This one was harder for me to understand, but I still loved the imagery. Your poems just flow with a wonderful rhythm. I love the way they sound.
Again, though I don't usually enjoy Haiku, I really did this one.
You write an excellent poem. There are no errors that I see. Your rhythm, imagery, and form are excellent. You must have worked hard to perfect this form.
Again, and excellent job of expressing a thought using a Haiku. You have a special knack with this type poem. I enjoyed it immensely. Gulls are my favorite bird. I love watching them soar, so free. You have really portrayed the way I feel they look. An excellent job. Keep up the writing of Haiku. You might even convince me I love them.
Evelyn
PS I forgot to add gps to the last review, so am adding it to this one.
Another great job of expressing a thought in so few words. Again, you do it excellently. I really enjoyed this one. I could just feel the hope and joy expressed.
I don't usually enjoy Haiku because of the length limits. However, I have enjoyed both of yours that I have read so far.
What a great job you have done in telling a story with such a short amount of words. I can feel the emotion you express. That is a hard job with a Haiku because of the limit to length. You have done it well.
I expecially love your imagery. I read it several times, just to get the feel. It has wonderful rhythm and flow. You did good!
Evelyn
This is an excellent group, with tons of information. I was getting geared up to participate when my computer died. Now, I come back to find there to be no apparent activity. Is this group gone? I think it is such an excellent idea to study poetry.
Evelyn
This is an excellent portrayal of the angst of facing the empty nest. I have done it once, then adopted a new family and am now facing it again with the adopted children. How can one face it twice? The same way as once, I guess.
You very accurately and pointedly showed how it feels, the mixed feelings. It is a great piece.
Evelyn
This was a very intriguing story. It caught and held my attention throughout. I had no idea the ending would be like it was. It added to the story. I started thinking it was a game, then thought it was real, then again thought it was a game. Interesting!
I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors. It was very well-written, and very well-organized.
I especially like the way you gave the explanation at the end. It makes the story even more interesting.
Evelyn
This is a very thought-provoking editorial. I really can identify with these thoughts, as I have taught students whose families were just some of those you spoke of. However, I did feel that you may have come across a little strong and angry. I understand why, but for someone who may not fully buy into what you are saying, the angry attitude might turn them off. Maybe a softer approach, with the same thoughts, might be accepted better.
Evelyn
This is a very interesting perspective. I really liked the message. Your rhythm/meter was good. I was a little stumped at first with the change to 2 line stanzas at the end, but on reading it again, I was okay with it. It really didn't interrupt the smooth flow of reading. Keep up the good work. Glad you found us.
Evelyn
Again, an excellent read. I don't usually enjoy foreign-set stories, or ones with political overtones, but this one is very captivating. I think it is because the characters are so vivid. I'm not reading a political/historical novel, but am reading about the characters.
I noted no grammar or spelling errors. An excellent job. I am awaiting the next installment.
Evelyn
This is a very thought provoking piece. It asks the same questions I have asked myself time and again on different occasions. A few places I found the reading a little hard to understand, due to word order or such. I have included one such instance:
"What is with all my this suffering and horrible pain?"
Still, it is an excellent piece, just needs some polishing. I think it asks the age-old question we all struggle with at times.
Evelyn
This was well-written with a surprise twist. It is impeccable in grammer, punctuation and spelling. I think you developed your characters well for a short story.
I did have one thing that I did not particularly like. I thought it was just a little gruesome, which may be okay for the purpose, but the ending seemed to leave little hope. I thought it was rather depressing.
Evelyn
A very poignant, eye-opening piece. I would say poem, but the commentary at the bottom is as much a part of this as the poem.
I have not experienced hunger to that degree, but have had some hard times and had to go without food, and my children as well. It is not a pleasant prospect. It causes great panic.
You have covered this subject well. It may be a little bit too graphic, but I do understand your purpose in doing so.
Evelyn
An interesting account of the origin of the town, when it was an Indian village. I was confused by a few of the terms, possibly Indian words, and would have like to have seen them explained. These were: steatite, seethe, sachem. I can make an educated guess as to their meaning, but would love to have an explanation in the essay.
Again, I really enjoy your writing. I have read most of it, and will continue to do so.
Evelyn
This is an excellent introduction that makes me want to read on. I expecially liked the short introduction to the Indian words that you gave.
You have covered the content of the upcoming essay very well. I am curious as to how the town got the name change to Brookfield. I want to read on and find out just how.
Though I am not a history buff, something about the introduction makes me want to read the entire thing. I think it is the explanation of the Indian names, and my desire to learn how they applied to this town.
Evelyn
This piece is excellent. It is well-written with no grammatical errors. The characters are very well developed. I can about anticipate how they are going to react in the future as they escape.
I would suggest that you maybe show the depth of emotion that they two of them must be feeling at the moment, or at least indicate they are emotionless due to the shock of the recent events. This can be a very emotional story, and you may be going to develop it further, but I wanted to "hear" the despair they must be feeling.
It is an excellent story, and I can't wait to read more.
Evelyn
An excellent, eerie story. It took me some time to discover what was going on (if I really did) but it was intriguing.
I noted a few usage/spelling errors. Just probably needs going over again for such editing.
The story flow was excellent, keeping me involved throughout the whole thing. In fact, I was late leaving work as I was reading the story after work and didn't want to leave.
What a wonderful commentary on your life! I love Home of Red Fox and Home of the Gray Dog. I have read and reviewed all the episodes you had online before my computer crashed. I plan to catch up over the weekend.
I started reading the autobiography because I loved you novels. But, once I started, it was so gripping I couldn't stop. I loved it all the way through.
I did not see any grammatical or spelling errors, either.
I plan to do a similar autobiography for myself, as I think it will help me understand myself better. Thanks for another good read.
Evelyn
What a wonderful idea. I have been the recipient of an upgrade, and it is wonderful. Not only does it make it possible to stay a member of this wonderful group, but it also gives inspiration to be an ACTIVE member. I mean, if someone believes in me enough to gift me with an ungrade, then I must believe in myself as well. Thanks, for a good group.
I am attaching a donation to help with upgrades. I don't know if this is how or where to do it or not. I know it is not much, but will do more when I can.
Evelyn
I have an autistic son, one with Asperger's (a form of autism) and I have taught a number of autistic children. You have really captured the joys and frustrations.
The only reason I rated it 4.5 instead of 5.0 was the "choppiness" in places, where the meter didn't seem to be consistent. Also, some places were confusing to me, such as, at the beginning talking about three words. I wasn't sure what you meant.
All in all, this is a very poignant piece, done well.
Evelyn
This is a really neat poem. I can just imagine it as a children's picture book. You words are so picturesque. I can see a beautiful childrens book with vivid colors, or maybe in watercolor with vivid but watery color.
The only thing I saw that might be an error was the 2nd and 4th lines of the last stanza. You used close and clothes, which do not rhyme, but are the exact same word (pronunciation). It would be more effective to chose rhyming words here.
This is good. You had a great rhyme scheme- abab- in the first stanza, but missed a little with you last two lines in the 2nd stanza. Kiss and missed done exactly rhyme - need to have an -ed on kiss or change the last line to be able to use miss.
I really liked the last line. I chuckled as I pictured you almost missing.
Keep writing and you will get much better, believe me.
Evelyn
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