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Review by Ash
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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         This is yet another spectacular story! I will try not to give away the ending in the review. *BigSmile*
 
What I Like:
 
         The colony that Kingyo lives in is well developed. Kingyo is a character that I really liked as he is a dreamer, but he is also a dreamer who goes after his goals with everything he has. His journey up the mountain is well told.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I am curious about the various trades that Kingyo and his people are involved in as they leave school and find ways to help the colony. I am also curious as to whether he will make it home, now that people believe in his ability, though they may redirect it elsewhere.
 
I think I have one more paid for review to do, but I will definitely be checking out the rest of your portfolio after I get the rest of my review list complete.
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann

 
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         Hi GerMac ! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         "Mama's Bicycle Ride" is a great visual poem. I think you do a good job of describing the path through the countryside that the bike ride takes place on. I don't think it is overly sentimental either. *BigSmile*
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't have any suggestions for this poem. You did a great job!
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann

 
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         Hi BD Mitchell ! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         I really liked your poem Ai'fir'u'li ("Unseen"). It is a short poem, but there is a message about the fleeting nature of life, and people as they pass through it. I like that you developed your own language for your story and used it to translate your poem. I think it is a cool concept. *BigSmile*
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't have any suggestions. Good luck with your writing!
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann

 
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         Hi ! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         The Wolfman on the Prowl is a very descriptive poem. I like that we get a sense of setting, which the suspense of the poem is built into. I also really liked the twist ending.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I have no suggestions for this poem! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. *BigSmile*
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann

 
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         Hi Prosperous Snow celebrating ! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         There is a lot of great visual imagery in this poem about coming to faith. I like the idea of the patchwork quilt and the cast iron pupa (like a cocoon?).
 
Suggestions:
 
         There is a lot about the inner child in the title and description, but I didn't really get much of it in the poem itself. I felt like it was more of a poem about finding faith, than finding one's inner child and setting it free, but then that might be a part of it. Regardless, I thought this was a nice poem *BigSmile*
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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Review of "UNGH!"  
Review by Ash
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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#1300305 by Maryann

 
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         Hi Angus ! I'm participating in the December Power Review Raid today. You may receive several reviews from me if I have you in my reviews to do folder. If you only get one or two, I will likely be back later! *BigSmile*
 
What I Liked:
 
         There is a lot of buildup to the tension in this piece. The description of the story does a good job hinting at what will happen, so the reader is to some degree in on what will happen when the transformation occurs. I love the way they quip across the dinner table, and the reader has to decide which of the characters is more despicable as they learn what really split the two cousins up.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I'm guessing because this is a prompted piece, you wrote this for Screams!! I think that you do a good job working with the prompt and working in the limitations of the contest. I have no real suggestions to give. I'm just curious why it took so long for revenge to occur. Maybe it was just the right time? *BigSmile* Good job! I thoroughly enjoyed this story.
 

 
Happy holidays,
 
--Ash
 


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Review by Ash
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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         Hi Spacecat ! I really liked your take on the "Death of Summer"
 
What I Like:
 
         First, I like the personification of the two seasons. Summer dances and sings like an angel, while September and the other Autumn months are more brutal and knock her around until she departs.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I don't really have any suggestions for your poem. I think it has a good flow to it, and the imagery is great.
 
The only thing I would say about the seasons is that they might look different in various settings. For example, Autumn in Missouri is awesome because the leaves are changing various colors, and there is the smell of wood smoke. Also, summer could be drought season elsewhere.
 
I enjoyed your poem and hope to read more of your work in the near future!
 
Have you checked out:
 
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2067135 by Not Available.

 
Many of the packages here feature reviews of some kind as well as awardicons and merit badges.
 
--Ash
 


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Review of The Red Festival  
Review by Ash
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
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         Hi Mista Winstrom ! I chose to review your story as you chose to submit it to:
 
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2061722 by Not Available.

 
What I Like:
 
         There is a plot to The Red Festival. A journey is undertaken to save a priestess from a cult. You put a lot of detail into your characters, particularly Agrias and Cyruss. I like that you emphasize the horror of the townfolk as they find their own people dead in the forest. The detail of the cultist characters is well done as well. The settings in your story are well handled and set a tone for the piece as much as the plot of the story.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I would like to have known more about the cult. Why does it worship Makura? What is their purpose in destroying the town, aside from an impure, demonic impulse. Did they originally think that they were doing something good? One of the cultists says something about the blood that bathes the monster man being impure. When Agrias left the temple, I thought he might also be possessed with more than rage, but he seems like himself when he reaches home.
 
         Have you visited any of the other Haunted Library pages on Writing.com? Feel free to check out:
 
"Invalid Item" 
 
"Invalid Item" 
 
Thanks again for submitting to the Haunted Library Project!
 
--Ash


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Review by Ash
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Rated: E | (4.5)
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         Hi Angus !
 
         Would you like your item to be featured in:
 
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#2061654 by Not Available.

 
What I Like:
 
         I like the imagery in your short horror story. I like the mystery behind Tiffany's death, maybe more because it cuts out some of the violence and adds a lot of suspense. On the other hand, I also wanted to know a little more about the relationship and what made Angus snap. I like that Tiffany's dialogue is done in red. It makes her presence in the piece that much scarier.
 
Suggestions:
 
         As to your question about the owl, I like the line, but I think the line about Tiffany forgiving him is a good ending too.
 
         Have you visited any of the Haunted Library pages recently? Feel free to come check out the forums and activities. I am hoping after I graduate I can keep them more regularly updated.
 
"Invalid Item" 
 
--Ash


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35
Review by Ash
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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What I Like:
 
          The story itself is very creative. I like the idea of different kinds of scientists focusing their scientific study on the topic of ghosts. I am curious as to how different ghosts are on each planet that they have studied.
 
          I would love to see more of what the observers and grave diggers are doing. I'm not sure exactly how the futurists create their future world for the Dubbin planet, but it would also be cool to see in scene in a longer work.
 
Suggestions:
 
         For the most part, there seems to be a disconnection between the roles of the gravediggers, the observers, and the futurists, and I think in order to do their jobs, they might need to interact more. I feel like the commanders of the space station communicate with each other fairly well.
 

--Ash


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Review by Ash
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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
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What I Like:
 
         I read Nothing but Ghosts first, so it is cool to see a story where the ghosts are far less kind than the humans. I'm curious as to what the ghosts do on different planets if they need humans to work for them. Are they ghosts in a regular sense--like white sheet or spectral ghosts, or are they more like space aliens?
 
         I liked Gorgon's story for the most part. I thought he was an interesting character as he's by himself a lot. It might be interesting to see the entire part of this story through his perspective.
 
Suggestions:
 
         I would like to know more about what the ghosts look like and what they are doing with the humans. How are the planets they claim dying out? Is it in rebellion? Why do the ghosts not think humanity is smart enough to defend itself? What kinds of humans have they dealt with in the past and what is different about Wheyvon that he is acting alone?
 
         I have two more of your stories to read, so hopefully some of these questions will be answered. Thanks for entering the contest!
 
--Ash


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Review by Ash
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Hi! I'm helping ~Minja~ judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
         I think putting the prompt in a science-fiction setting was a great creative choice. There's a lot going on with the characters themselves, and the importance of their journey. I was curious as to what their purpose was with the children and where they were trying to get to. The interaction of the ghosts on the planet was also interesting. I'm wondering if the ghost planet only becomes a ghost planet because of some terrible event, swept under the rug, and made into scary stories to deter people from checking it out. Are the ghosts really friendly, or do they want to get the humans off of their planet?
 
Suggestions:
 
          Maybe to have more time in the parallel ghost world, you could start the story where they have made a landing on the ghost planet. You could have some of the same tension surrounding the planet and the parts, but you would be able to get to the action faster. There's a lot going on, just inside the space ship, and not a lot of focus on the ghost planet and its inhabitants.
 
         I think you mentioned this was part of a story you are working on, or at least the beginning quotes are. I thought you had an interesting beginning and it would be interesting to see how the parts expand and come together. Good luck with your writing!
 
--Ash


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Review of Land Of The Dead  
Review by Ash
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Hi! I'm helping ~Minja~ judge entries for the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I Like:
 
I particularly like the imagery and scene in the graveyards where skeletons meet to talk and tell stories about human beings. I like that the solution to their fears of a world full of light is to dress up like people who were once alive, as many of them might have once been.
 
Suggestions:
 
I don't have any suggestions for Land of the Dead. I thought it was a clever spin on the prompt. I also thought the form of the poem looked like an urn, like you might keep ashes in.
 
Thanks for entering the contest!
 
--Ash


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Review by Ash
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi! I am helping ~Minja~ judge the Parallel Universe contest.
 
What I like:
 
Your poem is different from the two poems I have read previously. Your narrator focuses on the misadventure of a young woman who goes through a mirror to the world of the dead. I think that this poem follows the prompt as it deals with some aspect of the "monster" or under world, who are interested in the world of the living on the other side.
 
Suggestions:
 
I'd like to see more of the underworld or the world on the other side of the mirror. It is a hollow place full of screams, so I get a stronger sense of sound than visualization. I love the idea of using a mirror as a gateway to another world.

--Ash


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Review of Escape  
Review by Ash
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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The suspense in "Escape" is well done. I felt nervous for the boy as he darted across the fields, running from a howling figure.
 
Is the cat a narrator? If so, I think it works. The cat only gives the details it can see clearly.
 
I like how you handle the release of tension at the end, with humor. The tone of the story isn't really lost either. The boy loses his fight against taking a bath, but he's already scheming again.

Keep up the good work,

--Ash

P.S.--I will be sending you a C-Note shortly.


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Review by Ash
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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What I Like:
 
I like getting Fritz's backstory, as short as it is. He's an old, lonely man, who loves Halloween because it seems like the only day of the year he is not entirely alone. I love the shock when the little vampire leaps up and attacks him, for the treat. I am hoping Fritz died...that sounds terrible, but I would prefer him not to be lonely for eternity.
 
Suggestions:
 
I'm not sure if the characterization of Mickey and the Princess is supposed to make me think that they are spoiled brats. It kind of made me sad for Fritz that they weren't more enthused, as he expends so much energy on the holiday. They do say thank you after getting candy, though, so that may just have been my own interpretation. I felt like Dracula was there more for comedic horror fun, than blood curdling terror. I love a good humorous, shocking horror story over gore any day. :)
 
This was fun to read!
 
--Ash


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Review of Vampire Voodoo  
Review by Ash
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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What I Like:
 
I thought that Vampire Voodoo was well done. I really liked the idea of the vampire trying to enslave a human being as they are themselves slave to their need or desire for blood.
 
Suggestions:
I don't really have any suggestions. I am curious as to whether this would be a poetic parody, or a song parody, though songs and poems are so closely linked that it doesn't really make a difference.
 
This was a fun read! Thank you for posting the Youtube video that inspired the parody. I enjoyed the music even if the lyrics were a little hard to hear.
 
--Ash


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Review by Ash
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
*BurstP* I'm earning my sparkles at "Invalid Item"  to spread sparkles for Phoebe around WDC! *BurstP*
 
What I Like:
         I think that Paradise Cove Writing Challenge has a nice layout. There is a beautiful image on the page, as well as the little icon next to the link title. There are a few more, less detailed images on the page which help break up the white space.
 
         The rules for Paradise Cove Writing Challenge are fairly easy to read and understand. There are some rules that have changed, shown via slash marks through parts of sections. I think that this is done to show a change has occurred,so that people who have done the challenge on a regular basis aren't surprised...I've seen this on many other group activity rule pages.
 
         I like that the time of the challenge now lasts a whole month, rather than half of the month. It gives more time for people to work through the prompts. I also think that Paradise Cove has a selection of good prompts to choose from.
 
Suggestions:
 
         The rules section is just a bit long and tedious. I like that the checkboxes are used, but I really like the little intricate black designs that occur just above the Rules section and the Prizes section. Maybe the rules section could be broken up just a bit by a smaller version of this divider.

I plan to submit an entry to this contest in the future.

Keep up the good work
 
--Ash
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Review of Tales of Terror  
Review by Ash
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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What I like about the Tales of Terror page:

You have interesting prompts. The May prompt is especially eery. I may use it in one of my challenges for the Gothic Merit Badge Challenge at Battle for the Badges.

I also love the grimoire. It is an interactive image/book with the rules for the contest listed in a creative way. The interactive grimoire fits the welcome statement.

I also like that the page provides links to group affiliated links, to learn more about what the Tales of Terror is about. I like that you have a survey for those who want to join The Scribes. The survey made me think about different genres of horror that I might need to think about for my own project "The Haunted Library"...it's a closed work in progress.

Suggestions: I have no real suggestions to give. I am curious as to when the next round of Tales of Terror starts. The last contest deadline was in May of this year, so I assume you are working on new ideas?

I would love to participate in this contest in the future. I like the prompts and I think that The Scribes have a creative imagination which is good for both judge and writer to have.

*Candycorn* Ash
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Review of Gatsby Romance  
Review by Ash
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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Item Title: Gatsby Romance

Author:♥Hooves♥

Type: Poetry

Reviewed by Ash

First Impression:

I've never participated in the Journey Through Genres contest, but I assume that your poem is based very loosely on The Great Gatsby. It wasn't a book that I enjoyed, but I LOVE your poem! The story in the poem of this particular couple is much more intriguing to read as they have a lot of adventures in the time that they are together.

Suggestions:

The opening stanza makes me think that the relationship that the poem goes more into depth about fails. After reading the poem a second time, I get the impression that the couple is broken up by a second relationship and the last stanza is trying to excuse the hurt and ruin caused by it. I also feel like stanza one may be saying that the second relationship comes about because the spouse is less attentive than they should be.

I don't really have any suggestions, I was just curious as to whether I was on the right track.

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed reading Gatsby Romance!

Ash


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Review of Caesar's Limerick  
Review by Ash
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Item Title: Caesar's Limerick

Author:♥Hooves♥

Type:Poetry

Reviewed by Ash

First Impression:

My first impression was that this was a humorous limerick about betrayal. I like that the text is big, and also done in a font like comic sans, making it easier to read, and it fits the mood. I've never written a long limerick before, but I think it helps elevate the form from coming off too cheesy.

Suggestions:

For me, I'm not too clear about the significance of Shakespeare but I assume a literature aficionado would get it. Did he write "The Ides of March?"

Conclusion:

I thought your limerick was funny and not too cheesy. It told a story.

I have a hard time writing limericks that I think are any good, maybe adding more rhyming stanzas would help.

I also like that you left notes about the rhyming sequence at the bottom. Rhyming is not my strong suit.

Congratulations on winning the contest!

Ash


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Review of Dragon Boy  
Review by Ash
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Item Title: Dragon Boy

Author: Tim~Tu We've Got This

Type: Short Story 25 kb in size (I couldn't find one bigger than 24.90 kb that fit.)

Reviewed by: Ash

First Impression:
         The narrator does a good job of thinking as a child when Timmy is the focus of the story. He has a lot of thoughts about things, and jumps from one idea to the next, but it still makes sense. I like the connection between the dinosaurs and the parrot Friday and thought the image of a seven year old with a big parrot-dragon on his shoulder was funny.

When Timmy’s mom enters the story, the narrator calls him Timothy, changing the tone to something more adult—though maybe she also calls him Timmy.

I like the image of the magic pond, but it’s a little alarming at first, because it tastes like metal. I was glad that at the end of it, the pond is a magic portal to the other world, and that we are prepared for this through Timmy’s dreams. Without the dreams, I still feel like the pond could have been poisonous and Timmy’s imagination was adding dragon-like characteristics to them to explain why they were changing.


Excerpt: For just a second, Timmy thought sure he glimpsed that same dragon fish he'd seen before. As he leaned over the water, he realized it was more like he was seeing his own reflection. But that couldn’t possibly be right. What he saw in the water, looking back at him, looked like the face of a real dragon. Horns and all.

I like this particular paragraph as it does a good job of setting up his emotional turmoil. His life is about to change forever, and he no longer has to feel envious of the humming-dragon bird.


Suggestions:

         While I like that Timmy’s mom reminds him that he already has a pet, I’m not sure I can picture a kid and a cat going down to the pond together as easily as a boy and his dog. Cats are often depicted as creatures with a will of their own, while dogs are more willing to stay by your side, especially if they live in the woods. After reading through the story, I am curious if Margo the cat was ever a regular cat or if the pond changed what she was. I am also curious as to whether Timmy came from the other world, and how he got to Earth as a baby.

The setting of the story is a little confusing. When I think of Arizona, I think of cactus and desert and the Grand Canyon. The state and the town don’t have much to do with the story until the very last minute. I’m curious about their significance. Maybe you could add more detail about the strangeness of the town. It feels like more is going on, especially if Timmy’s parents already knew what he was, and had adopted him.

I like that we get a Dragon girl at the end, though you could easily substitute Will here, as they are both crazy about dinosaurs and dragons, and Will isn’t a complete stranger. I feel like Timmy should have been more apprehensive, especially as his seven year old world comes undone very quickly. I also thought it might be helpful to Timmy if the girl was older, and had a little more authority. She also lived in his world, but we don’t know if she had her own magic pond or where she even came from.

Conclusion:

I really enjoyed reading Dragon Boy. There were some things that confused me, but the overall story is great! I’ve also tried to write stories about people who are part dragon, but I think that you did a much better job of executing the how and the why than I have been able to. Building multiple worlds is difficult work. I like that you also use a young character and for the most part do a good job of seeing through the lens of a child.

I would love to see more of the dragon story, if you have any.

Ash


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48
Review by Ash
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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I thought The Fiery Treasure was a fun adventure story. One thing that I think you could add, is some detail about his various other exploits. I think it could give the explorer a little more credibility, or perhaps give him less. Maybe he hasn't been as lucky in the past, etc. I am glad that you use the lava as the device that comes for the adventurer when he springs the trap...it was beginning to sound a lot like Indiana Jones and maybe that's who this is about, but you never come out and say who the explorer is. I was actually hoping that he didn't make it out when the boulder got in his way. It sounded like that was where it was going and would have made for a more unique ending. I also like the way you describe the volcano as a beast. Maybe there is something in the volcano or cave as well...like a dragon?

A cool story though either way!

Ash


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Review of Fathering  
Review by Ash
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Fathering is easily one of my favorite poems on writing.com. I love the imagery of butterflies with faces in the snow. The narrator continues with the metaphor (if it is a metaphor...maybe about humanity?) wanting to capture the butterflies to keep them warm but is afraid that once they are with him, they will sizzle out on the narrator's fire rocks.

This is a beautiful poem! *ButterflyR*

Ash


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of RAINDROP PRELUDE  
Review by Ash
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Raindrop Prelude has a nice rhythm to it. I feel like the narrator is trying to show us the sound of the rain, though I'm not sure if it is soothing, or if it is just soft rain. I like that Raindrop Prelude seems to be more than just about lost love. It seems to be about emotion in general, being locked away from the rest of the world. The narrator does a nice job of using vocabulary of music in this poem as well.

Ash


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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