*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nightgirl
Review Requests: OFF
95 Public Reviews Given
105 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Swift  
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Books1* Hello CeruleanSon *Reading*


The concerns and opinions I express in this review are only mine. If you have any questions or concerns with my review or would like to request a re review after editing has taken place, please don’t hesitate to email me.




*ExclaimB* At a first glance

*BurstR* The Swift
The name doesn’t give too much away on this one… the swift could mean so much. It’s a good strong title, and I will later remark on how it works with the story itself.

*BurstO* The description introduces the superhero a villain. Now I know that I am going to be reading about a superhero and I will find out more soon. I like that you let the reader know right away, as some of them will love to read it and some of them will not want to read it. GOOD JOB!

*BurstY* I like the selection: short story, stemepunk. Is there another description that you could give here? There has to be something else that this fits under? I’ve never heard of the description stemepunk as a genre. IS there more information you can give me on this?

*Burstg* I really like the picture. Did you write the story around this picture or find a picture for this story?



*ExclaimV* As I read


*BurstR* Right from the first line I know the swift is the superhero. I wonder how he got his name… I love the details we get in the first paragraph. I can now see the character. I see the roof top and my imagination takes me to him. I really love how descriptive you are with the character and what he is doing. GREAT JOB. This really does grab the reader and take them into the story, an established hook.

*BurstO* When I start reading I’m already in the action. The superhero is checking himself for injury. You take the reader right into the hero’s mind and let us know what we just missed. My only suggestion is I want to feel his fear. Reading through the first few paragraphs I know that he has fear and panic, but you don’t express his emotions. He wants to get the two people back one being his fiancé but I don’t get the feelings and I think this would be a great addition to the story. I need to feel for the character.


*BurstY* We go from just The Swift to now you are introducing the ground man Reggie. You do a quick and hasty introduction of him. I love now that we are getting more than just the hero, but I want to know more about Reg and I want to feel the fear and panic when he doesn’t respond… Another idea if you expand the story is by switching perspectives (If you don’t) to tell the story from the other eyes. What did all of this look like to them?

*Burstg* I like the conversation. I could hear it in my head. I would just suggest adding descriptive words to help the reader hear them. It was a realistic conversation given the situation at hand.

*Burstb* I JUST LOVE when you introduce the villain. I can hear him, and you add those descriptive words which make it to where the reader can put themselves into the story. This really helped your story a lot.

*Burstv* I love the description when you save his fiancé and how you make everything feel like it is happening at a fast past but the reader doesn’t feel like their rushing through the words. You did a really good job with the ending from that point on.


*ExclaimG* Upon Completion


*BurstR* This story had a lot of great points and awesomeness too it. I want to read more toward the end. Awesome attempt, and I think with some revisions and emotions you can really have a GREAT AMAZING read.

*BurstO* I love how you ended this… perhaps and thoughtful thinking. Makes the reader question what is going to happen next… did you write more?

*BurstY* My suggestion is that I would love to read more and I would love to read from the different perspectives. This is one story that you could write 5 different ways and it wouldn’t be repetitive.

*Burstg* This is a great story, with a lot of interesting thoughts. I love superheros so this was a great read for that reason. I can’t wait to read more about these characters if you have more.



THANK you for sharing this with the viewers of WDC!


Rebecca (nightgirl)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Books1* Hello Max Griffin 🏳️‍🌈 *Reading*

On a side note I love your username. I’m a math teacher 


The concerns and opinions I express in this review are only mine. If you have any questions are concerns with my review or would like to request a re review after editing has taken place, please don’t hesitate to email me.




*ExclaimB* At a first glance

*BurstR* An Ordinary Day in June
Well it’s not June, but I think it will be okay. I like the name… but it makes me think that there is going to be something very not ‘ordinary’ to happen.

*BurstO* I like the description. They share their stories, normal family thing to do, but they have secrets… interesting. Are they hiding the fact that they are not ordinary… and then there is the mention of a date… JUNE 3rd. Is this important to the writer, characters, what is June 3rd….

*BurstY* I like the selection: short story, Gothic. Is there another description that you could give here? There has to be something else that this fits under?

*Burstg* I really like the picture, but I’m confused on how it is going to relate to the story… A bridge… HMMMMMM I wonder.



*ExclaimV* As I read


*BurstR* From the firs line, we are right inside the head of the main character, or that’s my assumption. We hear their way of thinking, their way of talking. We really get to know something about her with this approach. A great introduction to you story. Really leaves the reader wanting to keep reading to find out more information.

*BurstO* The second paragraph loses the reader a little bit, I’m wondering if this could have been given over a period of words and dialogue. Are we really going to need to know so much about the job at the factory? Does this having something to do with the overall story? What purpose does these words have?


*BurstY* You introduce us to Tommy, but I’m curious. Why was she afraid of him? Why did she consider her answer? Why did she justify that he was just ‘playing’. Why did she think about the bruises? I’m really concerned for her, and I want to know what I’m missing.

*Burstg* The way this family reacts. It radiates a secret and something hiding. Mom wants to know, brother kind of mentions. Dad doesn’t care. I think this is interesting. I like how this is all coming out in a causal read. I’m learning about all 4 of them, and I’m enjoying it.

*Burstb* I don’t like the ending, I wanted more. I get that she knew him. I get that she must have loved him. But I wanted more about their story. I wanted to know more about why he would do that, and what went through her head. I really want to know more.


*ExclaimG* Upon Completion


*BurstR* I really got to know the outside looking in view of all the characters. I didn’t really get to know the characters though. As I look back there was so much I was missing, and so much that wasn’t told. This was full of half-truths a secrets.

*BurstO* I like how you ended it with her throwing flowers in the water, but why? And what did they throw in the time before. The reader is left with too many questions.

*BurstY* The story was interesting to read, full of suspense and was really written very well. I really enjoyed reading it.




THANK you for sharing this with the viewers of WDC!


Rebecca (nightgirl)

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review of The 13th Bureau  
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
*Books1* Hello Author Ed Anderson *Reading*


The concerns and opinions I express in this review are only mine. If you have any questions are concerns with my review or would like to request a re review after editing has taken place, please don’t hesitate to email me.




*ExclaimB* At a first glance

*BurstR* The 13th Bureau
I like this name. I’m thinking FBI at the very beginning, but that’s an assumption. The title itself is not CATCHY. But it is enough of a title that it doesn’t turn the reader away from the story.

*BurstO* 2 old ladies… That could be offensive to some. I would suggest spelling out the word TWO instead of typing 2. You have me interested when you mention that these two somehow stop a nuclear attack.

*BurstY* I like the selection: Action/Adventure, Crime/Gangster, contest entry. I know that I’m going to interested into the story based on these. I also know that you had a purpose when you wrote this.

*Burstg* I really like the picture. It adds to the description and really lets the reader have a visual over the characters.



*ExclaimV* As I read


*BurstR* The first paragraph starts off with the dialogue and the interesting dynamics of the two’s relationship. I’m assuming that the two are the ladies from the description. I also found out that the two live together. So I’m interested in that, and the story behind it. I’m also visualizing a house full of lamps from the reaction of the characters.

*BurstO* I love that by the second paragraph I know both of the characters names. This is really important to really get to know the characters. I can’t wait to find out more about them… worry, hardship, back story.

*BurstY* Helen and I were spies for a secret government agency called The 13th Bureau. It was kept a secret because we had higher clearance than everybody else in the world, on par with the President.
I like this, and that the story is happening fast. You’re not dragging out the introduction. My suggestion is that this feels like you are telling me… I want to see it and discover it on my own. Maybe have the note for the reader to see, and have that information in there. Some conversation about it…

*Burstg* I noticed some errors. Like starting a paragraph with the word so… Just a few things I would look into. Word choice is very important for the reader. And this story starts to get fast passed, which is a good thing, but the word choice can slow down the reader.

*Burstb* I started getting confused with the word main character. This is first person… and then you are switching between Helen and Judy. The first paragraph I is speaking to Helen and in the second paragraph I is speaking to Judy… so who is I?
This happens throughout the story from time to time… makes the reading hard for the reader.

*Burstv* I felt that we hit the climax at discovering who was about to blow up the world order, but then the rest just goes quick. Almost like you hit your word limit? The climax shouldn’t be the end….


*ExclaimG* Upon Completion


*BurstR* I WANTED SO MUCH MORE. I felt like the story was quick, rushed and had so much potenetial. I want to know more about the ladies. I want to know more about how they got their job and how they kept it…

*BurstO* I like that you left a cliff hanger and left the reader wanting more. I think that the eclipse showed that the story had so much more to offer. Makes the reader want to find the next part… what happens? How can we find out?

*BurstY* I feel like there should have been more character development. The first two paragraphs were so promising and then… nothing.

*Burstg* This is a great story, with a lot of interesting thoughts. I could really see this becoming so much more. It just needs to be toned up, elaborated, and drawn out.



THANK you for sharing this with the viewers of WDC!


Rebecca (nightgirl)

This is a review for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Springtime Review RAID Review!


*Books1* Hello w0lfbane *Reading*


The concerns and opinions I express in this review are only mine. If you have any questions are concerns with my review or would like to request a re review after editing has taken place, please don’t hesitate to email me.




*ExclaimB* At a first glance

*BurstR* Eyes of the Insects
An interesting title. The eyes of the insects. What do they see? How do they see? This makes it sound like we will be seeing through their eyes. An interesting concept for a poem. This title makes me want to read, so that maybe I can see through the eyes of the insects. Great title.

*BurstO* The description seconds my thoughts on the title. We are going to be reading this poem through the eyes of an or multiple insects. I like this, and I like how you add the part about ‘us’ not even being aware of these creatures.

*BurstY* I like the selection: environment and Home/Garden. I don’t so much like the idea of Other as a genre. Is there really no other? I feel that such a great poem should have more selections to go with it. Fictional? Fantasy? Contest Entrée?


*ExclaimV* As I read


*BurstR* Make your title different the poem. Larger, bolder, colorful. I think this would make it feel like it isn’t just a line in your poem. I think this could also make a better visual appeal to your poem.

*BurstO* Right from the start, I feel the imagery. I’m excited because that’s what I really love about poems. I feel like I’m a part of the insect gang as ‘they’ write this including myself. Right from the start ‘down on the ground’ makes me want to look down at my own feet and see if there is anything down on the ground.

*BurstY* The second part has me in chase, and it’s very fast pace. I had to go back twice to reread for a better understanding of what was happening. I like how you are no longer on the ground. Did we switch insects? I like how you hitch a ride. I love how I can really see the events playing out.

*Burstg* The last line made me smiled. I want add it here in case someone reads this before reading your poem. This was a really interesting poem.

*Burstb* Now I feel like all these parts all had one insect in mind. I wish I would have realized this sooner. This does make me want to go back and reread, but I feel that some indication that there is one insect that is the ‘main’ would be better for the reader.

*ExclaimG* Upon Completion


*BurstR* I love poems for their imagery and deepness. Where this one did have the imagery there was a lacking deepness to it. This was a light hearted poem, so the deepness really couldn’t be added, but I would have liked one moment that there is a realization that these creatures are real because for the most part I felt like I was reading a child’s story.

*BurstO* I like how the one insect has many different stories to tell. How we go from on the ground, to in the air, on a dog, in a bottle.

*BurstY* My only suggestion is for there to be more descriptions. What kind of insect was this? How would we know?


THANK you for sharing this with the viewers of WDC!


Rebecca (nightgirl)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

This is an "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Springtime Review RAID Review!


*Books1* Hello Sewcrazy Again 🤗 *Reading*


The concerns and opinions I express in this review are only mine. If you have any questions are concerns with my review or would like to request a re review after editing has taken place, please don’t hesitate to email me.




*ExclaimB* At a first glance

*BurstR* Sunshine and the Strawberry Stand
Happy title. Doesn’t make me question what your writing about, but does make me want to read to be happy. Who isn’t happy about sunshine and strawberries? The only thing that could be misleading is the sunshine. Is it a name or the actual sunshine?

*BurstO* I know from the description that the characters are poppy and sunshine. I know that sunshine seems to be a kind hearted person (I’m assuming a child). She wants to share all of poppy extra strawberries. This description really gives me the idea of what to expect in the story.

*BurstY* I like the selection: children’s, comedy, friendship. This really keeps me thinking that sunshine is a kind hearted child. I’m interested to see the comedy, because this one was a surprise. I wasn’t expecting that, but it makes more interested in reading to find the comedy.

*Burstg* I love the picture you have available. This really helps the reader get ready for the read and makes the story more visually appealing to the potential readers.


*ExclaimV* As I read


*BurstR* I am confused by the first two sentences. Are these part of the story? Or are these an introduction to the story. Changing the font, color might make this easier for the reader to see that it is different. It threw me off when I first started reading, and I think you would have more readers if you make this noticeable. It would also bring more visual appeal to your story.

*BurstO* I like the visual imagery I get with the first few lines. I see a young girl ‘climbing’ into her chair. So I’m seeing a young girl who is too short for her chair, climbing. I also see her happy grandma serving breakfast. A perfect image. I also love how you make her sentences short, more child like. It made me race through her words like a child was really saying them.

*BurstY* A girl’s dream becomes a reality. Interesting that the grandparents are so happy to help her. I find the conversation very real. I could see everything happening before me.

*Burstg* I love the amount of friendship that is going on. I love how easy this is to read. It is very child friendly. I want to print it off and let my daughter read it. I really think it’s right at her level and I feel she would enjoy reading it. This is great! I can find it appealing to multiple children in different situations.

*Burstb* I love how the message here is very strong. For each reader it will be different, but one of my favorite parts of a child story is that there is a clear message.

*ExclaimG* Upon Completion


*BurstR* I like how this was a very childlike story. The story was full of innocence and happiness. I really loved the ways the characters interacted. I could see this being a children’s story with pictures and smiling faces.

*BurstO* I like how you didn’t drag out the interactions. In some stories I need more, but in this one it was simple and easy to follow. It really made to story into what it was. A children story, possible a future children book.

*BurstY* My only suggestion is the comedy. This is not a comedy. It makes the reader smile, but not laugh. I think you should change that in the genre section.


THANK you for sharing this with the viewers of WDC!


Rebecca (nightgirl)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of MY MISTAKE  
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Books1* Hello Nbnelson2 *Reading*


The concerns and opinions I express in this review are only mine. If you have any questions are concerns with my review or would like to request a re review after editing has taken place, please don’t hesitate to email me.




*ExclaimB* At a first glance


*BurstR* A mistake… hmmm. Your mistake? This is really interesting because I’m not sure what to think. What kind of mistake? Will there be a happy ending? I know of lots of mistakes, but the title brings questions to the reader.

*BurstO* The description lets the viewer know that the mistake must involve love. That’s one of the biggest mistakes many people make… love. Is this a good mistake? A bad mistake? Right now, before I read, I’m assuming that this will be a bad mistake. I’m curious to know what happened. What was the mistake. This is making me want to read your poem.

*BurstY* I like how you let us know that this is a poem and that it will be an emotional poem. I’m reading and prepared now for an emotional read about love and a mistake.

*Burstg* You have a good selection of genres available for the reader to be able to find your poem. I really like that… I think that the easier a writing is to find, the better the chance that you will have it read/reviewed.


*ExclaimV* As I read


*BurstR* My mistake was not in loving you This is the first line, as you probably already know, it’s a gripping line. So the mistake was not to love someone… this leads me to question what was the mistake? Was it losing them? Letting someone go? I like how you write to the reader, but you’re really writing to the person who, what I’m thinking, never read this.

*BurstO* irrevocably I love how you are using this word. I love that you used this word…. Thumbs up for word choice. (my husband read it over my shoulder and he also said that he liked the word there. It really makes an impact on the poem)

*BurstY* I really like how you start the poem off by telling the reader what the mistake was not. The mistake was not loving you…. The mistake was not being myself… really grabs at the reader. We are asking ourselves… then what was the mistake?

*Burstg* Once you bring up the insurance policy, money, and England. I’m starting to question what the situation was. This couldn’t be normal love. How old is the poem writer? What mistakes they have made, without owning up to the mistakes that they have made. The reader is now thinking… but that sounds like a mistake.

*Burstb* I like how the writer states that the mistakes (because that is what they were) were what made the poet into who they are. Without their life experiences they wouldn’t have their child (daughter) and they wouldn’t be writing this. So their mistakes they can’t claim as mistakes because they are what shaped the poet into the person they became (and this makes the reader have the assumption that even though there was a lot of mistakes that the poet is satisfied with the way their life turned out.)

*Burstv* My mistake was that I thought
You'd love me too.

This is where the reader has to sit back and reread. This is what the poet was leading the reader toward. I really think those lines are so strong. The entire poem was leading up to the mistake…


*ExclaimG* Upon Completion


*BurstR* I really like how the reader is grabbed, brought into a poem. Once reading the poem the reader is becoming frustrated with the poet… then when the last lines are read the heart of the reader sinks. It really causes the reader to go back and reread everything. Makes the reader question… was the love always one sided? How did the poet not realize? How long did it take for the poet to realize?

*BurstO* I think playing with the layout of the poem could make the poem more visually appealing. Maybe alternating where the lines start, maybe centering it. Changing which lines are grouped together. Very nice poem though. Really a great job. I am glad that I happened upon this poem.


THANK you for sharing this with the viewers of WDC!



Rebecca (nightgirl)
This review is for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*Books1* Hello Tim Chiu *Reading*


The concerns and opinions I express in this review are only mine. If you have any questions are concerns with my review or would like to request a re review after editing has taken place, please don’t hesitate to email me.




*ExclaimB* At a first glance


*BurstR* The title is very funny! I really like it. Really grabs my attention, makes me smile. This leads the reader to believe that this is going to be a funny read!

*BurstO* Once you read the description, I now know that this is going to be a funny poem. I know that the title and the description go together, making me interested on how funny and fun we are talking.

*BurstY* I like how you let us know that this is a poem and that there are animals involved.

*Burstg* You have a good selection of genres available for the reader to be able to find your poem. I really like that… I think that the easier a writing is to find, the better the chance that you will have it read/reviewed.


*ExclaimV* As I read


*BurstR* Feeling jazzed, this is a very interesting first line. I really like it… what is jazzed? Now I want to read to find out more information about jazzed and what this must be.

*BurstO* herky-jerky I like how you have incorporated the title right from the start. This makes a connection, and it really does make the reader smile.

*BurstY* Can’t pass any sobriety test This REALLY made me smile. I’m trying to imagine a turkey passing a sobriety test. The imagery here is amazing. I’m really finding the use of words amazing to convey the image.

*Burstg* It’s sad, but true, for every meal
Eaten by our thoughtless kind,
These meaty birds cannot conceal
The worth for which they’re raised, designed.

This last section, took my excitement and laughter away. You really touch the reader with the “thoughtless kind” comment. How much we have changed our goals and reasoning in the last century. What would be the thoughtful way to survive? We have always killed for survival, but is the author suggesting that our killing is no longer for survival? Is the sport of killing becoming a part of thanksgiving? I think this really brought questions to the reader (or at least me) Which replaced the smile I had with a thoughtful look. (the good news for that, the harder I think the longer your poem will last with me)


*ExclaimG* Upon Completion

*BurstR* Really a suburb job. I really love the imagery you cast for the reader. I feel like I can see the turkey and the events happen.

*BurstO* I don’t have a suggestion for you. I really enjoyed reading this. It makes me want to read more of what you have to offer.



THANK you for sharing this with the viewers of WDC!


Rebecca (nightgirl)
This review is for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)


Author: mirror

Title: "The day the tree came alive" 


*Boxcheck*Before I read: Your title is very straight forward. There is the whole story right there in the title… This is a long wordy approach to a title. Something more personal to the tree might be a bit catchier and get you more views? Adding genres is a great way to get readers as well. Let the readers know what they are stepping into when they open your story.

Plot/Theme: The trees are dead, the woman forced to see her pride as the fault. The pain and heartache, the fear and the blame. A lot of emotion for such a short writing.

After I read: First suggestion. Show instead of tell. Let us see her, the flow of her hair, the flair in her eyes. Let us envision her shock and fear, her love and passion.
I really feel for the poetic lines in the second paragraph. A great start.

*Heart*Just My Personal Opinion: This is a great start to a story. More back history, more character development. More plot. I think you have something here. You only need to home it and help it grow.

~Nightgirl~
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review of Care Giving Dog  
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


*Star**SnowMan**CandyCaneR* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*Books3* Title: "Care Giving Dog" 

*XMasTree* Author: DominantMind

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.


*Boxcheck**Snowman* Before I read: *Thumbsup* Great job on the title, really brings the reader in! You have a good choice in rating and interesting? selection of genres.

*Pencil**GingerBread* Plot/Theme: Wow, starting with a statement, that might take some men aback. Writing like this may gain you many readers but beware of the readers you may lose by pushing them away with the first line!

Wow, a moment I need to reflect over this! The beauty of it so unexpected by the first line! I really have chills as I fished reading this. I felt like I was the dog, there watching them go. How smart that dog must be and such a hard job for him as well.

Character: That is a twist, not a person in fact the main character is a dog? Great choice though. I really feel like I got to know him. I got to see the children he loved through his eyes. I got to see what he endures through his eyes. I think this was a great pick for this story and really accomplished everything very well.

Dialogue: Great dialogue, the children telling their stories and letting the dog know. Because a dog is the one ‘person’ you can tell all your secrets too and they never be told. A true loyal friend.

Setting: Just a touch of setting, but the setting really rested in the dogs heart and we got to know that very well. I’m glad I had the chance to read this.

Word choices: Myriad! A great word! Learn something new every day. I really like this word you have picked here to describe their imagination.


*Pen**XMasTree* Grammar: Great job. *Heart* I didn’t notice a single mistake. *Thumbsup*


*Heart**StockingV* Just My Personal Opinion: A great story, that I wanted to continue on and on and on. I wanted to know each child that this dog knew. I wanted to hear their story. Too many times children are taken from this word! I’m glad that you have written this, even if its not true!

Thank you so much for sharing this with the readers of WDC so that I would have the chance to read this today!


“Be positive! Write more! Read more!
Rebecca (nightgirl)


Reviewing for "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review me list!!!

10
10
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


*Star**SnowMan**CandyCaneR* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*Books3* Title: "Ghosts of the Past" 

*XMasTree* Author: David McClain

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.


*Boxcheck**Snowman* Before I read: *Thumbsup* Great job on the title, really brings the reader in! You have a good choice in rating and a great selection of genres.

*Pencil**GingerBread* Plot/Theme: War, the pain of war. The life of war. The changes war makes on those inflicted. The lives that change forever because of what happens in war. All of this is represented here in this poem. Everything here is laid out poetic and perfect making something so hard to read and relate to that much easier to relate to. You have master the art of brining forth the perfect missing bless of war.

Word choice: Foliage, who would think to use such a unique word. Awesome job on the word choice in this poem! Bugle! *Smile* great words to add to my own choice of words. Great job with this. Very inspiring in word choice. Very descriptive words.

You can even make death, a bloody death sound so poetic. Pretty lights in the same line as spewing bloody death. Skills! I really feel the poem here! The beauty of the not so beauty. Bullets dance! Wow, very poetic. I just can’t get over the word choice and phrasing of this poem.


*Pen**XMasTree* Grammar: I did not notice any problems here. You have a great poem here.


*Heart**stocking* Just My Personal Opinion: Reading should take you on a journey. Place you in the hands of another soul! You should no longer be reading the pages (or computer) you should be in the action feeling the pain! You have done this. You have given us a vivid description, you have given us the mindset of this person! As a American I was surprised by the ending, but even those we inflict pain on must suffer as well. What war was this from?

Thanks so much for sharing this. I’m glad that I was given the opportunity to read something so… beautifully written.


“Another year! Older and wiser!”
Rebecca (nightgirl)


*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
11
11
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Star**SnowMan**CandyCaneR* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*Books3* Title: "Invalid Item" 

*XMasTree* Author: Moarzjasac

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.


*Boxcheck**Snowman* Before I read: Great job on title and rating as well as on the genre selection!!!

*Pencil**GingerBread* Plot/Theme: Change over time, great way of showing this in the character and giving them more angels. A great story about how change is not always for the better, what horror has happened to the earth that the ‘wise’ now see? How much has changed. What they undesrand through experience that the ‘new’ generation will never get to see and experience.

Character: Use of word Sprit confuses the reader right at the beginning… I see that your characters are still very much alive. I want to know more about them, and their life…. A life means something to so many, what was the life that this character had?

Setting: December! A lot happens in December. Use of words like a place called… are we talking with aliens? I think that the setting could use some more, even if just through compare and contrast. I really wanted to feel that I was there with the man and the grandchildren, but I don’t know much about the setting and the characters.


*Pen**XMasTree* Grammar: I didn’t notice any problems here! Great job!!!!


*Heart**stocking* Just My Personal Opinion: great writing! I really have enjoyed the time in your port getting to know you, or your character. So much is going on your chracters mind and so much is happening. I have really enjoyed this time and hope to visit you again soon.

Thank you for sharing with the readers of WDC all that you have to share.


“Writing is done for the inner self!”
Rebecca (nightgirl)

*Gingerbread**Snowman**Xmastree**Heart* This has been a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Raid review



12
12
Review of A Conversation  
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


*Star**SnowMan**CandyCaneR* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*Books3* Title: "Visions and Illusions" 

*XMasTree* Author: ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.


*Boxcheck**Snowman* Before I read: Great job on all ‘three’! Title, rating, and genre selection! *Thumbsup*

*Pencil**GingerBread* Plot/Theme: Spiritual? Lovely. No qustions were answered, more questions will be asked! Something so simple, written in only dialogue, can just open up that many doors to more questions we may have never intended to ask. A story that works perfectly in dailouge, because of the need of unanswered questions. Fate! The word that was missing from your dialogue.

Your characters, God? The universe? Angels? Earth? Whom was your characters? What were they discussing? How did you dream them up? So much to wonder from this dialogue… so much to ask.


*Pen**XMasTree* Grammar: I didn’t notice anything! Great job on grammar!


*Heart**stocking* Just My Personal Opinion: I’m not sure… as I sit here writing this review I’m still reflecting over the words I read! As I sit here, I’m asking more questions! The mind is a crazy and hectic place to be!

You have an awesome dialogue work here. Something that will rest in the hearts and minds of your readers! You are very talented!

Thank you for sharing with the readers of WDC and with me!


“Writing is done for the inner self!”
Rebecca (nightgirl)

*Gingerbread**Snowman**Xmastree**Heart* This has been a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Raid review

13
13
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)


*Star**SnowMan**CandyCaneR* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*Books3* Title: "Visions and Illusions" 

*XMasTree* Author: ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.


*Boxcheck**Snowman* Before I read: Great job on all ‘three’! Title, rating, and genre selection! *Thumbsup*

*Pencil**GingerBread* Plot/Theme: I’m not sure where to begin here! At first I thought it may have been a nature poem, because in it there are signs of nature poem themes! Sun setting in the horizon, waves, etc! But then age and wisdom came to play, so was it maybe also a rest in piece let the end come poem? Or maybe even a living poem, because here we are alive and well and why worry about the things that we do not know? Curiosity rest in each of our souls, but here it was expressed!

You see the problems that I am having? I’m not sure what is happening or where this poem was intended to go. The ending lines didn’t much fulfill my own curiosity over the theme of this poem in particular. It was a great poem, but left many questions in my mind…


*Pen**XMasTree* Grammar: A great poem, not sure the type or the rules of the type! Not going off that, this was a awesome poem and I really enjoyed it. Great job.


*Heart**stocking* Just My Personal Opinion: Wonderful! Poetic! Dreamful! Impressive! Lovely! Mind-engaging! WOW! I can’t help but be taken back by the words on the page as I read them… how simple but yet that poem was! Thank you for sharing it with us.


“Writing is done for the inner self!”
Rebecca (nightgirl)

*Gingerbread**Snowman**Xmastree**Heart* This has been a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Raid review

14
14
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


*Star**SnowMan**CandyCaneR* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*Books3* Title: "The Room in Goose Creek Farmhouse " 

*XMasTree* Author: ChrisDaltro-Chasing Moonbeams

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.


*Boxcheck**Snowman* Before I read: Great job on all ‘three’! Title, rating, and genre selection! *Thumbsup*

*Pencil**GingerBread* Plot/Theme: Horror, mystery, ghost! Wow such a collection of events to happen inside of a dialogue strictly story. I can only imagine how amazing this piece would be if you changed and adapted it to include words outside of simple everyday dialogue. This was an amazing piece of writing. I love short stories, and this would make the perfect short story if you ever did decide to rewrite and adapt it to serve such purposes!

Your two characters were very believable and their dialogue/voice was also very believable. I like how you have much of the story through questions and answers! Something so strange to me, but you did it with great ease!

Setting is a little harder to judge here, because of the fact that is all through dialogue and this is why I think adapting it will really achieve more for the story. Especially the ending!

*Pen**XMasTree* Grammar: There wasn’t really anything here that I noticed. I think thought that more dialogue in some of the sentences, especially at the very ending would have been great!

*Heart**stocking* Just My Personal Opinion: Thank you for sharing this with the viewers on WDC! I really enjoyed reading this, and even looked over my shoulder at the end. Chills were definitely established. I only wish I would have known more about the ghost whatever it was that was in the room… I wanted more and was sad to see the ending come so soon. If you ever change or adapt this please let me know!!!!

“Writing is done for the inner self!”
Rebecca (nightgirl)

*Gingerbread**Snowman**Xmastree**Heart* This has been a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Raid review

15
15
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Star**SnowMan**CandyCaneR* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!!



*Books3* Title: "Responsibility Not Skated On" 

*XMasTree* Author: Noelle ~ TY Anon!

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.


*Boxcheck**Snowman* Before I read: Interesting title, really gives the story away before they ever get to read it.Good selection of genres and rating as well.

*Pencil**GingerBread* Plot/Theme: Wow! A interesting story written mostly in dialogue in very short use of words. A interesting story with so many different possibilities. What will happen to these characters? Will he stay to help? Will he leave when it all becomes to much. This is left for the reader to interpret, and most will hope for the story book ending. The perfect family, a little too soon. Some will hope for the opposite, because sometimes forcing love is killing the results of said love. A very interesting story and I’m glad I read it. If you ever write more on this subject please let me know.

*Pen**XMasTree* Grammar: There wasn’t really anything here that I noticed. You did a great job with this little bunch of dialogue. Only suggestions, make it longer.

*Heart**stocking* Just My Personal Opinion: I’m glad I read this, and took the time to comment on it. This is a very interesting story that I can see myself gettining into. I wish it was longer and that I could get to know the characters more and really think about the future that they may hold. Thank you for sharing this with the readers of WDC and please do let me know if you ever decide to write more.

“Writing is done for the inner self!”
Rebecca (nightgirl)

*Gingerbread**Snowman**Xmastree**Heart* This has been a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  Raid review

16
16
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
*Star**Star**Star* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Star**Star**Star*


*book* Title: "What Child is This?" 

Author: Misawa

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.

Before I read Great title, really get the reader into the mindset of the poem with this title. Great job. *Heart* Very good on content rating and genre selection as well as brief description. “Fits it to a T.” *Smile* *Thumbsup*

Plot/Theme: The title of the poem says it all What Child is This? A very effective way of describing the poem and getting the Theme in. *Heart* Very touching, earth shattering, and effective poem. At times I was lost in the heart and emotion of the poem that I wasn’t sure what I should feel for whom. Great job.

Grammar: I’m not a stickler for this and so most the time I don’t notice much, but I didn’t nocie anything here. You use a lot of old terms in this poem, and a lot of old reflections which really just adds to the voice of your poem, but can be hard to work with. You did a great job implementing the words into the poem effectively.

*Heart* Just My Personal Opinion: A great heartfelt poem. The truth in this is unimaginable but yet life. Great job brining this to the readers eyes and heart in such a artistic and effective way. *Heart*

“Another year you made it, another you gain”
Rebecca (nightgirl)
17
17
Review of Tonight  
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *CakeP*
*Star**Star**Star* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Star**Star**Star*


*book* Title: "Tonight" 
Author: Keyverse

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.

Before I read Great title, it really gets the reader ready to read your story. *Heart* Great rating and selection of genres. I like your poem format it is easy to read and follow. 5

Plot/Theme: A good theme of romance and just loving eachother in the moment. Knowing that tomorrow can bring heart break, but as long as your with the person you love right here and now it is all that matters.

Characters: Alright, so I am commenting on this because you do have characters. You have a couple. The narrator and the narrators love. Its very nice reading about the love that feels like it can last forever, but the truth that tomorrow can bring anything! I really like the narrator and their voice and the way they see their love and their night. 4

Grammar: I didn’t see anything. Great JOB 5

*Heart* Just My Personal Opinion: I really enjoyed your pome, and it was something that I could read more than once. I felt for your characters and their future and I hoped with them that the night would last forever. What could be better then true love, when its all that matters in the world?

“Another year you made it, another you gain”
Rebecca (nightgirl)
18
18
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Review For "Invalid Item" 
*Star**Star**Star* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Star**Star**Star*



Title: "The Path I've Walked chapter 2" 

Author: Digi~Kitsunekin

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.



Before I read: Great title. Good rating. Just a suggestion: Maybe adding genres would help get your book more views. I know that a book is hard to get reviewed, but any little thing can help. Also have you tried to get into a novel writing group? Where you read other peoples novels and they all read your novels? Might be something for you to look into if you haven’t. Another thing before I start reading. For reader appeal and for being a act of kindness to the readers on WDC it is always nice and friendly action to space your paragraphs. It makes it easier on the readers eye and for the reviewer if they do a paragraph by paragraph review. 3


Plot: Alright, so I didn’t’ read the first chapter, but I wasn’t that lost. Not a lot happened in this chapter and I’m not sure what your overall plot is. I’m sure you are still establishing character and setting. I think that this chapter was a bit slow, I felt that something more could have happened, but I don’t know much about your story here so I can’t make any suggestions. 5



Scene/Setting: Unless your character will be living in the hopstial for sometime I don’t see the point in describing it in grave detail unless it closely releated to your character, but you don’t give much description at all and that is fine. A few things that concerned me though is that we didn’t even know that the main character had a roommate until he spoke (will this roommate have importance to the story). Rule of thumb for a novel especialy in the early chapters is that every character and setting have a importance to the story that your unraveling. So if this character is never mentioned again , maybe it would be better to omit this? 4


Characters: I like your character. And you have a lot of descriptions. A few problems I had with the use of description in this chapter was the grave detail you went to explain the farriers. I just felt that some of what was happening could have been incorporated into the story instead of just thrown out at the reader at once. I think that have the story unravel by walking, and touching, feeling, and listing that the characters may seem more real to the reader. 3


Grammar: I’m not very good at grammar. A few of the things I noticed I have mentioned below. But other then that it looks good. 4


*Heart* Just My Personal Opinion: I realy like this chapter. I feel that you have a very interesting story here and with much love and care it can becomes something more. I really do like it and if I get the chance I would love to read more about it. Thank you for taking the time to share this with us here on WDC and the power reviewrs. *Heart*


19/5 = 3.8 ^ 4.0
“Writing is a life style not a hobby.”
Rebecca (nightgirl)





Paragraph one sleeping in some pretty This is not a good use of description word, maybe try using a different word? uncomfortable looking again not a well picked word choice chairs, and a tall, but otherwise average young woman
TWO . "My name is Anna..." then it this is a little vague hit me.
FOUR "Excuse me, I was talking," I sat up and let her continue. Why would your character just stop talking. Seams like that is a little strange because I don’t know many people who would just let someone talk that way to them…
TEN He her skin was pale, as you might expect a vampire's skin question: are vampires real in your story? IF so there is nothing wrong with this, but if not and unless your forshadowing I would say to omit this use of vampire to be
Twenty-One Okay. So, how did all this great stuff What stuff? She hasn’t noticed anything that has happened? All that has happened in this chapter so far is she woke up and these farriers came into her room… happen while I was out?"
19
19
Review by nightgirl
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Review For "Poems by Tina M. George" 
*Star**Star**Star* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  review!!!!!!!!!!!!! *Star**Star**Star*


*book* Title: "Poems by Tina M. George" 

Author: Tina M. Courtney

This is a nightgirl review. Please don’t take offence to anything I list here, and if you do have any questions please let me know.
You have 8 different poems here. I will review each in each section. I will try to label as well as possible as to not lose you completely in my review. One thing I noticed before I start is you have the poem Autumn Sings twice in the poem line up. Is that for a special reason?

Before I read this is for all the poems, overall Title does tell what the writing is, a collection of poems. Great rating and introduction. My only thought for you is to maybe add some genres to the collection of poems. Even if it is others, writing, emotion, etc. 4

Plot/Theme:
Autumn Sings the theme of this poem is quite simple: Autumn! Simple and sweet.
Coming Ashore The theme is (as I took it) the life of a wave.
Faith The theme of this poem appears to be as simple as the title states. Having faith in the Lord as our savior.
River I couldn’t really get the theme of this… I wasn’t sure what you were trying to say in this poem.
singing leaves To me I got from the poem the need to find the truth in ourselves and be ourselves.
Lady of Poem To me I got that is a being saved and living for today poem.
Villanelle Poem WOW. Strong poem. Is the lover dead?
He loves me kind


Grammar:
Autumn Sings I think instead of that should be which in the third line. That could change your shines to shine and will flow better. Besides that great job.
Coming Ashore A few things that I took notice of that I think will help the flow of your poem are: The swirling and swishing of the river plays playing in my thought. at First glance is no is seeing
Faith Just a couple things I noticed that may help with your flow in the poem: in your blankets I think you can get rid of the s here for better flow of wings / as birds soaring I think getting rid of the ing here and just simply putting a the before earth will really help with your flow here. {/cred} above earth
River I didn’t notice anything wrong with your poem here, but I got lost in it. I’m not sure how I would direct you to correct this, it is probably just me. I’m slow sometimes.
Singing Leaves Great poem here. I didn’t notice anything.
Lady of Poem Another great poem, you did a great job here. *Heart*
Villanelle Poem Nothing worth noting.
He loves me kind Just want to point out the title needs to be bold. I thought this poem went with Villanelle Poem before I got to it.


*Heart* Just My Personal Opinion:
Autumn Sings Great poem you have here. I really enjoyed reading it and felt the sing song of the verse. Great job.
Coming Ahore A great poem again. I felt the flow on this one though could use a little of work. Just rework it and read it aloud a few times. You have a great start and I know with some work you will have a great poem.
Faith I really like this poem. It is simple and straight to the point. Easy for the reader to understand, and I even wanted to read it a few times to get the full feel for the poem.
River A great poem, I’m just a little lost as to what you are trying to get across to the reader.
Singing Leaves I really enjoyed this poem. Thank you for sharing it.
Lady of Poem Great job *Heart* I really like this poem.
Villanelle Poem Another great poem!!!!
He loves me kind this is another powerful poem.


“Writing is a life style not a hobbie.”
Rebecca (nightgirl)
20
20
Review of Kip  
Review by nightgirl
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Wings
Title: "Kip" 

Before Thoughts: You have a good selection of genres and rating. Also a great title. *Thumbsup*

Plot: The first part of this is very interesting. A young boy, Kip, forced to still to keep his family from starving to death. He is forced to fight two dogs even though he is weak and does so well because of the need to survive to fend for his family. I think that this is a emotion that is lacking from this part of the story and I think it will be well served to add this. I want to know the mental battle he is having while he is fighting the dogs.
Wow! We find out in the second part that Kip is a girl not a boy. We don’t find out much more than the Lord has a daughter whom kip reminds him of. We also end this part with kip begging for her family.
The last part holds the most joys. We get to see the full impact of what one kind deed can do. Kip’s mother gets a job with the lord and they can survive. We don’t know what the rest of life will hold for them but we do know that they will be feed. This is a great 180 turn for them. To accomplish this in such few words is a great accomplishment. I can see a story like this lasting into a book or minni book. It has a great story line that can be made into so much more.


Character: Kip is the main character who spends her life fighting for her family. That’s all that matters to her is her family. We get to see her inner struggle and her outer struggle to find the strength to survive and help her family survive.

Grammar: You did a great job on grammar. I didn’t notice anything. Great job. *Thumbsup* Any changes I have made are below. *Heart*

Just My Personal Opinion: I think this is such a great story and could be so much more. If you ever decide to make more of this story then this very short story please do let me know. I think you have a great character here who can grow and be molded into a survivor. A young girl who has the strength to survive a dog fight even half starved. Great job!

Rebecca (nightgirl)
21
21
Review of Ariadne  
for entry "Prologue" 
Review by nightgirl
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello cvwriter - school be crazy
Title: "Ariadne"  Chapter: "Prologue" 

Before Thoughts: You have a good selection of genres and rating. Also a great title. *Thumbsup* From your genres alone this is an interesting story. *Heart*

Plot: This is a prologue so I’m not entirely sure what is going on. Their out to get a agent (I think he is a agent) and take him out. There is some history between the characters. It is very interesting. I think this is a great catch to get your readers into the storyline and make them curious where the book will be going. *Heart*

Character: We get a bit of an introduction to a few of the characters. *Heart* I don’t know if these will be the characters during the story line or not. So I’m not paying much attention to their details. You have developed them well though.

Grammar: You did a great job on grammar. I didn’t notice anything. Great job. *Thumbsup* Any changes I have made are below. *Heart* Some of the problems I noticed are with your voice though. I noticed that in this prologue you are telling a lot instead of showing. Your using passive voice that is telling us what happens.

Just My Personal Opinion: This is a great story. A great story with a great start. I really look forward to getting to read the next few chapters you have available. I think that this start of the story has a lot of potential.

Rebecca (nightgirl)
22
22
Review of Valkyrie  
Review by nightgirl
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello billwilcox
Title: "Valkyrie" 

Before Thoughts: You have a good selection of genres and rating. Also a great title. *Thumbsup*

Plot: I like the beginning of this. How you bring the character into the world of this woman and her husband (I’m assuming). There in a fight and the woman is desperate. She wants to be treated like a human not an over-weight person and Harold just wants her to come back inside so they can work through this issue. Great job bringing the storyline in and gathering the reader’s attention.
The second part of this story is full of excitement. She falls into a world that doesn’t understand and that doesn’t understand her. She is mistaken for a Valkyrie and lied to by the kind, Erik. This is a lot happening in just a few pages. A lot of commotion and sometimes I found myself getting lost and having to reread some of the paragraphs.
The last paragraph here says a lot for the character. It leaves her in this realm as a Valkyrie, but lost on her own for some reason. She wants to get back to Eric but she cannot, and I’m not sure why not.

Character: Your main character here is Valerie, which is almost a play on the word Valkyrie. She is not loved for what she is in the realm she was born in so she somehow managed to leave and enter a new world. She is an independent woman who doesn’t want to be alone, but also wants to fight for her rights in the new world. She is confusing but when she figures out that she wants to be with Erik she is forced apart from him. I find this really sad. *Sad*
Erik was the other main character and he was a man. He was Brave and felt that woman didn’t have rights. He went to battle and lied about being king. He seemed like he took advantage a lot of people.

Grammar: You did a great job on grammar. I didn’t notice anything. Great job. *Thumbsup* Any changes I have made are below. *Heart*

Just My Personal Opinion: You have a great story here. I found that it kept me interested. I enjoyed reading it. I really found it fun and energetic. The one problem I noticed was that sometimes it would jump to new positions without explaining how it got there. This is where I got confused.. Besides that you had a great story line. *Heart* Great job.

Rebecca (nightgirl)
23
23
Review of pray for rain  
Review by nightgirl
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Bookie Taylor ,
I have just finished reading your story “Pray for Rain.”

On first look: You have great genres and a great rating. The title is perfect but needs to be in proper use Pray for Rain would look better at first glance. You have a great story here. Great Job. Everything looks good on the surface. *Heart*

On the inside: I would like to start by saying you have a great story here. I have enjoyed getting the chance to read it. Thank you for sharing it. Now my first suggestion to you is going to be to send this story through a normal everyday editor such as just a Microsoft word program or something like it. I think this would help you find a lot of the spelling and punctuation issues your story has. The next thing I noticed is you do have a lot of passive language I think that you could spend a little time and work on this issue, try writing your story in different way to get where your story works perfectly. Once you fix these issues I would love to give you another rate and review.

An After Thought: I love you imagery in this story. I love how everything changes and becomes what your story makes it. I think this is an amazing way to write a story to make it so perfect in the heart. You have a great story here and was a pleasure to have the chance to read it.

Rebecca (nightgirl)
24
24
Review by nightgirl
Rated: E | (4.0)
A NightGirl Review



On the Surface: Very nice layout for the poem. It doesn’t appear to long but it also doesn’t appear to short. It stands out in its block format. Great job. A suggestion I have is for your grammar. If you have I would suggest that you are consistent with it. Right now you have a very long run on sentence. Grammar can make or break your poem. It is fine to not have any, but I like how yours is lined out this far. So just adding a few periods and I think you will have it made.

You have a okay selection of genres a good rating as well.

Deep within You have a very nice poem here. I like how you were describing water but could never use words directly associated with water (for the most part). This was a very nice poem that relied a lot on emotion and play one words. A very strong poem from your use of doubling a word.

After the fact I really like this poem. You have done a great job with this poem. I think for the most part this was a very nice poem. It had the few issues with the grammar but that a nit-picky problem that can be fixed. Great job. *Heart*


Thank you for sharing

Nightgirl
25
25
Review of Blank Page  
Review by nightgirl
Rated: E | (3.5)
A NightGirl Review



On the Surface: A very strait forward poem. A few suggestion for you is first is to start by underlining your title. This will set it apart from the rest of your poem. Also be consistent with capitalizing of the first word of each sentence. This will make more impact.

I would suggest that you add more genres to allow more people to find your writing through searches. I agree with your ratings.

[u} Deep within Your first word I think throws the most impact and set the tone for the rest of your poem. To use the mineral that is connected to the diamond but so much different I think it really sets the tone of your poem.

I really like your one word lines. I think they add a lot of impact with the reader. It was a sudden powerful word and I really did like this.

After the fact This is overall a great poem. It had a few minor issues that I noticed, but these are easily tweaked and do not affect your writing ability. I think that you have a very strong poem here.


Thank you for sharing

Nightgirl
25 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/nightgirl