You have done an excellent job with the imagery. It's descriptive, but just enough to make the reader try to imagine more on their own. Something I struggled with, as great as all the imagery was it needed a bridge from one image to another in order to flow. An editing tip that I've noticed helps me, Write each line on an individual slip of paper and randomly rearrange them and re build the poem. This exercise helps pinpoint many things such as a need for transitions, or more clarity. I hope this helps!
This is a very playful and sweet poem. In really liked the innocent tone on such a serious topic. I would recommend trying to expand the thought and keep the rhyming going. Good start!
-Jessica
This is a very interesting piece. While I have a hard time understanding it I'm sure that can be fixed by reading it a few more times. I just wanted to give you my raw opinion. Also, I understand what its like to write from a place you're not used to writing from. It is because you're not used to it that I strongly encourage you to work more on this piece and continue writing from whatever place this came from when it strikes you. Good job!
Wow! I was drawn in by the title and I wasn't disappointed. I really love that this doesn't stick to any one pattern, rather it makes it's own. Awesome!
This is very well written and I love the idea that you have presented. This is something I have felt before and you describe the problem and solution beautifully. Wonderful!
I will be honest, I didn't understand most of it. But I blame that solely on myself and my poor comprehension techniques. I really love that this piece made me read it several times in order to get a general understanding. Poetry is something that should be read several times in order to get even a general understanding and this is something you did an excellent job of. My personal favorite part was the last stanza;
"Love denied is a powerful thing,
and one tragedy avoided
can often bring another out to play."
Beautiful!
This is a beautiful poem that was well written. I love the idea you introduced, and while I think you could switch a few words around to make it run a little smoother, it's over all an excellent piece. Good job!
This is very touching and sweet, I understand this kind of relationship and you did a great job portraying it. The only reason I gave you a four was because I think you could have included word choice to more accurately depict this, but other than that it was great! Good job.
Well, um, wow. I loved it. I can really tell that there is genuine thought behind the words. It honestly took my breath away and I'm positive that I'll be reading it again. It was really enjoyable to read. My one suggestion would to maybe make it a little less confusing, but on the flip side that's probably what you planned for it. Keep it up!
I really enjoyed this poem! I liked the imagery it gave me without being obvious. I'm not sure if you intended to switch from a slightly elegant tone to a more modern one. That's the only reason you got a four. Other than that, it was an awesome poem and I look forward to reading more from you.
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