This is a lovely bit of work. A person leaving this world canot offer more than this. Intensity of love between the two souls have also been depicted strongly and nicely. The last two lines were brilliant.
Don’t Stand at my grave and cry,
I’m not there, I never died.
Good! Keep on working !
Naveen Singh
( Visit me at I KILLED MY WIFE poetry ( Non E, Perhaps you need to change settings of your account for seeing Non E works, and article POWERS OF A WRITER)
I feel that the longer version is much better. The shorter one is too short. Starts and just when it was about to make an impact, it ends. Your poem has great depth in it. In some places it didn't rhyme well but the content made up for it. After all a poem isn't just about rhyming!
Mam, the article is well structured and the thoughts have been put in a convincing manner. But one thing I would like to put here is that suffering in Pakistan, today, does not involve any particular gender. Failure of a democratic system affects the whole society. Yes, the degree may differ for both the sexes. However, it is true that the structure of society of Pakistan is such that men have dominated women.
I am an Engineer from India and would be happy if situation in Pakistan improves. One request more that please don't be such disheartened. God didn't create any waste. God created women because he wanted to spread love and emotions in his world. He created this soft gender so that the strong males, if any time found themselves in distress, be supported and caressed by women. A male is too egoistic to wipe one's tears. It is only a woman who does so. Her inner beauty consoles him. Today a woman not only supports a man emotionally but financially too in every walks of life.
Mam, God didn't create a waste. He created a beauty. It is that his some disciples are unable to understand or recognize it. They too would suffer in some form or the other. Be Optimistic! If women like you are there then a difference would surely be made.
This is a good piece of work mam.( If I am addressing you correctly).
Love lost brings a lot of pain. I enjoyed reading you. Filled with emotions it touched me deep inside.
Quite an emotional and touchy piece of poetry with the use of well crafted words. Starting was marvelous
"On world of water around me,
I see couples drown in it,
But that water only wets me.
As i stay afloat."
You carried on further with remarkable beauty. In the middle you once again impressed with " Fiction is strange,
But facts are stronger.
Hand is meant to hold,
But not only another hand."
I would say you succeeded in retaining reader's interest.
Nice depiction of thoughts. The poetry successfully delivers the pain of the lonely lady to the readers. Sometimes wait can be quite painful and frustrating. Altogether a good work.
A very good poem sir. Beautiful depiction of a human beings life which yearns for wordly pleasures. But it is true that fruits of hard labour are more enjoyable than success by mere chance. A thirsty throat tastes water through every drop. Pain makes pleasure more desirable. Loss makes gain respectable. Hate always makes way for love. Learning through mistakes is always fruitful.
After all we admire beauty only because we know ugliness.
And we respect our life because we are aware of the harsh reality of death.
Nice message in simple words . And that's the work of a poet ! You delivered on that front.
Nice piece of work. Presents the dark side of our life with the anticipation of a fresh beginning with every end. Few words used to deliver a nice content.
A Very good poem maam. Depicts the importance of relationships in a human being's life. We should learn from our mistakes of the past not carry them forward.
I truly enjoyed it.
A very good poem sir. Infact your work and my poem I KILLED MY WIFE resemble a bit as both talk about strained relationships and discontented personalities.
Nice use of words and nice depiction of emotions.
A very good poem. Not because the poet seems uninterested in his work but because it depicts that most of us are in wrong careers. Yes this is amazing but true that most of us work only to be paid. A normal human never realises his potential and is unawares of his area of excellence. Result is we never seem to get into our jobs. Blinded by this simple fact we just move on.
Naveen Singh
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