This is Mari and this is the third review for the package you won in the Simply Positive Auction. Your awardicon will arrive shortly. Thank you for participating.
Here are my initial thoughts about your poem "The Sketch Artist." I chuckled to be honest. I'm not sure that's the reaction you were going for...
I think it is a very imaginative poem.
Suggestions:
It's always easier to notice flaws in someone else's work. Since joining WDC I have learned that I had been over punctuating too. In this piece I think you should reevaluate your punctuation.
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.
Mari
Please remember anything contained in this review is intended to be constructive. These are my opinions, take what you will and leave the rest.
My name is Mari and you won the package I donated to the simply positive auction. Three poetry reviews, a signature and a MB. Thank you for participating.
Here are my initial thoughts about your poem "The Wedding Rings". I love when I hear about true love. It's beautiful to my ears when someone is still excited about the person they're married to for so long. Congratulations!
Most enjoyed:
Where there is a ring on my finger,
Now I feel it's come full circle
The feeling shall forever linger
Suggestions:
Then fate through threw us back together
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.
Please stop by for your signature from:
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1418332 by Not Available.
Mari
Please remember anything contained in this review is intended to be constructive. These are my opinions, take what you will and leave the rest.
I like the way you have presented this poem. "On the Waterfront" is visually appealing. I also like the aesthetics of having the first word in each of your statements being italicized.
I don't believe all poetry requires punctuation, but in this case, I think a period at the end of each statement would add value.
As with any review these are my opinions.
Thank you for an enjoyable morning reading through your port. Please stop by to choose your signature. Your MB will be on it's way.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1418332 by Not Available.
Sorry it took so long to get started on the package you won in Gemini's Hot Summer Auction. I have been under the weather.
I read your poem "The hitchhiker". I guess I really never had considered hitchhiking in this way before. Interesting.
One thing I would say about this piece is it seems like a very long sentence. Punctuation isn't my strong point but I think perhaps a couple periods would serve this poem well.
It is really tough to find just one favorite stanza. I think you put words in a wonderfully poetic piece together well. I like the way you have begun your poem.
Swirl inky color and pearly thoughts
onto starchy fiber with a writing staff,
blend with the tones of the soul
before splashing toward a masterpiece.
Hello my dear friend I have finally read through your story. I surely hope teenagers don't go through anything this traumatic. This story caused anxiety for me as I read your characters thoughts!
Toward the end of this story, you have misspelled masquerading. I found no other errors.
I liked this okay but found it on the unusual side. It does in fact seem to be surrender, but I find it...well, I'm not sure....
I had a couple questions/statements I guess, regarding this poem. First, I'd like to know if there was a reason for your decision about capitalization?
for me to become i ...What does this mean?
Thank you for being here on WDC you are an absolute asset.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1404398 by Not Available.
Dear Fyndorian,
My name is Mari and you won the package I donated. Three poetry reviews and a MB. Thank you for participating, this is my third and final review. As I am thrilled with your work, I'd like to offer you the decision to receive an Awardicon or MB.
Here are my initial thoughts about your poem "Lost Within". I enjoyed your poem. You have interesting way of expressing yourself. I quite enjoyed reading and reviewing your work.
Most enjoyed:
The North Star has been obscured
By the fog, heavy and thick,
Oozing across the valley of my mind.
Suggestions:
In the line pasted below, mismapped is actually not a word; unmapped is.
Can it penetrate
the miasma of mismapped thoughts.
As I believe in "Poetic License", it doesn't affect the scoring of this piece.
Thank you for bidding on and winning my package. It has been a pleasure sharing your poetry.
Mari
Please remember anything contained in this review is intended to be constructive. These are my opinions, take what you will and leave the rest.
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1404398 by Not Available.
Dear fyndorian,
My name is Mari and you won the package I donated. Three poetry reviews and a MB. Thank you for participating.
Here are my initial thoughts about your poem "The WDC Review"
Most enjoyed:All of it! All five stars of it!
My outer self is too busy typing a review-
praises fall from brick red skies,
and I lie
on razor edged grasses
watching my monitor grow dark,
trapping me
within.
In the ensueing darkness
five new stars glow on the horizon.
Suggestions: How could I possibly have any suggestions for improvement! You can't improve "Perfect"...
Well, I guess I did find one typo...ensuing is the correct spelling. Still rates a five in my book!
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us. I have read this piece several times because it tickled my funny bone.
I can't wait to get to the next review, hope it doesn't suck me and and leave me seeing stars.
Mari
Please remember anything contained in this review is intended to be constructive. These are my opinions, take what you will and leave the rest.
I just read your story for Ariana's contest. I think it is marvelous. I have a problem with it though. There isn't enough. I want to read more of this story. HAHA!
You have a great story started and I think it has wonderful possibilities!!
Seriously, please write more.
Welcome to WDC!
Mari
Feel free to stop by my contest...
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1443362 by Not Available.
My name is Mari and I am one of several judges for this contest.
Here are my initial thoughts about your poem "The Offender" This contest is for writings about angels and I don't see reference to angels in this poem. That said, I really enjoyed this poem. It was easy to visualize the torment the subject of this poem went through.
Most enjoyed:
Taking great pleasure at their own narration
feeling themselves in complete domination
using sweet words of manipulation,
My inner strength was their miscalculation!
I especially liked the successful ending.
Suggestions:
Remove one space between the second and third stanza.
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.
Mari
Good Luck in the contest.
Please remember anything contained in this review is intended to be constructive. These are my opinions, take what you will and leave the rest.
My name is Mari and I am one of several judges for this contest.
Here are my initial thoughts about your poem "A Real Mother At Last" A very sad story about this unloved boy's abusive beginning. My heart ached for the many children who start their lives this way.
Most enjoyed:I appreciate this poetic description of a lost boy finally realizing a mother's love. And I LOVE the mother realizing she won a tough battle.
Suggestions: I think I would revisit the punctuation contained in this piece.
Thank you for sharing your poetry with us.
Mari
Good Luck in the contest.
Please remember anything contained in this review is intended to be constructive. These are my opinions, take what you will and leave the rest.
I am ever grateful for your review. By your doing a review of my story "A Night to Remember" you filled me with the joy of knowledge by sharing yours.
In my response to your review I asked you to explain your critique in more depth. People had told me many of the same things about my writing in general. I had tried to illicit more precise explanations; until this review, I didn't get thorough answers.
After I responded to your review I clicked your link, "Expanded Power Revision Checklist".
The information you impart in this article is direct and easy to understand. Your examples are very instrumental to understanding.
Thank you for compiling all this valuable information. I personally find it exciting to finally have answers to my questions.
I have added this lesson to my billboard for easy personal reference.
I really enjoyed your lyrics,"Pink Lips And Hair So Black! I think that is a very unusual title for anything. Funny!
~*~ ~*~
Grammar: I found no grammatical errors.
~*~ ~*~
Most Liked:Did you feel the passion?
Did you feel the warmth, the joy and trust?
Or was your love a fashion,
Another trend you've based on lust?
Personal Thoughts: The entire poem is good. I would love to hear the melody that goes with it. I do think of song lyrics as poems set to music.
Write On!
Thank you,
Mari
~~~ CHECK THIS OUT ~~~
~ I Sponsor This Item ~
FORUM
Fountain of Knowledge (18+) Let your knowledge spill forth like a fountain or partake in the wisdom of those who do. #1421315 by Dee
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
~*~ ~*~
Most Liked: Tales of ghosts and houses all haunted
Did not care, he could not be daunted
She left with a huff and waited outside
Endless minutes tick by and hours collide
~*~ ~*~
Personal Thoughts: I thought this was very well done. I was immediately drawn in...good hook in your fist two lines. I personally found it both tragic and comical.
Write On!
Thank you for a most pleasurable read.
Mari
~~~ CHECK THIS OUT ~~~
~ I Sponsor This Item ~
FORUM
Fountain of Knowledge (18+) Let your knowledge spill forth like a fountain or partake in the wisdom of those who do. #1421315 by Dee
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
~*~ ~*~
Grammar: I found no grammatical errors. (of course)
~*~ ~*~
Most Liked:Father, dear father my gun makes me weary
It's too heavy a burden, why must I carry?
But then, a man walks up to me one day,
Says, 'Son, I'm going to make you famous today.'
I answer not, for I know not what to say.
'An Unknown Soldier you are and that's how it will stay.'
~*~ ~*~
Personal Thoughts: You always write so beautifully. This poem touched my heart reminding me of the soldiers sacrifice for the freedom of his/her countrymen. Thank you for touching on a subject that should be remembered no matter the person's country of origin; someone has fought for the things we have today and so easily take for granted.
Write On!
Mari
~~~ CHECK THIS OUT ~~~
~ I Sponsor This Item ~
FORUM
Fountain of Knowledge (18+) Let your knowledge spill forth like a fountain or partake in the wisdom of those who do. #1421315 by Dee
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I read your poem,"Of WDC and Drama"! I guess I have seen and felt some of the drama you speak of in your poetic plea for people to remember why they joined.
~*~ ~*~
Most Liked:I like how you incorporated some of the different genre's offered on the site.
~*~ ~*~
Suggestions: I found no corrections necessary.
~*~ ~*~
Personal Thoughts: You should write an article regarding the same subject.
Write On!
Thank you,
Mari
~~~ CHECK THIS OUT ~~~
~ I Sponsor This Item ~
FORUM
Fountain of Knowledge (18+) Let your knowledge spill forth like a fountain or partake in the wisdom of those who do. #1421315 by Dee
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
I am really impressed with your letter,"Letter From Somme"!It sounds like an actual letter from a soldier.
I could well imagine being in the battlefield seeing the sights he witnessed. I could almost smell the gunpowder. I would have hated to have gotten that letter from the view of knowing the horror my sweetheart was enduring. On the other hand the flowery parts referring to his love repeatedly would have made me feel unequivocally loved, even if he hadn't returned home.
Thank you for a wonderful read.
Maybe it's just my perception but it seems like there are a lot of commas. (I tend to overdo the comma's)
Write On!
Thank you,
Mari
~~~ CHECK THIS OUT ~~~
~ I Sponsor This Item ~
FORUM
Fountain of Knowledge (18+) Let your knowledge spill forth like a fountain or partake in the wisdom of those who do. #1421315 by Dee
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/mrs.camelot
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.31 seconds at 10:41pm on May 07, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
,
