I am not normally a "detective story" person, but your story kept me glued to the last word; looking for the next. ? I like the setting of Chicago, as I am from the area. I used to take the train to Fields. I get a Bogart feeling from your gumshoe. Thanks, I enjoyed that...will be back to read more.
Mari
That has been the subject of many a philosophical minds.
I like it a bunch...thanks for sharing
Did you check out any of my writings? I have several to choose from.
I even won my first contest today.
Mari
I found it quite amusing, Lass. Love your Leprechaun's tantrum. I got a good chuckle.
Thank you for sharing...Keep up the good work.
If there was no word count for the prompt, I would love to see a less hurried dash from the gold to the end of the story... Something like your leprechaun could explain before he stomps off...? Just my opinion...Don't be offended.
1.Ashley: [shocked that it work, but triumphantly
The question I have is if you should be shocked that it "worked"
Powerful! What a tragic story. I was moved to anger and tears of sorrow. I found myself supportively angry beside you as I read.
Thank you for sharing
Mari
I liked your story. Here is what I noticed; indented.
I am new and not a lot of writing experience. I hope my suggestions are correct and sound. Take them or leave them as it is your story; a good one. Thank you for sharing.
Mari
1.You need more that the few things that are here in the swamp
1.(you need more than...?
2.enough to eat of different things every day.
2. (enough different things to eat every day
3.He wasn’t sure what it was maybe just the breeze of a warm summer’s day.
3. (a comma between maybe and just ?
4.Zachary has a friend his name is Melvin
4.(Zachary has a friend whose name is Melvin
5.The lettuce grew by the swamp Zachary could get that himself.
5. (a comma or semi colon between swamp and Zachary
6.Melvin said “good by” and flew away.
6. (good-bye
I would certainly welcome your comments on my work.
Thanks
Mari
This is a real beauty! I have to tell you, I got goosebumps three times while reading this poem. I cannot be critical of poetry....It is such a personal story. If this is your story, my heart truly breaks for you; the pain you suffered.
Please keep writing, you're doing marvelous!
I think what you wrote speaks of how we all feel from time to time, I know I do. Thanks...looking forward to reading your other stuff.
I invite you to take a look at my portfollio. Thanks in advance for that too. (I'm new)
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