I truly enjoyed this piece! I love reading about the beginnings of friendships, and you satisfied this love very well. Such a wonderful beginning, illustrating how the narrator kept to herself, led a quiet life. And, then, for such a small reason, a special person comes into her life, changing everything and bringing a beautiful companionship. It is so great how you balance the images with humor, weaving it in and just creating a lovely story.
I really enjoyed this line: "As she glided inside, I detected the posture and moves of a graduate from Mrs. Aster’s Finishing School." - it just seems to say so much about the character without going into too much detail.
I enjoyed this little story very much! It has so much character and setting, but it is quietly crafted without overwhelming the reader or hitting us over the head with too much. The characters are so well done in such a small amount of words. I can almost see them!
I particularly liked this sentence: "Whenever the disagreement involved Marty's enlightenment, Marty always lost."
HAHAHA! This one had me seriously laughing! The description sounds exactly like my brother - I can see him both getting into this situation and reacting in the same way. I love the way you intersperse your own thoughts - they definitely emphasize the humor. And the ending is priceless!
This is adorable! I love the little moment and how you describe the scene so effectively even with it being so brief. It's such a cute story and you capture all of those lighthearted feelings. I enjoyed it very much!
Such a sweet story! I love the quiet, rustic feel of it - you captured the sense of the town and the old-fashioned box social very well. I also like how you set up the whole town and the scene by not jumping directly to the central event, but having Lizzie walk through the town, etc., first. It was also a nice choice in having her see the Jesse James poster, tying in with Richard's profession later.
Suggestions:
I thought perhaps the scene that introduces Mr. Discoll - "Approaching the Morgan City Bank, she saw Mr. Driscoll, the sleazy teller, step out of the bank door. She slowed her pace, hoping to avoid him. He gave her the heebie jeebies." - might be more effective expanded. Since he becomes important later, more foreshadowing here might make him a clearer character. For instance, why exactly does he bother her so much? Does he watch her? Does she know he's interested in her?
The scene where Richard appears too might be more descriptive. It seems to rely almost too much on the girls' dialogue.
That's all I really have! I enjoyed this very much. Good job!
Such a creative take on the prompt. I like how the beginning part is all dialogue - effectively building their characters through speech instead of description. It's interesting how you keep the language of a movie in the last paragraph.
Good luck!
Morgan
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