I'm no expert on poetry, but I liked this poem. You use fairly simple language, of which I'm always a big fan, and you invoke vivid, recognizable images, which is good for us non-poetry types.
I like that these things are experienced in dreams, but I'm trying to grasp where "wishes" come in. The narrator wishes s/he could've experienced those things for real, but they can only dream about it? The title and first line makes me think more emphasis will be on "wishes" but it seems to be about dreams. That's my only nitpick.
Wow, I don't know how I hadn't found this article sooner, but it's great! Sure, I've looked at my extended statistics before, and much of it didn't make sense. This article has really made my statistics seem much clearer to me. The organization is great, the information explained in a way that is easy to understand. I never realized how much my statistics could help me, so thanks!
Nice! I think you did a good job with this prompt and good luck with the contest!
The only thing that stuck out at me was that the second paragraph was too much exposition, but obviously you needed it to get in the required prompts. But the rest of the piece moved well, gave us great information on both Faye and her admirer, and there was nothing extraneous.
Overall, great job! Write on!
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Very informative article on what happens when your upgrade runs out. I just saw a few edits:
You mean the upgrade runs out at midnight, not noon. Noon is 12:00pm in the middle of the day. 12:00am is at nighttime.
I think you mean expiration, not expiry.
And I noticed throughout the piece excessive commas are used incorrectly, as well as the word that. As in: It is giving you fair warning, that the extra benefits, that you have been receiving from your upgrade are soon to be gone. You should remove both "that"s and both commas and the sentence will be grammatically correct.
There were too many commas to point out here. Unless you want that kind of edit, then feel free to email me and I'll point them out to you, line by line.
And lastly, your information on cost for upgrades, in US dollars and gift points, needs to be updated. The price increase went into effect as of January 1, 2005.
This is a great article, full of information thousands of members see, so I'm sure you want it to be a great as possible! Hope this review helped!
A good quiz! After taking it myself, I was pleansantly surprised to see that most of us here on Writing.com are open-minded about gay/lesbian/bi-sexual relationships. I think that if a gay or lesbian or bisexual individual came across your quiz, they'd be very encouraged by the results.
Thanks for the quiz! Write on!
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What a fun quiz! Yes, this is a question I think almost every woman has asked herself atleast once in her lifetime!
I would've picked an option (if available) that gay men seem more attractive to women because they are inherantly more sensitive, more open to communication, and usually more daring.
But thanks for a thought-provoking quiz!
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I just had a question about buying Writing.com merchandise with gift points. There's a dollar amount listed for each item (i.e. T-shirts, bags, mugs, pens, etc.) but not a GP amount. Does that mean you can't buy these items with GPs?
Otherwise, this is a very informative, straightforward article that thoroughly explains gift points, how they are acquired and how to spend them.
This is a poem about a universal difficulty, writer's block. But some of it just doesn't work for me.
There's too much use of "cursor" and in the first line, it's capitalized.
2nd stanza, 2nd line, you can take out "that"
2nd stanza, 4th line is confusing, is there a typo there?
4th stanza, 2nd line, how about "running from my fingering"?
The rhyming is okay, but it's not a definite pattern. You go from an AABB, to ABBA, then CC within the first line, then DDD, and then finally, AAEE. I don't know if that's something you care about or not.
I finally got around to reading this, and it's quite good. Stan seems like a likely target for Randall Flagg and you've portrayed Flagg quite like King would. Poor Stanley! How does he live with himself at the end? I wish I could've seen the picture prompt!
The writing is technically sound, or at least I didn't find any errors or typos, and it flows quite nicely. I only have a few comments:
Your introductory description quotes a line from "The Dark Tower" series, so I was expecting something more from that world, rather than "The Stand"'s world. Unless I'm totally mistaken and confused, I don't think that line is uttered in "The Stand," even though both worlds are intertwined. For a die hard fan (like I know we both are) that makes a difference.
And the monorail you describe is from "The Dark Tower" and not "The Stand" as well. Maybe it's artistic license, but to me, it just distracts.
Sorry to be so nitpicky, but I love these two stories, as I know you do, so I want to see them done justice.
I'd love to talk DT with you anytime! Keep writing!
Wow, what a comprehensive and informative article!
I loved the history on chocolate, the facts vs. myths, and all the links were great! Have you thought about trying to submit this to a food publication?
I only saw a couple of edits:
If chocolate is stored in a warm environment too long, it will develop what is called bloom this is grayish blotches and streaks on the outside of the chocolate.
You need a period after "bloom" and then capitalize "this," or else use a dash (--) or a semi-colon after "bloom."
Something I enjoy doing, is looking for bars with Single Bean Origin. Omit comma.
Again, a great article! I learned so much! Write on!
Unfortunately, this poem didn't really do much for me. But that doesn't mean it's bad, just that it didn't appeal to me.
The first two lines rhyme, so I had expected the rest to rhyme as well, so that was a little distracting.
Visually, I like the shape the poem makes, almost like an hourglass. I don't know if that was intentional or not, but I like it.
I can tell that this is supposed to appeal to children but it's a little too nondescript for me. And the last stanza--does that mean you've eaten so much turkey that you've become a turkey?
I hope this review doesn't come across harshly, that's not my intention. I could almost see this being a children's picture book, with bright illustrations of a turkey feast, but as a poem, it just doesn't work for me.
Nice acrostic poem. I like the use of color, a very pretty, feminine touch to the poem.
Who is this girl? I'm guessing she's probably your daughter. I know this is an acrostic poem, but it really makes me want to know more about who she is, and how she touches others, so good job!
I'm assuming you're a young writer, if I'm wrong, I apologize profusely. This piece needs a lot of work.
Firstly, it's just one long paragraph of exposition. Every story needs a introduction, the body of the story, and then the ending, or conclusion. Divide your story into paragraphs, with each paragraph dealing with its own "idea." Each time something new is introduced into the story, start a new paragraph.
Most of the story is comprised of run-on sentences. You need to review the usage of periods and commas to make this piece more readable.
Your tense jumps around as well. Most stories work best in the past tense, especially if you're not as experienced with your writing.
Run a spell check and grammar check--most computers' word processing programs have both of these. It will help point out many of the errors here.
As far as the plot to your story, it would be more interesting to your readers if they knew where this "magic item" came from and how this man came to have it. It's confusing as to how the item actually works. First you say it destroys the person who uses it for evil, but then you say someone could use it to hurt many people if they wanted to.
Why does it take so long for the evil man to be punished by the "item?"
These are all things you need to think about as you write your story. You want your reader to be able to follow what you've written, to be able to "see" what you see.
Keep writing, but a good suggestion to you would be to read, read, and read some more. There are a lot of talented writers and great stories to read here on Writing.com. Most of us are more than happy to help someone with their writing.
Wow, what an asshole Mark is! I feel so badly for Carla. You did a great job with the dialogue. I especially liked how Carla started to stick up for herself, but then gave up. It really shows us how bad the situation is. And I hope the ending is the wake-up call that she so badly needs.
Just a few comments/suggestions:
I'd make "tv" capitalized: TV
He spit the coffee out across the room. would the coffee really travel across the room? Maybe he could spit it out over the counter.
He slung his mug across the room, and it shattered on the wall. there's repetition with "across the room" unless you change the sentence I suggested above. "shattered on the wall" sounds awkward to me somehow. How about something like "He slung his mug across the room; it shattered against the wall."
Otherwise, I can find nothing else to improve on this. Great job and write on!
Nice parody of "T'was the Night Before Christmas." I liked your rhyming scheme. The pastel colors, I assume, represent the dyed Easter eggs, but I think they would have more impact if you separated each stanza (and color) with a double space.
This reminds me of the story/song "Brown Cow, Brown Cow, what do you see?" from a million years ago.
My only suggestion would be maybe to get rid of the "ahhh" in the last line, because when I read it out loud, I kind of stumble over the extra syllable.
Otherwise, a very sweet children's poem! Good job and keep writing!
I liked the lesson and the rhyming behind this piece, but it was very difficult for me to get through.
I see you've got an ABC pattern going as far as the font color for each sentence, but it just doesn't work in this format. If it were written more in the poem format, rather than prose, it might work.
Much work needs to be done as far as punctuation goes. Mostly commas are needed. Try reading it out loud and if you hear a natural pause, that's probably where you need a comma.
I'd also read out loud to figure how to break each sentence into lines for stanzas. For example, you might try:
Achoo! said the Dink with a sneeze
and she gave no 'Excuse me please'.
So because she truly didn't care,
Dinkerville found her hard to bare. (which should really be "bear")
And so on, but you'd still have to rework the punctuation because the same rules don't necessarily apply to poetry as they do prose.
This is very Dr. Seuss-ish and would be very cute if your readers could get through it a little easier.
Wow, great storytelling. Very compelling, very realistic account of how vampires may have come to be.
I only saw one place for editing:
Because of this, she was not greatly desired by the men of the tribe, and when her womanly time came, none sought her as mate. How about "none sought her as a mate" or "none sought her for a mate."
Other than that, this is a great story. Great job and keep writing!
LOL, good title! Yes, you make the fixation on buttons very obvious.
Nice images, a decent job with the rhyming scheme. You were consistent with punctuation and consistent with capitalization (or lack of). I have no suggestions on how to improve this.
I actually liked this acroustic poem! You address things that all writers go through at some time or another. Even if they aren't battling unknown critics, they're always battling their own, inner critic.
The only thing that throws me off is the very first line.
If I had the strength, would I continue to write? I would think you'd say "If I didn't have the strenth, would I continue to write?" because anyone with the strength and will to write, will. It would seem if you'd lost your drive, desire, or strength, then you would really have to fight to continue to write.
But other than that nitpick, you've really done a good job with this! Keep writing!
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