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Review of Morgan  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I have already said it, but thank you for such a lovely introduction! I don't think I deserve even half of it *Blush*, but I very much appreciate it!! *Smile*

My very best,
Morgan
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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Pepper! Just dropping in to learn something from your introduction!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: I love the humor!! It is really well done and effective. The little anecdotes are also well-incorporated. I learned so much!

Suggestions: I honestly have nothing! I think this would read very well. Great work!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of Damaged sight  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, jimminy! Just dropping in for a review of "Damaged sight" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A mysterious story!

Strengths: I like how strong the connection is between Bill and his father, how compelled he is to do what his father wanted, even though in the end it changes things for him forever. The first paragraph really gets this across well. Also, the dark, mysterious atmosphere is maintained skillfully throughout.

Favorite line:
"Bill wasn’t one to do things by half; no, he was one to do things with all his heart, or at least, his very best effort." - Great way to reveal parts of Bill's character.

"Just when he thought it was done and he could put this whole thing behind him, sight came to him, though blurred from the tears in his eyes." - I just liked how descriptive this was.

Suggestions:
"It took a lot of patience and lots of letter writing with bits and pieces to be deciphered, but not the whole spell-that was his and his alone" - this sentence was hard for me to follow. I didn't quite understand where it ws going!

"Cleansing his house was one of the first things to be done." - Why?

I thought perhaps the ending could be a little easier to follow, although that could be intentional ambiguity!

Grammar: Nothing jumped out at me!

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, ozhan! In response to your request on my Guest Book, I have offered some suggestions for grammar on your piece "A Writer's Resolve" ! I hope this helps! Another alternative to changing all the verbs to the present tense is to change the beginning to the past tense to match the rest of the story.

In addition, I enjoyed this tale! I think Asif is an intriguing character who is himself intrigued by the strange, beautiful music. The ending, with the girl being deaf and dumb, is such a poignant moment.

All best,
Morgan

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

In midst of a Mumbai slum sits a massive, dark and unsightly structure colored only by the linen, hung to dry, from its balconies. It is a colossal bee hive, a mountain of people piled on top of each other, parted and confined by flimsy walls, designed in the most complex way to accommodate as many people as possible, (comma instead of semi-colon because what comes after is not a complete sentence) where one person’s bedroom window opens to the sight of another's bathroom, or any other combination you may dare imagine.

Asif Ali, the retired editor from a small local publication, lives in one of those cubicles, where it smells of ancient woodwork and old books. Asif fills all of his time with writing. It had been his retirement resolution, to chronicle everything in life, everything he encountered, and he believed that to be the true work of a writer. Through the days (this seems a bit awkward) Asif strives to write it all, to an extent that when he wished to remind himself of how an experience felt he could read his own account of it and be reminded.

But lately something new had caught (perhaps “catches”) his attention more than writing, and that is an echo or a muffled sound of the most soothing song he had heard. It is clearly the voice of a child that, somehow, finds its way through the cluster of bricks, cement and steel all the way up to Asif’s bathroom, and he intends to find the source and write down the words to that song.

Asif would hear the music at various hours of morning and run out of the house and into the dark corridors to find the source, but he failed every time. Due to the tricky nature of the structure, it was almost impossible to follow sound by its trail, and asking around didn’t help either. Frustrated, Asif armed with paper and pen began to decipher this puzzle and find the source to the sound. He jotted, calculated and drew every opening, every door, window, and every corridor on his side of the building until he had a plan very similar to the blueprint of the building itself. Asif then began, bottom to top, to knock on doors or even place his ears on the walls where the occasion called for it.

A week and six floors later Asif still has no clue as to the source of the music. Until one day when he returns to his apartment, after a day of having doors shut on him, he hears the sound again, this time closer and clearer than ever. Asif follows it like a dog following a scent, and his trail ends in front of the door to the apartment adjacent to his.

The door, unlike usual, is wide open and Asif peeps in to see if anybody is home. Suddenly a woman walks out of the bathroom followed by a little girl draped in a towel. The girl immediately notices Asif and pauses to stare at him. This gets her mother’s attention who in turn begins to scream in a frenzy.

“Get away from my house,” she says, as she comes charging towards him. Before he can say anything Asif is pushed away and the door is bolted on the inside.

“This is a misunderstanding, Behen Ji, I assure you. I had no intention of intruding.”

“You step away from my door, I warn you. My husband is going to be home soon. He will kill you if he finds out… “

“No, no, Behen Ji, there is no need for all that. I am your neighbor, you see, I am a writer. Lately I have heard singing from your house. I thought it was beautiful and followed it to your doorsteps.”

Asif listens intently to hear a reply from her, but the house is absolutely silent, so he decides to move away before he gets into any trouble. As he steps away the door opens and the woman pops her head out, now covered with a cloth over her hair. She stands there in silence.

“The voice...it’s your daughter's, isn’t it?”

She nods.

“It is beautiful. Is there any way I could learn the words to that song?”

The woman frowns.

“Is this a joke?” She steps beyond the doorway, her hands on her hips.

“Oh, no, not at all, why do you ask?”

“Shirin is Deaf and Dumb. There are no words to her song.”

Asif still sits in his little place every day and writes, but he devotes a part of his mornings, away from the typewriter, to listen to Shirin’s voice.


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Review of No Such Luck  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Pepper! Just dropping in for a review of "No Such Luck" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A highly entertaining story!!

Strengths: Really excellent job of keeping the accent going. That can be very tough! I like the idea of a leprechaun's son not knowing what he really is. That's a very clever idea. And the son's surprise feels real (oddly enough, given the subject!).

Favorite line:
"All that is except for his father and three others. They folded their arms and began tapping their feet in unison, moving so fast it seemed as one blurred motion. It was these men that were tapped by the judges and escorted to the stage." - I just loved the image!

Suggestions:
I thought the ending could be added to a little more. The last line just didn't seem to tie it all together for me. If that makes sense?!

Grammar: Just a few EXTREMELY minor things!
"Alright" = "All right"

"good naturedly" = "good-naturedly"

"he stumbled, ." = "he stumbled."

"Mind yer manners, me boy and thank the man" = "Mind yer manners, me boy, and thank the man"

"to inspect the car, Lamar" = "to inspect the car. Lamar"

O’Meara whispered, “You should = O’Meara whispered, “you should

Cute story, Pepper!

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, Sticktalker! Just offering a review of "Why the Cottontail Has A Short Tail" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A wonderfully-imagined explanation myth!

Strengths: The feel of the myth is well-maintained all the way through - things are explained just as those stories always do, explaining the world and history. I love all the little details!

Favorite line:
"The Wan-ee lands were not rich with the salmon that swam in the great river that ran through the willow and oak-covered fertile lands of the valley floor, nor did they have any elk to eat for the grasses in their mountains were thin and the elk bypassed them to eat the succulent grasses of other bands’ territory." - I thought this was really well-written.

Suggestions: Not much at all!

"I want you to go shoot" - perhaps "I want you to go hunting"?

Grammar: Just noticed a few grammar things...

"at the top of the heavens and Waphoo had not even seen" - comma after "heavens."

"very hungry so when" - comma after "hungry."

“Hi there brother rabbit,” Waphoo said unsurprised for in those days = “Hi there, brother rabbit,” Waphoo said, unsurprised, for in those days

"coyote" = "Coyote"? Perhaps also "Rabbit"?

"scrawny rabbit, you will need" = "scrawny rabbit. You will need"

sorrowfully, “none = sorrowfully. “None

Very nicely done! Great work! You obviously have the story-telling gift.

All best,
Morgan, Little Owl Face

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Review of Ageless Memories  
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, Oldwarrior! Just offering a review of "Ageless Memories" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Such a well-crafted, thoughtful story.

Strengths: Absolutely beautiful, descriptive phrases. I can see this narrator thinking quietly about his life, how it is reflected in nature.

Favorite line:
"When the warming winds blow across the gentle swaying grass and the many tribes of geese head north towards the grandmother land, it is the time of year that old grandmothers and new young mothers take the camp apart for cleaning." - I LOVE THIS OPENING LINE. What a way to begin!

"My favorite spot is along a gentle flowing brook, close enough to the village for safety, but far enough away to give my wandering soul a little peace and freedom." - Beautiful.

"I watch as dying leaves are blown from the sandy shore and scattered across the surface of the stream. They are like the days of my life, used up, dying, but full of great and wonderful deeds." - Oh, so completely fantastic.

"Their dreams I cannot share." - Such a great image.

"It has taken many years to build but only moments to tell." - Lovely.

Suggestions: None whatsoever - I love it!

Grammar: Just a couple of minor grammar issues...
"Lodges are cleared bedding" = "Lodges are cleared OF bedding"?

"Run free my sons and feel the wind." = "Run free, my sons, and feel the wind."

"Run free my daughters and feel the sun." = "Run free, my daughters, and feel the sun."

Thank you for allowing me to read your wonderful words.

All best,
Morgan, Little Owl Face

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Review of Near Far  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello again! It's just me!!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A simple poem, told in a few carefully-chosen words.

Strengths: Its simplicity. I love the play on opposites, on pairs. The one line at the end of each stanza forces the reader to think about what it means in relation to the pair it is "describing."

Favorite line: "and the people on a quest" - I thought this was a very good choice.

Suggestions: Perhaps remove the periods after "Near" and "Far" to match the rest of the poem? Also, the last line - maybe it should be "and the beauty of a tree" to match the others?

Really nice, unique take on the prompt! I like how you saw so much outside of the image itself. Good work!

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello! I'm just dropping in for a review for the Knights of the Review Table!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A very interesting story - I really like the idea of him being unable, for some reason, to forget this girl.

Strengths: I like how she has changed just like he has - it's a very nice parallel between the two characters, giving them a connection.

Favorite line:
"She was smart though. A brilliant mind residing in an insecure body. One of life's many ironies." - SO great. I thought this was an excellent line!

Suggestions:
I would suggest putting spaces between paragraphs - makes it easier to read!

"the world's friendliest person" - perhaps something more descriptive? Why?

"beating down upon one's head unmercifully" - perhaps avoid using "one"?

"was weighing down his mind" = "was weighing on his mind"

"but it took her nicely" - maybe "but it suited her"

"I wasn't friendlier then" - maybe "I wasn't that friendly then"

"So that was her name, he thought. The years have sure been good to her." - perhaps put his thoughts in italics?

Grammar:
"self esteem" = "self-esteem"

"bunch of young people who he hung out with" = "bunch of young people he hung out with" (or possibly "bunch of young people with whom he hung out")

I think this is a really entertaining story - might even suggest expanding it?! *Smile*

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, beautifulstranger ! Just dropping in for a review of "The Feel-Good Love Story" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Really excellent description of the confusing feelings of young love. Such a sweet story!

Strengths: The descriptions of emotions are very well done. I love the focus on what she is feeling - how little things can change her mood, how she overanalyzes everything and lives for just a few words. I symphathize her and like her, including how she overcomes her shyness to ask him out. You root for her, and that's due to your description!

Favorite line:
"It was instances like turning to see his boyish laughter whenever a joke was made in class, and feeling her heart pound uncontrollably but her head calm and steady as a rock whenever he said a word to her, that made her realise something - she was crazy about Ryan." - I like how there is a reference to the fact that part of her was calm and steady. Not something that gets emphasized in stories like this, and I think it gives Noelle a very distinct character.

Suggestions:
"Is this really coming true for me?" She thought - perhaps put in italics instead of quotation marks since she's thinking it?

"looking intently for her smile and yearning to hear her laughter." - this seems to switch to Ryan's POV when everything else is in Noelle's.

I was bordering on disliking Ryan for not treating Noelle very well - perhaps back off a little on his indifferent treatment? OR explain it away at the end? Maybe he didn't know how she felt about him either?

Just a small thing - at the beginning, it says she doesn't have many friends. Yet, at the end, they are giving her advice. Perhaps smooth this over somehow?

Grammar:
"deep dark blue eyes" = "deep, dark, blue eyes"

"What did you say?" She asked = "What did you say?" she asked

with you one day," His eyes = with you one day." His eyes

"Hi," She said softly, steadying her heart. - these lines should probably have spaces between them like all of the other paragraphs! (This happens a few other times too.)

"Only two weeks..." = "After only two weeks..."

"to take initiative" = "to take the initiative"

A sweet story that I very much enjoyed reading!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of The Verdict  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
It's me again, Moriarty! *Smile*

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A wonderfully detailed story.

Strengths: I really enjoyed the imagined setting of this story as well as the carefully-crafted storyline. Abdul is an appealing character, and we feel for his dilemma - cheer for him in his success and feel pain for the end of his way of life. He is so excited about teaching his son the ways of the fishermen, and now that choice is taken from him. It's a sadly beautiful tale.

Favorite line:
"Abdul felt a lump in his throat, and his good spirits suddenly dampened. He quickly tied the two tin buckets which held his catch, each to one end of a bamboo and placed the middle of the pole on his sturdy shoulders. He started walking back to the village at a fast trot, the two buckets on either side swaying wildly." - I thought this was one of the best-written sections! There's so much great detail and use of language. I can SEE him, what is happening, and how he is feeling.

"The fishes started struggling on the mud, their life breath being gradually sucked away." - an excellent parallel in the story.

Suggestions:
In the first paragraph, while I love what you have included about his son, it seems a bit abrupt to bring it up suddenly there. Maybe just a little more lead-in?

In the third paragraph, there's another somewhat abrupt transition into the details about Abdul's clothing. It seems a bit forced. Perhaps if it was described for a reason? (This is a very poor example, but maybe he moves a piece of it out of the way to make it easier to haul the boat or something like that. If you see what I mean!)

Grammar:
"Almost like a girl hiding her dolls" - perhaps put into italics to mark as a thought?

"boat back to the shore; a fishing beach" - comma instead of semi-colon.

"well toned muscles" = "well-toned muscles"

"“Naidu Fishing Company” or NFC" - comma after "Company."

"Association (KFA)" - quotation marks after "Association."

"of the nation”. - period inside of quotation marks.

"snatched away; a small pawn" - comma instead of semi-colon.

"on the ground" - the repetition unnecessary (from the previous sentence).

Looking forward to reading more! *Smile*

All best,
Morgan

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Review of It's Not His Day  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, Moriarty! As promised, I'm dropping in for some reviews!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: An interesting, well-crafted story with an unexpected ending!

Strengths: Excellent descriptions of the game! You really brought it to life. I happen to be a huge ice hockey fan, and I've included that into some of my stories. I know how difficult it can be to write the plays out. But you handled it perfectly!

Great ending - did not see it coming at all! I love it when there are twists in stories. Really well-imagined.

I really enjoyed how you kept up the "pretense" all the way through that it was a simple story of a group of fans watching a game and the bad luck of a young player, leaving the twist all the way to the end.

Favorite line:
“Don’t blame me, man. Blame him,” Mark responded, his index finger pointing to the ceiling. - It is just one of those careful moments that helps describe a character. I love those additions!

"He closed his eyes and muttered a silent prayer to God." - I love how a line like this takes on different meaning once you know what Mark really has to be thinking.

Suggestions: There are a few times when it seems phrases are repeated. Nothing too major, but it might be worth a look!

Just some grammar things (I tend to notice them - sorry!):

"stop raining?" The bartender..." - I believe "the" shouldn't be capitalized.

“The Black Stripes”. - Period inside of quotation marks.

"The Eagles were confident of winning as local lad Mervin Rafter who was the star mid-fielder was in outstanding form." - It might read smoother as: "The Eagles were confident of winning as local lad Mervin Rafter, the star mid-fielder, was in outstanding form."

"on.” A voice..." = "on,” a voice..."

"business like" = "business-like"

"his bottle nervously, His..." - Period instead of comma.

This is not going right man, “the bartender..." = This is not going right, man," the bartender...

"Hello Mark" = "Hello, Mark" (There are a few other places where there should be commas around names!)

I completely enjoyed this! I have a feeling I'm going to like wandering through your port!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of These Good Shoes  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello! I'm Morgan, and I have dropped in to review your work as part of our Rising Star Member to Member Review.

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: So much well-written emotion! It just flows from one line to the next, building and building.

Strengths: The poetic description of these shoes is extremely well done. It says focused on them, saying things about the people who wore them. And then switches to the people who wore them after, which is a very unique take. I also like how there is an emphasis on words such as "grateful," "decent," "good," "sanctuary," "innocence," etc. Those words seemed to make the tragedy of the moment so much deeper and more painful.

Favorite line:
"Expecting emotional barrage we erected barricades which withstood/The reduced-to-documentary drama" - Excellent! I love the idea of putting up emotional barriers in response to knowing how difficult the experience is going to be. But that it isn't enough.

"A cemetery of shoes" - Wonderful.

The repetition in the fifth stanza is an excellent choice.

Suggestions:
I had a little trouble following the first line. Although that might just be me!

Great work! I truly felt the emotion leap off the screen.

All best,
Morgan
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Review of A Tale of Pennies  
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hello! I'm Morgan, and I have dropped in to review your work as part of our Rising Star Member to Member Review.

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Wow - I love the creativity woven into the plot of this story. It's so very unique!

Strengths: The characters are so well portrayed. You feel Mr. Poole's anxiety over being unable to remember and the small comfort in believing that Larrieux is someone he loved. It's a bittersweet moment when she lets him believe she is someone else.

Favorite line:
"Unprepared for the touch she was bombarded with his emotions. Wave after wave of sensation hit her as their minds began to link. Suddenly she felt everything he felt. His loneliness. His uncertainty. Most of all, his pain." - This demonstrates Larrieux's powers, perhaps her curse. It is a descriptive moment, drawing the reader into what she is experiencing.

Suggestions: Mostly just some minor grammar things!
"She felt pain her chest..." - "in her chest"

"Let him have this small illusion," - perhaps italicize to set off as a thought?

"its time now" - "it's"

"the damaged vocal chords" - I was a little unclear as to why "damaged"!

Great characters described with great imagination!

All best,
Morgan
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Review of Always Write  
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello, NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth ! Just offering a First Peoples' review!

Thank you so much for such excellent advice! I never even considered doing that before. I am forever emailing things to myself just so I can work wherever I am, but this makes a great deal more sense and would prevent losing certain edits/revisions. I also appreciate the title! That seems to be what I do on a regular basis, and I appreciate anything that can make that process easier!

Very nice of you to offer such a useful tip!

All best,
Morgan, Little Owl Face

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In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, SWPoet ! Just offering a review of "Waiting for the Dawn" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: I LOVED it. There is just so much genuine sincerity in it, so much heart.

Strengths: Every word is so carefully-chosen and there is a deliberate sense of form and flow. I also like how distinct the character(s) is(are). You don't get that in poetry sometimes, but the narrator is very defined, making it easy to imagine her and her thoughts. Also, the use of the maple trees is very much inspired. And I like how it comes back to it at the end.

Favorite line:
"Should I still be chasing them/long past the time they were born,/
or are the new ones just as real,/the ones that were born with our boys,/the ones that came while loving you?" - These are beautifully-crafted lines, with so much emotion in each word. It expresses a great deal while also describing the life of the narrator. Clear and poignant

Suggestions: I was wondering why there was a verb tense change to past tense at stanza 4? Although, it's a change in narrator, yes? It took me a while to figure that out. Perhaps italicizing or in some other way setting it apart?

A beautiful poem!!!! Thank you!

All best,
Morgan, Little Owl Face

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Review of Macy's Adventure  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Joy! I am reviewing your story, "Macy's Adventure" , for Challenge 7 in the Paper Doll Gang.

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: You took me completely by surprise with the ending! Well done! I had no idea that was where you were heading, but it fits everything else so well, once you understand who Macy is. What a twist! It makes you want to go back and read again, just to see it through different eyes. In other words, it's a creative, unique story!

Strengths: The description is WONDERFUL. It's so evocative. The language just leaps off of the page (things like "dissipated," "ungraceful manner," and "fearsome"). You pull the reader in and hold on tight! I also like the switch between peaceful and tense in the "dream" sequence - it's much faster in the dream, describing how frightening it all is, before returning to the calm woods and then the homey idea of dinner.

Favorite lines:
"Choosing a spot directly beneath the largest tree, Macy flopped down in a decidedly ungraceful manner and indulged in a long, leisurely stretch. Tensing and relaxing each muscle in turn, she sighed as the tightness in her legs began to ease." - This is such a wonderfully descriptive moment. I can see and feel exactly what Macy is doing and feeling! Great physicality.

"Gradually her eyelids fluttered down as her breathing slowed and deepened in the embrace of sleep." - Lovely! For many of the same reasons as the previous one!

"With a hoarse yelp, Macy jolted herself into wakefulness. Panting with residual fear, she touched the roof of her mouth with a dry tongue and glanced around for assurance that she was still in the peaceful spot she had chosen to nap." - I really should have been paying attention to the "panting" here! I might have figured something out! Great "fore-shadowing." Also, just some more excellent description.

Suggestions: Most of these are, really, just grammatical!

"...hot and sore and she..." - needs comma after "sore."

"Slowly entering the resting-place provided for her..." - I understood where you were going with this phrase, but, for some reason, it didn't read very well for me. I think it just seemed a bit awkward.

"she delighted in the faint rustling sounds produced" - perhaps "she delighted in the faint rustling sounds THEY produced"?

"...on the breeze; damp earth..." - perhaps a comma rather than a semi-colon (what comes after the semi-colon isn't a complete sentence).

"adrenaline saturated" - I believe this needs a hyphen.

"...she remained alert; senses heightened..." - comma instead of semi-colon.

"...a slow measured rhythm" - needs comma after "slow" (2 adjectives modifying the same noun).

"Macy headed towards a warm meal" - I wonder if this wouldn't read better with something like "Macy headed towards home and a warm meal"?

I wonder perhaps if the lines between the sections are a bit too long? I know this is a little thing, but it seems to slice into the writing a little too much - if that makes any sense at all!

Again, you COMPLETELY took me by surprise, and I very much appreciate that!! Excellent story-telling! *Smile*

-----

Please critique my review! And, if you would, I would appreciate it if you would leave a message in the Paper Doll Gang Challenge Forum that I reviewed you. Thank you!

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, WhoMe! Just offering a Mod review of "A Time For Healing" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A thoughtful, well-written, expressive poem from beginning to end!

Strengths: I really enjoyed the shift from pain at the beginning, to the start of the healing process (with all of its push and pull), to the hopeful ending. It works itself out so well all the way through the poem, a kind of microcosm of the whole healing process. I especially like how you make the narrator come to appreciate him/herself - it's such an uplifting, positive image.

Favorite line: The third and fourth stanzas are my favorites! I love the gentle anxiety expressed in these lines. There's a kind of bittersweet feeling in them, yet with a sense of hope.

"Viewing change taking place/In the mirror a brand new face" - BEAUTIFUL, just beautiful.

Suggestions:
"Filled with laughter filled with tears" - perhaps a commma after "laughter"? Although I know that you don't use punctuation in the rest of the poem (well, there is one period in the third stanza), so that was probably a deliberate choice!

A lovely poetic journey. Thank you for taking me with you!

All best,
Morgan, Little Owl Face

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Review of Fierce Wonderings  
In affiliation with Native First Peoples Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey, Pepper! Just offering a review of "Fierce Wonderings" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: So wonderfully imagined! I love the concept. As writers, in particular, I guess we do this a lot, thinking about strangers, weaving stories around them, even using them as characters. We wonder about emotions, about their lives - and you capture that here perfectly.

Strengths: I love how you focus on different types of people of different ages - really adds something to the whole theme. The types are each imagined well - just as we might think about someone we randomly see somewhere. It's great how you shift back and forth between positives and negatives, wondering about the possibilities of each.

Favorite line:
"Will they wait for life’s pleasures/or think of only now,/the consequences ignored?" - It's great how you bring in that sense of youth, how we make rash decisions, perhaps think we'll never get older or even not care about the future.

"Does he wonder at his blessings/or feel trapped by responsibilities?" - Great choice! Well-imagined anxieties.

"Does she talk to her kids each day/or cling to holiday visits?" - Very nice touch!

And the ending lines are PERFECT.

Suggestions: Once again, I have nothing! It weaves its thoughts so well - I can follow everything, even ruminate along with you.

Great work!!!!

All best,
Morgan, Little Owl Face

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Review of The Coming Storm  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Pepper! Just dropping in for a review of "The Coming Storm" !

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: SO unique!! Very creative take on the prompt.

Strengths: Wonderful descriptions! I love the uses of color as well as the clear and tumultuous sense of emotion. It's so powerful and evocative!

Favorite line:
"Cold and envious, his anger seethes,/until his soul begins a slow burn --" - I love, love, love these lines.

"to snuff out the light of the moon" - Ahhhh!! So wonderful!!

Suggestions: I honestly don't have anything! It's a well-written poem all the way around. It's beautifully-crafted and creative. Your use of the prompt image is just excellent.

GREAT work, Pepper!!!!

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Pepper! Just saw you posted, so, naturally, I stayed to review!

*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Such a twist on a familiar theme!

Strengths: The balance between humor and a very real emotion on Marc's part is extremely well done. He's a likeable character who cares about his daughter and gives into an understandable moment of envy. And, although we don't meet him, I hate the stepdad!!

Favorite line:
"dressed up all fancy-like" - I like this. When I first read it, I wasn't sure, but then I realized that I could hear Marc thinking it - gave me a good sense of his character.

"What man… what real man, that is, wears a lily on his head for cryin’ out loud?" - Love it! Nice introduction of the painting (and a unique take on it!).

Suggestions:
"...weekends; so even if it did mean doing it here on her turf, Marc was here." = "...weekends, so even if it did mean doing it on her turf, Marc was here."

There might be a few too many "-in'" endings.

Yep, that's all I've got!! I completely enjoyed reading this - it was a tender moment between father and daughter while hinting at so much more. Thank you, Pepper!!

All best,
Morgan

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In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello, turtlemoon-dohi ! Just dropping in for a review of
STATIC
This Is Not A Sad Song  (E)
You are always in charge of those things in matters of the heart. Just believe it.
#1647491 by turtlemoon-dohi


*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: Excellent way of turning a common poetic theme around on itself! Reads very smoothly.

Strengths: Interesting formatting at the beginning - it works, drew me in. I particularly like the image of standing outside, looking down at the heart. It also ends on a note that matches the tone of the rest of the poem. There seems to be so much going on between the lines.

Favorite lines:
"Unlike so many poets penning depths of despair,/I cannot tell the tale that my heart was broken." - As I said, I love how you "attack" the common theme and then do something different with it.

"a once intimate suggestion of my soul" - Beautiful phrase, excellent choices with wording.

"I didn't ask why my heart had been abandoned,/or neglected, or simply forgotten." - I love that feeling of distance from the pain, the hurt, and the neglect. It gives an entirely different perspective to the poem.

Suggestions: I honestly don't have anything. Not for grammar, wording, or imagery - it all worked perfectly for me!! A wonderful piece of poetry! Thank you!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of A Cold Recovery  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello, PoeticOutcast ! Just dropping in for a review of
 A Cold Recovery  (13+)
Recovering from an unwanted permanent separation of someone you're emotionally attached to
#1645532 by PoeticOutcast


*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: An imaginative take on the theme stated in the description - the idea of the "ocean floor" is very interesting.

Strengths: I like the form of the two-line stanzas. It focuses the imagery in each one before moving on to another line. Many of the words are nicely chosen.

Favorite line:
"Followed by drifting thoughts beneath the ocean floor," - As I mentioned, I love this concept/image.

"Now that the temperature is bleak, making it nearly impossible to speak," - As you say, so "bleak" - a nicely descriptive phrase.

Suggestions:
"the arctic" - I stumbled a bit over this word. The literal Arctic? At the end, it switches to Antarctica. Again, literal? And why the switch?

"as though ones emotions" - needs apostrophe in "one's."

"A tip so high" - little confused by this phrase, but that might have just been me!

"leaving one stranded" - perhaps too many "one's"?

Is there a reason why the fifth stanza does not rhyme like the others? Also, it changes to a longer first line - a deliberate choice?

A thought-provoking read. Thank you!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of Forbidden Love  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello, spidey ! Just dropping in for a review of
 Forbidden Love  (13+)
My contest entry centering around Chinese New Year. 765 words.
#1646045 by spidey


*Star* This review is my own opinion. Please take whatever might be useful and ignore what is not! *Star*

Overall impression: A wonderful spin on the "Romeo and Juliet" theme, with a unique setting and great descriptions.

Strengths: You really give a sense of emotion in this. It's quiet yet restless, which makes a wonderful conflict. I like the feeling of love between these two characters as they plan to leave together. It was anice choice to have them apart at the beginning as you give details about their story - it makes the moment when they are finally together, leaving to start a life, that much more poignant.

Favorite line: "He was on top of the hill that overlooked both sides of the city, but his gaze was pointed to Chinatown. The soft red glow of paper lanterns blanketed the city. Faint pops of firecrackers filled his ears and the smell of fish, stuffed dumplings, and mandarin oranges drifted to his nose with the breeze and tickled his appetite." - some really excellent description! It captures the feel of the night, of Chinatown on its New Year's.

"with Chinese New Year going on below him and Valentine's day being celebrated in the rest of the city behind him" - I like where this line is heading! Perhaps even more?! Play on the differences?

Suggestions: I would suggest putting spaces between paragraphs just to make it easier to read.

The first paragraph might need expansion - it seems a bit abrupt, particularly into to the line "The New Year dinner was always held..." Maybe more description?

"little brother, and mother" - do not need "and."

"absent mindedly" - needs hyphen.

"drifted past" - to where?

"pascified" - perhaps a different word?

"But the strongest of his hunger was that of his heart" - I like the potential of this line, but it reads a little awkwardly.

"He told his father about her but his reaction..." - needs comma before "but."

"Jerry's father was racist and refused to allow his son to be with a girl of Chinese descent, and Kim's parents, though not racist, refused to let their daughter date a boy from the area of the city that Jerry was from." - I'd love to see even more of a discussion of this. What is wrong with Jerry's part of the city? Who is he?

"to leave the house and met Jerry" - "to leave the house and MEET Jerry"

"As Jerry thought of the idea he..." - needs comma after "idea." Also, perhaps something less generic than "idea"? Explain the plan?

"With a smile across his face Kim's father..." - Perhaps "With a smile ON his face, Kim's father."

"With a huge smile and a racing heart she..." - needs comma after "smile." Also, she hugs her parents - does she regret leaving them? Does she feel guilty?

Thank you for the read!!

All best,
Morgan

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Review of Fate Chapter 1  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
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Hello! Thank you for entering this story in:

Young Stars Shine Your Light Contest  (E)
A CONTEST JUST FOR WRITERS EIGHTEEN YRS OLD AND UNDER! ~ON HIATUS~
#1557458 by NickiD89



In appreciation for the time and energy you spent writing this creative story in response to the prompt, I offer you this in-depth review. Please refrain from editing your piece until after the winners are posted in the forum. Thanks!

[The suggestions following red check marks are based on my observations and opinions. Please only take what you find helpful and leave the rest *Smile*]



*Note2* Characters: *Star**Star**Star*

*Thumbsup* Some interesting characters, particularly with the idea of only female psychics. It makes me wonder why! Who are they? Thus, I'm pulled in by them. Good!

*Check2* I would like more, especially of the father! Who is this father? Why is he so skeptical? Why did the mother tell him when she knew not to? Is he abusive?

Also, perhaps set up more about the grandmother and aunt (by the way, is the name supposed to be LouisE)?

Maybe an example of "a lot of trouble before"? What does "outside family" mean? "I winced and forced my newly arisen fears of losing my mother behind me." - MORE!!



*Note5* Plot/Conflict/Pace: *Star**Star**Star*

*Thumbsup* An intriguing story idea! I like the mystery and the uniqueness of the story. A great deal of potential!

*Check2* It felt somewhat disjointed as I read, as if it was jumping around and not focusing on certain details. I would suggest, since you seem to be continuing this, that you slow down! Take each section and expand it, focus on more details and filling in potential holes (such as, lead up to the scene with the cards more OR add more back story at the beginning). Side note - I'd like to know more about: "only men who mockingly pretend to be."


*Note1* Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling: *Star**Star**Star*

*Thumbsup* Mostly minor things that can be fixed with editing!

*Check2* Some issues with grammar and punctuation that I noticed:

"I'm just like any other fourteen year old girl; but with one difference" - "fourteen-year-old" needs hyphens between words and it needs a comman instead of a semi-colon (same for "I felt fear; suffering.")

Note: commas go inside of quotation marks (for instance: "Dishonorable,").

Take a look at the dialogue - something it's split up into paragraphs that make it harder to tell who is speaking.

"But you on the other hand have power" - should be commas around "on the other hand."

“I need not luck.” Mother said. - needs a comman instead of a period after "luck."

"A loud petrified scream" - needs a comma after loud (commas needed between adjectives modifying one noun).



*Note3* First Impression Wow Factor: *Star**Star**Star*

*Thumbsup* I think there is the beginnings of a really intriguing story here. It has all the earmarks of shaping up into a creative, unique tale!

*Check2* There seemed to be a lot of necessary detail missing. I would love to see it expanded!



*Right* My Overall Rating: *Star**Star**Star*


I enjoyed your creative story! Reviewers and Judges are in the process of reading each story and writing its review. Winners will be posted in the contest forum no later than the 7th of the month. The Judge will email the winners individually and award their prizes just prior to posting the results. Best of luck to you!


Morgan
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