bit more work to reach its full potential.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
234
234
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Joel Cobbs

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is an uplifting poem about how a bird keeps singing despite the trials and tribulations of life.

Despite being fairly short, the scope of this poem gives it quite an epic feel.

I like the repetition at the end of each stanza. I wonder if 'But still the bird sings' would work better than 'And still the bird sings' especially in the second stanza.

I think you overuse the word 'the' in your last stanza. You could quite easily remove the second 'the' from each of the first two lines of this stanza.

Overall I found this a very enjoyable poem.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
235
235
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Oldwarrior

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautifully written journey through the wars of history as seen through the eyes of the eternal soldier of your title. As such it is educational as well as being a very good poem.

I really like your choice to use rhyming couplets, and your words flow well throughout the poem.

I found your repetition of 'cried' as a rhyming word within the space of a couple of stanzas a little jarring.

Also I spotted an error in your penultimate stanza where 'American's' should be 'Americans'.

Thanks for a great, informative read.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
236
236
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Winn Storm

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is an interesting poem exploring the early warning signs that a relationship was destined to fail.

I'm sure many readers can relate to the subject matter here.

You write well but I found this poem just a little too repetitive, especially in the second stanza where you have 'smile' and 'smiling' very close together.

Overall I found this an enjoyable read.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
237
237
Review of Separation  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is an interesting poem about how we can be separated from someone in our minds even while our bodies are touching. As you rightly say in your description, this is a bit of a twist on a common theme.

I like the synchronisity of repeating your first line as your penultimate line.

You have some good ideas and imagery (I particularly like the balloon metaphor).

The bit about the polar bears was fascinating.

I feel the pacing of the poem is uneven, and some careful editing could help it flow more smoothly. Reading the poem aloud should help you hear where the rhythm of the words gets lost.

This aside, I found this an enjoyable, thought provoking read.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
238
238
Review of Utitled  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello RCParrish

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is obviously a very personal, emotional poem about the loss of loved one.

You have a very strong opening stanza, which I found moving.

In your second stanza, your third line reads very awkwardly due to the grammatically incorrect phrase, 'down I go there' instead of the more natural 'down I go'. The wording seems forced to create the rhyme, and I think it would be worth rewriting this section of the poem.

In your last line I think a comma is needed after 'me'.

Overall this is a good poem. It just needs some more work to realise its full potential.

Keep writing.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
239
239
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SGWoolard

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a heart-felt, emotional poem that gives some insight to your personal journey through the storms of life. I think your message is an inspiring and hopeful one, and I like how you express your personal faith in God and show what a help and support this has been.

In your fourth stanza, I found your use of 'time' and 'times' within the space of two lines a little jarring. Perhaps an alternative for one of these would work better.

I think you have a few unnecessary commas especially at the ends of the last two lines of stanza 7.

You capitalise the word 'not' a few times. I think this is a bit distracting and unnecessary. The point comes across strongly enough without the need to highlight these words in such a way. If you choose to highlight them though, I think italics would be better than capitalisation.

Your title seems a little awkward to me, and I think it would work better if it's shortened to either 'This Too Will Pass' or 'What Will Pass?' As with all my suggestions, however, this is just my personal opinion.

I enjoyed reading this poem. Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
240
240
Review of We are ourselves  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lily

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a nice little poem about becoming a teenager, and being yourself.

I particularly like your first two couplets. They have a great rhythm, and make for a strong opening to the poem.

I think the rhythm gets lost a little in your later stanzas due in part to the longer line lengths.

I found your fifth stanza a little too vague and generalised. For me this is the weakest part of the poem.

Overall your use of rhyme is good but I'm not sure 'yourself/myself' works as well as some of your other rhymes.

There is real potential in your work.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
241
241
Review of I FEEL THE STORM  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello sssam-on the way back

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a well written, emotive poem. It expresses well the narrator's desire for freedom, to be given the chance to live their own life.

Your use of rhyme helps the poem flow well.

I think, grammatically, 'my side' would read better than 'your side' in the second line.

I would also suggest removing the commas in the first and last lines of your third stanza as their use here is grammatically incorrect and create unnatural pauses.

These points aside, I found this to be a great poem which I enjoyed reading.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
242
242
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello NickiD89

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a fun poem that really put a smile on my face. I love the idea of a vegetarian vampire, and you've shown creativity in how you've used the prompt you wrote this for.

I like your choice of rhyme words. I particularly like the 'trash / cache' rhyme.

For me, using 'does' and 'is' as line-end words in your last stanza is a little weak, and I don't think this stanza flows quite as well as your others.

I really enjoyed reading this poem.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
243
243
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Mangadude

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful poem of ancestry and civil rights. A thoughtful piece on a thought provoking subject. It certainly highlights what we owe to those who came before us.

For me the pace of the poem was somewhat uneven, especially in your longer lines.

Your line 'They were wrapped in a skin and a color prevented them.' feels incomplete and leaves the reader asking 'Prevented them from what?' Also, isn't everyone wrapped in a skin? That just seems a little flat and obvious compared to the more original ideas elsewhere in the poem.

Overall a very good read with lots of potential.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
244
244
Review of My Brother  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Sanguinary Smiles

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very atmospheric poem about a man sensing his brother's ghostly presence while attending his funeral.

The poem flows well and your use of rhyme creates a good rhythm

The repetition of 'there' in your 4th and 5th lines jarred with me a little.

You mix tenses in your last stanza by using 'avoid' which is present tense in the same line as 'ignored' and 'hung' which are past tense. I think it would be good to rework this section a little for consistency.

You use some good imagery in the poem. I also like the use of aliteration in your penultimate line.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
245
245
Review of Sheba  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello percy goodfellow

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a beautifully written narrative poem about the biblical characters, Sheba and Solomon.

You use rhyme and rhythm to great effect throughout, and have some great images and turns of phrase.

You do have some unnecessary midline commas (for example in lines 2,4, 7 & 12 of your third stanza). These create unnatural pauses and disrupt the otherwise excellent flow of the poem.

In your third stanza I think 'reported unto me' would work better than 'reported onto me'.

In your last stanza 'stary' should be 'starry', and I think in the context 'destiny's' should be 'destinies'.

I really enjoyed this poem.

Thanks for sharing.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
246
246
Review of ROADS OF WAR  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Destiny

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a powerful anti-war poem, and I agree whole-heartedly with the sentiments you express here especially as I'm currently reading a history of the First World War. You convey your strong feelings on the issue very well.

You use rhyme well in the poem.

Personally I found the use of a non-rhyming line at the end of each stanza makes the flow of the poem a little uneven.

At the end of the poem, in your line, 'What for we ask.' I think you need a question mark after 'for'.

The image of blood 'gushing' from wounds is particularly strong and I think you should consider rating this either ASR or 13 rather than E as it's currently rated.

Keep writing!

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
247
247
Review of October Skies  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jack Cassidy

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

The opening stanza of this free-verse poem really grabbed my attention. You start with a vivid image, and also use imagery well elsewhere in the poem.

Your subject matter is topical as the contest took place in October. I like how, despite your focus on October, you also bring in other times of the year, giving the poem a broad scope.

It can be hard to maintain a rhythm in free-verse, and I found the pacing a little bumpy in places. The wide variation in your line lengths was partly responsible for this.

I think your penultimate line would work better broken into two shorter lines.

Overall a very enjoyable read.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
248
248
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello PhillipV

Sorry you're getting the following review twice. I accidentally put the wrong rating first time round *Blush*

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very powerful, unsettling poem about someone haunted by the memories of childhood. I notice from your port that this is the second in a trilogy of poems. I think this is the strongest of the three but really like the others so have put you in my favourites with a view to reviewing them at a later date.

This poem flows well, and you make some great word choices. You use some great imagery (I especially like the toy image at the end of your first stanza.

The poem is very moving and also very controlled and quite subtle considering the disturbing subject matter. I like how you've chosen to imply the abuse rather than give graphic details which could put a lot of readers off. This is very effective and shows a lot of skill.

I also like how you've capitalised 'Hands' and 'Face' to give extra power to these images.

The ending of the poem where you reveal the abused child has become an abusing adult is shocking and very well conveyed.

The only suggestion I have that you may wish to consider is a slight change to the line, 'And fall he does into the sea'. To my ear, 'fall he does' feels a little unnatural, and I wonder if 'so he falls' might be a better alternative. This slightly awkward phrasing isn't enough to effect my rating, and I'm happy to give this a full five stars.

A very accomplished (and polished) poem. Thanks for sharing it.


Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
249
249
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello PhillipV

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This is a very powerful, unsettling poem about someone haunted by the memories of childhood. I notice from your port that this is the second in a trilogy of poems. I think this is the strongest of the three but really like the others so have put you in my favourites with a view to reviewing them at a later date.

This poem flows well, and you make some great word choices. You use some great imagery (I especially like the toy image at the end of your first stanza.

The poem is very moving and also very controlled and quite subtle considering the disturbing subject matter. I like how you've chosen to imply the abuse rather than give graphic details which could put a lot of readers off. This is very effective and shows a lot of skill.

I also like how you've capitalised 'Hands' and 'Face' to give extra power to these images.

The ending of the poem where you reveal the abused child has become an abusing adult is shocking and very well conveyed.

The only suggestion I have that you may wish to consider is a slight change to the line, 'And fall he does into the sea'. To my ear, 'fall he does' feels a little unnatural, and I wonder if 'so he falls' might be a better alternative. This slightly awkward phrasing isn't enough to effect my rating, and I'm happy to give this a full five stars.

A very accomplished (and polished) poem. Thanks for sharing it.

Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
250
250
Review of Chuda  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello H2O

I am one of the judges for
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.

Thank you for entering.

I hope the following comments will be useful but please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded.

This poem flows well, and you use rhyme to good effect.

The main difficulty I see here is that your poem is very obscure. If it wasn't for your description I would have no idea what the poem is about. You say it's about someone taking something you yearn for but there is no indication what this something is. This lack of clarity in your meaning leaves the reader unable to relate to your words.

Your anger does come across in the poem but there's no real context to attach it to that could help the reader understand and relate to your emotion.

The title is also obscure and I'm afraid I can't see how it relates to the poem.

In your line, 'Tell you what it's all things but fair' I think you need some punctuation after 'what'.

You obviously have some ability when it comes to writing poetry and I think a bit of clarity could help readers engage with your writing.

Keep writing!


Best wishes,
Mark

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
398 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 16 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/markone/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/10